Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't sue, I don't have any money to give you.
Rating: Somewhere between PG and PG13. This is a slightly crude, unoriginal parody. I'm not trying to be clever or witty. I'm not trying to impress anyone. This is meant for pure entertainment, not a piece of literature. This is alsomy first Fanfic; if you like it, hurray. If not, I didn't force you to read it, so no whining! If you'd like to comment, tell me how much this story sucked, or that it completely changed your outlook on life, send all pithy comments to LiLShampoo@aol.com ^_^
A Few Changes - The Inner Senshi
The five Sailor Senshi arrived at the mysterious black, shiny building. The mysterious note had said to come to CiD headquarters, a mysterious company none of them had ever heard of. They weren't even sure where it was located, but it suddenly appeared, and no one seemed to question it.
"Is this it?" Minako asked, looking up at the mysterious, gigantic complex.
"There's a sign that says CiD over there," Ami replied, pointing to the sign that said CiD. "We're in the right place."
"Now remember, this could be a trap. We'd better be prepared!" Makoto said, getting excited at the thought of another fight.
"Yes, let's transform now, so we won't have to later," Rei suggested. She too was eager for a fight. She had a lot of sexual tension to let out after watching Yuuchirou being extremely stupid that morning.
"Okay!" the rest said in unison.
"Moon Prism Power Makeup!"
"Sailor Mars Power Makeup!"
etc...etc...etc...
After they had all recited their makeups, they stood staring stupidly at one another. No one had actually made up. They were still in their everyday clothes.
"What gives?" Makoto wondered.
Usagi began to cry. "Waaaaaaaah!"
Rei was about to thump Usagi on the head, until she noticed Usagi was transforming. "Look! She transformed when she cried!"
Immediately the tears stopped. "Cool!" Usagi exclaimed, prancing around in her Sailor Fuku.
The other girls sweatdropped, but for some reason the sweatdrops didn't drip. In fact, gravity was non existant, unless the sweatdrops were really sticky. But who has sweatdrops that large? And wouldn't larger sweatdrops drop faster?
:cough: anyway...
Ami furrowed her brow. "This is most unusual. My computer has gone completely blank. I cannot calculate anything, or learn about this mysterious CiD."
"Forget the computer, let's all cry!" Minako shouted. She grabbed Ami's computer and threw it on the ground. It broke, and Ami began to cry. Makoto punched Ami, Rei reminded Makoto of her old sempai, and Makoto then punched Rei, who fell into Minako, knocking them both down.
"Waaaaah!"
"Waaaaah!"
"Waaaaah!"
"Waaaaah!"
The rest of the girls instantly transformed into their Senshi outfits, and the crisis, temporarily, was solved. "All right guys, let's go!" Usagi cried, running ahead to the front entrance of the CiD building. She had already forgotten about her odd transformation.
The front hall was busy with people scurrying back and forth like little ants, carrying briefcases, cell phones with annoying little rings, and various folders. They all had looks on their face like they really needed to relieve themselves. They were all dressed in similar outfits, and the absence of colored clothing was very noticable.
"Do you think they're from the Negaverse?" Rei asked no one in particular.
"No, they can't be. None of the men have long flowing hair," Makoto replied. "But there's a really cute one over there by the elevator! He reminds me of my old..."
The others groaned so loudly the last word was drowned out. A huge sweatdrop suddenly appeared above them, crashing down onto Usagi's head. It scattered tiny little sweatdrops everywhere, but no one seemed to notice except the Senshi. And they were used to sweatdrops so they ignored this strange phenomenon.
"Well he does!" Makoto finished, a bit miffed. She couldn't help it if every boy looked like her ex. Even girls looked like her ex. In fact, everyone looked like her ex.
"There's a sign that says reception," Ami said, pointing to the sign that said reception. "Let's go ask if they know anything about the note."
"Golly, you're so smart Ami! Why didn't I think of that?" Usagi exclaimed.
"Because your IQ is the equivalent of a slug," Rei reminded her, giving her a whack on her shoulder.
