After commenting upon everyone's favourite goth Harry Potter fanfic, My Immortal, I decided to take on the next HP "badfic", called Imma Wizerd. My soul began to cry tears of blood at the very sight of the title...
By the way, this story is NOT mine. Only the COMMENTS (aka the stuff in bold) are. With my previous commentary, there were people who didn't realise this wasn't my story. I had some trouble explaining that to them.
*sigh* But let's begin.
AN: afta redin da hairy potty (I imagine now a "potty" (aka that small toilet for children) full of hair) books (not rly (At least you admit it) i saw the mooooooviez lolololol) (Trololo guy FTW) i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee. (And that, kids, is when Fanfic Apocalypse began)
note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz (...he read the books but can't spell to save his life) a blak man dont like fired chickin (I like fried chicken...but I'm on a diet due to my stomach problems :(( Why did you remind me?)
I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo (My dear Microsoft Word is bursting with red lines. I'm gonna disable the spellcheck.) an sayed (I think my grandma would be able to spell this better. And she's illiterate) "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?". (In Romania, my country, "buu" is the noise people make when impersonating scary things such as witches or ghosts. That's probably a warning to stay away from this fic. Which reminds me that I once dressed as "The spirit of Halloween")
"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food". (Which is nothing at all, so the "much" is useless)
"o turtle don cri" (No woman no cry!)
"na mama i aint mad" (Oh, I'm not upset either when we don't have food. I totally understand) i says. den i loked at da gund (Just googled this word. It's the name of a plush toy manufacturer. Soulja Spirit Soul Boo whatever misses his teddybear!) n said "i wish i had sum (and product?) fried chinkin" (Fried what?) den... (What the hell are doing you mother...Oh wait, wrong badfic) dere wuz fried chikin on da grion (On the...Oh boy.) !11111111111111 (Ah, I sense a pattern)
"yo buu wuz dat i smel" (It's cyanide. Run away! BTW, did you know some people can't smell it? It's a genetic trait) mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky (Mmm, snacks, good) like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. (The magic level is over 9000!) i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. (Waaait a second here. I have a deja vu moment. Enoby Way – "I was scared but not in an afraid way". Something rotten in the fanfiction world...) den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 (Whoa, I'm so amazed. Voldie will now ask you for magic lessons) so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. (What surprises me most is that I actually understand this thing)"wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol (It was old? Why is it so appetising then?) slice o watrmellon at mah fet. mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". (The only way I like seeing the word "boy" spelled like "boi" is in Avril Lavigne's song Sk8er Boi, otherwise...) so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. (Wow, there was a boat too? Man, you must have a huge house! I want a boat in my home too!) i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 (Yeah, lock her up, she's nuts) i aint gut nottin!11"
"but im so hundreh" (hundred years old...) sayed ma mama. (Mama, mama, mama, I just hid the food down!) den i felt sad. (ah, so do I as my eyes look at this fanfic) so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" (This whole chapter is him making fried chikin appear and disappear. Greeeat) den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. (Dafuq? Sooo...he gave you food and you wanna shoot him? Life sucks.) so i left. (I right.)
so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST. (If you keep writing like this you're a bad writer)
There's a saying on the Internet that Twilight was written when the author smashed her head on the keyboard. I think Imma Wizerd was born in the same way.