Prodigy is defined as Marvel, portent, miracle, monster, enormity, spectacle, freak, curiosity… -child prodigy, genius, gifted child, boy or girl wonder. That is something I have always heard being whispered behind my back. How I hate that word. All I ever did was exactly as I was told.
However as I grew that label was never enough.
You see they wanted something else. They wanted Perfection.
I gave it to them. But people called me a heartless monster.
I was not heartless, for I knew what I was doing was wrong. I am just a soldier, a useful tool.
But please tell me what else do I have?
Perhaps wanting to be loved is a sin? But that's what I needed.
The only time ever got any praise is when I was hurting some else.
My mother thought I was a monster. But that's not true, no you were just her favorite.
So I decided you could have mom. I'll have dad. Simple right? Wrong. He wanted you. His Heir.
So then I chose my path. In my still childish mind I thought if I could not be good at being good then I would be good at being bad.
Either way I would not be ignored. They would acknowledge me. I refuse for any one to forget I exist.
So being trained turned me into something I never wanted.
I wear a mask like everyone; however my facade causes people to cower.
When I hurt you, I forced myself to smile and sneer. So I won't cry that I hurt my own blood, I sneer and smile.
When I kill, I have to laugh.
In solitude, if any one asks I say I plot. When all I really want to do is lie down and never get back up again.
At twelve I feel so old. My heart always hurts, so I stopped paying attention to why.
My name is synonymous with death. Yes I bring destruction. I know what I am, so why does everyone have to remind me.
Oh, yes because I'm perfect, I'm a prodigy, I'm a heartless monster.
But what I really am is a 12 year old little girl in a unfortunate position who only wanted to not be forgotten. Someone who wanted love but went about getting it the wrong way.
Like anything in the world I found love. But I found it in the wrong place, I let myself be led.
You know I heard somewhere that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I guess who ever said was right. I am in hell, and I deserve to be here.
If I am let out I will do as I always have. Why? I assure it is not because I want to. It is because it is all that I know, I need some sense of normalcy. As pathetic as I am the words I have spoken are true.
The untalented ones should pity the prodigies. We are truly sad bits of human shells.
As you look at me with those fear filled accusing eyes in the back of your mind please for the sake of what's left of my sanity remember what I am forced to be perfect.