A/N: I have had this idea in the back of my mind for a while now. I hope you like it. I will reference names & events from most of the books for this fic but this story takes place in the New Moon timeline. As of right now, I am not sure if this will stay with the canon or become AU/alternate ending… but I hope you enjoy the ride! :) Please read and review!
(P.S.: If you can guess where I'm headed with this story (there's a major clue in this prologue), you have probably read the books more times than I have… and that's a lot. You will definitely get an honorable mention when I post the next chapter.)
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I never thought I would find love. So powerful, so necessary to my being… and I thought my time for love had passed. I envied my parents' unwavering love for one another. I watched my siblings find their eternal partners. But after decades of existence without a mate of my own, I finally found her. And, with a heavy heart, I had to leave her.
I love her too much to watch her suffer at my hand. I may not be the one who will eventually take her life but, if I stayed, it would be my fault all the same. I cannot deny my nature -- my family's nature – to kill and kill non-discriminately. Nurturing may have made us into outcasts and freaks amongst others like us, but human blood calls to us like no other elixir known to man or beast. For a while, I was able to believe the lie. I thought that I could live an existence without the taste of human blood. Carlisle taught me well; I had lived among humans for ninety years and only fell susceptible in a fit of rebellion as a relative newborn. My vampire family had grown accustomed to living off of the blood of animals instead, denying their deepest desire to pierce the flesh of an unsuspecting human and drain him of his life's blood.
And then I caught the scent of Bella Swan. And my vampire nature was reborn and eager to satiate its hunger.
I have never wanted a human's blood as much as I wanted hers. When I caught her scent that first day, I struggled with my natural impulse to pounce on her and bleed her dry. But I could not let that monster consume me. I remember the bloodlust of my vampire youth and I did not want to return to that dark place again. I ran away from her because I knew, even though I abstained from human blood for almost a century, I could not and would not deny myself the one pulse that beat for me and me alone. And it scared me to eternal damnation.
I attempted to fight my bloodlust… and was fairly successful. I came back, accepting the challenge. I kept her near me, tempting me with her mere presence. And, suddenly, the unexpected happened. My desire for her blood grew and evolved into a desire for her heart. Bella's life was more precious than any temporary fulfillment I might have received by drinking her blood. Her blood captivated me but she captivated me more. Her human frailty, her trusting nature, her unabashed bravery in the midst of danger intrigued me. Bella's soul called out to me and almost made me believe that my soul was alive and bound to her alone. In all of my existence, I had never felt so whole, so complete. But when Jasper attacked her, I was reminded of her fragility and the danger my family posed to her. So I left her, despite her tears and the love in her eyes, to spare her life and my conscience.
As I told her that I couldn't be the man she deserved, I wondered if I would ever find love again. Would it take me another ninety odd years to find the next love of my existence? Or is the old adage true? Is there only one special someone out there just for me, and was I making the biggest mistake by walking away from her right now?
If there was any way that I could have denied her that pain -- to deny myself this excruciating heartache – I would have done so without reservation. Now that I have been presented with an opportunity to reverse the irreversible, to reunite with the woman I love without fear of harming her…. I am not sure if I can go through with it.
What would you do for eternal happiness? What – or who – would you sacrifice to make all of the pain go away? If I am without a soul, then my choice would do me no harm. But if I do have a soul, I am not sure if I can live an eternity knowing the irreparable harm I have done. It is never wise to tamper with fate, even if science is on your side. I am a vampire and I am meant to thirst for blood for the rest of my existence. But am I willing to take a life so that I may gain the life that I lost? Am I willing to give up my love to spare a human life that, by nature, I was made to destroy? Shall I return to the inner demon I have denied for so long, or return to an existence without love? I have to decide fast. Joham is waiting; I don't have much time.