The Twelve Heavenly Chores of Saotome Ranma

Chapter 1: The Trial

The skies over Nerima-ku were thick grey and low to the ground, as though they might unleash a flood of cold water at any second. Ranma looked outside and quailed inside.

Might know that the weather'd be bad, Ranma thought. It ain't like I've had any luck 'cept bad luck today.

Ranma tossed and turned in his sleep. It was but ten days since his failed wedding to Akane. He felt hungry, something that he had felt for ten years prior to arriving at Tendo-ke. He had forgotten what it was like to be truly hungry, but the recent misery making trip to China brought all those memories back. His hair was damp with sweat and his breath came in wracking gasps.

Anyone watching him would have been alarmed, but no one was in the room - not even his oafish father was there. Genma and Nodoka had moved out of Tendo-ke and had taken up residence in the tiny Saotome domicile in a neighboring district of Tokyo as Kasumi had demanded.

Behind Ranma's tightly squeezed eyes a startling event was taking place. He at first thought he was on trial for having killed a Kami - Saffron the Phoenix King. Nabiki was there trying to defend him against the charges. She claimed that what he had done was justified. They were barely holding their own, but only because Nabiki had wisely demanded a change of venue to be judged by another pantheon - any pantheon but the one they were facing now.

"Why'd ja do that, Nabiki?" Ranma asked out of the side of his mouth as he kept a wary eye on the Kami that surrounded the two of them. All of them were ferocious looking and looked thirsty for human blood.

"'Cause that's the only way you're gonna get a fair trial, Saotome. Saffron was a member of this pantheon. You don't have a prayer with the Chinese Pantheon, or even the Japanese Pantheon. Neither of them will have any love for you after what you did."

"And you think that the the Kami of any other pantheon will?" Ranma asked. He hated the idea of being tried by Kami. He did not think that they would understand why he did Saffron in.

"You'll get better treatment with them than you will this bunch, Saotome. Just look at these bloodthirsty Butt-holes!" Nabiki exclaimed. "They're hungry for your soul, man."

A thunderous laugh resounded from some unknown location. Ranma thought it might be the head splitting voice of Raidan, Kami of Thunder, but who could know for certain? This was his first heavenly trial. He had never had that much time for religion growing up on the road with Genma.

What do I know 'bout this crap? He thought. Shit-Daddy didn't like religious stuff. He always said that we'd die soon enough and that we'd know for certain about the hereafter 'cause we'd be in the hereafter if there really was one. Now I'm in the hereafter and I don't know diddly-shit. It's embarrassin'.

"Your request for a change of venue has been granted!" the same thunderous voice that had laughed earlier declared. It was so loud and booming that Ranma and Nabiki alike winced the way one would when surprised by a nearby lightning strike. "Know ye that western Gods are far less forgiving than We Kami of the East are."

There was an actinic blue flash followed by a swirl of colors that made Ranma's stomach heave and his groin tingle, and then he and Nabiki abruptly found themselves standing in huge portico or arbor made of bright white marble columns standing on and around a large highly polished marble floor.

The roof overhead sheltered the floor from the sun and rain, but there were no walls to block the view from within. Ranma could see out between the columns. This fancy building had been constructed on a very high spot. He could see rambling hills and the rooftops of villages in the far flung distance. None of the architecture was at all familiar to him. Clearly this was a cold and lonely place one only visited when absolutely necessary. It made him nervous.

Nabiki, on the other hand, remained the uncrackable and imperturbable Ice Queen.

Ranma kept glancing at her with a mixture of awe, envy and anger.

She's as cool as a cucumber on a day in late fall, he thought. Little wonder about that. She is not the one up on murder charges by the Gods. I am. What is she doing here anyway? Have the Gods charged her with anything?

Without warning, a cripple appeared out of thin air in the middle of floor, just steps away from Ranma and Nabiki. Ranma could see that the old man's left leg had been hamstrung, causing him to limp. He had ashen hair and burn marks all over him. There were dark ribbons of soot mobilized by sweat running down from either temple and across his cheeks. The old man's deep set dark orange eyes winkled in a friendly way as he gave Ranma an engaging grin. He offered his left hand and Ranma took it into his own left hand without thinking that the old man had offered his left hand because he could not shake with his right hand.

The ensuing left handed handshake turned out to be a painful experience. Ranma had long prided himself on his grip. He had forced Ryoga to his knees with it once, but he found himself gasping with pain in a flash as this elderly man squeezed the bones of his left hand together. When the old man first seized his hand, Ranma wondered why he could not see the glove. The the skin of the hand that had seized his felt as rough as as any boot sole he had ever touched. Ranma managed to muster a fierce stare at the old fart despite his vice-like grip.

"Hello there, Ranma, my boy!" The old man said in a cheerful voice. "My name is Hephaestus; you have a fairly sound grip for a mortal.

Ranma let out a loud gasp as he felt his hand break off at his wrist. He stared in shock at his handless stump of a left forearm. There was no blood.

"Hey, now! Whatta didja do with my hand you old fart?" Ranma shouted.

