DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.
Hey, I'm back!! Urgh, my exams are killing me!! Oh, and this story's actually true. There was a cat, and so… yeah… =)
This is pure crack. Rated for language and some sexual humour.
Scorponok was minding his own business happily. He was a stray then, and often lingered around at the Decepticons' void deck for no apparent reason. Some kind souls like a black and white police car, who had a pet named Frenzy or something, was really nice to him and fed him random food. But some, like a guy called Bonecrusher, was really rude and hated him. Oh, how he wished he could rip out his interface cable.
Scorponok lay among some old and rusty bicycles, resting in the shade. He was day-dreaming about a hot babe when a huge Cybertronian approached him.
He was BIG, and had his rotor blades hanging on his back. Scorponok looked at him a little irritated, wondering why in the Pit he was disturbing his peace. But after seeing his exposed groin, he burst into laughter.
Another guy appeared out of nowhere next to Blackout, who turned to him. "Aw, the little guy's coughing. Is he sick?"
Scorponok stopped and glared at him. Can't he tell that I'm laughing? Like, duh.
Blackout leaned in closer. "And – oh my Primus! He has four eyes!! He IS sick!!"
I have four eyes since birth, you big asshole! And your private bits are exposed to the whole world! Why don't you fix yourself before caring about me?! Like, duh.
"I'm worried, Starscream. I think he's really sick. You heard him cough, didn't you?"
Starscream crossed his long arms. "I'm sure he's fine. Look, he's pissed at you for being such a busybody. Let's just go home; my fried chicken wings are waiting!"
That's right, 'Screamer! Chase him away! Give me some peace!
But Blackout shook his head persistently. "No. I won't leave this little guy. I'll go call the SPCA to make sure he's safe."
GO TO HELL!!
The bigger Transformer whipped out a phone and called the SCPA, while Scorponok lay there pissed. One minute he was in a land of candy clouds, and the next he was sent to the Pit. The SP-whatever's gonna capture me! Shit no! What do I do, what do I do?! I dun wanna go to a place with overweight pets! There's no freedom and all that awesome shit there! Oh NO!
After Blackout had finished, Scorponok was still ranting and hyperventilating. Starscream just stood there stupidly and watched the story go on.
"Hey there, small one! Don't worry, I've called for help! You won't be in misery anymore, 'kay? I'll call you… Farter!"
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?! WHAT THE HELL IS FARTER?! WHO THE HELL NAMES A PET FARTER?!!! I'll rather be in misery than listen to your stupid SHIT and wait for them to capture me!
Scorponok hissed and stalked away to a patch of grass. He lay there for a while before looking for any food in the vegetation. Blackout started to get worried.
"Oh, Farter! Don't go too far away!"
Damn it, leave me alone, you big asshole!
Blackout seriously was driving him to his grave. He just wanted to be alone. But NO, that idiot chose to make his life difficult and standing there clapping his hands and making weird noises to get his attention wouldn't make things better. Like, duh, what a complete idiot.
A few minutes later…
The sun was scorching and relentless in the cloudless sky. Scorponok panted heavily in the heat. He needed to find some shade to cool himself before his systems fry up. So, he headed back to the bicycles while staring daggers at Blackout, who seemed oblivious and continued to follow him.
Scorponok yawned and sharpened his tail. He was getting real tired of this shit.
Tsk, that idiot will follow me wherever I go. It'll be useless to just walk away. Hmm… maybe I should piss him off by hiding in some bushes and not coming out. Then, he might go away. Damn, I'm smart .Like, duh.
Scorponok dashed away towards some bushes, to Blackout's surprise. He quickly hid in them and mocked at the two from the darkness.
"Farter! Come on out, Farter! Come here!"
"Bah, he wouldn't come out. Come ON, Blackout, can we go home now? My jellybeans are waiting too!" Starscream complained, annoyed. "Or I'll leave without you."
He looked away and smiled. His plan was working so far.
"No! Stay, 'Screamer! I don't wanna be alone!"
"I ain't staying. You can wait for the SPCA dude all you want. I'm hungry. Good BYE."
"No!!!"
Yes!! Go, 'Screamer! Bring him with you and never come back! Give me back my candy clouds!
"Ah, fine, FINE. I'll freaking stay, if that's what you want. But you gotta buy me another box of jellybeans."
NOOO!!!
Pissed, Scorponok came out of the bushes and headed back to the bicycles again. This is NEVER ENDING. What is wrong with them?! This is cruelty, I swear to Primus!
Blackout seemed to be really happy that his Farter finally decided to come out of his hiding place. He knelt down in front of him and attempted to touch him.
Now what? He wants to touch me! Freaking pervert. And your groin's still exposed! Urgh!!!
In a flash, Scorponok bit and scratched Blackout's groin. Snarling, he then wandered deeper into the bicycles.
"He scratched me! He bit me! Primus!!! My beautiful groin!!"
Well, he DESERVED it. He tried to molest me too. Freaking pervert.
"Ah, it's okay. It ain't bleeding anyway. Just wash it with Dettol or something."
'Screamer! Don't encourage him!!
"Oh, okay. Hey, the SPCA's here!" They rushed to the van that transformed and took out a cage.
"Hello. Now, where's the little guy?"
"Over there, among those bicycles."
Primus, my hero! My knight in shining armour has arrived! Take me to your headquarters! I'll rather stay with overweight pets than see these two morons!
"You say he's sick?"
"Yeah, yeah. He's coughing and he has four eyes! Four eyes, I tell you!"
"Okay, I see that, sir."
The dude motioned for Scorponok to go to him, which he gladly did. He checked him thoroughly for a few seconds before sighing, "Aw, he's not sick. He's perfectly well and healthy, gentlemen. No worries."
Huh?! No, wait. I'm sick! I'm really sick! I'm mentally disturbed!! Help me, dammit!
"Really? Oh, that's good! Farter, you're ok!"
Shit ass! My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil!! Now there are three losers!
"… Farter, from now on, you'll be my pet!!"
.. Heh? What? Oh my Primus, NOOO!!! SHIT!! THIS IS CRUELTY, CRANBERRYLOLLI!!!
Like, duh.
END