Part of the 100 themes writing challenge
"Dammit Shika, you need to stop!" Ino was becoming desperate as her friend seemed to sink lower and lower into his own mind. She dropped down to lean against the pillar opposite him, watching his deceptively glazed eyes as they stared out into the garden before them. She knew that behind the vacant expression on her teammate's face was possibly the greatest analytical mind in Konoha today.
She glanced up at Choji, he shrugged at her. "He's too far gone at the moment, he won't listen to us. The best thing we can do is just leave him to think." He turned to leave but was pulled back by Ino's voice.
"But, he's overthinking things too much. If we don't stop him now he'll end up making himself ill. That is, if he doesn't go and do something stupid first."
Choji shook his head, offering her a sad smile. "Nuh uh, I've seen him like this before. The chances are he'll think too hard and just end up wearing himself out. If not, then we'll be back to check on him soon enough, we'll make sure nothing bad happens."
Ino nodded, still not completely happy with the situation. "Okay, if you say so, Choji."
Shikamaru could hear the sounds of his friends talking, but he blocked it out. He'd found another flaw in their battle with Akatsuki. If he'd blocked that attack he could have increased the chances of success from twenty percent to fifty percent. He added it to his mental list and continued assessing the fight.
So far he'd found thirty two separate instances where he could have completely changed to sway of battle. Every single discovery was like a kick to the head and each one left a sharp pain in his heart, but he continued, convinced that he needed to find all of the flaws. If he couldn't even find the ways to beat the Akatsuki in his mind, how would he manage to defeat them when he finally faced them in real life?
He went back to his thoughts, every word, action and technique exchanged was slowly pulled apart so that he could see the inner workings of his mind in that moment. He didn't know how long he sat there for, but thought he must have run through the fight at least five times by the time his eyes began to drift shut from exhaustion. He refused to let himself sleep until he was sure he had picked out everything but his body still unconsciously slipped into a more comfortable position.
He fell into an exhausted state of sleep just moments later where his dreams were haunted by images of cultists, demonic-looking circles and the undead.
When Ino returned the following morning she was glad to find Shikamaru fast asleep in the same spot they'd left him in. She guessed that Choji must have been right; he had just needed to work his frustration out of his system before he could mourn properly.
She moved closer to her unconscious teammate, noticing the down-turned lips, the tenseness around his eyes and the slight sheen of perspiration which covered his brow. She drifted silently to his side, gently shaking him awake with a brush to the arm.
"Shika, Shika wake up." Her voice was low in the hopes it would calm him down a bit. After so many years of training, being awoken by sudden loud noises tended to put most of the young ninjas in their friendship group on edge. Shikamaru was no exception.
Despite her efforts he sat straight up when he awoke- his eyes were wide with shock and she could tell (despite his attempts to hide it) that his heart was beating fast.
"Shika, sorry but you were having a nightmare." She watched her friend as he leaned back against the pillar, seemingly calm once again. "You okay?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, yeah I'm fine." He rubbed his eyes sleepily. "I just need to get back to thinking, is all. I need to work this out."
"Can't you take a break? Come and have breakfast with me and Choji, he said he'd pay for once." She offered with a smile, only for Shikamaru to turn away from her.
"Sorry, I can't. I need to do this Ino."
Ino pushed harder. "Oh come on, Shika. It won't be the same without you there."
"It wouldn't be the same anyway…" Shikamaru answered ruthlessly. There was already one empty space at their usual four-person table. What difference would one more make?
Ino felt tears well up in her eyes but she pushed them back, they wouldn't help here. "Shika, snap out of this, please." Her voice was almost begging as she remained knelt beside him.
"Snap out of what?"
"This, whatever it is!" Ino was aware that she had raised her voice and dropped her head in defeat. "Shika, we miss you."
"How could you miss me, you're always here pestering me?" He sighed deeply. "Why are you here, Ino?" Shikamaru asked, still not looking at his blonde teammate.
"Why am I here? I'm here because you need me, Shikamaru! You need me and Choji and everyone else, but you're so wrapped up in whatever's going on in your mind that you don't even realise it!" Ino could feel the slight tremors running through her body as anger bunched up within her, flooding out the concern and sadness she'd felt until moments ago.
"I don't need any of you. I need to do this on my own." Shikamaru's voice was flat, completely dead as he stared out into the garden watching the steady progress of a butterfly as it worked its way through the dozens of flowers.
Ino stared at him, shocked by attitude. He'd always been the strategist, the one who pulled the others back and told them to follow the plan, to work as a team. And now he was acting so casually about rejecting their help. "Shika…"
"I just told you that I don't need you or your help." He turned to look at her, eyes ice-cold. "Leave."
"Shika I…" She trailed off; she'd never seen Shikamaru look at anyone like that before. She swallowed the foreign feeling which bit at her mind. (She later recognised it as fear, something she'd never associated with her friend before.) "Okay Shika, maybe you don't need us." She took a deep breath, calming both herself and her rapidly beating heart. "But we need you. We miss you, Shika."
He didn't respond, but she knew she had his attention. She continued quietly. "We don't want to lose you too, but at the moment it feels like you're slipping away…"
"I'm still here…" The answer was barely a whisper, if it hadn't been for the near-dead silence which covered the house Ino thought she would have had to strain her ears. "You've just got to understand that I need to do this, Ino."
"I don't understand it, Shika. But I do know that no matter what you say, this isn't good for you. You're driving yourself crazy obsessing over this and it's only going to hurt you in the long run." She leant against his shoulder and was happy when he didn't move away. "We need you more now than we ever did before this. Can you please just try not to think about it? Come out with us, be a team again?"
"I don't know whether I can, Ino. Whenever I let my mind rest it's all I can think about." He turned to look at her and she felt the full weight of his burden through his look. She didn't think she'd seen that expression on his face since the failed mission to save Sasuke, when he'd discovered some of his closest friends in critical conditions in the hospital.
"Well then we'll just have to keep you distracted. The first step is coming to have breakfast with us." She stood up, extending a hand out to him and pulling him up after only a moment of hesitation on his part. She smiled as they began to walk, him rolling his shoulders in an attempt to alleviate some of the stiffness from being sat in one position for too long.
Ino chattered away besides him as they walked, he left a note for his parents to tell them where he had gone and they left the building. Despite himself, he felt a smile showing on his face. Something about Ino's inane babbling about the new guy who had moved to Konoha, her and Sakura's latest fight and subsequent reunion and Naruto's progress in his training was soothingly familiar.
He sent a silent thank you up to any listening gods for his friends. Because no matter what he may say- he really did need them.
A/N Yeah, so I hope you liked it guys, I decided to put my author's note at the end this time. Don't know why, I just felt like it ;P
Sorry this one wasn't on par with my 'one fic per day' plan, but I had real trouble writing this one. I think it's probably because the subject matter is quite personal to me, a lot of what Shikamaru goes through is based on what I was like after my Mum died. In some ways I'm glad that I'm able to use my own experiences to improve my writing. And I like to raise people's awareness of the people left behind after a death, because although it may sound harsh they are the ones who need help, not the person who died... Now I feel mean, but that's how I feel.
Also, this song helped me get this fic finished, you've probably heard it before but I'll still give you the link :) www . youtube . com / watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk&ob=av3e
Okay, that'll do for today. Much love guys xx