A/N- This thought has been nagging on my brain since I saw the midseason finale, (for the first time) so I decided to write this little angsty sweet one shot concerning Emma's thought process.
I will find you, Hook. I will always find you.
Emma could feel the weight of the world pushing down on her shoulders. Never before had she felt such longing, such loss. Not when Neal had left her, pregnant and alone in prison, not when she gave up her son, granted, she knew she was making the right choice on that one, saving his life, giving him his best chance, not when Graham died in her arms, or when Neal returned only to do the same.
No, this was different. Hook was not like the other two; he never left her, he was always there. For the first time in her life, a life of hardship, a life where she could depend on no one and nothing, she felt safe with him. He made her believe in all of that true love nonsense her parents were always going on about.
He always came back. He promised, he promised never to leave her like everyone else had, and for a while, he kept his promise. He came to Storybrooke. He escaped the Enchanted Forest, and came to New York. He willingly threw himself into a land he didn't fully know or understand, just hoping that he should be lucky enough to find her. He had died time and time again, and three times, he had found a way to cheat it. For her.
He couldn't give up now. Emma wouldn't let him.
She knew it in her heart, the heart that now felt utterly broken and empty, that her parents knew what they were talking about. She never felt the need to go after Graham or Neal. Of course she'd shed a few tears, let the guilt and sadness wash over her for a few days afterwards, but in the end, she had been okay. She moved on from them, she found a way to live again, and that was something she knew she wouldn't be able to do this time around.
For the first time in her life, she could see her happy ending. She could see herself in the blue house by the water, living with Hook and Henry, a little blond boy, and girl with eyes like the sea, eyes like her father's. That was her new happy ending, and if she was being honest with herself, it was a hell of a lot better than anything she could have with Neal, fairytales and magic or no.
She stifled a sob, and forced down a shudder as Charon's boat came into view. She would do as her parents did. Emma would do anything and everything it took to save her happy ending. It didn't matter if it meant going to another realm, or the end of time, or Hell itself. Hook, and his place in her life was far too important.
She cared for him. She depended on him. She loved him more than she thought possible.
I will find you, Hook. I will always find you.
XxxXxxX
Hell was worse than anything any of them had ever imagined. It was everything bad and wrong with the world. There was always something; someone's pain or suffering. For most of them, Mary- Margaret and David especially, it was a challenge not to stop off on their quest every few minutes to try and help some poor soul. It was as if Hades had personally crafted each person's hell individually, to be comprised of their greatest fears and worst nightmares.
Around every corner was something new, some long dead enemy, or something specifically designed to stretch them each to their limits, and expose their short comings.
The group of heroes spent what they could only assume was months there, trekking through the stinging darkness. Each day, at least what they assumed was the equivalent to a day, they were tested more and more, their hope, their strength diminished. More than once, Emma imagined returning to Charon, going home to Henry, resigned to her fate of loneliness. If Hook was her true love, her soul mate, and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was, then she would never be able to move on.
Hades was, in a word, impossible. They learned quickly that each new soul was made to pass through the king himself before they were allowed to get on with their suffering. Emma felt like she was going to be sick with the knowledge that Hades kept the worst ones, the villains, locked away to torture for his own amusement. If it was possible to kill a dead person, ne, a god, Hades would have been no more than a memory by the time Emma was through with him.
As it was, Emma did what thanks to recent events, she discovered she was good at, and made a literal deal with the devil. She could have the soul of her precious pirate back, so long as she had a suitable soul to trade. Robin was none too keen on the way Hades had eyed Regina at that one. He had obviously assumed that Emma meant to trade one of them. No, she had a better plan.
In the wake of Hook's death, Rumplestiltskin had rose back into power as the new, well, returned, Dark One. Upon hearing this (from Regina, surprisingly) Belle had done what no one in the entire town saw coming. She finally gave up on her beast. Gold was out there somewhere, alone and powerless in the land without magic, as it should be. Now no one would miss him, if he suddenly disappeared for good.
Emma had smirked as she conjured the dagger, and presented it to Hades with a simple 'Will this do?'
He chuckled darkly before motioning the group down a blackened hallway, which felt far too narrow, and never ending. At last, they reached what Emma could only describe as a dungeon straight out of a Disney movie, which coincidentally, seemed to be where most of her life came from these days. I mean, come on, Hades even had a pale, boney body and blue- ish fire for hair. She expected nothing less.
