I anxiously waited. When was he going to respond? It had been two days already. He usually replies immediately. What if… what if something happened to him? NO … he can't … WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? HES PROBALLY BUSY! WHAT AM I FREAKING OUT OVER? I'm just worried for my friend... yea that's it … worried for my friend.
Or maybe you feel something more for him? A small voice inside my head said. I shut it off and ignored it. Something is definitely wrong with me, it isn't normal to have a voice in your head is it? ARGH I give up. I logged off and shut the computer down. I curled up in my bed and tried to sleep but that stupid voice was still there, mumbling nonsense about love and what-not. I should seriously go see a doctor. This is NOT normal. I shut my eyes and drifted off into wonderland where my dreams and fantasies awaited me.
I awoke the next morning. It was unusually bright today… I wonder why. I yawned and stretched then checked the time on my phone. OH MY GAWD IT WAS 12 IN THE AFTERNOON! I FREAKING OVERSLEPT! Then I remembered it was holidays. Lucky me, hehehehe.
I jumped online and straight away logged in. Still no inbox, why do I feel so disappointed? Like a sinking feeling in my stomach, all those lovesick girls get with their boyfriends. He's just a friend isn't he? I mean, he's always been there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to and cheer me up. His smile, his attitude, everything about him always made me feel warm inside. He was like the only thing keeping me sane, the only thread I could hold on before I slipped into the darkness. I told him everything, and he did the same. I relied on him a lot.
And that's when it hit me. I love him. I love HIM. I LOVE him. I LOVE HIM. OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM. But no, I can't. It's impossible isn't it? After all, were just friends? He's got someone he likes and I was the one he would talk about it to. Maybe, I'm mixing my feelings up. Yeah, that's probably it. I'm just confusing my feelings for him.
But every time he dosen't respond quick enough, I want to cry. Every time he says something offensive, which I know he dosen't mean, I want to cry. Every time he talks about the girl he likes, I get very… what's the word… ahhh yes, jealous. Oh shit. I am in love with him.
BUT HE'S NOT EVEN HOT! The logical part of my mind started to reason
He doesn't have to be, you love him for who he is to you, not what he looks like. The stupid part of my mind answered back.
So maybe I love him? So what? He's never going to know. I sure as heck am not telling him. I'm happy as long as he is happy. And he would never be happy knowing I have feelings for him.
And that's when another massive thing hit me in face.
He's never going to like me back. Ever.