DKC2: The Butt-Kickin' Sequel
By Luigi Star
"Cheese is a dear thing, Samuel."—Maximillian Cheddarson
…
"Negative, dude…" said Funky as he tossed the final banana into the basket.
"Funky, you must finish a single banana!" yelled DK. He held Funky's ear and screamed with all his might inside. He held up the Crystal Coconut and yelled louder for the magic of friendship.
"Dude!" wailed Funky in immense pain. He coughed.
"Funky!" DK screamed for his old chap. "Stay with me, cool bud! You cannot be lost to me!" DK grabbed a guitar and rocked out to the soulful beats. "STAY WITH ME!"
"Dude! I can't feel my toes!" Funky cried and his glasses filled with tears. "Dude! I need to stay okay!"
"I'll save you!"
Cranky opened the door and brought in the cherry blossom tree. He set it down next to Funky who was lying on the sofa. "I will help save him!"
"CRANKY! LOVELY!" screamed DK at the top of his lungs. He grabbed the tree and shook it with strength. "We got nothing to be sorry for! Our love is one in a million!"
"Dude! Now I feel fading!" Funky cried out. He grasped for hope and occurrences. "Save me, dude!"
"You will indeed have life to live, buddy!" DK screamed louder and picked up a refrigerator. He bashed Funky with the fridge and the banana cream pies flew out onto Cranky. Cranky was angry and stabbed all the bananas with his mighty cane. DK gasped when he saw the might of Cranky. "I shed the deepest pools of tears for you, Funky Kong!"
"One Dude to rule them all, One Dude to find them, One Dude to bring them all and in the darkness bind them!" cried Funky's soul.
"Funky, be good with health!" screamed DK's own soul.
Diddy Kong approached the mire of woe and took out a sword. "This sword ties life," said the young chimp.
"Oh my," said DK as he wept bitterly. "I do not think my friend Funky can make it out of this." DK grabbed a tissue box and threw it at Diddy. Diddy sliced the tissue box in half and the contents flew over yonder house. Diddy looked seriously into the world and sighed heavily.
"Funky! Are you okay?" asked Cranky.
"Now… The mist across the window hides the lines. But nothing hides the color of the lights that shine. Electricity so fine. Look and dry your eyes…" Funky slowly sang to his fellow lads and gasped for air. He held up the single index finger on his right hand and pointed to the skies above.
"FUNKY!" wailed the saddened DK. He beat the ground with an angry fist of discouragement and hatred for bad. "My goodness, Funky!"
"Has he now ceased to live?" asked Cranky.
"Negative, dude…" said Funky.
"My lovely burrito!" screamed Diddy. He blew out all the candles on his birthday cake and cried for raindrops. The raindrops fell and love entered the hearts of every ape.
"King K. Rool will pay for his evildoings!" yelled DK into his spectacular sequin microphone.
"Do you believe in your heart, dude?" asked Funky, raising his left index finger to his sunglasses.
"My glorious deeds…" cried DK. He launched a fist into a barrel and shattered it. A bird flew out and Diddy ate the bird. "NOW LIVE!" DK pounced atop Funky and socked him in the sunglasses multiple times. The force was of lovingkindness and heroic might.
"Negative, dude!" cried Funky from the depths of his heart.
"The life! The life!" announced Cranky Kong's heart.
"That is but a dream…" said DK solemnly. He raised the banana into the air and took two bites off of each end. Funky watched in awe.
Diddy built a speedway and drove his go-kart around the entirety of the track. "History shan't repeat itself, correct?" said he. Diddy punched a barrel as well and a new pair of shoes was in his possession.
"I will become a chef!" said Cranky. He then cooked the banana that was half-eaten and became a grand cook with a sword. "Now feel wrath feelings!" Cranky launched himself at DK.
DK blocked his given onslaught and took the sword to full power. The full power surged and zapped Cranky's beard. Cranky's beard went up in flames.
"My death is imminent!" cried Cranky.
"DUDE!" screamed Funky.
"DK is my name!" said DK. "It stands for Daniel Koopa!"
…
FIN