Hephaestus gave him a nasty grin as he answered, "Now you'll need a tool, won't you?"

"What am I gonna hold a tool with?" Ranma asked. "You took my hand!"

"Don't worry, boy," Hephaestus answered. "I'll give it back - or a reasonable facsimile of it after your trial."

"What do ya mean a reasonable fagzemly?" Ranma asked in glass cracking shriek, but by then, Hephaestus had vanished the way he had shown up, taking Ranma's left hand with him.

Ranma was still flabbergasted and distracted by what had just happened and failed to see the sudden appearance of another man in the room.

"Hello, Tendou Nabiki," the man said in the smoothest most melodious voice Ranma had ever heard. "I trust that you found the trip here pleasant?"

"It was fast enough," Nabiki answered, "but it disoriented me. You are?"

"Oh, I beg your pardon! I'm Hermes, God of borders, transitions and trade. He bowed as Nabiki bowed back. Ranma bowed out of pure reflex, not inclination, but this guy's mere presence was compelling in a way that Ranma did not understand.

Hermes turned to look Ranma right in the eye.

"And you're Saotome Ranma. It is good to meet you," Hermes said with another polite bow. Ranma found himself hastening to bow a hair lower in return.

"Ah! I hear the approach of Athena," Hermes said in an apologetic voice. "She will want to meet you alone. Ta-ta!" And then he vanished.

A tall woman with light brown hair suddenly appeared in the room. She had grey eyes and wore ancient western style armor, made out of bronze. Her clothing under the armor was made up of very soft flexible fabric, so that while it was not even remotely transparent, it actually enhanced the lines of her body rather than hid them.

She had her polished helmet pushed up to her hair line so that Ranma and Nabiki could see her face. Her grey eyes saw everything, even stuff that was not even remotely visible - Ranma somehow just knew that she did. She was as astute as the other Gods they had just met. Ranma found himself squirming under her steady unblinking gaze. She smiled at his discomfort before turning her attention on Nabiki. Ranma was gratified to see the Ice Queen flinch. Ranma had thought that it was possible for anyone to make Nabiki flinch, but Athena's gaze forced the Ice Queen to flinch in front of him.

"I am told that two of you have been very naughty," the grey eyed woman said. A great horned owl flew in and settled on her armored shoulder as she stopped speaking.

"And you are?" Nabiki asked.

"Don't be stupid, Nabiki," Ranma interjected. "She's Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom."

The woman snapped her eyes back onto the Saotome Childe and smiled. "See? You are much smarter than you let on - that's very wise of you, by the way."

Ranma bowed yet again. He had not bowed so many times in his entire life. He hated doing it, but these guys were Gods and Goddesses. They had such respect coming. Nabiki was quick to join Ranma in a low bow.

"Oos!" They said in chorus.

Athena responded with a mere nod of her head. "You two are the embodiment of youthful arrogance - you do realize that, do you not?"

"I earned the right!" Ranma responded.

"What my client means..."

Athena cut Nabiki off with laughter that tinkled like the finest crystal. "I well know what he meant, Tendou Nabiki. You need not put words in his mouth. I am charging you with the same accusation, or did you not notice that?"

"Uh, I thought it was Ranma who had been charged with ..."

"With what? Slaying a demigod who richly deserved it? Hardly! Ranma is here to be tested. You, on the other hand, are being charged for hubris and sacrilege against the Gods of all the pantheons. Are you ready to enter a plea?"

Ranma felt as though his jaw might fall on his toes. He could not believe what he had just heard. Judging from her reaction, neither could Nabiki.

"Well - you see - I didn't know there was any such thing as the..."

"Hmph! You had to have known on some level," Athena said cutting Nabiki off in mid protest. "You have lived with Ranma and others who share his curse for two years, have you not? You cannot claim that you doubted the existence of superior powers, can you?"

"Well, you know only four exceptions out of billions doesn't really..."

"Only four?" Athena asked. "What about Hibiki Ryoga? He alone would make it five people with a water centered curse. What about the people of Phoenix Mountain? They number in the thousands."

"Ryoga?" Nabiki was well and truly shocked. "Ryoga has a Jusenkyou curse?"

"Oh, I see!" Athena said. "You're not omniscient after all, are you?"

Nabiki choked and shivered from the top of her head to the very soles of her feet. She hung her head. "No, I just try to make people think that I am."

"I think I shall add willful blindness to your list of charges, Tendou Nabiki," Athena said in a very gentle voice. "You have been, you know."

Nabiki looked up at the Goddess and tried to protest, but it died in her throat. Ranma watched in awe as Nabiki drooped and was about to drop to the floor, but Athena stopped her.

"I do not view grovelling with any favor, Tendo Nabiki," Athena said in a stern voice. "You should be proud of your abilities; you do have them. You know that you have them. Your abilities are your last best hope in the trials to come."

Nabiki managed to stay upright. She involuntarily let out a wail. "But I thought you said that I was..."

"Charged with hubris?" Athena asked interrupting Nabiki. "You are, but you are also charged with sacrilege, don't forget. You should think about this before you enter a plea."

