This is the result of one major freak out and a ton of Thesis Writing procrastination.
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The proposal ( A year and 3 months before the wedding):
The night Thorin proposed to Bilbo, Bilbo was completely surprised, even thought he knew it had been coming for quite a while. It was picture perfect, and the ring was beautiful. He loved Thorin very much, and was so excited! They were engaged! He was getting married! They were showered with love from their friends and family, and Bilbo couldn't imagine a time where he had been more happy.
Things started to become complicated the day after the proposal. Thorin wanted to finish the renovations in Erebor before the wedding, which would take at least a year. Bilbo needed to move into the mountain, which would take a few months and no one could decide a date. Bilbo's future sister in law, Dis wanted them to wait until after Durin's Day, while Bilbo wanted to get married mid summer. Dis wanted it to be a big wedding, while Bilbo wanted it to be small. She seemed overly paranoid about what the guests would think of the wedding, and spend hours going over decorations, flowers, and absolutely refused to let Bilbo stick in any hobbit traditions into the ceremony (what would our cousins of the Iron Hills think?! was her favorite saying). It came to the point where Bilbo was afraid to voice his opinion about how the wedding was being planned because he didn't want to have another argument with Dis. When someone asked him what kind of flowers he wanted, he had shrugged and said he didn't know even though in his head he knew he wanted roses and peonies but was afraid that it would the "wrong" answer. There was a hobbit tradition where the bride and groom carry something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue down the aisle with them, for good luck. Bilbo had pulled the florist aside and told her that he wanted his Somethings to be in the form of broaches, attached to his bouquet. He had the broaches; one was his great Aunt Blanches (something old), one was one that Thorin gave him a few weeks ago (something new), one was a sapphire (something blue) and one was from Gloin's wife (something borrowed). Bilbo was quite happy with his decision but, 3 days later the florist dropped by and said she had gotten his note and wouldn't be adding the broaches. "Note?" he asked, and she showed him a note obviously written by Dis stating that he had changed his mind and didn't want the broaches. Bilbo started to think that there was something such as a "Sister-in-law-zilla".
Bilbo of course, fought right back. It was his wedding too, after all. It took them 8 and a half days to pick the invitations because neither of them could agree on one they liked. When Bilbo finally found one he loved, Dis shot it down because it didn't match the stamps. Bilbo wanted to throw his hands up in the air and shout "WHO CARES ABOUT THE DAMN STAMPS!?" but he controlled himself.
And then there was the fact that Bilbo was quite young to be getting married (by hobbit standards), and that he was not only marrying another man, but that man happened to be a dwarf. This caused quite a hooplah in the more conservative parts of Hobbiton and it ascended to the point where he was receiving unwanted mail and protests. Moving to Erebor helped (where there is no stigma about same sex marriage), but Bilbo still felt a pang of guilt when he learned his own brother wouldn't be coming to the wedding because he didn't approve of the marriage. That was the only sore spot though, on a otherwise very happy engagement.
Bilbo's shower (77 days before the wedding):
At Bilbo's shower, he couldn't stop crying for the life of him. He cried the entire time; during the toast, during the meal, while opening presents. He kept telling everybody it was because he was so grateful of their love, and that he was just little overwhelmed but, the real reason was because he was petrified of being married. It had been bothering him in the back of his head for the last few months, but at the shower, 77 days before the wedding it hit him hard; he was getting married. He could not stop the what ifs, and they chased each other around in his head preventing him from eating, sleeping or doing anything other than feeling paralyzed. What if Thorin was a psychopath? What if after the wedding he tried to kill him? What he became an abusive husband? What if they just drifted apart until finally one of them broke down and admitted that getting married was a very very bad idea? Then all of this would be for nothing. He hated celebrating with his friends and family, and acting like he was happy even though deep down inside he was so worried that he felt like throwing up every time he thought about the wedding. He felt like he had no one to talk to; he didn't want to tell Thorin, because he was afraid Thorin would think he didn't want to marry him. The thing was, he DID want to marry Thorin. Thorin was his best friend, his soul mate and Bilbo was truly his happiest when he was with Thorin. Thorin was the best thing that happened to him, he was the only thing that made sense in Bilbo's crazy life. Bilbo knew Thorin knew something was wrong, when they would sit on the couch at night after dinner there would be a quiet distance between them. Bilbo felt as if their relationship was becoming more and more brittle and he didn't know what to do.
