"They said, 'You'll be okay, anyway.'
And I smiled, 'cause I'd known it all the while…."
-Chemo Limo by Regina Spektor
She had finally risen above them all, had finally gotten away from it all. She knew it would happen one day. After all, she was God.
Pure white everywhere, absolutely no sharp edges. She couldn't get hurt. No one wanted her to be hurt; she was God. And a hurt God is a vengeful God, and everyone knew it. Here, everyone wanted her to be happy.
Everyone around her was so kind. The strong men, the petite women who held her by the elbow as they walked everywhere. There was a set schedule for her; when to eat, when to sleep, when to talk with the kind man who sat at a desk and asked her questions. She wasn't allowed to go wherever she wanted, which was fine most of the time. But sometimes, it bothered her, and she'd scream and fight, and tell them that she was God, they had to let her go off on her own. And then the strong men would come and hold her down, and there'd be shots and pills and kind voices once more.
They all understood what was needed to keep her happy, and would force it upon her, and later, she would be grateful.
For, she was above them now, above the cursed and away from them, where they couldn't hurt her anymore with their evil words; she was where she belonged.
Today, the schedule was different. She noticed immediately, when of turning right at the third hallway, the kind woman directed her left at the first hallway and to a small room with a table and two chairs. A man was sitting on one side of the table, and another man was leaning against the wall behind the other; her Dragon and her Dog.
"Hello, Akito," Hatori said as she sat down. She did not reply; what was going on?
"Why are you here?" she asked softly, then jumped at the sound of the door closing loudly; the kind woman had left the room.
"We wanted- needed to talk to you," Hatori said. "To see how you are."
"I'm fine. I'm where I belong."
"No," Shigure said, shaking his head. "This is not where you belong."
"Do you know where you are?" Hatori asked.
Akito opened her mouth to speak, but then stopped. She didn't know where she was, except that this place was for her.
"You're at a mental institution," Hatori told her. "You've been here for a month."
A mental institution. There must be some mistake. She wasn't crazy, she didn't belong in a mental institution.
"Your doctor had said that you didn't remember much of what happened…. A month ago, you had a nervous breakdown. Do you remember why?"
Vague memories, of back when she still lived at the Sohma house. The Ram, the Rabbit leaving, and then the Cat…. Attacking Kureno- oh, Kureno!- and Tohru…. Trying to repent for what she had done, others rebelling, her apologies tossed aside, the Rat refusing to come to her again…
"Everyone left…." She whispered, and looked up at them. Hatori was looking at her kindly, just as always, just like everyone else here. Shigure…she couldn't figure him out. "Why did you bring me here?"
"There was nothing else to do," Hatori said. "We meant for you to come home very shortly, but because of how violent you were, you were sedated, and in talking to your doctor, you revealed the curse to him. He, thankfully does not believe you, but thinks you have created your own universe in which you believe you live in."
"What does this mean?"
"You have been found unfit to be released as of yet."
"And that's why you can't talk about the curse anymore," Shigure added. "Akito, you have to play along with the doctors here, humor them, do as they say, so they'll release you."
Her head was spinning; how could she be here- how could here be an insane asylum? Everyone was so caring…. She was God, and they knew it; how many times had they said that they only wanted to help her?
But, somehow it fit; the medication, how she was confined to certain areas…. But everything was still fuzzy, everything still ran together; how was she supposed to discover what was real?
"Akito, please pay attention."
She looked up. They- Shigure- was staring hard at her; he was trying to control her, she could feel it; her Dog, trying to become her master. It made her want to spit.
"Don't talk to me like that," she hissed.
"Akito, do not get angry," Hatori said. His eyes were worried. "If you lose control of your temper, the nurses will sedate you once more, and we will have to wait again to speak with you."
"Do not tell me what to do." She was gripping the metal armrests of her chair tightly. "I am your God!"
"Akito, please!" Shigure hissed, his voice low. "We are trying to get you home as soon as possible. We've tried talking to your doctor, but he wants to keep you here longer. You must-"
"Stop it!" She was near shouting now, having brought her knees up to her chest, her hands holding her head. "Stop it!"
A door opened behind her; she could hear one of the kind ladies saying something, and then Hatori insisting that everything was fine, could they please have more time? They spoke a little longer, and then she heard the door close once more.
"Please look at me, Akito." A hand was placed gently on her knee as she opened her eyes, turning her head ever so slightly. Shigure was kneeling beside her, staring so intently at her. "It's clear you're not well yet, and we do want you to be well again. Try to get better, do what the doctor's say. But, no matter how they try to convince you that the curse is not real, don't believe them. Play along, pretend you believe, so you can come home, okay?"
She stared at him. Not well? She felt just fine…. "I don't want you here anymore," she hissed at him. "Leave."
She could see him hesitate, but, finally, he nodded. "All right, Akito. We'll come back soon." He stood, then quickly kissed her forehead. "You will be well soon, I promise."
Again, the talk as though she wasn't well. Why did he think she wasn't fine? The supposed nervous breakdown? She doubted she'd even had one; it was probably all just a lie, to try and make her come down from this higher place, and a very bad lie at that.
She nearly laughed. She was just fine.
I hope you enjoyed this.
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