"A plea? What will I do?" Nabiki asked as a look of horror roiled her face.

"You will think," Athena said. "Thinking is one of your strengths. Use it."

Nabiki looked startled and doubtful as Athena cocked her head to one side. "Ah, my great aunt Aphrodite approaches," she said. "I positively loath her. I shall see more of you, young Tendou." Athena turned to look Ranma in the eye and said, "I look forward to learning the nature of your pending tests, Saotome-san." And with that, Athena vanished.

There was a flash of pink light as the scent of bubblegum filled the air. An intensely erotic laugh echoed across the shiny marble floor as a callipygian blonde traipsed around to Nabiki, caressing her cheek and chin with one hand.

"Oh, my!" The sexy lady said. "You're jealous of your sister. This statement was followed by another hearty laugh. "Whatever shall we do, hmm?"

Ranma gave Nabiki an outraged stare as he felt his jaw sag. "You ruined Akane's wedding on purpose?"

Nabiki winced visibly, but shook her head no.

Ranma rolled his eyes and sighed.

"It's not all her fault, you know, Ranma," the sexy lady said. "Do you know who I am?"

"Uh, Venus? No, Aphrodite! You're the Goddess of Love, right?" Ranma was now having a nice cold sweat.

"Indeed I am, sweetness," Aphrodite said as she caressed Ranma's cheek with her left hand. She somehow invoked his curse. "You've been leading several people around, haven't you? I wonder why you're still a virgin."

"I - uh - well..." Ranma stammered as his face reddened.

Nabiki rolled her eyes and shouted, "Just tell her the truth, you baka! We are dealing with the Gods here. Lying is futile."

"Oh, I know!" Aphrodite pouted. "It's that mean old nasty curse, right?"

"Er...well...Sorta, but..."

"Oh, come now, Ranma-chan," Aphrodite said with a purr in her voice. "Surely by now you know which sex enjoys having sex the most, yes?"

Onna-Ranma turned beet red as he choked off his thoughts before he could give birth to them with his voice.

"Poor Ranma," Aphrodite said in her soft purring voice. "He has so much of a sense of responsibility that he can't enjoy himself."

Nabiki snorted and then laughed out loud. "Right on target, Your Worshipfulness."

Aphrodite preened as she continued caressing Onna-Ranma's cheek.

"That boy who stays lost all the time cannot bring himself to admit that he lusts after this form of you - but then, you can't admit that you enjoy his attention, can you, Ranma? Your vanity is one of your greatest weaknesses, but then it is the same for we who live on the Heavenly Plane."

Steam shot out of both Ranma's ears causing Nabiki to giggle again.

"I must admit that seeing the two of you in the furoba was most amusing," Aphrodite said.

"What?" Nabiki asked. "Ranma and Ryoga in the furoba? When?"

"Oh, the night Ranma learned about Ryoga's curse, of course," Aphrodite said. "I thought that the boy would give in to his urges and rape this delightful little red head."

"Ranma already knew about Ryoga's curse..." Nabiki started to say, but she was cut off by an interjection from Aphrodite.

"Not his directional curse - nearly everyone knows about that. Many people don't know about the curse he picked up in China, do they, Ranma?"

Onna-Ranma was now purple. He stared up at the ceiling and remained silent. This made his large breasts far more prominent and his nipples betrayed his arousal through his thin tank top.

"You did not realize that your little sister is involved in a rather complicated love triangle, did you Tendo-san?"

"Akane's got way more love interests than she wants," Nabiki said.

"Indeed, yes, she does," Aphrodite said in agreement as she maintained contact with Onna-Ranma's face. "One would think that she is a patron of my rather too chaste cousin, Diana. She seems to have that kind of temperament, but then she is saddled with as many yearning and would-be lovers as Atalanta was. That was a tragedy in its own right."

Nabiki stared at the Goddess of Love lost in thought.

Aphrodite removed her hand from Onna-Ranma's cheek, and his curse reverted without hot water; he was male again.

"Watching your ongoing romp with your too-too many partners has been hugely entertaining, Saotome Ranma," Aphrodite said, with an amused lilt in her voice. "Far more entertaining than anything I've seen in centuries."

"Oh, yeah! I'm sure it has been one thrill a minute for someone like you," Ranma said, sounding annoyed. "Why have you been playing with me?"

"Moi?" Aphrodite gave Ranma a mock pout. "Surely thy jest!"

"Well, somebody's been makin' a mess 'o my life!" Ranma shouted as a look of annoyance burned across his ruggedly handsome face. "I mean, who else woulda seen to it that I get turned into a girl ever-time I git splashed with cold water? Who but a God or Goddess is powerful enough to do such a thing?"

Aphrodite burst out laughing. "The curse was not aimed at you, Saotome-san. It was intended for your father!"

This did more than annoy Ranma, it enraged him.

"Shit-daddy? He's gotta curse of his own! Why didja haff to mix me up in his punishment?"