"Oohhh...yeah," Usagi agreed, rubbing her sore shoulder. "I'm stupid, and I'm still the leader! Hehehehehe!"
The Senshi walked to the reception desk, and Usagi pushed her way to the front, shoving the other Senshi out of the way. "We're the Sailor Senshi. I'm Sailor Moon, and on behalf of the Moon, I wanna know what this note is about!"
The woman at the desk merely glanced at Usagi, and took the note. "Yes, you're the Sailor Patrol. Take a left by the water fountain, and you'll find Room 103. That's where you're to go," she said blandly, waving them off.
"That was sure rude!" Makoto commented angrily. She turned around to glare at the woman as they approached the water fountain, but the woman was already concentrating on picking her nose as she stared at her computer monitor.
They came to Room 103, and Rei banged on the door. It opened, and a small man in a business suite stepped out. He had slicked-back hair and a nose job. "You are the Sailor Patrol?"
"Um...no, we're the Sailor Senshi," Minako corrected him.
"That woman called us the same thing back at the desk," Usagi whispered to Rei.
"Shhh!" was Rei's reply, finished with another slap upside Usagi's head.
"Come in," the man said. "Have a seat anywhere." Since there were only five seats, they didn't have much to choose from. But they sat. The room was dark, except for track lights above the chairs.
"What the hell is going on here? Are we being grilled?" Makoto yelled, getting ready to punch the man in the face. So far there was no violence, and she had been eager for a fight. "And why the hell did my voice just lower two octaves?"
"Please Makoto, calm yourself. You will not solve anything by hitting him," Ami said quietly. Makoto instead punched Ami in the face, then calmed down.
"Ouch." Ami said, in monotone. She was used to these punches by now.
"Do you think Mamoru will like me even though my voice just changed? I sound like a thirty year old woman!" Usagi wondered, absently digging some earwax out of her left ear. No one listened to her, so she forgot her question and began kicking her chair legs.
"So who are you, anyway?" Minako asked. She was getting bored and fidgety, and began to twirl her hair around her fingers.
"I am Mr. Smith. I am the CEO of CiD. We have purchased you, and now there will be a few changes made." He ran his hand through his slicked-back hair. The hair didn't even move.
There was a chorus of "Huh?"
"You are now the Sailor Patrol. No one will know what you mean when you say you are a Sailor Senshi. The word Senshi will be foreign to them."
"What the hell is a Patrol? They didn't teach us that word in English class!" Makoto fumed, raising her fist defiantly.
"Patrol is a synonym for Scout or Soldier, which translates into Senshi where we come from," Ami recited. "That would be Japan, by the way."
"I know that!"
Whack.
"Ouch."
"Are we still in Japan?" Usagi wondered.
"Of course we are. We just happen to understand this CiD language because this is a fanfiction," Minako told her.
"You will also receive new attacks. You have obviously discovered your new transformation phrases," Mr. Smith said, eyeing their Sailor Fukus.
"Technically, Waaaah is not a phrase," Ami corrected him. "But yes, we have. And please stop looking at my chest."
"Stop being so anal, Ami" Makoto said, rolling her eyes. "And he was looking at my chest, because I have the biggest you know whats! You're so self-centered!"
Whack.
"Ouch."
"New attacks? But our old ones work fine!" Rei told him angrily.
"I'm sorry, those are your orders. Your old attacks are out of date. It's time for a change. No one cares about Bubbles or Oaks or Prisms anymore. Bubbles is a Powerpuff Girl, and there's some kind of copyright infringement if we use that word now. And the Oaks have all been cut down, so children will not understand what an Oak is. And no one knows just what the hell a prism is. Not even me, and I'm the CEO of CiD."
"Great! Just when I had everything memorized!" Usagi grumbled, kicking her chair even harder. Rei hit her on the shoulder, knocking Usagi off the chair.
Usagi then began to cry. "Waaaaaaah!"
The man looked at his notes. "Sailor Mars?"
Rei stood up, forgetting about Usagi. "Yes, that's me."
