Alfred F. Jones frantically twisted his head back and forth, utterly bewildered by his surroundings. The stale, dusty air settled uncomfortably in his lungs as he tried to calm his panicked breathing. He was surrounded from every angle and he was trying to keep his cool.

He leaned forward in the uncomfortable wooden chair. "Psst. Mattie," he whispered to his stepbrother across the table, his voice shaking with alarm. "What is this horrible place?"

Matthew William Jones frowned. "The library...?"

Alfred continued to cautiously examine the environment, his expression twisted with confusion. "Why are we surrounded by walls of creepy old books? Oh god, is this hell?!"

Matt rolled his eyes in disgust at his brother's selective acknowledgement of the world around him. "Al, there are supposed to be books. This is a place where people read and study."

Alfred frowned. "Really? They have big buildings like this, just for studying?"

"Yeah."

Al looked around and frowned harder. "But why do I have to be here? I hate studying."

Matthew glared at him. "Because we have a class together and were paired up for an assignment, and I'll be damned if you're gonna make me do all the work. You can flunk out if you want, lazy ass, but don't drag me down with you."

"Huh." Alfred said thoughtfully, ignoring his brother's rant. "If they make places like this, they should really put one on campus."

"We are on campus, you idiot," Matthew growled.

Alfred blinked, confused. "Really? I've never seen it. They should put it somewhere more noticeable."

Matthew sighed deeply and took off his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "This library is in the middle of the campus, Alfred. You pass it every day on your way to class."

"What? No way! And I missed it up until now? Man, that's eerie. Maybe they need, like, awareness seminars or something. I bet a lot of students could make use of this place if they knew it existed."

Matthew closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten in his head. "Al, I think everyone except you already knew."

Alfred threw his head back and laughed. "Yeah, as if! I bet you only knew about this place because you're a nerd."

"This is why they shouldn't give out sports scholarships to people who contribute nothing else to society!" Matthew snapped. "Why does a lazy, unappreciative idiot like you get a free ride while I'm stuck with student loans? You don't even give a crap about school!"

In what seemed like slow-motion to Alfred, a tall, handsome man with beige hair and violet eyes poked around a nearby bookshelf. Al's jaw slowly dropped as the jazz instrumental from Careless Whisper played in his head, as the man's beautiful, thick-lashed eyes blinked slowly. Alfred clutched his chest in awe.

"Excuse me," the man said gently, speaking with a thick Russian accent. "Can you keep it down, please?"

Matthew went red in the face and slunk down in his seat. "Oh, sorry. We'll be quieter."

The man smiled warmly. "Thank you." He disappeared back behind the shelf.

Matt turned to his brother, whose jaw was hanging open like a snake preparing to swallow its prey. "What is it now?" He hissed lowly.

"Daaamn," Alfred breathed in disbelief. "He pretty."

Matthew facepalmed. "Alfred, we're working on our assignment, remember? This might only be a small project, but it's due next week and—" He realized then that he was talking to an empty seat.

"Alfred!"

Peeking around the corner of a bookshelf, Alfred examined the gorgeous man. He was wearing a smart-looking scarf and sweater, and his tall legs moved (in Al's opinion) like a majestic gazelle as he, for some reason, pushed along a cart overflowing with books.

Al adjusted the collar of his team jacket and breathed into his hand, taking in the aroma of cheeseburgers. Perfect. What's sexier than cheeseburger breath? Nothing, in the opinion of Alfred F. Jones.

Alfred cleared his throat and overconfidently swaggered over to the presumably Russian man.

"Yo. How's it going?" Al greeted the man in the flirtiest playboy tone he could muster. The man didn't even glance at him, and began to place the books from the cart onto shelves in a strangely meticulous fashion. "So... I'm Alfred. I heard this building's on campus. You must be a student, right?"

"No." The man continued working. "I'm a librarian."

"Huh. So... like... what's that mean? Is it halfway between a liberal and a republican? I'm fairly to the left on my political scale myself. I mean, unless you're, like, a commie or something. In which case, I totally dig the whole cult of personality thing. Stalin was the bomb-diggity."

The man paused. When he turned to look at him, Alfred was awestruck by the man's beauty, despite his disgusted frown. "Well. I have never heard a more racist introduction. How charming."

Al wasn't really paying attention, lost in the velvety, melt-in-your-mouth sounds that was the man's perfect voice. "So, what department are you studying under?"