"Because it is written, my dear Ranma," Aphrodite answered. "The iniquities of the father are visited even unto the fourth generation of his descendants. You, my poor dear handsome boy, are but the first of his descendants. Your children will suffer less but much the same and then your grandchildren and your great grandchildren will suffer in their turn. Once your great grandchildren are grown, the curses your father earned might loosen their grip on his family.

Ranma groaned and even Nabiki felt sympathy for him, or let a little of what she felt show. Ranma had long suspected that her Ice Queen facade hid many secrets - most of which he did not want to know.

Aphrodite reached up and caressed Ranma's cheek with the palm of her hand and he once again turned into his cursed form.

"Why dya keep doin' that?" Onna-Ranma shouted in the high pitched voice of his cursed form. "Dontcha know that it embarrasses the hell outta me?"

Aphrodite laughed again, an outright thigh-slapper of a belly laugh this time. "Embarrassment was what your father was supposed to suffer from, Ranma. The curse was meant as a blessing to you."

Ranma's jaw sagged "A wha...?"

Aphrodite tilted her head down so that she was staring into Onna-Ranma's sapphire blue eyes. "How many other guys do you know who can enjoy being a real female, hmm? The only reason being female is a curse to you is because you believe it to be a curse. You therefore fail to take full advantage of it.

"Oh, come on!" Nabiki interjected. "He takes advantage of it all the time."

Aphrodite smiled as she let her hand drop, making both Ranma and Nabiki alike shiver with lust at the same time. "Oh, I don't mean just using his looks to sweet talk men out of food and other favors. He must take full advantage of the curse before it will ever be a blessing. That is the way Jusenkyou works, you know."

Ranma was deeply puzzled and frowned, but Nabiki gave out a hooting laugh worthy of Kodachi on one of her higher trips.

"Oh, don't worry Ranma-san," Aphrodite said in an impish voice. "You need not carry a child to term. You only need to risk pregnancy to get the full blessing of Jusenkyou."

Ranma's eyes were now glazed over as though he had been struck by an overhand right from Prince Herb, the very potent Lord of the Musk.

"We Gods fully expected you to have taken the great life-changing chance before now, but we had not counted on your fanatic of a mother," Aphrodite said. "The additional pressure from her has trapped you into staying cursed."

"Please leave my mother out of this!" Ranma said. "She had nuthin' ta do with it."

"Well..." Aphrodite was about to enlighten him further, but Hera strolled across the floor, causing Aphrodite to beat an immediate retreat into nothingness.

"She dare not leave your mother out of it, Ranma-san," Hera stated in an imperious voice. Ranma and Nabiki alike felt the weight of each word the Queen of Heavan spoke. "It was she who chose your father as her mate. She must now live with the consequences of her decision. It is only just that she pay for her indulgence in wishful thinking."

"The woman's insane!" Nabiki shouted. "There is no way any woman in her right mind would have chosen Genma to be her mate!"

"Oh, so says little Miss Wise-arse who has wasted most of her early youth pretending to be something she isn't!" Hera said.

Nabiki's face fell.

Hera pointed at Ranma and said, "Do you know why you find this young man so irresistible?"

If the floor had been ice, Nabiki would have melted a hole in it and disappeared, but it was marble and she could not do such a thing. Ranma found himself staring at her, feeling true horror for the umpteenth time in his young life.

"It is because he is loved by both Gods and Goddesses!" Hera declared. "Zeus and Susano-wo-Mikoto Kami both love him as they would a son. Even I am fond of him. He is one of the few whom Zeus and I agree about."

Nabiki's face all but sagged to her knees. "You mean he's royalty?"

"No, he has been nominated to become a demigod, which in many ways is far better, but in many ways vastly more uncomfortable."

"But what about Akane..."

Hera smiled. "I love your sister the way I would love my own daughter, Tendou-san."

"Oh, that explains so much!" Nabiki shouted. She ground her teeth together as though she were suddenly angry. Ranma naturally assumed that she could not help herself and was puzzled by Nabiki's unexpected behavior, but he was not that familiar with the Greek pantheon.

"Can I be certain that you are not our mother?" Nabiki asked in a tight voice.

Hera's only response was a silent smile at Nabiki as she faded from sight.

"Oh, my! Oh, shit! Oh, dear!" Nabiki exclaimed. Her voice echoed around the portico as it reflected off of its hard marble surfaces.

Ranma stared at Nabiki and shook his head, trying to clear it.

"I don't unnerstand why you're here," Ranma said.

"I am here because I have been charged with hubris and sacrilege," Nabiki said. "Weren't you paying attention?"

"This is my dream, Nabiki-chan, not yours."

"It figures!" Nabiki exclaimed. "He can't really tell the difference between reality and his imagination."

"Wha..."

"This is really happening, Saotome!" Nabiki said as tears streamed down her face. "You are about to be given the test that is given to a demigod - and - I - I am about to stand trial for my sins against the Deities. I'm not sure which of us the worse off."

"I thought you didn't even believe in the supernatural, let alone the Greek Gods, Nabiki-chan."

