Okay this isn't really very serious. I just wanted to write something fun and wah lah here it is. Reviews would be nice, maybe. Just read.
Disclaimer: Just in case someone didn't happen to see that this is fanfiction I'd like to take a minute to say that I do not own any of the Naruto characters (sniff, WHY CAN'T KAKASHI BE MINE?!!).
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It wasn't a particularly special mission. Team Kakashi (Naruto, Sakura, and of course Kakashi) had been sent on a mere A-ranked assassination mission in the Rice country and things had gone swimmingly. The target was down and it was time for them to return to Konoha to collect their reward; but first, the trio decided to stop for a quick rest to replenish their Chakra and enjoy the great outdoors. Little did they know that this casual delay would be more trouble than anyone would have imagined….
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Sakura playfully splashed at the cool lake water around her. She let her head sink below the surface and looked serenely up at the ruffled image of the sky, distorted by the barrier of water between her and air. She emerged breathing in the clean scent of the forest and gracefully moved towards her bag on the shore grabbing for the only luxury she allowed herself on missions with Team Kakashi… a bar of strawberry scented soap. After a hard day of sneaking around the ditches of enemy territory in search of her team's assassination target, she was more than willing to let the boys handle dinner while she scrubbed the layer of grime that covered her skin.
"I may have to live with Naruto and Kakashi out here in the wilderness but that doesn't mean I have to smell like them."
Untying her head protector she dipped it into the water and began to work on ridding it of the grass, blood, and various other stains. At long last she slipped it over a rock with her wet clothing and retreated towards the bank grabbing for a towel and squeezing water from her hair. Shuddering at the thought of placing the cold and soaked apparel back on her body she dug through her bag for the spare skirt she had quickly thrown in for such an occasion. She pulled it out but frowned in disappointment.
"Damn this isn't a skirt." It appeared she had accidentally grabbed her old red kimono in haste and although it was a lovely for more formal occasions she certainly could hardly deem it appropriate for fighting off bingo book criminals or hostile ninja. Sighing she slipped it on. "Oh well, I'll just wear this tonight and change into my real clothes when they are done drying."
She tied her hair into a graceful bun so that the water would not drip on the fabric and added a rhinestone encrusted hair clip ("if I'm going to wear this kimono I might as well complete the look while I'm at it," she justified to herself).
She picked up her belongings and headed towards the campsite imagining Kakashi and Naruto's reactions to her look.
"Well Kakashi will probably just ignore me, as usual, or maybe give me a disapproving glance. Naruto on the other hand... well he'll probably laugh at me for caring about hygiene on a mission." She smiled as she clenched her fist in anticipation, "and I'll have to give him a Tsunade style smack across the face."
As she approached the clearing where she left her comrades and where her nose was assaulted by the smell of burning food ("jeeze you would think at least Kakashi has enough experience not to overcook rice") she was startled to here a cacophony of unfamiliar voices.
"Look here men, two Konoha ninja hanging around rice country. Have we caught ourselves a pair of spies, or maybe assassins."
Sakura concealed her movements and ducked out of the main path. Unfortunately she would have to crawl in the dirt, again.
"UH! I really don't feel like dealing with this right now," she thought as she discretely moved from tree to tree for an assessment of the ambush on their campsite. When she managed to finally choose an opening on a tree branch where she could see her teammates without giving away her location she was startled to find a panicked Kakashi (well what she could tell from years of dealing with his personality as panic) and a fuming Naruto (well maybe not so startled in this case since this was actually quite typical of Naruto's behavior towards strangers). Taking a closer look and feeling the presence of quite a few ninja within close distance, she began to understand Kakashi's uncertainty. Clearly they were outnumbered, at least three to one. Even worse, their enemies seemed to be all rain jounin, tough guys that nobody would want to pick a fight with. Luckily, they seemed to be unaware of Sakura, leaving her the opportunity to deliver a surprise attack and hopefully give the three a chance to run away.
"If I can just dive and smash the ground, I can… oh shit!" she heard the fateful snap before she tumbled awkwardly into the brush below. She cursed her kimono for not giving her the flexibility to maneuver more stealthily as she felt a kick from behind.
