Letter 1: I Love You
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Dear Matsumoto-san,

Hiya. Gin here. I know that this letter will never find you and instead will probably spend the rest of its life in the box on my desk, but I just had to write something to you. So it won't feel like you're not here anymore.

You may have noticed that I called you 'Matsumoto-san'. As much as I would like call you 'Ran-chan', I don't think I'm fit to do that anymore. Heck, I don't think I will ever be fit to call you that anymore. Not after what I did.

I saw your face as I left. Let's just say it's not an expression of yours I would like to look at every morning. Was that hurt? Or betrayal? Or maybe, perhaps, regret? I think it was a mix of all three. If I knew that my leaving would cause you so much pain, I would rather you not be there to witness it. Maybe I should have asked Kira-kun to injure you badly. Not very bad, just bad enough to keep you away. I know. I'm selfish like that.

It's been a day. Barely. And I miss you so much. I think being away from you has made me realize something.

Matsumoto Rangiku, I love you.

I know it's a late confession that will probably never reach your ears, but writing it out in black and white makes me feel better. It makes it feel as if you're next to me right now, watching me write this letter. I can almost smell the fragrance of your chrysanthemum-scented shampoo.

I realize not that I was always in love with you. Even back as kids.

Do you remember the first time we met? You were so cute even when you were so tired and hungry and weak. And as the years went on, you became prettier and more beautiful each day.

And then, we got older. Feelings changed. I started feeling a little restless when you were next to me. Remember when I have you the pink scarf that you always wear? I never told you this, but the day I gave it to you was the day that humans celebrated something called 'Valentines Day', when a boy would give a girl something simply because he felt different around her. I thought it would be fitting, seeing as how my head spun and my heart thumped everytime we were together. But back then, I didn't realize what that feeling was.

Then we entered the Academy. I saw much less of you. I was in the elite class and you weren't. We had different class, different dormitories, even our lunch breaks were different. But no doubt, every night I spent away from you just made me miss you more. I just never admitted it.

You see now, Matsumoto Rangiku? How, from a very young age, my heart became yours? Everytime you were near me, I had to use a great deal of self-control not to rush over to you and hold you close. Believe me, it was torture.

Despite me writing this, I know I may never get the chance to tell it to you in person. Even if I do, you probably won't want to hear it anyway, seeing as how I must have disappointed you. And I will probably never get to hand this letter to you.

Anyhow, I hope you're doing better than I am. At least, better than the state my heart is in now. Frankly, I don't think it is there anymore. 'Cause it already died yesterday when I left Soul Society, and I saw your face for what I know could well be the last time. Either that, or my heart was always with you, locked up and the key thrown away. Never to return to me, but with you, always.

Matsumoto Rangiku, I will never forget you. Even if the seasons change, my love for you will always stay the same. I really meant it quite literally when I said I wished you had held onto me a little longer. It would have made that much of a difference to me.

I'm sorry. For everything. I truly am.

Eternally yours,
Gin.

To Gin,

Hey, it's me. Rangiku.

This letter may never reach you, but… okay. It will never reach you. It will stay forever hidden in the box in the bottom drawer of my cabinet. But this is the only way I could think of that would allow me to express my utter loathing and disappointment –

And also, my love for you.

Shocking, huh? But anything's possible now, I realize, after the only man you ever really loved turns out to be the hugest traitor of all.

But the thing is, I can't stop loving you all the same.

I've tried. I really have. The past day I've spent doing paperwork (real shocker there), filing and walking. It's not helped. Everytime I try to forget you, my heart hurts, like it doesn't want me to forget you. It's horrible, you know, when you can't even control your own heart.

It's only been a day, but I already feel the difference. The air smells less crisp, and the birds sound less lively. Is this normal? What I'm feeling?

However, it's not just me who's felt the difference. The whole of Soul Society is in chaos. There's been talk of new captains, the 4th division is in a mess, and there's so so so much paperwork to be completed. But that's just the brunt of it. What's worse is that it's not just me who feels empty. Kira-kun, Hinamori-chan and Hisagi-kun all feel the emptiness too. I guess three captains defecting has taken its toll in their lieutenants, huh?

Everyone's been giving me these looks when I walk by. The kind that say "Hey-we're-sorry-for-what-happened" look. The braver ones come up to me to reassure me and tell me that everything's going to be alright. I think they think that having a childhood friend turning out to be something you never expected them to be hurts. And yes, it does.

This afternoon, Captain Hitsugaya himself told me to keep the paperwork and go drink sake, which is abnormally strange. Which got me wondering, am I that easily read? If so, you must have figured out my feelings for you. After all, my heart was always with you.

The love part done, now for the hate speech. I hope you didn't notice my expression when you left. Hurt, betrayed, and worse of all, regret. I regret not realizing that you were so heavily involved in this. I regret not killing you on the spot. But most of all, I regret letting you go without telling you how I feel. If you did see my expression though, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to figure out what feelings were etched on my face. Or maybe you can. You were always so good at reading people.

I'm wondering what will become of me after this. I'm hoping you'll come back, and that this was all a dream, but reality keeps hitting me like waves crashing against rocks. It hurts, knowing you'll never come back to me ever again. It really does.

I hate you, but I can't help but love you. Oh, Gin, tell me what I should do now…

Got to go, Renji's here with my sake. I find that drinking is the only possible way I can take my mind off you. Even if it's for awhile, it's worth it. Saves me the heartache. Maybe after this batch of sake's gone, I'll pay Kyoraku-taicho a visit and see if he'll drink with me.

Ichimaru Gin, I love you.

And the worst part is, you probably don't love me back.

Forever yours,
Rangiku.

Chit-chat: So, this is a series of letters that the two of them write to help them deal with their feelings towards each other. The letters are in chronological order, so in this case, Gin wrote his letter first. I know Gin sounds a bit OOC, but I'll address that in his next few letters. Every chapter will have two letters – Gin and Rangiku, Gin and Gin, or Rangiku and Rangiku. They're both busy, you know, so they don't write everyday (:

And just a note, they didn't write these letters to each other (even if the salutation says so), instead they're treating this as a form of diary entry, and they know that the other party probably will never get to read these letters. So no, Matsumoto doesn't know what Gin wrote, and vice-versa. She doesn't even know he's writing letters, just like her.

Hope you liked it, if you did, please review!