Falling Pretty alt: [ Catch you as you Fall]
Read this in slow motion, on a peaceful day where you can regress within the deep of your heart.
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Sometimes Yukito scares Touya.
He scares Touya in that gentle, unintentional way no other person can-by faltering quietly as he walks, or by the subtle drop of his head as he sits in class, or by the limply gazing into space.
And Touya, he sometimes has to reach out and quickly grasp onto Yukito, to touch him in any way, to brush his fingers against his cheek, or dust cherry blossoms off his blazer, or stroke the wisps of hair which fall upon his eyes….oh, anything….
…Anything which could grant him a sense that Yukito is still standing there, unfading, in all his fair-skinned, doe-eyed glory.
Intermittently, Touya catches sight of the slighter boy- wisps of silver hair, large, limpid eyes and curling eyelashes and all-standing in the middle of nowhere, ( perhaps a school field, with grass below and sky above; or a classroom, with Formica tables and plastic chairs emptied of people ) gazing blankly into the olio of molecules which make up the air. Touya wonders if Yukito is trying to count the particles of oxygen, or perhaps he's seeing something else which Touya himself cannot see, and that thought triggers a disquieting feeling within him-like a broken piece of pebble wedged inside his shoe.
From time to time, Yukito seems to regress into himself, his irises dilating, mimicking a state of catatonia, as he sinks slowly into a glittering ocean of esoteric thoughts. At such moments, the world around Yukito appears to move like quicksilver, washing around him in Gaussian blurs of yellow skin and peroxide-bleached hair and neon-dyed schoolbags, as Yukito begins to flicker, then fade, like a beautiful phantasm of the yesteryear.
As if he was never there.
As if he never existed.
As if he isn't real.
It was at such times that such disquieting feelings return to Touya, first in ripples, then in waves. It was a tiny and nonsensical, but ultimately real fear, that Yukito might just disappear one day, snap, just like that- fracturing into a billion, nano-millimeter pieces of Yukito, before dissolving into the wind…..
…..out of Touya's reach, out of Touya's sight….
Gone.
And when he calls Yukito's name he's afraid that there would be no voice, no matter how small and fragile, to answer.
Yes, sometimes Yukito scares him like that, by suddenly detaching from the world, and Touya shudders to think of the blue morning where he wakes up, and rides his bicycle to school, alone, with Yukito being nothing but a remnant of a sad, hazy dream.
There was something empty and incomplete about that picture.
Where Touya was, Yukito had to be. It was only natural that way.
Today, Touya catches sight of Yukito again, standing peacefully by himself atop the staircase which leads to the school's bell tower, with the afternoon Sun casting shadows and penumbras upon his face. He stands there, a perfect picture of serenity and peace, simply gazing into the little bit of cerulean sky which showed itself through a small, panel window, high up upon the wall.
He almost appeared to be smiling.
Touya caught his breath, and stopped in his ascend up the staircase, just to admire the way light slips over Yukito's slender silhouette.
And then, in that tiny, particular instant, Yukito, small and delicate like a whispering leaf detaching from the orange tree bough, begins to-
-fall.
It begins with a tiny stumble backwards, his dainty feet blooming in mis-steps, and it almost, almost looks like a dance, as he hovers back and forth, trying to place his foot in the right places. For a fraction of a second, he manages to anchor himself to the ground, but then his strength fails him, seeps out of him like he's bleeding carbohydrates and energy, and he loses his footing all over again.
Yukito, he falls pretty, all graceful and fluid, moving softly in retrogress, losing grip on everything he is holding-his schoolbag hitting the floor first, his glasses slipping off his face, almost shattering, and test papers and documents and all, dispersing into a million directions like a mosaic of flimsy squares.
And Touya, he watches, aghast, at least thirty steps away, from where Yukito is falling- and he feels his heart contract and expand and flood, into a gushing niagara of adrenaline intermixed with /fear/love/pain/confusion/worry/ and /love/ …...
and he finds himself running.
Touya- /tall/dark/handsome/ and utterly afraid of being one second too late, runs like he's trying to win the Olympic gold, runs like he's had a hundred jabs of steroid coursing through his veins, runs and runs and runs-
And runs, to reach, just in time, /thank God, thank God/, as Yukito falls, nicely, against the solid support of Touya's chest, his soft hair ghosting against Touya's cheek, and his eyes closed, in apparent slumber.