"Behold, we have a third member of this party, a pitiful woman." Sakura rubbed the small of her back as she looked to Kakashi who seemed to mouth "smooth Sakura… real smooth." He would have to die for that later. She was about to make a clever retaliation concerning the comment about her being pitiful when she was suddenly met with a kunai hovering dangerously at her throat.
"Well shall we kill them? You know the policy, kill first ask questions later." Although Sakura was pretty sure this wasn't her death and that Kakashi would probably save everyone with one swift ass-kicking movement in a short time her thoughts were interrupted by a new voice that seemed to stop everyone in their tracks.
"Wait stop, don't lay another finger on my princess bride."
Naruto began to laugh "Wow you think Sakura is a- OW!"
Kakashi who seemed to remain objectively quiet throughout out this ordeal nudged Naruto in the ribs to keep him from blowing a possible get out of jail free card. He silently willed Sakura to use the confusion to her advantage.
Before Sakura had a minute to think she was being hoisted up and people were backing away. This was really frustrating, everything was happening way too fast. "What the hell is going on here?" Sakura thought to herself as a huge overdressed man waddled his way closer. One of the ninja had recovered from the interruption and began to argue with her chubby savior.
"Prince Oni you must be mistaken, these are ninja from the hidden leaf village. I recognize them, this is the famous Copy Nin Hatake Kakashi, and this is the nine-tailed fox boy, Naruto, and she is… well I don't know who she is but I'm sure she's with them." The" Prince" laughed deeply while his fat jiggled from place to place.
"Do you seriously expect me to believe that this delicate flower could possibly be a ninja?"
Sakura puffed her cheeks indignantly. "I am not delicate!" She began to move in protest but was stopped by a glare from Kakashi. Clearly he had something else in mind for her. "What does he want me to do… seriously; I do not want to deal with this right now!" The prince continued oblivious.
"Besides, don't ninja wear those forehead protector thingys?"Sakura's hands mechanically reached towards her empty forehead.
"Well I'll be damned, I forgot that I took it off at the lake," she thought. Suddenly, being the brilliant ninja she was, it dawned on her what she should do."Kakashi you can't be serious, you don't actually want me to… impersonate a princess! Who knows where the real one even is. If they find out we are all screwed." Besides Sakura really didn't think she could stomach the idea of flirting with the less than attractive Prince Oni.
"Well if it will get us out of this mess... and without any bloodshed… oh all right (jeez it was tough being a kunoichi)." Plastering on the most charming smile she could muster she spoke in her sexiest girly voice.
"Oh Prince Oni I knew we would meet soon, but alas myself and my subordinates are met with such hostility," she pouted, "did you send these mean men after me."
Naruto tried to laugh but again was quickly shut up by Kakashi. "Good job Sakura, use the situation to your advantage!"
The increasingly frustrated rain ninja shook his head and gestured towards Team Kakashi.
"Sir she obviously is lying. I'm telling you I know who these people-" He was interrupted by Oni who had pulled out of a picture of the girl Sakura assumed to be the real Princess Yumi. There really was an uncanny resemblance.
"Shut up, you will not talk this way any longer to my dear future wife."
Sakura's heart froze at this last comment. She could see a step in the future and she did not like the way the scenario was going to play out. "Even if I can manage to convince these people that I am this Yumi chick then what will we do? I don't actually want to marry this guy. How will we escape?" Despite her uncertainty a discrete gesture from Kakashi willed her to continue down her current path.
"Why sir, I assure you I am the beautiful and, uh, coveted Princess Yumi. And, well, um, I've come to accept your proposal."
Sakura wasn't sure where she was going with this but at least she made a start, she looked to her teammates.
"Oh, and these men are my, um, loyal servants. They aren't actually Kono- whatever ninjas… in fact they are just, um, dressed like famous ninja so that burglars will be intimidated and I will be better protected." Sakura knew she was a crappy liar but she sized up the Prince as an idiot.
"I might just get lucky here. Okay now for the final blow, Kakashi you are sooo going to owe me for this one!" She threw her arms around the Prince (well actually she could only manage to get about halfway around) and looked up with her daddy-can-you-give-me-twenty-dollars-for-that-new-set-of-kunai-I-wanted look.