"Well, I didn't before now. That is one of the sins I'm been charged with. I can't make up my mind whether disbelief falls under hubris or sacrilege."

"Both," the amused voice of Hermes answered as he flashed around the portico. "Arrogance often goes hand in hand with the refusal to acknowledge the truth of the Universe, but don't worry, Tendou-san. You're one of my favorite mortals. I shall happily argue in your favor. We Gods and Goddesses have done a piss poor job of proving our existence to you mortals. I blame the situation on the attitude of Jehovah, myself, but then I'm just one God among many Kami."

Damn, he's fast! Ranma thought. I gotta spar with him some time. I don't think I'll ever lay a hand on 'im, but it'll be fun tryin'.

"Ah, yes, the Saotome Childe!" Hermes said in an amused voice as he took note of Ranma's presence. "Ever ready to test his mettle against all comers - even immortal beings."

Hermes stuck out his right hand. Ranma found himself accepting it the way a westerner might have done. This time it was not anything like what he had experienced with the God of Smiths.

"I am pleased to have you in My presence, Saotome-san," Hermes said. "I've been itching to meet you for the last two years. You're famous here in the Heavenly Plane you know."

"Et tu, Hermes?" Nabiki asked.

"Me too what, Nabiki-chan?" Hermes asked. "You think I don't need a break from business and diplomacy once in a while? Sports are one of my favorite distractions - as they are one of yours."

Nabiki managed to look mildly chagrined. "I must admit that I really do like watching him beat blood and snot out of those wooden headed fools at Furinkan."

"I know," Hermes smiled and said. "I do too. Most of that is divine retribution, by the way. All of his victims attending Furinken will be spared much punishment in the future for having fallen afoul of our young hero, here. He has been working for us for several years now, even though he has always been ignorant of it."

Ranma was now thoroughly embarrassed; his face turned as red as barn paint.

Hermes turned to look at him and exclaimed, "He's easily embarrassed as well. That's unusual in a hero. Most of them are insufferable braggarts."

"Oh, please!" Nabiki exclaimed. "Just stick around for an hour or so."

Hermes laughed and Ranma's face went from red to a deep puce. Then Hermes vanished as three other people in heavy armor slowly appeared. The process reminded Nabiki of something very like what happened in a popular science fiction series about space travel. Neither Nabiki nor Ranma could recognize them for who they were. Ranma dropped back into a ready stance that did not look like a ready-to-fight stance.

One of the trio off her helmet revealing that her hair was a deep shade of red. It was so dark that it was barely brighter than pure black. Her eyes were an unnatural jade green in color. She dropped to her knees and her armor gave out an audible clank; she hugged Ranma's thighs just above his knees with both arms, making Ranma grimace with discomfort. Her breastplate had been shaped to fit over her ample bosom she had pressed it hard against his shins.

"My name is Enyo, Ranma-sama. I am a daughter of Zeus and Hera and twin sister to Ares, the God of War. I am at your beck and call, O Brave Warrior - ever at your service."

Ranma was now horrified to the point of petrification. He stood as still as a stone as the Goddess slowly worked her way up to her fully erect height. She was actually taller than Ranma by a head-and-a-half. That did not stop her from kissing him on his frozen lips - not that he wanted to stop her. Ranma had never refused a good looking woman much.

Ranma shuddered as all the negative human emotions flood his being during the kiss: fear, horror, fury, blood-lust and exaltation mixed with the fierce pride that can only come from slaying a dangerous enemy, all of which he had felt during the battle of Jusendou, but then came the horrifying sense of loss and the shock that always follows after the damage is surveyed. He was mentally transported to a battlefield and wondered why he had never been shocked by all the property damage done during one of his fights. The damage done to once comfortable dwellings alone was enough to give him guilty pause, let alone the devastated orchards surrounding them. The ragged and leafless trees turned the mild sunlight into the flames of a raging furnace. He coughed when he inhaled the dust, and the caw of ravens made him flinch.

The kiss ended without warning and Ranma found himself standing beneath the high roof of the stone portico. He shivered - not with pleasure, but from the sudden cold that started at his heels and ran up his back, spreading over the top of his head. It was like being hit from behind by a bucket of ice water. He felt the tingle of his curse being invoked and heard Enyo gasp with surprise.

"Oh, you've been to that place!" Enyo exclaimed. "I did not know. Do you remain as fierce in battle in your cursed form?"

Onna-Ranma merely gave Enyo a cold silent stare.

"He's much more fierce in his cursed form," Nabiki interjected. "It is a must for him because he is so much smaller after his curse is invoked."

Delight danced across the scary but beautiful features of Enyo's face. "I see. You truly are a wonder. It is amazing that you are not kin to any of us, but you are human, right down to your tiniest hair."

"Urgh...er...ah..." Ranma said.

"You will have to forgive Ranma's lack of eloquence," Nabiki said. "He never uses words much and is unfamiliar with most of them."

Enyo smiled grimly as she caressed Ranma's cheek with one hand. "Words are for diplomats. Fighting men have very different ways of communicating."

