He was so tired of being like this. Being so weak, always disappointing his coach, never able to win, never able to surprise him, never able to be the best even if he tried hard. He'd only wish he could be worth Viktor. The man who had given up on his career just to teach Yuri what he could never do and what he would never be able to do. Everybody hated him for taking Viktor away. He had given him so much. Two new programes, six hours of training daily, all his love and respect. Viktor made his trainee believe that victory would be theirs. How fool has Yuri been for believing that. He'd wish he would not feel guilty while watching Viktor waking up beside him. His only idol, his wildest dream, so close but so far away. Millions of girls and boys would do so much to have the silver-haired beauty beside them, they'd reach up to the moon just to please him, but the only thing Yuri could do was to lose. He could not defeat a 15 year-old child, who had just made his senior debut. For the first time, it was not so bad, but Yuri was defeated again in the next season. He wanted nothing anymore. Neither going on his career, nor training with Viktor. It didn't feel right anymore. He must have let Viktor go when he lost Grand Prix Finale in Barcelona, in the previous season but Yuri had been selfish. He wanted his dear coach all to himself. It was too soon now anyway. What would his lover think of him, if Yuri told him he wanted to retire now? No, no, he could not do that, but he could not go on either. He was a weakling, a loser, a failure. Oh, he was so tired of everything. He was so tired of being himself…
Yesterday, when Yuri was walking through the streets, he saw an advertisment of medicine, which could wipe the whole memory.
Yuri had decided. He'd take the pills and let his memory be restarted. He just needed to forget every right and wrong choice he had made so far, every single moment when he had felt being a disaster. He would be so relieved, starting everything from scratch. Though, this was a hard decision to make. Erasing the memory also meant forgetting his angel, who dragged Yuri from a very deep mud, made his life prettier, added sparkle to the empty brown irises. He had to forget every beautiful moment they shared, every moment they felt themselves as the only ones on the whole Earth, every second spent in each other's arms, skating together, waking up beside each other. But mostly Yuri felt guilty because it'd hurt Viktor, the angel who was innocent, who didn't deserve this kind of punishment, who had only tried to help, whose eyes were always shining while looking at his fiancé, whose every part was perfect. If only Yuri could make him happy.
After taking his pills, he'd just sleep for 36 hours and after waking up he'd be a new person. New Yuri would have many simple questions, but he'd take his time to find the answers.
At home Yuri left a note where he had written that he was going out with Phichit and he would not be back until late. Yuri was sure Viktor would not start searching for him in this cheap motel room.
Yuri took a deep breath and gulped down two blue pills. They reminded him the eyes of a certain someone. Tears rolled down the flushed cheeks, but he bravely wiped them, hugged a rock-hard pillow, secretly wishing it had been Viktor. Then he leaned to the bed. Finally, closing his eyes, he imagined HIS Viktor, gracefully moving on the ice. So sad, that it was the last time, when he would be remembering what ice skating God, his savior, his only man looked like. Last time, when he would be able to imagine something so flawless. Thinking about his hero, he fell asleep.
The dreams were not as cheerful and colorful as the advertisment had promised and as Yuri had thought they'd be. He was running through deep forest, shouting Viktor's name, waiting for him to help him. After a few minutes of running, he felt the frost, the emptiness. Yuri realized he was all alone. It was the thing he was the most afraid of. He ran and ran, deeper and deeper into the forest, hoping seeing some sign of being alive. If only Viktor was here to embrace him, to give him hope, to tell that everything was going to be alright. And Yuri would try to believe him, he would definitely try this time. There was no desire to run away anymore. Yuri only wanted to go back, to their cozy house, to their comfy bed, to his Viktor's arms. But it was so late, so damn late for everything.
Yuri woke up staring at white ceiling. His head hurt. It felt heavy and hard to lift up. Somehow he managed to take a brief look around. A ward, definitely, he was not mistaken. Deafening sounds of desperate sobs were filling the room. Yuri's heart sank as he saw hiss only love, his only hope, his only reason of heartbeat was crying because of his stupid behavior. How could he hurt Viktor? He was so fragile, like a gorgeous doll, its heart made of china. But at the same time, he was happy that he did not forget and still remembered his Vitya. Oh, Yuri was so selfish. Young boy was no longer alone. Dark forest had suddenly disappeared.
'Vi…Viktor…Vitya' Yuri was lying on stretcher beside him. Older man was sitting uncomfortably on some hospital chair. He suddenly lifted his head from his own arms, his coat soaking wet from tears, his piercing eyes reddened from crying. Hope-filled sparkle had brightened up his orbs, as he saw Yuri conscious again.
'Yuuri!' He tug his head into Yuri's stomach, crying harder. Viktor was so poor when he thought Yuri had left him. He never felt himself so weak. 'My baby' he whispered inbetween sobs.
'I am so sorry, Viktor' Yuri's vision blurred too. Now both men were crying their hearts out from madness, pity, sorrow, feeling themselves weak. But mostly they felt happiness, because nothing was going to seperate them from now on.
Yuri was saved. Viktor had saved him. Like he always did.
'Thanks for being by my side, Viktor'
End
This is my first fanfiction! I know it's not perfect, but since English is not my mother language. Please give it reviews!~~