What she had not expected was the utter pain and despair that just about drowned her at her first glimpse of the real Hook since she had made him into a Dark One. Hades had him bound tightly, a heavy chain connecting him to a stone wall behind him. He didn't notice the group at first, his eyes glassy and unseeing in the dark room, but at the snap of his fingers, Hades lit the room with about half a dozen torches, almost forcing them to look at each other.
Emma wasn't able to suppress her sob this time.
He was bruised and bloody, (Emma wasn't even sure how such a thing was possible once you were dead) and he was wearing the same torn dirty clothes as he was when he died. At first, when his eyes found hers, he was sure that she was a dream; that he had finally lost what was left of his mind. Emma wasn't there. She was at home, in Storybrooke, moving on with her life.
Without waiting for anyone's permission, she threw herself in his direction, ignoring Hades' annoyed gaze. Her arms wrapped around him in a death grip, loosening only at his slight wince. With a wave of her hand, the chains were gone, and she was kissing him, whispering the words of love that she never had the chance to say, well, not truly anyway.
"God, Hook, don't ever do that to me again," she breathed into his neck when a lack of air had forced her lips away from his. "I love you. I love you too much to lose you." By the time she paused to take another breath, her words were so smashed together they were unintelligible. He knew what she meant, just the same.
"You're supposed to be a survivor," she chided when he was finally able to stand, and they made their way out of Hades' demonic castle. She could hear a few relieved chuckles from behind them at her comment.
"My apologies, lass," he muttered into her hair as he limped along side her, using her body to stay upright.
If anything, she could appreciate the closeness.
I will always find you.
XxxXxxX
Fire, everywhere, consuming them. Suddenly, Emma's pain and fears joined with everyone else's who had been thrown into hell without a second thought. They would burn there, for the rest of eternity. He always came back for her, and she failed him. She had failed.
"Hook!"
The one word, the single syllable reverberated off the walls of their bedroom, hitting Emma in the face over and over, not allowing her breathing or erratic heartbeat (how could only half of a heart race so quickly?) to calm. She ran a shaky hand through her sweat- soaked hair, using the age- old trick of counting to five and back again in her head until she could think straight.
Suddenly, she felt Killian's handless arm snake around her waist, as his fingers worked to untangle the hair that framed her face. He sat with her in the darkness, not speaking, just allowing her to catch her bearings and organize her thoughts. Oh, how he wished to just put the Underworld completely behind them and move on.
"Would you like to talk about it, love?" Killian asked gently, not wishing to push her, just to listen.
"It's the same as always," Emma whispered, her right hand finding its usual spot on his chest, just over his new heart.
He hummed quietly, his nose skimming down her face to the column of her neck. "I could always distract you," he breathed suggestively into the spot where her neck met her shoulder.
"While the offer is tempting," she began, the corners of her lips turning up at his slightly disappointed look. Bloody pirate. "I just want to lay here, hold you, and try to forget. Is that weird?"
"Of course not. Anything for my swan," Killian answered. No sooner that he finished speaking did Emma wrap her arm around him. They fell back onto the bed, (well, Killian was on the bed, Emma was on Killian, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other still on his bare chest, her head, resting on his shoulder) his arm still secured around her waist. "I am a bit curious, though, if you don't mind my asking," Killian started a bit nervously, his eyes trained on his swan's golden locks.
Emma nodded silently, knowing that he would feel her movement.
"You haven't called me Hook in almost a year, and suddenly, ever since…" he trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought, afraid that saying it would make things worse.
Emma was silent for a moment, wondering how exactly to explain it. Of course, she had realized when she reverted back to his moniker, but it was an unconscious thing. She'd only briefly thought of why.
"Because Hook was just an annoyingly cocky pirate who loved to get on my nerves. I could deal with losing him." Killian wasn't sure he liked where this was going. Maybe he shouldn't have asked. "But Killian, I love Killian. Losing him would probably kill me."
He didn't respond. Instead his arm tightened around her, and he sighed. He didn't care what he had to do- he'd let her lock him away in the attic if that's what it took- he would prove to her that he wasn't going anywhere. Killian Jones would always be with her.
A/N- Thoughts? I hope this can make up for the next couple of days, which will probably just organizing thoughts for THAB instead of actually updating it. We'll see…
-S.