I have too many neglected multi-chap fics already...but I HAD to write on post-6. Fair warning: Until Sept 13 when I get the series on DVD, I haven't seen 6 although I've cheated and read most/watched a bit of it. So I'll try to avoid mistakes, but if I make one, kindly let me know in a non-abusive manner. XD Also. There will be at least one OC in this who will be a major player. My opinion on OCs? I'm not generally fond of them and therefore feel bad making them, but I like to see it as...the show has new charries all the time, so it's perfectly believable and as long as they aren't worthless Mary Sue-types...then they should be good. Hopefully. XD Enjoy!
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Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire, I'd hold with those who favor fire.
But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate.
To say that for destruction, ice, is also great and would suffice.
-Robert Frost, Fire and Ice
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"Dean..."
"Look. Bobby. I'm fine. Alright? Just let me get some damned shut-eye. Please." Dean spoke that rare word in a desperate, weary attempt to get away and crawl into what served as his bed. Yeah, Bobby's house was a pretty obvious hideout but as long as Castiel wasn't gunning for their lives at the moment, there wasn't much better of a place to be.
"...Get some rest, then." Bobby said reluctantly, concerned for his younger charge.
"Can do." Dean muttered the reply as he headed to his room and collapsed onto the bed. He was exhausted and aching in more ways than he cared to admit. For someone who was supposedly dead inside, damned if the pain he was feeling wasn't all too alive.
"Everybody leaves you, Dean. You noticed? Mommy. Daddy. Even Sam. You ever ask yourself why? Maybe it's not them. Maybe, it's you."
The words of his illusionary mother, courtesy of the dick-with-wings Zachariah, rang in his head. He'd lost someone again. And wasn't it a lot his fault?
"I am sorry."
"Too little, too late."
Too little, too late. That was what he'd said to Castiel and now, wasn't that all too accurate?
Ben and Lisa were gone, untouchable, out of his fucked up life for good. Sam was...well, he was doing better than anyone could have hoped, putting on a good-soldier face. But the past two nights of listening to Sam's cries and moans while he slept didn't exactly lend to buying the routine. And there was that look in his eyes, that haunted, haggard look that denied any possibility of truth in his weary, forced smile.
And then there was Castiel.
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Two Days Earlier
"You will bow down and profess your love unto me, your lord, or I shall destroy you." Bobby, Dean, and Sam looked on in horror as Castiel gazed coldly and triumphantly at them.
Silence filled the room a moment before Dean managed to choke out weakly.
"Cas...c'mon, man...joke's over. You were right, you saved us..but you gotta let those souls go. You aren't God, Cas. You're...just really confused right now."
Castiel turned his cool eyes onto Dean and stared at him for a moment, and for one horrible moment, Dean honestly thought that the other would make good on the 'destroy you' bit. But instead, Castiel shook his head lightly. "Even now, you disbelieve me. You have said before that you believe only what you see. Here I stand, holding the souls of all of Purgatory, having saved you all and having destroyed Rafael. What more do you need to see?"
"You took your vitamins this morning and kicked Rafael's ass. That's great. But that doesn't make you God. And don't you think the real God's gonna be pissed if he comes home and finds you stole his name?"
Castiel's look spoke volumes of how little he thought of Dean at the moment, a mixture of disappointment and condescencion that looked more fitting of Zachariah than Castiel. "There is no other God, Dean. If there is, he has long since abandoned us all. But I am different, I am a merciful lord and you should be grateful for that. I will not abandon this world as my predecessor did. When I am prayed to, I will listen, when I am called for, I will answer, and when wickedness spreads I will smite it with the power of Heaven. I will bring Paradise unto this land. " Castiel said solemnly, damn near bursting with a righteous glow.
Dean stared at the angel before him before he whispered. "Who are you? You're not Cas."
"I am God." Castiel replied without hesitation and Bobby and Sam exchanged a tense glance.
Dean, Sam, and Bobby stared at the angel-gone-deity before them and silence stretched between them before Castiel spoke.
"Clearly you will continue your faithless path. I have tried to embrace you in my glory, but you deny me still, even after all that I have done for you. I can do no more but to give you this last choice. Flee. Or die."
Three pairs of eyes widened, but of their owners, only Dean dared speak.
"Cas...please. Please. Don't do this. We can fix things. I don't care what crazy you're spewing, we were family. We can be again. I can't lose you too, Cas." Dean tried one last effort to plead with the other, to reach some speck of the Castiel he'd called his best friend and brother.