"Don't you believe me my handsome, smart, and, uh, intelligent Oni?"
For a minute everyone stood in silence for various reasons. Sakura couldn't help but smile in satisfaction at the look on her teammates' faces. Naruto's lower jaw looked as if it was inches from the ground and Kakashi, well it just wasn't that easy to ever decide what Kakashi was thinking.
"Note to self, this guy must die!" Kakashi thought murderously to himself.
The Prince let out a deep bellied laugh (much to Sakura's horror) and began to move towards a cart that didn't really seem that prevalent until right about then. He silenced the rain Ninja who clearly wasn't convinced but gave up considering that his pay check wasn't worth the effort.
"Of course my cherry blossom! Away we will go to my palace where we will feast and then prepare the ceremony!" Sakura couldn't help but tense up. This would definitely not do, Sakura figured that she needed more time than what was being handed to her to make her escape.
"Ce-ceremony… so soon? Seriously a wedding ceremony? Uh, wouldn't you rather take a couple days to chat and, um decide if you truly love me?" Again she was met with a hardy laugh that didn't put her at ease in the slightest.
"My lovely Princess Yumi, known far and wide for her jokes. Come let us not waste another minute!"
Sakura restrained every muscle in her face from showing her panic at these words. Inner Sakura took over cursing Kakashi for not just delivering that one swift ass-kicking move she had expected him to that would have stopped this whole mess from escalating to this level.
"I can't believe this! I can't be married to this guy! I'm going to kill Kakashi and Naruto for letting this happen! Now what the hell am I supposed to do about this!"
Kakashi recognized that she had frozen up and decided to take the initiative to make the next move.
"Your highness, I ask that you give Lady, um, Yumi and us a private cart of our own for the duration of this trip. She has been walking far too much and it is our job that she is provided the utmost comfort."
Naruto tried not to laugh as he helped Kakashi. He wasn't sure he could suppress his mouth for much longer.
"Yeah our precious Saku- (he was kicked by Kakashi, again) I mean Lady Yumi requires only the best."
Oni clapped his hands and more ninja arrived with another cart for the Konoha trio.
"Anything for my beautiful Princess (he laughs, again)! Everyone hurry I wish to be home by nightfall. Quick, quick!"
Upon his release Kakashi sauntered over to Sakura who had become eerily silent. Although her face wore a serene expression Naruto knew not to come any closer to her and retreated ahead to the cart. He knew the rage in her eyes well enough to understand that any minute now all hell would break loose. As if in a dream, Sakura felt Kakashi take her calmly by the arm leading her towards her prison. She felt completely trapped, her head swam, and it took everything she had not to lose her lunch all over Kakashi's shoes. When finally she sank into her seat a few of her senses began to come back to her. She leered at her teammates who grinned sheepishly hoping that she would not decide to rip them in two. Kakashi was first brave soul to take responsibility.
"I'm sorry Sakura, this is entirely my fault. I should have never let things get this far." Naruto bowed his head, fully believing that a single glance at her eyes would probably result in his death.
"Yeah we're sorry Sakura, um we'll get you out of this, I promise." At the sight of an evil grin slowly appearing on Sakura's face Naruto decided to beg for mercy. "Please don't kill me!"
After several minutes of some understandable wallowing in self-pity Sakura began to see a loop- hole.
"What if I could convince the Prince that he doesn't really want to marry me?" She couldn't help but smirk at her brilliance. "Poor Princess Yumi, she won't have a chance when I'm through with dinner!"
Kakashi continued to attempt to argue with reason.
"Sakura please don't worry too much, I'll never let another man, uh, I mean Prince Oni to take you away from me, uh, I mean us." Sakura laughed before finally initiating her evil scheme.
"Oh you're going to help me all right!"
Naruto and Kakashi looked to each other in confusion at her apparent amusement. Naruto whispered to his ex-sensei.
"Either she has completely lost it, or whatever she is planning, I don't like the sound of it."
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(A/N Now the fun begins..reviews?)