He handed her a card. "This is your new attack."
She read the card, which began with the introduction,
'Congratulations! Welcome to the Wonderful World of CiD! We know you'll love the
new changes we've been making around here. And if not, we don't care. Glad to have
you aboard!'
After reading the rest of the card, Rei blinked rapidly. "Uh, excuse me sir, I think there's a mistake?"
Mr. Smith eyed her, a bit longer than necessary. The pervert. "Read the card, please? Out loud?"
Coughing, Rei stumbled over the words. "Mars Fart of Fire..."
Everyone else began to snicker.
"You have the correct card,' Mr. Smith said.
"Don't you mean Dart of Fire?" That sounded rather cool.
"We do net mak tipoes here at CiD."
More snickers.
"Sailor Jupiter? Here is your card," Mr. Smith said, hardly looking at her. He was scared of her. She might beat him up. Although, she did look rather sexy when she yelled. Especially when her nostrils flared. He liked girls who flared their nostrils. It turned him on.
Makoto scanned the card, skipping the CiD greeting. "Hey! Jupiter Thunder Belch? No way!" she cried. She stood up, towering over the little man. "I'm not gonna say this!"
"If you wish to continue as Sailor Jupiter, I suggest you do."
"It's better than mine," Rei muttered, staring angrily at her card.
Mr. Smith then gave Usagi her card. It took her a long time to read it, since she was pretty much illiterate, but she finally managed to make out the words. She was glad Ami had given her the Hooked On Phonics CD-Rom for her last birthday. "Mine
says Moon Lugi Kiss. What's a lugi?"
"Remember the scene in Titanic where they amused themselves by spitting off the boat? That's a lugi," Ami informed her.
"Ewwwww! Gross!" Usagi shrieked, shaking her ponytails back and forth, hitting Minako and Ami in the face.
"That's still better than mine," Rei muttered again.
Minako wasn't pleased with her new attack either. "Venus Vomit Chain. That's just disgusting!" she said, frowning.
"At least you don't have mine," Rei muttered yet again.
Ami was the last to receive her card. As she read it, she signed unhappily. "Mercury Dandruff Blast. I don't care for this attack.
I don't have dandruff. I always keep my hair immaculately clean."
"Stop washing your hair then! Hehehehe!" Usagi giggled, as she scratched at her own hair. Odangos made her hair itch.
"Sir, we can't say these. They are all completely disgusting," Minako stated."Besides, someone might laugh at us when we say them. That would just be awful! I mean, no one laughs at Sailor V! She's too cool to do anything other than be cool."
"Can I trade with Makoto?" Usagi asked. Everyone rolled their eyes.
"What about the outer Senshi? Are we the only ones with these stupid new attacks?" Rei asked. She hoped not. Maybe one of the outer Senshi would end up with an attack even worse than hers.
"Senshi? I do not believe I know that word..." Mr. Smith replied.
"Okay okay, Patrol. Geez!" Rei huffed, waving her hands about.
"The Inner Patrols will be informed tomorrow, as will the others."
"I wanna trade with Makoto! I always belch after I eat!" Usagi whined. "Moon Thunder Belch!"
"Shut up Usagi!" Rei yanked one of her pigtails.
Usagi cried. "Waaaaaah!"
"Yes....now I must give out your new names. It seems most people cannot pronounce your names, or do not care for the unusual sounds. You will be given CiD approved names to conform to the standards of our viewers," Mr. Smith went on, digging through a pile of important looking papers.
"Viewers? Huh?" Everyone was confused. Even Ami.
"Nevermind. Aha! Here is the name list. Pay attention. Usagi, you are now known as Serena. Minako, you are now Mina. Ami, you are now Amy with a Y. Rei, you are now Raye...a.y.e. Makoto, you are now Lita. I suggest you get used to your new names as quickly as possible."
"Can I trade with Makoto?" Usagi asked again.
"No way! I like Serena even less than I like Lita!" Makoto told her violently. "Sir, Lita is a pansy name."
