Disclaimer: I own nothing but Edward's muscles.
Jacob looked into Edward's golden eyes. "They're so… golden!" he said.
"Oh Jacob!" Edward cried, "I knew you were the only one for me! Screw Bella. She can go off with Alice instead."
Jacob cried manly tears of manliness as he threw himself into Edward's flabbyish arms.
"But please, Jacob, stop working out!" Edward pleaded, as he felt Jacobs manly abs against him, "You're already so much buffer than me and it makes me feel inferior."
"Oh no, Edward! You're as buff as you think you are! And you're even buffer when I think of you!"
Thinking of his own splendid buffness, manly tears coursed down Edward's statuesque cheekbones. Using his newfound muscles, he picked Jacob up and clutched him against his pale, hairy chest. Then, the two manly men skipped off into the sunset together.
Thanks for reading! R&R, my fellow vamps!