"I'll say," Nabiki said as she smirked at Ranma's plight. "Just wait'll my sister hears about all this."

"Yes, I know your sister, Tendou-san," Enyo said with another grim smile. "She is among the fondest of my worshipers."

"Akane worships a Greek Goddess?" Nabiki asked in a startled voice. "I'm surprised that she even knows about you."

"It isn't necessary for her to know about me," Enyo said. "She only needs to act the way she does to worship me. This ease of worship is the reason for your disbelief in us Gods."

"Thanks for the tip, Enyo-no-Kami," Nabiki said with a grim smile. "I'll remember that in the hard times to come."

"Don't thank me now, Tendou-san," Enyo said in cold voice that sounded very much like a sword being drawn from its sheath. "You might well find yourself convicted."

"At least you have given me a way out of the complaint," Nabiki said.

"There is that, I suppose," Enyo-no-Kami said. "Allow me to introduce my nephews, Phobos and Deimos. They and their father, Ares, loves to watch you fight, Saotome-sama. We are here in His stead because He is busy in the Middle East."

The other two figures, who had remained at a distance, removed their helmets revealing very ugly and frightening faces. Even Ranma flinched at the sight of them.

"Say goodbye to the mortals, boys," Enyo-no-Kami said in a command voice. "It is time for us to be off."

Zeus flashed into existence in the middle of the portico as Enyo and her two hideous nephews faded out into the void. He towered over Ranma like a brewing storm and threw a lightning bolt at Ranma even before he became completely visible. Ranma's keenly trained sense of danger went off and he was just barely dodged the lightning. It made a small crater in the marble floor surrounded by the crooked paths of radiating fulgurites. Ranma responded with a counterattack on Zeus that was too quick for the human eye to follow, but he was no match for the wily Father of the Universe.

Zeus laughed aloud as he ducked Ranma's flying kick, then again as Ranma touched down on the floor behind the King of Gods, trying to get in a blow on the all powerful God with an over-the-shoulder kick that most men were incapable of using. Zeus laughed again and again as he neatly avoided Ranma's furious and futile attacks.

"Stop!" Zeus commanded, and Ranma froze in the middle of his next attack. Nabiki admired and lusted after Ranma's frozen form. His muscles were still bulging from the effort of attacking Zeus Almighty.

"Careful there, Ranma," Zeus said. "I might have to bring you up on the charges we have brought against your admirer and want-to-be lover here."

Ranma rolled his eyes at Nabiki, giving her a very unhappy glare.

Zeus looked Nabiki in the eye saying, "Don't deny that you have a stash of photographs of his male form, Tendou-san. I know that you keep them handy for those cold and lonely nights."

Nabiki's face turned red. "There's nothing that I can hide from you Gods, is there?"

"No one can," Zeus said with a hale fellow well met laugh. "It's what makes us Gods - well - Gods."

Nabiki thought about this for a moment, and then said, "I plead guilty to the charges that all creatures on the Kami Plane have brought against me and throw myself on your mercy, O mighty Zeus." She then fell to her knees with her forehead on the floor.

Zeus stared down at the groveling Nabiki and smiled. "I suspect your misbehavior was the result of an honest mistake. I shall bear this in mind during your sentencing, Tendou Nabiki," Zeus said. "I shall be merciful to you."

"Thank you, O mighty Zeus," Nabiki said, without raising her head.

Zeus then turned to Ranma and said, "And as for you, my girlish boy, what have you to say for attacking me, the Lord God of all Creation?"

"You had it comin'!" Ranma shouted. "You tried to fry my ass with a lightnin' bolt!"

"Indeed I did, Saotom-san," Zeus said with a belly laugh. "You should have seen the look on your face."

"What? You like scarin' the shit out of mortals like me?" Ranma asked.

Zeus responded with another heartfelt laugh. "You may move about now."

Ranma slowly retrieve his limbs from his kick. It was a marvelous sight for anyone who knows anything about the Martial Arts. Ranma did not move so much as he flowed from statue in a painful pose to human standing on the floor normally. He did not fully relax, but stayed at the ready while appearing to be relaxed.

Zeus beamed at Ranma and then at the still groveling Nabiki. "The two of you return home now," Zeus thundered. "I shall send Hermes around to deliver the Verdict of Heaven for both of you. Pray that the others are as kindly disposed toward you as I am."

Ranma woke up and realized that his entire body had become entangled in his own covers. He wiped the sweat from his brow and sighed.

"Just a frikkin' dream!" Ranma shook his head. "I can't believe that it was just a dream. It was so damned real."

He untangled his legs from the covers; got to his feet and stumbled about gathering his bath things. It was still the wee hours in the morning - long before sunrise - but he knew that he could not sleep out the remainder of the night with all the sticky sweat coating his skin. It made him feel dirty and uncomfortable.

"City life is startin' to soften me up," Ranma muttered to himself. "How about that! Shit-daddy was right. Ya do hafta git out on the road to learn how to cope with real hardship...and here I thought all this time that he had been using that line of crap as an excuse to dodge to get outta doin' real work."