"My name is Ami with an i. If you're going to give me a new name, can't I at least have something different? My name feels violated."
"Same here. I don't like my new spelling!" Rei mumbled.
"Those are your names. Get used to them."
"What happens if we don't want to get used to them?" Makoto asked angrily, threatening Mr. Smith with her raised fist.
"If you don't wish to cooperate, we can easily find replacement Patrol who will."
There was a general hesitation. Makoto sat back down. Ami raised a hand.
"Yes, Amy?"
"Sir, Usa...err...Serena will have trouble remembering all of this. Perhaps you can make flashcards for her? They've helped in her other classes."
"Hey yeah! With cute little pictures on them!" Usagi squealed.
"It is your responsibility, as a guardian of the Princess, to provide her help. You can make her flashcards if you so choose. It is not my fault Sailor Moon is such a spacehead," Mr. Smith said, looking disdainfully at the perky blonde bouncing about in her chair like a two year old.
"We aren't going to get new uniforms are we?" Minako suddenly asked. She shuddered, imagining what hidious new outfit CiD would concoct for them.
"No, at least not in the immediate future. But we will consider it."
"Please don't," Minako muttered under her breath.
Mr. Smith clapped his hands together. "Now you will all follow me into the music room to listen to your new theme song."
"We had a theme song?" Usagi asked Rei.
"Can it, meatball head!"
Usagi stared at Rei. "Meatball head? Hehehe! You've never called me that before! What's a Meatball?"
"I don't even know what it means. How wierd!" Rei exclaimed, wondering where those words had come from. "It must be this place. It's creepy."
The five Senshi followed Mr. Smith down the hall to yet another room. This room had more comfortable chairs, ones that reclined. There was more tracklighting, but each bulb was a different color, making the room look like a rainbow. After they had seated themselves, Mr. Smith went over to a large stereo in the back of the room. "Your new theme song," he stated simply, then clicked the Play button. Suddenly annoying young voices began to sing, with blaring music pounding in everyone's head.
"I can't even understand what they're saying!" Usagi complained.
"Turn it off! It's hurting my head!" Makoto plugged her ears, grimacing in pain.
"This is some evil force trying to kill us!" Rei yelled, jumping up, looking for something to kill.
"It's an evil psychological force," Ami corrected. "Music meant to drive us insane, I believe."
"TURN IT OFF FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Minako cried, raising her voice above the music.
As soon as they all felt they could take no more, the song ended. Weary, with the music still ringing in their ears, they all sank back into their chairs, exhausted.
"What did they say?" Usagi asked Ami, tugging on her shirt sleeve.
"Something about fighting evil by daylight," Ami replied. She hadn't been able to translate the entire song, due to the fact that she had plugged her ears halfway through the third line.
Minako stood up. "Mr. Smith, are we almost finished here? I'm not sure I can handle any more changes. I've already had a hard enough time adjusting to merely being Sailor Venus instead of the really cool and popular Sailor V."
"This is your last change, for now," Mr. Smith said, not at all sympathetic. "We will have a large group meeting once the others receive their changes. All comments, questions, or opinions will be saved for then."
"So we're done?" Rei asked, looking longingly towards the door.
"Yes. You might wish to practice your new attacks. It will help you to remember them better. And don't forget your new names. No one will remember your old ones. Please meet back here in two days, at the same time. Good day," Mr. Smith said, opening the door to usher them out. They were getting on his nerves.
When the girls were outside, they sat down on the front steps dejectedly.
"I don't like my new spelling. It looks funny when written," Ami said.
"I don't want to practice my attack. Especially not in front of anyone," Rei said.
"That new theme song sucks," Minako said.
"I'm sure not going to call myself a Sailor Patrol," Makoto said.
"I want some ice-cream!" Usagi said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know it isn't exactly 'literary', but hey, we all have our 'non-literary' days. Even me.
P.S...I doubt anyone will, but if you steal my story, I'll be really mad. Unless you give me credit.
