If I started this story "Once upon a time there lived a fair maiden" you would probably proceed to roll your eyes and then promptly roll your eyes. Please do. This is a story doomed to heartache. It begins with heartache. It will end with heartache. There is a fair bit of heartache in the middle. Of course, there is also fluff and sometimes fluff can cancel out heartache. This risk is yours. Read on to the despair, knowing that there are flobber worms and house elves playing duck-duck-goose every so often to give a break from the disaster. But only every so often.

Once upon a time there lived a fair maiden and at the time our story begins, she was in fifth year and running late to a prefect's meeting. Who was this fair maiden? She was I, Narcissa Black, the narrator of this story. Yes, you read that correctly. I was Narcissa, the hopelessly privileged and prettiest of the Black sisters, most likely to married to the highest bidder. My sisters' names were Andromada and Bellatrix.

Andromada was a sixth year Ravenclaw rebel. She was always getting into trouble with mum and dad, and so always grounded. Her current scandal was that she was dating a muggle-born, Theodore Tonks. It was beyond my parents wildest dreams that Andromada would do this. As long as I could remember, they had told us not to associate with anyone that wasn't a pureblood under any but the most dire circumstances. Try explaining that to a teacher when group projects come around. It doesn't work and so Andy had met "Ted," fallen "in love," and had gotten herself grounded for the thirty-sixth thousandth time.

I was "closer" to Bellatrix, as Andromada had never quite mastered the ability to stay ungrounded. Bellatrix subscribed whole-heartedly to our parents' teachings about being pureblooded. So much, in fact, that she had become a deatheater last year. I was shocked at first, but gradually got over it. She had always been a dark, scary sort, and she fitted the role. Bellatrix's hobby was to correct my behavior. She loved to tell me how I was supposed to act. The sad thing was, I was supposed to act that way, like a proper lady, cold and distant to the "lessers" (half-bloods, mudbloods, half-breeds, etc.).

It was hard to act proper. I liked to laugh at people's jokes, even if those people were "below" us. If a hallway was empty, would skip down it. When no one could hear, I would sing and not very well. When no one was watching, I would not act proper. It seemed that no one knew that I was a closet goof.

Still, despite having to be "proper," one would assume that it was good to be me. At the time, I assumed so too.

My mind raced as well as my feet up the charms corridor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This was the twelfth time I had been late to a prefect's meeting this year and it was only December. I was sure they would have my badge for it this time. When at last, I reached the door to the meeting, I slipped silently inside. Everyone was already there, the meeting halfway over. I quickly found a seat next to Severus Snape, sixth year.

Severus was one of my favorites of my fellow Slytherins. He had been one of my best friends since my first year. Well, actually last year Severus and I had become a little more than friends. No one knew, of course. My parents would go ballistic. Especially seeing as Severus is a half-blood.

"Late again?" Severus mouthed at me as I sat.

"Obviously," I mouthed back, rolling my eyes. I turned my attention to the head boy who was talking very sternly to someone. With a start, I realized he was talking to me.

"Late again, Black?" he was saying, "I'm going to be speaking with Professor Dumbledore about this. Twelve times! What's your excuse this time?"

I told him truthfully, "Well, I was in the library, getting ready to come here when a couple of Gryffindorks--sorry, Gryffindors--" I fixed at the head boy's glare, "decided it would be funny to run off with my book bag. It wasn't until I threatened detention that they decided to give it back."

The head boy wasn't sure if he wanted to believe me.

"Excuses, Black, are getting old," he decided, " Next time, be on time." he fixed me with a stern look, " As I was saying before Ms. Black decided to grace us with her presence..."

Severus was smirking at me. I crossed my eyes at him.

"What did I miss?" I whispered.

"Patrol assignments," he whispered back, "You're with Lupin. Main floor patrols."

Remus Lupin was weird, even for a Gryffindork. He was always--well--nice to me. I was consistently a jerk to him. He would say hi in the hallways, and I would flip my hair and ignore him. He would pick up my books if I dropped them, and I would just roll my eyes at him. He'd open doors for me, and I would close them on him. He'd give me tips on my transfiguration homework, and I would transfigure his quill into a chicken. Still, as rotten as I was to him, he just wouldn't stop being nice.