As he reached the head of the stairway, Ranma noticed that Nabiki was stepping off of the bottom step, just as he made the first step down. She disappeared around the corner to her left and then he heard the door to the furoba sliding open and shut.

Ranma rolled his eyes to the heavens as he continued down the stairs.

"Looks like I'm gonna hafta use Soun's garden hose outside," Ranma muttered. "It's cold enough to make yer nuts shrivel up an hide behind yer belly button out there - and the water's gonna be even worse."

Once he stepped down onto the floor he decided that taking a cold bath outside would be good for him. "Gettin' too soft, dammit! Just too damned soft."

Nabiki was waiting on the engawa with a kettle of warmed water as Onna-Ranma finished his ablutions. Given the nature of his dreams, he had decided to turn his bath into a formal quasi-religious ritual. He actually prayed and everything.

"Hello, hero," Nabiki said with a lascivious smile. "but that's soon to be demigod, isn't it?"

That alarms went off in Onna-Ranma's head and bounced around behind his lovely face.

"Ya mean all that was not just a nightmare? You were really there?" Onna-Ranma squeaked. He was shocked almost beyond words.

Nabiki poured deliciously warm water over Onna-Ranma's cold wet body, revoking his curse. Then she handed him a towel and he started drying off his naked body - well mostly naked - he was still wearing his wet boxers. Nabiki threw her arms around his shoulders, pressing her braless bosom up against his hard flat chest. He could feel her stiff nipples beneath her flannel nightgown.

Funny how much softer a woman is than a man, Ranma thought. I am more aware of it because I'm a girl for about half the time. I'm fixin' ta get a stiffie. Akane'll kill us both if she sees this.

Nabiki kissed Ranma full on his lips and then stuck her tongue in his mouth. This alarmed him to no end. He did his best to resist and felt his manhood harden up until it felt as though he had a nightstick stuffed down the one leg of his pants.

Nabiki feels like she's on fire! Ranma thought. He was now even more alarmed than he would have been if Shampoo had done the same thing to him. Nabiki's a lot smarter than Shampoo is. She always gets what she wants. What'd I do to her? Has she really had the hots for me all this time?

Nabiki pulled back from the kiss.

"You should enjoy this, Ranma, Nabiki said with the look of a sexy imp on her face. "It'll be our only time together."

"There ain't enough time for what you have in mind, Nabiki." Ranma was now choking out his words.

"So you're going to let me die a virgin?" Nabiki asked.

"You ain't gonna die, Nabiki," Ranma said. "I won't allow it."

"Hah! Fat lot of good you'll do against the likes of Zeus."

"You ain't doin' what yer supposed ta do, ya know," Ranma said in a voice now hoarse with lust. "You ain't thinkin' things through."

Nabiki rocked back and allowed her weight to hang from Ranma's neck by the knots on her slender wrists and frowned up at Ranma's face. He knew that he was staring at her with heated lust, but could not help it.

"I suppose I did allow another part of my anatomy do my thinking," Nabiki said as she ground her pubic arch up against his crotch. The heat coming from that part of her body was more overwhelming than even Shampoo's usually was.

"And another part of mine is about to seize control of this whole situation if you don't let me go right now!"

Nabiki pouted and rubbed her crotch against his one more time.

"Pity, but true."

Then she let go of his neck and stood up straight. "So, now you know it was more than a dream, right?"

"Yeah, I do," Ranma said. "I've never had a dream that was so real as that nightmare was. It's even harder for me to believe that it was anything more than my ego at work."

Nabiki reached out and grabbed Ranma's throbbing member with one hand. "If you're not going to let me die with my virginity, how are you going to save my life?"

"By doing whatever you tell me to do, Nabiki-chan," Ranma whispered. Nabiki's grip on his throbbing member was driving him up a mental wall. "You do the thinkin' in this operation - thinkin' ain't my long suit."

Nabiki made a derisive face. "You're one hell of lot smarter than you let on, Saotome. The stupid jock act has worn thin on me."

"So I noticed," Ranma said as he grabbed her by the wrist, "but it doesn't change the fact that you are better equipped to do the plannin', now does it?"

"Ranma!" Akane wailed in her sleep. Her shouts were loud enough for both of them to hear.

"She's reliving Jusendou in her sleep again, Saotome," Nabiki said. The heat boiling off of her body went out like candle that had been blown out by a north wind in winter. Her fingers loosened and her hand fell away from Ranma's manhood. "She's been doing that since you guys got home from China."

Ranma stood there staring up a the second floor balcony with his wretched feelings playing across his face. He could not stop showing them. Akane's troubles had been cause by his presence at Tendou-ke. Had it not been for him, she would never have been kidnapped and dragged to that awful place in China. His guilt over what had happened to Akane tore at him like cat claws.

Nabiki thumped his chest with her elbow. "Don't just stand there with your teeth in your mouth, Saotome! Go comfort my little sister."

Ranma gave Nabiki a hard stare. "Promise not to get jealous?"