But the Castiel who gazed at them didn't so much as blink, merely remained silent before he said lowly. "Flee, or die."
Dean stared at the other, unable to believe that the other had truly given them this ultimatum, that it had come to this, but the cold, unfeeling look and expression that the other gave them, far above his usual 'poker face', was proof enough. "We have to go."
"Dean." Sam's voice was anxious, and faintly insistent. Did Sam really think that they could stay?
"You want to get your brains blown out? Cuz' I sure as Hell don't. We're leaving." Dean's eyes never left Castiel's, nor Castiel's his, as he spoke those words lowly.
"Cas! This is crazy! Come on, man, snap out of it!" Sam recovered his stunned state enough to make a protest, and Castiel merely looked at him in response. Bobby came up beside him and took his arm to lead him away as Dean moved to join them.
"Castiel!" Sam shouted the other's name, angry and hurt, confused and in turmoil from his own mental battle, desperate. And then he was gone, led out by Bobby.
Dean stopped at the door and tilted his head to regard Castiel with a face now devoid of expression. "You started this, Cas, you remember that? I didn't make this choice. I didn't betray you. Lisa almost died because of you. I would have made the same decision, whether it was you, or Sam, or Bobby, or my asshole Dad himself. Don't think I'm not grateful for what you did for me, Cas, I wouldn't be alive without you. But you aren't God. And if you have no family...that's your own damned fault." Dean didn't say it to change anything, because he knew it wouldn't, but he wasn't going to walk away and leave that smug bastard without letting him know a little something that was on his mind.
"You made a deal with the devil, Cas. And trust me. You'll pay for it." Dean said, his own past mistakes haunting him as he gave his former friend one last, hard look before he left.
Castiel stared after Dean with an unchanged expression, but his hand clenched and tightened until his fingertips drew blood.
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Dean gazed up at the ceiling with his mouth in a grim line. Lisa and Ben. Gone. Sam. Off his rocker. Castiel. Crazy, gone, and their possible next evil-whose-ass-needs-kicking. Crowley. Same as the former. So basically. Dean had himself, and he was far from as okay as he claimed. An old man with a drinking problem. A well-meaning basket-case. And...well that was about it, wasn't it? A tortured soul, a drunkard, and a loon? That was Earth's big hope for the future.
Freaking wonderful.
"Agh!" The scream from the room over made Dean cringe but it didn't stop him from leaping up from the bed to hurry over. Every time Sam slept, and he had to if only for sheer exhaustion despite his desire to do otherwise, his dreams tormented him and Dean had been insistent that he be the one to deal with it. He didn't give Bobby the chance. Whenever Sam so much as twitched, there was Dean.
What are big brothers for, right?
"Sammy. Sam. Sam!" he shook his brother as he sat on the bedside next to the other. Sam jolted awake and gasped, and nearly lunged forward until Dean caught him by the shoulders and shoved him back down.
"D-ean?" Sam's voice was hoarse before he swallowed hard and gripped his brother's arm in the pale moonlight that streamed in from the window.
"Yeah, Sammy, I'm here. Another nightmare?" Like he even had to ask, but he had to prompt the other somehow. The past two days, Sam hadn't spoken much of his nightmares but that didn't stop Dean from being by his side, or trying.
"..."
Dean was met with silence as a reply and he sighed before he squeezed his brother's shoulder. "Don't gotta tell me if you don't want to." he said, but in so saying, they both knew that he meant just the opposite.
Sam was silent a moment more before he whispered. "I remember it. In Hell's Cage. And without my soul. The things I did..."
"I already told you, man, it's not your fault. I'm not mad or anything." Dean muttered.
Sam fell silent again, unable to put into words what he really felt. That he wasn't the one that Dean should have saved because he knew the strain it would put between them and Dean had enough to worry about. Once again, Dean was back in and technically that was thanks to Sam, albeit soulless Sam. And this time, Lisa and Ben didn't even remember his brother. Dean no longer had a real home to return to, no loving family waiting, no apple-pie life just a quick drive away. Dean had gotten the feel of what it might be like to be a father, to be a husband, Hell, to have a life and be loved outside of their twisted little family.
But that was gone. Dean had once again sacrificed his happiness for them. And now, to top it off, Castiel had gone off the deep-end as well and Sam...he knew that he should have been comforting Dean, but what could he say? Especially when he was so weak himself...the weak link, again...