I tried not to look too displeased, "Why couldn't I be with you?"

"They want 'inter-house relations,'" he smirked.

I turned my attention back to the head boy. He asked how many people would be staying for Christmas. Severus, Lupin, a Ravenclaw, and I all raised our hands.

"You can work out patrols and decorations on your own time then," the head girl told us.

We nodded like good little prefects. The Ravenclaw pulled out her day-planner.

"Does right after the meeting work for everyone then?" she asked.

We didn't answer. Severus slouched down in his seat. I shrugged. Lupin nodded slightly.

"Great! We'll do that then!" she jotted it in her planner, "This will be so much fun!"

Severus and I exchanged glances with a whispered, "Freak!"

"Well then, that about wraps up our meeting," the head girl said brusquely.

"Happy patrols guys," the head boy said sarcastically.

"You too," a Ravenclaw said back just as sarcastically.

No body really liked patrols.

Everyone filed out except the head boy, the Ravenclaw with the day-planner, Lupin, Severus, and me. We divided up assignments for the holiday break and then left to find our patrol partners. Lupin and I had no trouble finding each other.

"Hello," he said pleasantly.

I nodded slightly. Lupin didn't seem to put off by me not returning the greeting. We set off down the halls. After about ten minutes of silence, Lupin tried to start a conversation:

"So, Narcissa, you're staying at Hogwarts for the holidays then?"

"Yes," I said stiffly, "I raised my hand, didn't I?"

Lupin seemed rather taken back by my coldness and didn't answer. We spent the rest of the of the patrol in silence. Towards the end, I started feeling guilty and by the time Lupin and I parted ways at the Great Hall, I almost called him back to apologize, but Severus showed up just as I was watching the sandy haired Gryffindork walk away.

"Narcissa," Severus said urgently.

"Hi Sev," I turned to smile at him before kissing him hello.

He still did not drop the urgency in his voice, "We need to go to the common room right away."

"But Severus," I protested, "I was hoping we could hang out just the two of us."

Severus sighed, "Narcissa, there is a letter from your parents in the common room and Lucius is looking quite sick."

All desire to spend time with Severus evaporated. In its place, a cold dread seeped in, "What? But Sev, they promised that they wouldn't decide anything until next year! It's Andy's year for them to ruin her life, not mine!"

I practically pulled him to the common room. After saying the password ("Rabastan Lestrange is a fairy"), I almost ran to where Lucius was waiting for me.

Lucius Malfoy was another of my best friends. He was pureblood and his family was filthy rich. My parents seemed to think that that was all that mattered and were convinced that my ultimate goal in life should be to marry him. Lucius was not opposed to that idea. In fact, in second year, Lucius had announced that he was going to marry me. Of course, second year was when I discovered that I had a "thing" for Severus and spent most of my time flirting with him and ignoring Lucius.

"Are you alright?" I asked Lucius with concern. He did indeed look about to vomit.

"You have promise not to get mad," he said. Unsurprisingly, I did not feel reassured when he said that. He handed me a letter from my parents with shaking hands.

Dearest Narcissa,

We have exciting news for you! Lucius Malfoy wants to date you!

I briefly wondered why it sounded like I was on a game show: Who Wants to Date Lucius Malfoy?

We have, of course discussed it with his parents. Obviously, the decision was affirmative. Just think, soon you'll be married!

Say hello to your sisters for us.

All our love, mum and dad

"I'm so sorry," I had never seen Lucius so nervous, "My parents were being absolute dorks about the marrying someone thing and your name just kind of slipped out."

"Have you ever noticed how weird our parents are?" I asked, rereading the letter.

"Quite frequently actually," Lucius smiled.

"You'd think they wanted to control our entire lives," I said.

"You'd think we've both never been in a relationship before," Lucius said.

"Don't tell them that we have," I cautioned.

"Well of course not," Lucius agreed, scandalized.

Severus looked at us both blankly, "You two are insane."

"No," Lucius disagreed, "You just haven't met our parents."