A/N: This is the long awaited Lester/Xander series for those of you who indicated you wanted to see more of the boys. This series takes place after My Big Fat Bat Wedding. It will feature our less than dynamic duo, but Ranger and Steph will make appearances here and there. This chapter was written in response to Adalind's challenge: You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. Takes place when the boys return from their forced exile after the infamous Jolly Joe incident.

Big shout out to the ladies of the Pit who encourage this sort of nonsense.

Huge thanks as always to my wonderful beta, Alfonsina.d, AKA the Queen of Tart!!

You Bloody Complete Me

Lester and Xander sat quietly in the guest chairs in front of Ranger's desk. Ranger had ordered the men to the 0900 meeting via text message the night before. Both men had only been back from their 'deportment' to Boston and Atlanta, respectively, for less than 48 hours.

Lester was leaning back in his chair staring resolutely at the framed artwork displayed on the wall behind Ranger's desk. The knee bouncing like a jackhammer belied his relaxed pose.

Xander, on the other hand was picking up and examining articles on Ranger's desk with the curiosity of a child. The current object of Xander's fascination was a pricey digital picture frame. Every five seconds or so, the current image would give way to new one.

"Xander, put that shit down before the Boss shows up."

Xander was holding the frame in his lap and staring at the images with a soft smile on his face. "Dude, I'll totally hear him before he comes in. And everybody knows he doesn't have video surveillance in his office."

Lester shook his head and went to grab for the frame.

Xander tugged back. "Just hold on a second, the naked one comes up next!"

"Naked one?"

Xander propped the frame on the edge of the desk between them just as the previous image faded away. They both sat in awe as a black and white image of Stephanie appeared. It looked as though Ranger had taken the shot of her after thoroughly…satisfying her. Her hair was extremely tousled, her eyes had little focus and her grin was both saucy and soft. She was nude, but she was laying on the bed belly down, up on her elbows, and the white sheet was artistically pooled and draped in a way that made it tasteful. The pronounced curve of her bottom was clearly visible, but only in profile.

Xander let out a small whimper when the picture disappeared.

With a huff, Lester picked up the frame and wiped off the smudges and drool from the frame and the screen with the edge of his tee shirt. He placed it back on Ranger's desk where it had originally been, adjusting its positions twice before leaning back in his chair. He leveled a glare at Xander.

"Have you learned nothing from your punishment?" Lester asked.

"Dude, did you see her ass? I knew she had some junk in the trunk, but Christ! There's no dimpling, no cellulite. It's like a big juicy peach just begging me to sink my teeth-"

"You're an idiot."

"Your momma's an idiot,"

"What the fuck is your problem? We're probably in the principal's office because of some shit you pulled. We've only been back on duty one day!"

"Some shit I pulled? Who thought is was a good idea to demolish nearly the entire wall of the warehouse? You left a crater! You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! Crikey!"

Lester looked at Xander as if he'd grown breasts. "Bloody? Crikey?"

Xander waved him off and turned slightly away from Lester. "What? I spent six friggin' weeks on the monitors in Atlanta with this Brit. Pretty cool bloke. Maybe some of his vernacular rubbed off on me."

"Vernacular?"

Xander let out a 'humph'. "What? I was on house arrest. I read a lot."

"You found the word 'vernacular' in Penthouse Forum?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

Just then, they heard the office door snick open. Ranger silently made his way across the room, around his desk and sat down.

"Gentleman."

"Sir."

"Sir."

Ranger nodded and leaned back in his chair, studying his men. "Santos. A little heavy on the explosives yesterday, don't you think?"

Xander snorted. Ranger leveled a glare at him. Xander squirmed and said, "Pardon, sir."

Lester cleared his throat and said, "I apologize for that. I may have been a bit…overzealous."

One side of Ranger's mouth kicked up a fraction. "In the future, might I suggest you use more prudence?"

"Yes, sir."

Ranger nodded once, indicating the close of the subject. Both men let out an audible sigh.

Ranger leaned forward in his chair, elbows bent on the arm rests, fingers steepled under his chin. "I may regret doing this, but I'm going to allow the two of you to partner again…on a probationary basis. Overall, I am satisfied with your work yesterday. You utilized the intelligence provided by Stephanie and acted on the information decisively. While you may have been…overzealous with your methods of entry into the warehouse, the 'goods' you confiscated were…let's just say Homeland Security is very pleased. Be assured you would be getting a commendation if Homeland Security acknowledged your existence."

Both men nodded solemnly. Ranger praise was a very rare commodity.

Ranger turned to his hard drive and booted it up. When he turned back toward the men, he seemed surprised they were still sitting there. "Dismissed," he said blandly.

Both men stood up and made their way quickly to the door. Just as Xander placed his hand on the knob, Ranger said, "Yo."

Lester and Xander turned back to Ranger to find he had a devious smile on his lips. "I got an interesting phone call a few weeks ago regarding the two of you."

Both men's eyebrows shot up to their hairlines. Lester found his tongue first and said, "And?"

"Jeanne Ellen Burrows called me. She was concerned that perhaps the two of you had been relocated to a third world country."

Xander's face broke out in an all out smile. "Bossman…are you saying she's interested in laying pipe with me and my man Lester?"

Lester visibly cringed. "Dude."

Ranger cleared his throat. "Jeanne Ellen would never come right out and indicate anything of that nature through a third party. However, if I'm reading between the lines correctly, I would say that she may have a certain level of interest in the two of you." He shook his head as he focused back on his monitor. "There's no accounting for taste."

Lester looked at his shoes for a moment. "But…didn't you and Jeanne Ellen have a 'thing' at one time?"

Ranger gave Lester his blankest face. "What Jeanne Ellen and I did or did not have is both irrelevant and none of your concern. I'm with Stephanie now. You could bang my senior prom date and I couldn't give a shit less."

"How 'bout your ex-wife?" Xander piped in.

Ranger picked up a heavy glass paperweight and tossed it up casually, caught it, tossed it up, caught it, all the while glaring at Xander.

Lester slapped Xander upside the head. "Dude, she's married."

Xander said, "And?"

Ranger gripped the paperweight more tightly.

Lester hissed, "That's Ranger's baby mama!"

Ranger seethed, "Did I just hear you call Rachel my baby mama?"

Lester squeaked out, "Yes, sir."

"I don't 'do' baby mama, Santos."

Xander interjected, "Clearly you did."

Lester brought both hands to his face and whined, "Help me, Jesus." He dropped his hands and said, "Back to the point. You have no problem with us hooking up with Jeanne Ellen? Or anyone else?"

"You have my blessing. Your life, your dick."

Lester had a look of awe on his face, as though he had been granted immortality, or at the very least, access to the most prime booty in the northern hemisphere.

"Dude…that…that…"

Ranger frowned. "Lester. There are not that many women on my resume."

Lester shook his head in wonderment. "It's not the quantity. It's the quality. A whole new world has opened up for me." Lester looked solemnly into Ranger's eyes and said, "You…complete me."

"Get the fuck out of here."

Xander scurried around Lester and out the door. Lester slowly shook his head and started to follow Xander. He looked back at Ranger one more time and said breathily, "You had me at 'Yo'." His voice began to crack as he repeated, "You had me at-"

Xander's arm reached in and jerked Lester's body out the door just as a glass paperweight flew across the room and cracked against the doorframe.