Well, credit for everything but the actual characters, except for Mr. Smith, and the woman who
picks her nose. ~_^
~ Shampoo
Rating: Somewhere between PG and PG13. This is a slightly crude, unoriginal parody. I'm not trying to be clever or witty. I'm not trying to impress anyone. This is meant for pure entertainment, not a piece of literature. This is alsomy first Fanfic; if you like it, hurray. If not, I didn't force you to read it, so no whining! If you'd like to comment, tell me how much this story sucked, or that it completely changed your outlook on life, send all pithy comments to LiLShampoo@aol.com ^_^
A Few Changes - The Inner Senshi
The five Sailor Senshi arrived at the mysterious black, shiny building. The mysterious note had said to come to CiD headquarters, a mysterious company none of them had ever heard of. They weren't even sure where it was located, but it suddenly appeared, and no one seemed to question it.
"Is this it?" Minako asked, looking up at the mysterious, gigantic complex.
"There's a sign that says CiD over there," Ami replied, pointing to the sign that said CiD. "We're in the right place."
"Now remember, this could be a trap. We'd better be prepared!" Makoto said, getting excited at the thought of another fight.
"Yes, let's transform now, so we won't have to later," Rei suggested. She too was eager for a fight. She had a lot of sexual tension to let out after watching Yuuchirou being extremely stupid that morning.
"Okay!" the rest said in unison.
"Moon Prism Power Makeup!"
"Sailor Mars Power Makeup!"
etc...etc...etc...
After they had all recited their makeups, they stood staring stupidly at one another. No one had actually made up. They were still in their everyday clothes.
"What gives?" Makoto wondered.
Usagi began to cry. "Waaaaaaaah!"
Rei was about to thump Usagi on the head, until she noticed Usagi was transforming. "Look! She transformed when she cried!"
Immediately the tears stopped. "Cool!" Usagi exclaimed, prancing around in her Sailor Fuku.
The other girls sweatdropped, but for some reason the sweatdrops didn't drip. In fact, gravity was non existant, unless the sweatdrops were really sticky. But who has sweatdrops that large? And wouldn't larger sweatdrops drop faster?
:cough: anyway...
Ami furrowed her brow. "This is most unusual. My computer has gone completely blank. I cannot calculate anything, or learn about this mysterious CiD."
"Forget the computer, let's all cry!" Minako shouted. She grabbed Ami's computer and threw it on the ground. It broke, and Ami began to cry. Makoto punched Ami, Rei reminded Makoto of her old sempai, and Makoto then punched Rei, who fell into Minako, knocking them both down.
"Waaaaah!"
"Waaaaah!"
"Waaaaah!"
"Waaaaah!"
The rest of the girls instantly transformed into their Senshi outfits, and the crisis, temporarily, was solved. "All right guys, let's go!" Usagi cried, running ahead to the front entrance of the CiD building. She had already forgotten about her odd transformation.
The front hall was busy with people scurrying back and forth like little ants, carrying briefcases, cell phones with annoying little rings, and various folders. They all had looks on their face like they really needed to relieve themselves. They were all dressed in similar outfits, and the absence of colored clothing was very noticable.
"Do you think they're from the Negaverse?" Rei asked no one in particular.
"No, they can't be. None of the men have long flowing hair," Makoto replied. "But there's a really cute one over there by the elevator! He reminds me of my old..."
The others groaned so loudly the last word was drowned out. A huge sweatdrop suddenly appeared above them, crashing down onto Usagi's head. It scattered tiny little sweatdrops everywhere, but no one seemed to notice except the Senshi. And they were used to sweatdrops so they ignored this strange phenomenon.
"Well he does!" Makoto finished, a bit miffed. She couldn't help it if every boy looked like her ex. Even girls looked like her ex. In fact, everyone looked like her ex.
"There's a sign that says reception," Ami said, pointing to the sign that said reception. "Let's go ask if they know anything about the note."
"Golly, you're so smart Ami! Why didn't I think of that?" Usagi exclaimed.
"Because your IQ is the equivalent of a slug," Rei reminded her, giving her a whack on her shoulder.