So Sam didn't dare speak about Adam, or pressure Dean with the burden of his feelings, his remorse, his brother was already suffering more than enough. It had to be a special kind of Hell for his brother, to have had his own real paradise in hand...and then have it be taken away, that was worse than never having it at all, right?
"I'm so sorry." he whispered and he clenched his eyes shut to fight away the water that threatened to well in his eyes. Sam was damaged, weak, and exhausted. Typical rules didn't apply but he was trying to apply them anyway, he had to be strong, or at least pretend to be for Dean's sake.
"For what?" Dean didn't get it, his brow scrunched up a bit as Sam shook his head.
"Everything. For Lis-"
Dean's hand jerked away roughly and he spoke harshly. "I told you, Sam. Never mention...look, shut your mouth or sick or not, I'll kick your ass." he warned. Lisa and Ben was too sore, too touchy, too painful. Not even Sam was allowed to remark upon it.
Sam finally met his brother's gaze and he just gazed at the other sadly. It made Dean uncomfortable as he looked away. "Look, Sammy...I'm fine. And anyway, we got each other again, right? That's what matters. We'll look out for each other. S'the way it should be. You an' me against the world." Dean meant it, but not entirely, and there was some aspect of it that sounded forced, like he was trying to convince himself of it.
Sam was silent again and it dragged on uncomfortably until Dean started to rise. "I'll be in my room if-"
"Dean-" Sam's instant, tense reply caught Dean's attention as he looked down at his brother. Sam stared at him a moment, mouth partially agape before he slowly closed it and then shook his head. "Don't worry about it...you don't have to check on me if...I have another nightmare." It was Sam's turn to be uncomfortable as he shifted his shoulders and stared down at the bed.
There was an admitted awkwardness between them as they stumbled around each other's pain and tried to regain some common, familiar ground. But they were both unsettled, hurt, and betrayed and somewhat by each other. Old scars, new wounds, and their continually growing bond. That bond that transcended general understanding, beyond brotherly love, they sacrificed themselves for each other back and forth, hating and loving each other in a twisted tug-of-war that ultimately pushed them back to each other. They'd fought fate and destiny time and again, and look where they ended up.
Dean stared down at Sam before he suddenly plopped down in the chair beside Sam's bed, and the other turned to Dean in surprise. "Eh, you're right. S'kinda a hassle to run over. So I guess I'll just sleep here if I get tired. I'm too lazy to go back to my room anyway." Dean said with a dismissive shrug as he played it off.
Sam knew better and he shook his head. "Dean, really, it's fine. I'm-"
"Just shut up, Sammy. I'm not moving. So deal with it and get your ass back to sleep." came Dean's 'sweet' reply as he eyed his brother with a faint smirk on his lips.
"Jerk." Sam whispered, feeling bad about needing to lean on his brother again but undeniably comforted by the other's presence. It was his way of saying thank you. Of expressing his affection and gratitude, that little word, their little understanding.
"Bitch." It was amazing how much wealth of heartfelt-crap could be squeezed into that snarky little word. But there it was.
Dean gave a faint, bittersweet smile in the moonlight that curved wearily onto Sam's lips as well.
"Night, Dean." Sam said, reminded of nights spent together in their childhood, although then they'd been cuddled up, Dean had been the 'giant', and there was generally more touchy-feely crap, admittedly.
"Night, Sammy." Dean replied back softly as he settled in the chair to watch his brother sleep, reminded of the past himself and ultimately it was a sort of lullabye that soothed them both. That familiarity, that bit of restored bond as Sam drifted off to sleep. And for the rest of the night, he had no nightmares.
The same could not be said of Dean.
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So...Chaos and fluff abound! This isn't Wincest...or Destiel...although both are cute...I tend to lean towards Destiel though...but I digress! I like the brotherly relationships between them and I do approve of Lisa/Dean so I think that's how this story will go. Bromance instead of romance. XD Except for Lisa/Dean romance. Or whatnot. I am really OCD about keeping in character and keeping it strictly in story-line. So I tried to write the Castiel bit based on the last ep and that faint spoiler that's come out for season 7, but can't be perfect. I'll try to keep this story on track once season 7 comes out, but we'll see what happens. I'll make it work. XD ENJOY!~ And just out of curiosity...as fellow fans, I am interested in your opinions just in general...Lisa/Dean? Destiel? Wincest? Brotherly only? Will you be seriously pissed if Castiel isn't redeemed? BECAUSE I WILL. Share your thoughts if only because I will repay you with virtual cookies and hugs? XD~