The man sighed. "I'm not a student; I just work at the library. And I'm busy. Nice to meet you, though," he said with an obviously fake and uncomfortable smile. As Alfred looked on, dazzled, he quietly made his escape, walking over to another section of books.

"Work here?" Alfred paused, a confused look on his face. "Oh! Librarian! Because it's called a library! Cool, cool."

Just then he noticed that the man had left and frantically lunged after him. Al huffed and puffed his way back to the Russian's side, stopping dead and leaning up against the bookshelf coolly as though he hadn't just chased after him like a desperate stalker. He jerked his head back to fling the hair out of his face, then flashed a swanky grin. "Well, today is your lucky day."

"Is it now?" The Russian replied blankly, unimpressed.

Alfred leaned onto the cart seductively, wiggling his eyebrows in a festive courtship dance. "How would you like to spend the rest of your lonely evening in the arms of this handsome stud right here?" He winked and began to flex his muscles and pose, still leaning on the cart. Without a word or even a glance, the man pushed the cart forward. Al toppled over, landing on his butt.

The librarian sighed exhaustedly as Alfred's head popped up from around the corner. "Heh... playing hard to get, huh? You're really good at that. Totally sexy. Just like me! See, that's why we'd be so great together. It would be, like, a colossal mass of sexiness. People would have to avert their eyes because they would implode with the sheer—"

The Russian clamped a large hand over Alfred's mouth and looked at him, his beautiful lavender irises only inches away. "I am trying to work," he stated coolly. Al was stunned as he strode away.

"Oh, God. I must have him," Alfred thought to himself desperately. "Time to show off some swag."

The man groaned in exasperation as a few minutes later Al moonwalked towards him, then finished with an electric slide right next to him. "You must take your job pretty seriously, huh? Cool, cool. I can respect that," he continued to babble, following as the Russian pushed the cart in the opposite direction. "So, what time do you get off? Bet you can't wait for that. Must be boring as Hell, surrounded by books all day. Well, I mean, unless you're into that kind of thing. But you seem kinda, y'know, too hot to be a nerd, no offense. But I guess you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, right? And I mean, why would someone bother with a job like this if they didn't like it? Well, then again, lots of people don't like their jobs. I remember once my dad—urk!" Alfred choked as his brother yanked him back by his collar.

"Matt, what the heck? Can't you see I'm flirting it up with a hot piece of Russian mancandy?" He pointed behind himself to the man, who desperately mouthed please help me. "Dude, bros help bros. You should be my wingman. This is so not cool. Gak!" He yelped again as Matthew dragged him away forcefully. "Hey!"

"We have a project to work on," Matthew snapped. "And you're too distracted here. We're going to study somewhere else."

"But... but..."

"No buts! Harass innocent men on your own time!"

Alfred puffed up his cheeks like a pouty blowfish. "I was not harassing him! I was flirting! That's totally different."

"Not when they're not interested."

"He was totally interested!"

"Yeah, I could tell by the way he was ignoring you."

Al rolled his eyes. "Psh, he was just playing hard to get. He was totally into me!"

"Whatever. Come on, let's go."

"No!" Alfred exclaimed as Matthew tried to pull him out the front doors, latching onto the entrance gate and wrapping all four limbs around it like a child who didn't want to leave a toy store.

"Alfred, you can come back to the library any time!" Matthew shouted, pulling Alfred roughly but finding himself no match for his brother's insanely superhuman strength.

"But I don't know his work schedule!" Alfred howled. Onlookers began to stare. "And thanks to you, I didn't even get to find out his name!"

"It's Ivan!"

"How do you know?" Alfred snapped.

"Because it's on his nametag, genius!" Matthew roared, still tugging.

"Oh."

Alfred, now completely calm, let go and both of them toppled onto the ground. Matthew quickly and angrily pulled himself up and yanked his brother to his feet, dragging him away as Alfred laughed.

As the poor Russian sighed with relief, he had no idea that this ordeal was nowhere near over.

Hope you all enjoy this rewrite! I've planned out the entire story chapter by chapter, so there's much more to come!

Special thanks to my awesome editor Anon990!

Thanks for being so patient!

Also, I'm publishing the rewrite on both and Archive of Our Own, as well as a Tumblr for the story called aphlovelibrary! The Tumblr will also include extras once I get a chance to add them, so please check that out!