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"GOD DAMN IT I GOT THE FUCKING BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!"
"THE BLENDERS ON FIRE!"
"I"M STUCK IN THE WASHING MACHINE!"
Damn it can't you handle appliances for 5 seconds?!
Hate to say it but that computer was an alienware, about as much as a new car.
Wait? Washing machine?! OH FUCK!
I got to the laundry room as quick as i can, bubbles were pouring out of the top and my friend, Jezzie was screaming in there. I sighed and pulled the plug, her head popped out.
"Hey friend! How's it going?" She said in her usual positive tone of voice, I sighed again, it's hard to stay mad at someone so optimistic, like kicking a puppy.
"Now get dry and don't do that again.' I said to her sternly.
Jeez, sometimes i just wonder if i treat more like a dog than a human being. She certainly makes the cut for one. She wears a dog collar, fake dog ears (Kind of realistic) has fang like teeth, and the supposed attention span of one. Now to get to the kitchen..
I had a hard time NOT trying to use my other friend, Jinn, as a fire blanket, The blender was a miniature fire tornado, and he was snapping pictures of it.
"Jinn, remember what I told you about putting out fires?"
"Oh right! Thanks!" I headed to the next disaster area, "Ok 'Quiraa, what did you do?"
"I googled google....." Damn you internets. I pressed alt left ctrl and delete. and the computer went to normal. I should tell you, My names Starrk, known to you as demonic dog angel. My friends and I live in a 3 story house with the combined pay of me and my three friends Jinn, Jezzie, and Ulquiraa. Too bad we spend more money on new appliances from the ones my friends break.
I heard a fizzing sound, the jackass didn't..................
*explosion*
Damn it damn it damn it! The fire must've gotten to the cooking oil.
I got out a fire extinguisher and started blasting my way into the kitchen, where Jinn was, I pulled him out, stomped on the last embers, and threw him away.
No more bad luck today, for the love of all that is holy and naruto...........
"Hey Starrky some weird people are here!"
I looked out, all of them seemed fully armed, I pulled out a pistol that i carry sometimes, and open up the door.
"DON"T MESS WiTH TEXANS HOES!!!!!"
I shot a white haired guy in the...... crotch.....
"OH FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT?!?! HOLY FUCK MY DICK!."
Wait..... Oh shit..... I pissed off the akatsuki................
All of them pulled out weapons, except for Kakuzu, becuase well, y'know... Tentacle hentai....
"Uhhhhh..... Can we be friends on this?"
"So you greet everyone by shooting them?" Pein asked.
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaybeeeeeeee....."
"Well anyways tell me why the fuck are you here."
"Well we were fighting some leaf ninja...."
"Names."
"Hinata, TenTen, Naruto, Kakashi, and Neji."
Oh. Fuck. Nuts.
"Ok.... continue."
"It got bad and we tried to use a type of teleportation Jutsu to teleport them away, it didn't work as you see...."
"Well we have friends...."
"NOT THE MAFIA!"
"Ok Jezz ok...... well anyways, like we said we have friends. Non mafia ones...."
I called June, my best friend who doesn't live with me.
"Hey jezz, get them acquainted with the house!"
When June answered her phone, i told her about the akatsuki.
"No way! Guess who i have at MY house?"
"Naruto, Ten-ten, Kakashi, and Neji."
"HOLY FUCK!" "How'd you know?"
"Pein-sama told me."
I heard in the background, "We're ninjas, we can hear both sides of the conversation y'know."
" See you June, los!" I hung up and ran to june's house, all of konoha-nin are gonna be pissed.....
Sure enough I heard screaming outside of the door. I COULD enter the door, but then i'd be fucked and screwed, in that exact order mind you, so i put on a strangers* mask, climbed onto the roof, and jumped down into the chimney, it worked! Until halfway, when I got stuck, and to point it out EVEN FUCKING MORE, my shoes were sticking out. My conscience slipped in, but all it said was either, "Do a pein impression" or "squirm like hell" I did the former, I collapsed and something snapped.....
"Uhhhhhh...... Art is a bang?"
And thats how I ended up being locked in the attic for 2 hours.
And made friends with a plastic bag.
After two hours, they let me out, since the dirt kinda shook off me and they realized i wasn't deidara.
"Sooooo, you guys happen to know someone named June?"
"Yes."
Fuck my life.
"Where does she happen to be?"
"Kitchen"
At least a dozen horrible images flashed through my mind.
"I heard screaming, did you do anything?"
"We cut off a lock of hair."
"DOUCHEBAGS! ONCE I GET OUT OF THIS DAMN THING IM GONNA SHAVE YOUR FUCKING HEADS BALD! SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!"
"We shut her in the oven after we didn't get much information out of her. so anyways, about the phone conver-"
I ran out the door and ran like hell to my house.
Once i got to my house i told Jinn to set up the "Usual".
"You're gonna pull the "usual"?"
"Only choice man,these ninjas are the real shit."
"I'll set up the c4," Jinn walked off.
"I'll prepare the squirrels."
"I'll get the spartan nutcarckers."
Tis all the usual.
I put on my ipod, screams of terror kinda hurt your ears after a long time.