so i've finally decided to try my hand at fanfic since school finally decided to give me a break, and a plot bunny has been incessently snuggling me for the past few weeks. hope you like. If not, oh well, and i'd be highly appreciative if you tell me why.

Summary: There was this one wish that Al must never let Ed know of.

Warnings: light dashes of- Shounen-ai (boy love), incest (family love), unbeta-ed (please give me love, jk), product of boredom

Disclaimer: yadayada, if FMA was mine, it'd be so bad even I'D cry.

Setting: in the FMA brotherhood version. I don't remember much from the first one that's not mixed with the brotherhood, so i'll stick to what i know XP

So, I've always carried this little black book with me, you know? No, it's not for getting girls' numbers and stuff. It's all the things I'm gonna do when I get my body back. I'm really looking forward to Winry's apple pie. Big brother's always talking about it, and I really want to try it out. And then there's that part of holding a baby. The whole birthing process was pretty crazy, but the little tyke looked so adorable! Then there's about fifty other things I wrote down.

But, there this one thing that I can't write down.

It's the absolute first thing I want to do when I get my body back.

Except, no one should know about this.

Especially Ed.

The thing is, having an empty armor suit for a body isn't very fun. Sure bullets and weapons don't work and I never get tired, and I never feel the weird hormone things that people usually go through. But I have my own needs too.

I want to touch Ed.

Not like sex-touch Ed. That would be too awkward for the first time. I just...want to feel him. It's been so long since I've last felt any human contact, much less my own brother's. I've heard that a person's skin is really soft and warm. I've always wondered if it would be the same for big brother, since he's always fighting and all. Every night when I'm watching over him, just seeing him sleep and dream away, this really painful feeling settles over my mind. It's weird since it's in my soul itself, and not my body.

I want to touch Ed.

I want to feel how smooth his skin is, what his scars are like, if he's really as warm as I'd always imagined him to be, and I want him to touch me back. I want to know what it's like to be touched too. But mostly, I want to just feel it.

I really want to touch big brother.

But, if he ever knew of this, I'm not sure how I'd react. I don't know how he'll act either. This is such an unknown that I'm terrified of what would happen.

But that's just it. It's just what if's and what would's. It's such a pain to be worrying about it when nothing would come out of it. Besides, I'm going to get my body back, and I'll do everything in my black book and more.

Only...

I want to touch Ed.

And he can't ever know this.

A/N: whew, that was...lame. I think maybe I'm not the only one who has come up with this, but I haven't been visiting the FMA fandom much. ^^; so if anyone feels like I stole your idea....haha! suckaas!! jkjk, I really didn't mean it. For both the idea steal and the sucka part. .0 I didn't look at anyone's thing, and I came up with this completely by myself, which may be bad since it was only me -_-lll Anyway, it's 5 in the morning, my head feels funny, and I've signed up for a ouran fic challenge thing of which i'm starting to regret. Constructive crit is much, much loved and flames....will get some love. Then be used to warm me during these cold days XDD