A/N: Because you demanded it…

How To Write A Follow-Up To Your Bill Cipher Fanfiction

by MiscellaneousSoup

So you've written your Bill Cipher fanfiction! It's been almost two years and people really seemed to like it. But, you want more. You desperately crave the attention that writing stories gets you, the views and reviews and private messages, you want to become the most popular fanfiction writer ever, no matter who you have to kill…

Ahem. In any case, you keep getting new ideas as the season goes on. Here is a handy guide to writing Bill Cipher into a Gravity Falls fanfiction, based on the new status quo. Side effects may include confusion, loss of depth perception, sleep deprivation, and death.

Step The First: Show Bill Cipher and Stanford Pines being friends, before they inevitably separate.

Example: "Hey, Sixer, that's cheating! No fair, meatwad!" Bill Cipher summoned a ball of fire and obliterated Don't Wake Stalin.

Immediately, Stanford grabbed a laser beam. "DIE, you arrogant, lying triangle! NOBODY QUESTIONS MY BOARD GAME SKILLS!"

Alternate Example: Stanford and Bill sat in the car, grumpily traveling to Iowa for a case study. With a groan, Bill started kicking the dashboard. "Stanford, this is boooooooooooooooring. Can't we do anything other than just sit in silence?"

Patiently, Stanford pressed a button. "Here, listen to some music." The soothing sounds of jazz flowed throughout the car, causing Bill to melt into a relaxed puddle.

The music was soothing and pleasant. Almost too soothing and pleasant. The kind of soothing and pleasant where it's fine at first, but then it starts to grate on your nerves and distract you until that's the only thing you can think about and Oh dear God, it's driving you crazy, quickly, just change that station now before you crash the frickin' car out of irritation-

Stan grumbled and changed the station. "Ah, synthesized music. That's much better."

"Nooo, change it back!" Bill whined. "I like smooth jazz."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Jazz may relax you, but it makes me antsy. I can't concentrate on my driving with that playing. I apologize, I thought I could put up with it for more than five minutes."

Bill flashed red. "How about this, you let me possess you? I can listen to all the jazz I want, while you take a little nap. You look sleepy."

Stanford shook his head. "I'm perfectly fine. Besides, I only want to be possessed in extreme situations, like emergencies. Does this look like an emergency?" He waved one hand towards the road. There were only two other drivers, and one of them was a harmless-looking little old lady.

Bill sighed. "Darn your stubbornness! I just want to listen to my music and drive. I don't ask for much outside of our experiments. Just let me have this. C'MERE!"

He jumped on the wheel, causing the car to swerve slightly. Stanford swore and shoved him away. "That's it! You're a menace. Go away. I no longer want to be your friend."

Weeping, Bill Cipher returned to his own dimension. From that moment on, synthesized music would horrify him.

Step the Second: Bill possesses Mabel when she's out of the Shack. The results may surprise you!

Example: Dipper sat on his bed, carefully drawing a homemade map of the forest. Just as he was about to paint a picture of the gnome's hideout, Mabel burst into the room.

Strangely enough, she didn't do her usual running tackle into a mound of stuffed animals. Instead, she walked over to Dipper's bed. "Hi, Dipper."

Distracted, Dipper continued making the outline for his painting. "What's up, Mabel?"

Mabel poked him. "Look up."

Dipper did, then immediately screamed at a decibel that only gophers, Soos, and the extremely elderly could hear."AGHHGHHG BILL'S GOT MABEL SHE'S BEEN POSSESSED NOOOOOO NOT MY SISTER AHGHHGHGHGH PLEASE NO I'LL DO ANYTHING I'LL GIVE YOU A SOCK PUPPET WE HAVE A CLONING MACHINE GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Mabel/Bill shoved a stuffed llama into Dipper's mouth. "Stop yelling, bro. We've bonded over a shared love of puns. For instance, Bill plus Mabel equals Babel. After I make a pile of stuffed animals and jump on it, we're the...Tower Of Babel!"

Dipper fainted from the sheer awfulness and contrived horror of that pun. For the rest of his life, he would be tormented by ghastly jokes, riddles, and puns from Babel. His gravestone would read 'Dipper: A Dang Humorless Child Who Couldn't Take A Joke.'

Step The Third: Because it seems like this remarkably creepy trend will never end, romantically pair either Dipper or Mabel up with Bill Cipher.

Example: Dipper and Bill sat together in a fancy French restaurant, holding hands.

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh,Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

Bill floated up. "Excuse me, dearest pine tree, I must go use the little interdimensional demon's room."

He zoomed over to a nearby restaurant. Mabel was sitting at an equally fancy table.

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Excuse me, I have to go check on my laundry."

Back at Dipper's table, Bill Cipher zoomed up, panting slightly. "I'm BACK! Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Dipper."

"Oh, Bill."

"I am going to check on your food. See ya!"

….

"Oh, Mabel."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Mabel."

Dipper burst into the restaurant, fuming with anger. "HOW DARE YOU, BILL?! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING!"

"...Oh, crap."

Mabel started slamming the salt and pepper shakers into Bill's face, making sure to burn his eyes. "YOU LIAR! I asked you if you were dating Dipper and you said no! I TRUSTED YOU!"

Dipper ripped his clothes off, revealing a full-body tattoo of Bill Cipher. "I had this made after our first date!" This caused all of the other restaurant patrons to start vomiting and convulsing on the ground.

Bill shook the salt out of his eye. "It's not what you think, Mystery Twins!"

"No." Mabel slapped Bill. "You don't get to call us that anymore. TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!"

Dipper and Mabel combined into DabelTron and used their laser beams to send Bill to Hell. They high-fived and hugged!

"We'll never argue again!" Dipper said.

"Yup!" Mabel replied. "Now go put on some clothes before you get arrested."

Step The Fourth: ALL OF THEM AT THE SAME TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Example: Bill Cipher and Stanford Pines sat at a fancy French restaurant, holding hands.

"Oh, Stanford."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Stanford."

"Oh, Bill."

"Oh, Stanford."

"Oh- Whoops, the check's here." Bill waved. "Bye, I have some stuff to do. You can pay the check."

Stanford shoved the check into Bill's face. "You said you would sign it this time!"

"I said no such thing!" Bill burned the check. "There. Problem solved."

Dipper and Mabel burst from the ruined ashes of the check. "DIE!"

Bill Cipher died from shock. Stanford died from an early heart attack. The universe exploded from an abundance of paradoxes. (And Katherines.)

THE END