"Jealous of my sister?" Nabiki asked. "Never! You belong to her, not me. I just wanna borrow you once in a great while, that's all."

Ramaa, no-o-o!" Akane cried out in a forlorn voice. "Don't go without me!"

"Git, Saotome!"

Goaded by guilt and Nabiki's insistence, Ranma made it up the stairs in just two hops.

"Sooner or later you're gonna hafta give in and have sex with her, ya know!" Nabiki called up to Ranma.

He flashed her a glare that showed a mix of anger and embarrassment.

"And don't look at me in that tone of voice!" Nabiki shouted again. "Try seducing her with your girl half first."

Ranma rolled his eyes and yanked the door to Akane's room open and disappeared inside.

Nabiki felt wretched and her body language showed it. She staggered around the room twice, then flipped the switch that turned on the electric heater beneath the dining table in the chanoma, then flopped down beside it. She stuck her long slender legs beneath the table to warm them up and the propped her head up with the heals of both hands on her forehead and her elbows on the table.

"Akane's not going to be happy knowing that Ranma has at least two more fiancées," she muttered. "Me and Enyo-no-Kami are now officially on the list of her worries. If she's lucky, Kasumi still doesn't have an interest in him."

"Oh, I've had an interest in him from day one," Kasumi said, startling Nabiki out of her wits. She jerked so hard that it hurt her entire body. She sat bolt upright and stared hard at her eldest sister.

Kasumi smiled back at her. "Don't look so shocked. The boy has grown increasingly handsome since he first arrived here. He's very easy on the eyes."

"I thought you didn't like younger men," Nabiki said, feeling her stomach plummet.

"Ranma's not so young anymore," Kasumi said. "He's his own man now. Ready to do as he pleases."

"Oh, please don't tell me you that you're fa..."

"Falling for him?" Kasumi asked. "In lust maybe, but I find it necessary to resist those impulses. What about you? Did you make some kind of late night confession to him?"

"Not exactly," Nabiki said. "We traveled to the Kami Plane together. One of the Kami told him how much I'm attracted to him."

Kasumi's eyes widened. "Oh, really? Did they tell him about all those pictures you took of him bathing?"

Nabiki felt her face grow hot with embarrassment. "Yes, as a matter of fact, Zeus did."

"Zeus? Really?" Kasumi asked in a disbelieving voice. "You really believe that there is a god named Zeus?"

"Yes, Zeus," Nabiki said dryly. "He's the chief God of the Greek Pantheon."

"I know what the myths say, little sister," Kasumi said, "but I thought that you did not believe in any sort of supernatural beings or phenomena of any kind."

"That was before tonight," Nabiki said.

"Just what did happen tonight?" Kasumi asked. "Why have you changed your mind?"

"Because tonight the entire Eastern Pantheon brought me up on charges of sacrilege and hubris."

Kasumi considered this statement for a few seconds, then said, "Well, at least your subconsciousness knows what you're guilty of."

"It's more than my subconscious, sister dear, Ranma was there too."

"Ranma and you in the same dream?"

"Yes, only it was me dreaming about Ranma, it was Ranma and me having the same dream."

"Oh, really?" What did the Kami charge Ranma with then? Murdering Saffron?"

"No, they want to him to undergo testing to become a full demigod."

"Hmm, why the Greek Pantheon?" Kasumi asked. "Isn't that the wrong set of Kami for you and Ranma?"

"I demanded a change of venue from the Oriental Pantheons," Nabiki said. "It seemed only fair. I was afraid they already had their minds made up about me and my alleged crimes. They chose the Greek Pantheon, not Ranma and me."

Kasumi's face looked far less than convinced. "Have you been sneaking Grandfather's saki again?"

"No."

"Have you been experimenting with marijuana or some other drug?"

"Of course not!" Nabiki screamed. "Who do you take me for?"

"I once thought you were an intelligent young woman completely lacking in any superstition or even religious beliefs whatsoever, but now I see that I was wrong."

"Just because I've been to the Kami Plane?" Nabiki asked in a voice growing more incredulous with every question her elder sister asked.

Kasumi's stare was as calm and cool as a mountain lake, but it was equally implacable. "No, because you claimed to have gone their in your sleep and have not died," Kasumi said. "You must admit that your claims are quite extraordinary."

This forced Nabiki to pause for thought. "I agree," she said, returning Kasumi's cold implacable stare. "You don't have to believe me, so don't ask me any more questions until you have discussed this with Ranma."

The two girls sat and stared at each other during the long silence that ensued. They heard Akane making comfortable noises from upstairs accompanied by indistinct words in Ranma's voice. It was clear that he was trying to calm their youngest sister.

Kasumi sighed. "We shall talk again after breakfast - and after I have had a discussion with Ranma."

"Fair enough, Big Sister," Nabiki said, "but then we are going to have to talk about this Kami-sama of yours. He isn't the only God around, is he?"

Kasumi was non-plussed and so remained silent as she left for the kitchen.

"There she goes hiding behind those dishpan hands of hers," Nabiki said. "What a waste."