"Oohhh...yeah," Usagi agreed, rubbing her sore shoulder. "I'm stupid, and I'm still the leader! Hehehehehe!"
The Senshi walked to the reception desk, and Usagi pushed her way to the front, shoving the other Senshi out of the way. "We're the Sailor Senshi. I'm Sailor Moon, and on behalf of the Moon, I wanna know what this note is about!"
The woman at the desk merely glanced at Usagi, and took the note. "Yes, you're the Sailor Patrol. Take a left by the water fountain, and you'll find Room 103. That's where you're to go," she said blandly, waving them off.
"That was sure rude!" Makoto commented angrily. She turned around to glare at the woman as they approached the water fountain, but the woman was already concentrating on picking her nose as she stared at her computer monitor.
They came to Room 103, and Rei banged on the door. It opened, and a small man in a business suite stepped out. He had slicked-back hair and a nose job. "You are the Sailor Patrol?"
"Um...no, we're the Sailor Senshi," Minako corrected him.
"That woman called us the same thing back at the desk," Usagi whispered to Rei.
"Shhh!" was Rei's reply, finished with another slap upside Usagi's head.
"Come in," the man said. "Have a seat anywhere." Since there were only five seats, they didn't have much to choose from. But they sat. The room was dark, except for track lights above the chairs.
"What the hell is going on here? Are we being grilled?" Makoto yelled, getting ready to punch the man in the face. So far there was no violence, and she had been eager for a fight. "And why the hell did my voice just lower two octaves?"
"Please Makoto, calm yourself. You will not solve anything by hitting him," Ami said quietly. Makoto instead punched Ami in the face, then calmed down.
"Ouch." Ami said, in monotone. She was used to these punches by now.
"Do you think Mamoru will like me even though my voice just changed? I sound like a thirty year old woman!" Usagi wondered, absently digging some earwax out of her left ear. No one listened to her, so she forgot her question and began kicking her chair legs.
"So who are you, anyway?" Minako asked. She was getting bored and fidgety, and began to twirl her hair around her fingers.
"I am Mr. Smith. I am the CEO of CiD. We have purchased you, and now there will be a few changes made." He ran his hand through his slicked-back hair. The hair didn't even move.
There was a chorus of "Huh?"
"You are now the Sailor Patrol. No one will know what you mean when you say you are a Sailor Senshi. The word Senshi will be foreign to them."
"What the hell is a Patrol? They didn't teach us that word in English class!" Makoto fumed, raising her fist defiantly.
"Patrol is a synonym for Scout or Soldier, which translates into Senshi where we come from," Ami recited. "That would be Japan, by the way."
"I know that!"
Whack.
"Ouch."
"Are we still in Japan?" Usagi wondered.
"Of course we are. We just happen to understand this CiD language because this is a fanfiction," Minako told her.
"You will also receive new attacks. You have obviously discovered your new transformation phrases," Mr. Smith said, eyeing their Sailor Fukus.
"Technically, Waaaah is not a phrase," Ami corrected him. "But yes, we have. And please stop looking at my chest."
"Stop being so anal, Ami" Makoto said, rolling her eyes. "And he was looking at my chest, because I have the biggest you know whats! You're so self-centered!"
Whack.
"Ouch."
"New attacks? But our old ones work fine!" Rei told him angrily.
"I'm sorry, those are your orders. Your old attacks are out of date. It's time for a change. No one cares about Bubbles or Oaks or Prisms anymore. Bubbles is a Powerpuff Girl, and there's some kind of copyright infringement if we use that word now. And the Oaks have all been cut down, so children will not understand what an Oak is. And no one knows just what the hell a prism is. Not even me, and I'm the CEO of CiD."
"Great! Just when I had everything memorized!" Usagi grumbled, kicking her chair even harder. Rei hit her on the shoulder, knocking Usagi off the chair.
Usagi then began to cry. "Waaaaaaah!"
The man looked at his notes. "Sailor Mars?"
Rei stood up, forgetting about Usagi. "Yes, that's me."
He handed her a card. "This is your new attack."