Touya wraps his arms around Yukito, who is all soft, pale, buckling limbs, and tries to hold him steady. He feels Yukito's warmth, ebbing, yes, but there, and he feels the alarming thin-ness of Yukito's already small frame, and suddenly he feels that familiar pang of fear- that Yukito would suddenly disappear, like evaporating mist, and fade, like he was never there.
For a while, Touya stood there, just holding Yukito, blood rushing to his face, and for a while, he tightened his grip on Yukito's unconscious form, his fists gripping the fabric of Yukito's blue blazer. Then, exhaling slowly through his teeth, he sank down on the staircase, carefully cradling Yukito's head with his firm hands. Yukito leaned like that, against Touya's chest, with his hands hanging loosely by his side, as Touya held him, close and tight, in a safe, warm embrace.
For a while, Touya couldn't breathe.
Are you here ? Are you still here with me ?
In a strange, hazy moment of affirmation, Touya finds his fingertips brushing gently against Yukito's chest, slipping modestly behind the buttons of the blazer, then sliding into the shirt, carefully missing all the erogenous zones, before positioning themselves directly over Yukito's heart, feeling soft skin and hard bone and glowing heat.
Touya then spread out his fingers, and pressed his palm flat against Yukito's chest, and it was there, at that very intimate spot, that Touya could close his eyes and count the rhythmic, periodical pumps of Yukito's heart, its beating pulse a significant indication of life.
Da-dup, da-dup, da-dup, 1….2….1…2….
It gave Touya a sense of calm, and made him think of chamomile tea, and strawberry shortcakes and lavender scented baths and all things Yukito.
Your heart is so warm, Touya thinks….. And that's good, he adds, silently.
Somewhere within himself, Touya decided that as long as he could see Yukito, flickering or fading or not, and that as long as he could hear Yukito's warm, steady heart, and as long as he had 86400 seconds in a day, he would not waste a single moment hesitating and flip-flopping between what was real, and what wasn't-because Yukito would be falling a lot within those intervals which make up time, and it wouldn't be any good if he fell before Touya could catch him.
Don't disappear, he would like to say, Don't disappear, not while I'm here.
At that moment, Yukito began to stir, causing Touya to quickly withdraw his fingers. Very, very sleepily, he began to yawn, then stretch, slow and languid in his movements, like an angel unfurling his wings.
Yukito, he blinks once or twice to get the sleep out of his eyes, and the first thing he sees is Touya looking down at him, with a gentle, kind expression upon his face. Yukito reaches out experimentally, ivory, cool fingers and all, to touch the face, and see if it would sunder into a rippling dream. His knuckles brush the side of Touya's cheekbone, testing, fingers lightly poking, and then tracing the jaw, before thumbing the sensuous line of the mouth.
The face remained real and the lightly bronzed skin, taut.
It smiled at Yukito, gentle and firm, and Yukito smiled back, gentle and sweet.
"Hello," he whispered, his voice soft, "Did I fall asleep again?"
Touya laughed, "I don't think I would call it falling asleep. It was more like fainting."
And Yukito blushed just a little redder, before releasing himself from Touya's grip, apologizing all the way.
"I'm so sorry I seem to be so tired all the time… It's so troublesome of me… and come to think of it I'm really going to hurt myself someday if this keeps up….I mean, what if I decide to fall asleep when I'm on a balcony or something…..what if I…."
Touya grinned, then bent down, both masculine and graceful, and collected the scraps of Yukito's test papers and documents which lay scattered on the floor, some on the steps, before straightening up and handing them to Yukito.
"Don't you worry about that," he said, voice soft and determined all at the same time.
"Because I'm going to catch you as you fall."-
-owari-
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bonhwa's note:
Written with the fear of a loved one fading, and written with CLAMP's pretty style in mind. Shouneni ai, featuring our overexposed canon couple of Touya and Yukito. I really like writing about pretty things and warm summer days. XD I hope this gave you a feeling of tranquility ? Because that was what I had in mind when writing it.....
Do enjoy, please leave a review :)