Pigs
By Falling Knight
Summary: Major General Armstrong holds an inspection for the new recruits at Briggs and gets a rather interesting surprise.
Disclaimer: I, like everyone else on this most awesome website, do not own anything, especially Fullmetal Alchemist. I can claim the measly private that appears in the story though. Yeehaw.
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Freezing icy wind swirled violently around the northern mountains of Amestris. It raged an howled at anyone who would listen, and pelted small chunks of ice at anyone brave (or stupid) enough to be outside. However, the blizzard had no effect whatsoever on the mighty Fort Briggs, which was practically an impervious steel and concrete wall to any known means of force, save for the poor few souls on guard duty outside.
Inside the impenetrable border between the countries Amestris and Drachma, stalked the commander of the fort, Major General Olivier Milla Armstrong, also referred to as "The Northern Cliff of Briggs". She was a towering and intimidating figurehead who struck fear into the hearts of many, and always go her job done. The general had long, flowing blonde hair, steel cerulean eyes, and an impressive body physic that contributed to her masterful blade skills. At her hip, Olivier constantly carried her trademark gold-hilted rapier, which she could use to easily decapitate anyone at any given time, if she so chose. Olivier Armstrong was downright good at her job, and anyone with half of a brain knew it was because of her that Drachma never succeeded in raiding any Amestrian territory.
At the moment, the commanding female officer was on her way to inspect some new troops that had recently been stationed at Briggs. Though most military officials would find this work tedious, Olivier actually enjoyed it. The fact of the matter was, as freezing as it got in the northern area of the country, recreational activities were limited. Weather was never pleasant in Briggs, and it was too cold to take any pleasure in winter sports, as many ignorant soldiers quickly figured out. Indoors was the only place one could survive, much less have fun in, at Briggs. And as anyone cooped inside for long periods of time knew, this can rapidly lead to boredom. That was Major General Armstrong worked so hard. There was nothing else to do. Olivier liked inspecting new recruits because it wasn't simply paperwork. That, and she also took a slightly twisted satisfaction in scaring wet-behind-the-ears soldiers and showing them who was boss.
Olivier reached her destination as a pair of thick steel doors came into view at the end of the corridor. With a powerful tug from her white-gloved hands, Olivier entered the vast room where her new men were in formation, awaiting her approval. Leading them were her two right and left hand men, Major Miles and Captain Buccaneer. She was immediately greeted with the entire room saluting her.
"As you were," she commanded off-handedly. The large room was devoid of any furniture and was mainly used for formations and speeches. It was absent of any windows as well. The two officers turned to face her while the rest stayed in straight lines. She got within conversation range and addressed Major Miles. "How are they coming?"
"They are…okay," responded Miles, nodding. He was obviously trying to sound optimistic while really saying they needed work. Olivier didn't fail to miss his fake smile and wry tone. He adjusted the sunglasses that hid part of his Ishbalan looking face.
Buccaneer snorted at his answer. "They're horrible at formations and clearly lack the proper guts to be effective soldiers. It looks as if every one of them is fresh out of Basic," he stated bluntly. The huge, muscular man then folded his large arms, one of which was auto-mail.
Miles shrugged. "That pretty much sums it," he agreed.
Olivier rolled eyes sarcastically. "Great."
"I believe what they need," began Buccaneer slyly, "is to be introduced to their chief commanding officer. I don't think most of them believe the stories others have told them are true."
"Well, we'll have to fix that," remarked Olivier with a cynical grin. "I'll see what I can do."
Olivier then quickly turned on her heels to take in her recruits. About thirty or so, all males in their late teens to mid-twenties. Not one of them knew what they were in store for. That's why she enjoyed it.
The young men stood in two lines facing Olivier. She slowly began to pace, looking at each individual man in detail. Some tried to keep stony expressions on their faces, though it was apparent most were extremely nervous. A few weren't as good about hiding it as others were, and Olivier smirked. It was this kind of reaction that made noobs like these easy to mess with.
As the general reached toward the end of the first line, she noticed something funny about the second-to-last man. He darted his eyes hastily about the room and seemed to be sweating profusely. The man, or more correctly, teen, was acting much more uneasy than his fellow comrades. When he accidentally caught Olivier's eye, he swiftly averted his beet red face towards the floor. Wondering what the kid was so upset about, she looked him up and down, and was a bit taken aback by what she saw. There was a rather prominent bulge in his trousers, meaning that something had him aroused. Considering that she was the only woman in this room, Olivier was fairly certain that it was she he was attracted to at the moment. This prospect was both slightly flattering, and beyond revolting. However, there was always the other possibility of what had him turned on, and she was determined now to find out which one it was. The Northern Cliff of Briggs smirked wickedly. This was going to be interesting.
"Private Flagstaff!" she barked, reading the name and rank from his uniform. The young man jumped visibly. He knew he had been caught.
"Yes, sir?" He inquired, swallowing with a gulp.
"Private Flagstaff, are you gay?" she asked, raising a brow. Everyone in the room gave her wild expressions. It was obvious the recruits had not been expecting to be drilled on their preferred sexuality in the inspection.
Private Flagstaff stammered. He had been assuming she was going to reprimand him. He didn't know how right he was. "S-sir?"
"You heard me Private. Are you a homosexual?"
"No Sir," he answered cautiously, puzzled by her question.
"Well then what has gotten you so excited? You're in a room full of men, save for me. But you couldn't possibly be so turned on by an officer ten times your superior, could you?" she inquired, stooping to eyelevel with him. Many of the other soldiers were attempting not to laugh. The same went for her.
"N-no Sir!" he practically squeaked. "There's no possible way I could ever be so-said attracted to you." Miles shook his head. In trying to cover himself, the private had unknowingly just egged her on more. The general was going to have a hay day.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she snarled. "Are you insisting I'm ugly?"
"Never Sir!" The man had gone deathly white in last few moments. "I just meant that there's no way I'd ever attempt to break the rules of fraternization. Quite the opposite of ugly I'd say." He quickly covered his mouth after adding that last bit. Miles sighed. The kid was digging his own grave.
Olivier narrowed her eyes menacingly. "And who says that I, or anyone else for that matter, would even consider fraternizing with the likes of a pervert like you? Man or woman." A good number of the new recruits lost control of their laughter then. Olivier straightened herself and turned to Miles and Buccaneer. "I believe these recruits will need quite a bit of extra duties and P.T. to properly remove their heads from their respective asses." A quiet complaining could be heard. A vein almost popped in her head. "Outside duties I believe now."
The two officers saluted her. "Yes sir," they said, each with a similar ironic expression plastered on their faces.
Olivier twisted to go, but stopped to look at Private Flagstaff first. "And Private," she sardonically added, "I suggest you keep that flagstaff properly stowed, lest something happen to it." She patted her rapier lovingly after signaling exactly what she meant.
A large bead of sweat rolled down the private's face and he saluted her, followed by everyone else. "Yes Sir. I'll keep that in mind, Sir."
And with a swish of long golden locks, the general turned to leave the big room containing her new employees with a slightly soured mood.
"Pigs," she grumbled with a sneer. Men were disgusting.
--End--
Author's Note: This piece of work randomly came to me one day and I just had the strange urge to write it. I was rather hesitant to post the monster, but here it is. And just to clear any unwanted flames up, I have absolutely nothing against gays and hope that I didn't offend anyone. This was simply an idea, and that was thrown in there because I can honestly see Olivier saying something rude like that. My writing style isn't that great, but hey, this is just my third fanfic. Please leave me a constructive review on your way out and thank you for reading! :D