She read the card, which began with the introduction,
'Congratulations! Welcome to the Wonderful World of CiD! We know you'll love the
new changes we've been making around here. And if not, we don't care. Glad to have
you aboard!'
After reading the rest of the card, Rei blinked rapidly. "Uh, excuse me sir, I think there's a mistake?"
Mr. Smith eyed her, a bit longer than necessary. The pervert. "Read the card, please? Out loud?"
Coughing, Rei stumbled over the words. "Mars Fart of Fire..."
Everyone else began to snicker.
"You have the correct card,' Mr. Smith said.
"Don't you mean Dart of Fire?" That sounded rather cool.
"We do net mak tipoes here at CiD."
More snickers.
"Sailor Jupiter? Here is your card," Mr. Smith said, hardly looking at her. He was scared of her. She might beat him up. Although, she did look rather sexy when she yelled. Especially when her nostrils flared. He liked girls who flared their nostrils. It turned him on.
Makoto scanned the card, skipping the CiD greeting. "Hey! Jupiter Thunder Belch? No way!" she cried. She stood up, towering over the little man. "I'm not gonna say this!"
"If you wish to continue as Sailor Jupiter, I suggest you do."
"It's better than mine," Rei muttered, staring angrily at her card.
Mr. Smith then gave Usagi her card. It took her a long time to read it, since she was pretty much illiterate, but she finally managed to make out the words. She was glad Ami had given her the Hooked On Phonics CD-Rom for her last birthday. "Mine
says Moon Lugi Kiss. What's a lugi?"
"Remember the scene in Titanic where they amused themselves by spitting off the boat? That's a lugi," Ami informed her.
"Ewwwww! Gross!" Usagi shrieked, shaking her ponytails back and forth, hitting Minako and Ami in the face.
"That's still better than mine," Rei muttered again.
Minako wasn't pleased with her new attack either. "Venus Vomit Chain. That's just disgusting!" she said, frowning.
"At least you don't have mine," Rei muttered yet again.
Ami was the last to receive her card. As she read it, she signed unhappily. "Mercury Dandruff Blast. I don't care for this attack.
I don't have dandruff. I always keep my hair immaculately clean."
"Stop washing your hair then! Hehehehe!" Usagi giggled, as she scratched at her own hair. Odangos made her hair itch.
"Sir, we can't say these. They are all completely disgusting," Minako stated."Besides, someone might laugh at us when we say them. That would just be awful! I mean, no one laughs at Sailor V! She's too cool to do anything other than be cool."
"Can I trade with Makoto?" Usagi asked. Everyone rolled their eyes.
"What about the outer Senshi? Are we the only ones with these stupid new attacks?" Rei asked. She hoped not. Maybe one of the outer Senshi would end up with an attack even worse than hers.
"Senshi? I do not believe I know that word..." Mr. Smith replied.
"Okay okay, Patrol. Geez!" Rei huffed, waving her hands about.
"The Inner Patrols will be informed tomorrow, as will the others."
"I wanna trade with Makoto! I always belch after I eat!" Usagi whined. "Moon Thunder Belch!"
"Shut up Usagi!" Rei yanked one of her pigtails.
Usagi cried. "Waaaaaah!"
"Yes....now I must give out your new names. It seems most people cannot pronounce your names, or do not care for the unusual sounds. You will be given CiD approved names to conform to the standards of our viewers," Mr. Smith went on, digging through a pile of important looking papers.
"Viewers? Huh?" Everyone was confused. Even Ami.
"Nevermind. Aha! Here is the name list. Pay attention. Usagi, you are now known as Serena. Minako, you are now Mina. Ami, you are now Amy with a Y. Rei, you are now Raye...a.y.e. Makoto, you are now Lita. I suggest you get used to your new names as quickly as possible."
"Can I trade with Makoto?" Usagi asked again.
"No way! I like Serena even less than I like Lita!" Makoto told her violently. "Sir, Lita is a pansy name."
"My name is Ami with an i. If you're going to give me a new name, can't I at least have something different? My name feels violated."
