Chapter 1:Confusion.

Mark's POV:
I walked out of my bedroom and found April sitting on the couch. She had a textbook open on her lap and a notebook next to her. I figured she was studying, which I hadn't seen her do in weeks. As quietly as I could I made my way over to the kitchen. But as I got closer to her I realized that she wasn't studying but staring off into space.

"April? Is something wrong?" I asked, receiving no answer.

Instead of going into the kitchen I went and sat down next to her.

"Are you okay?"

She didn't even seem to hear me. Then, without warning, she fell into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and starting sobbing into my chest. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me, stroking her hair, and rocked back and forth with her. After a long time her sobs quieted and her short, shallow breaths began to even out and fell into a deep rhythm. She had fallen asleep.

Carefully, I closed her textbook and set it on the coffee table along with her notebook.

Gently, I laid her down on the couch and covered her with a blanket. Then I went into the kitchen and made some soup for her to have when she woke up.

When I was done with the soup I went down the hall to Roger's room. I knocked on the door and to my surprise the door opened, revealing an empty room.

"Damnit!" I yelled, pounding my fist against the door frame.

Roger was never here for April when she was like this, when she needed him. Of course, most of the time she was upset because of him.

I went back into the living room and sat on the floor next to April on the couch. I gently grabbed her had and held it between the two of mine. The sleeve of her sweatshirt slid back and I noticed a dark red line on her wrist. I closed my eyes and swalloed hard, feeling the all too familiar tightening in my chest.

April had confided in me that when she was a teenager, going through rough times with her family and what not, she would cut herself. First her arms, then she had moved on to her legs and stomach. She had broken my heart that day. She had shown me her arms and cried in mine. When I looked back later I realized that that had been the day I fell in love with her. I remember wanting nothing more then to love her in that moment.

Roger doesn't deserve her. I remember thinking to myself.

I went to push up her sleeve farther but she stirred before I could. She opened her usually sharp, bright blue eyes and looked at me with a pair of pulled eyes that reflected so much sadness. She lifted her head and leaned closer to me. Her warm lips pressed to mine. Without thinking I pressed back, deepening the kiss and reaching up to run my finger through her hair. I wanted this kiss, my physical connection to her, to never end. All too soon she pulled away from me. She stared at me, and I stared back into her unreadable eyes, confused. She got up and rushed into the bedroom.

I let my head fall, running my fingers through my hair.

"Shit!"

April's POV:
I felt warm fingertips on my wrist. I opened my eyes and found myself looking in Mark's blue ones that were clouded over with worry. I lifted myself up and leaned into him, pressing my lips to his. I felt my hands in my hair as he pressed into me. I opened my eyes, suddenly realizing what I'm doing, and pull away.

What did I just do? I asked myself, staring at Mark's confused expression.

Oh God.

I bolted from the couch and ran to the bedroom.

I grabbed my blade from the top dresser drawer and slid down the wall. Pushing up my sleeve. I sit there for a few second, the blade to my skin, hoping this feeling will pass,but it doesn't. I press the blade into my arm and drag it across my skin. Blood rushes to the surface of the wound, running across my other cuts and scars.

I hear a knock at the door and Mark's voice floats into the room.

"April? Are you okay?

Quickly, I grab a Band-Aid and cover my fresh cut, pulling my sleeve down over my arm.

I open the door, pushing tears away.

"Yeah Mark, I'm fine." I lie

Okay, well, you rushed off pretty quick and you seemed kind of upset."

"I was just confused. I'm sorry Mark. I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have done what I did."

I saw something that looked like hurt flash in his eyes as he nodded and headed back out towards the living room, his shoulders slouched just slightly.

I want to go after him. To hold him in my arms. To take that hurt from his eyes. But, the tingling in my arms. I needed my razor blade. I needed to bleed.

I closed the door and took my place against the wall, slicing into my arm twice more, watching the blood flow down my arms, over my wrists and stain my hands.

The next few weeks continued much like normal, except I avoided Mark as much as possible. When we were together in the same room, we both avoided eye contact.

Roger and I continued to fight as usual. Mostly over drugs, or lack thereof, or out lack of money. Normally when we would fight I would go over to Mark's room and ask to sleep with him. He always said yes. I would tell him what Roger and I had fought about and then would fall asleep in his arms. But now, since that day, I would end up on the couch, alone.