"Same here. I don't like my new spelling!" Rei mumbled.
"Those are your names. Get used to them."
"What happens if we don't want to get used to them?" Makoto asked angrily, threatening Mr. Smith with her raised fist.
"If you don't wish to cooperate, we can easily find replacement Patrol who will."
There was a general hesitation. Makoto sat back down. Ami raised a hand.
"Yes, Amy?"
"Sir, Usa...err...Serena will have trouble remembering all of this. Perhaps you can make flashcards for her? They've helped in her other classes."
"Hey yeah! With cute little pictures on them!" Usagi squealed.
"It is your responsibility, as a guardian of the Princess, to provide her help. You can make her flashcards if you so choose. It is not my fault Sailor Moon is such a spacehead," Mr. Smith said, looking disdainfully at the perky blonde bouncing about in her chair like a two year old.
"We aren't going to get new uniforms are we?" Minako suddenly asked. She shuddered, imagining what hidious new outfit CiD would concoct for them.
"No, at least not in the immediate future. But we will consider it."
"Please don't," Minako muttered under her breath.
Mr. Smith clapped his hands together. "Now you will all follow me into the music room to listen to your new theme song."
"We had a theme song?" Usagi asked Rei.
"Can it, meatball head!"
Usagi stared at Rei. "Meatball head? Hehehe! You've never called me that before! What's a Meatball?"
"I don't even know what it means. How wierd!" Rei exclaimed, wondering where those words had come from. "It must be this place. It's creepy."
The five Senshi followed Mr. Smith down the hall to yet another room. This room had more comfortable chairs, ones that reclined. There was more tracklighting, but each bulb was a different color, making the room look like a rainbow. After they had seated themselves, Mr. Smith went over to a large stereo in the back of the room. "Your new theme song," he stated simply, then clicked the Play button. Suddenly annoying young voices began to sing, with blaring music pounding in everyone's head.
"I can't even understand what they're saying!" Usagi complained.
"Turn it off! It's hurting my head!" Makoto plugged her ears, grimacing in pain.
"This is some evil force trying to kill us!" Rei yelled, jumping up, looking for something to kill.
"It's an evil psychological force," Ami corrected. "Music meant to drive us insane, I believe."
"TURN IT OFF FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Minako cried, raising her voice above the music.
As soon as they all felt they could take no more, the song ended. Weary, with the music still ringing in their ears, they all sank back into their chairs, exhausted.
"What did they say?" Usagi asked Ami, tugging on her shirt sleeve.
"Something about fighting evil by daylight," Ami replied. She hadn't been able to translate the entire song, due to the fact that she had plugged her ears halfway through the third line.
Minako stood up. "Mr. Smith, are we almost finished here? I'm not sure I can handle any more changes. I've already had a hard enough time adjusting to merely being Sailor Venus instead of the really cool and popular Sailor V."
"This is your last change, for now," Mr. Smith said, not at all sympathetic. "We will have a large group meeting once the others receive their changes. All comments, questions, or opinions will be saved for then."
"So we're done?" Rei asked, looking longingly towards the door.
"Yes. You might wish to practice your new attacks. It will help you to remember them better. And don't forget your new names. No one will remember your old ones. Please meet back here in two days, at the same time. Good day," Mr. Smith said, opening the door to usher them out. They were getting on his nerves.
When the girls were outside, they sat down on the front steps dejectedly.
"I don't like my new spelling. It looks funny when written," Ami said.
"I don't want to practice my attack. Especially not in front of anyone," Rei said.
"That new theme song sucks," Minako said.
"I'm sure not going to call myself a Sailor Patrol," Makoto said.
"I want some ice-cream!" Usagi said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know it isn't exactly 'literary', but hey, we all have our 'non-literary' days. Even me.
P.S...I doubt anyone will, but if you steal my story, I'll be really mad. Unless you give me credit.
Well, credit for everything but the actual characters, except for Mr. Smith, and the woman who
picks her nose. ~_^
~ Shampoo