But then, Thorin would doing something adorable, something that made him laugh and smile and he would realize that all the things he was feeling was just fear. They didn't mean anything, really, it was just the darkness trying to creep in. A lot had changed since they were engaged; Thorin became King under the Mountain, Bilbo moved out of Bag End—the home he had lived in almost all of his life—and into the King's Quarters in Erebor. Moving had been tough on Bilbo, and it took him almost 6 months to really feel comfortable in his new home. That stress, along with the stresses that Thorin faced everyday as King would totally put stress on the relationship they had with each other. Sometimes the stress was so strong, Bilbo would burst out into tears over the smallest thing, but every time he did, Thorin was there for him, willing to listen to whatever problem it was. He was always there for him, he would take Bilbo in his arms and hug him close and say, "you are the love of my life, and I never want to loose you". When they fought (which was seldom), Thorin always took it the hardest, because he would be afraid that that was it, that the relationship was over and Bilbo would be gone. That's how much he loved Bilbo, and Bilbo knew this, but he was still scared.
"I love Thorin, and Thorin loves me." was his new mantra when he felt these fears overcoming him.
His true epiphany though was when he was caught mid-panic attack by Balin in the hallways of Erebor, when Balin asked him one simple question;
"Do you want to get married?"
Bilbo answered immediately with "Yes."
"Than what are you worried about?" Balin asked him.
"Oh, just everything…what if—-."
Balin put his hand up, stopping Bilbo before he even started.
"Let me give you some advice; playing the what if game will only lead to trouble, and more doubts. Everyone had doubts, it's part of our nature, but you must learn to handle these doubts. Now tell me, dear Bilbo, if I were to give you an out right now; no more wedding, the whole thing called off, what would you feel?"
Bilbo hesitated, "I would feel…sad…because then I would not get to marry Thorin and that's the only thing I want."
Balin raised his eyebrows, "See, laddie? Having cold feet is normal. You are about to make the biggest decision of your entire life. Getting married is a huge step and it sometimes can be scary, but in the end it is worth it. I've seen a lot of weddings in my life, and every single person had cold feet before their wedding. Did they regret getting married? Not at all. In fact, they said it was the best decision that they ever made."
At this point Bilbo started crying again. He sniffed and sneezed and cried so hard his breath hitched in his chest and his whole body trembled. Balin put a gentle hand on his back.
"Come, dear Bilbo. Let's go have a drink. I find that always helps."
Balin led the way to his study, with a still crying Bilbo in his tow. When they arrived, Balin poured two glasses of very strong bourbon, and handed one to Bilbo.
"Marriage is scary. It's the biggest decision you will ever have to make. When you get married, you are giving up your old identity, the one you have lived with you entire life and accepting a new one. You will no longer be Bilbo Baggins of the Shire, you will be Bilbo Oakenshield Durin, spouse of the King of Erebor. You will be started a new life with your husband and there will no longer be an opt out option, which sounds big and terrifying but it really isnt."
"What if I wake up one morning and realize that I don't love him anymore?" Bilbo whispered, his biggest fear finally revealing itself.
Balin shook his head and smiled, " That will never happen. I promise you that—."
"But I've heard stories—."
"Do not base your life on other people's stories. The only reason for a divorce would be physical abuse or a serious crime and we both know that neither of you are capable of doing either of those things because you are good people who love each other. I'm not saying that marriage will be easy, you will be tested everyday. Just remember this; true love is unconditional. I know Thorin gets stressed out easily, stress is usually the problem in most marriages. Sometimes people make bad choices if their mad, scared or stressed, but all you need to do is remind them that you love them. True love really does bring out the best. Do you love Thorin?" he asked
Bilbo nodded, "More than anything or anyone else."
Balin smiled, "Then why are you so worried? Take a few deep breathes, it will be alright."
Bilbo gave him a watery smile and sipped his bourbon.
"Thank you, Balin."
"Your welcome, laddie."
2 weeks before the wedding
It was two weeks before the wedding and Bilbo was still freaking out. One minute he was filled with joy that he was getting married, and then next minute he was paralyzed with fear. All the invitations had been sent out, replies had been returned, they had a finalized guest list and a room full of wedding presents. They were truly past the point of no return and Bilbo was starting to think that getting married was a bad idea. He couldn't do it, he couldn't face his friends and family, what would they think of him? What if the marriage only lasted 6 months and all this was for nothing? He didn't want this all to be for nothing. He didn't want to be at Erebor, he didn't want to see Thorin anymore; he wanted to be at his old home in Bag End, he longed for the days where he would be alone just tending to his garden. He just wanted to be left alone, but that was hard to do when the wedding plans were being finalized and everybody wanted his attention at once. Thorin didn't understand why Bilbo was crying all the time, and he was upset that Bilbo was being so distant with him. They argued over stupid things, and more than once did Thorin storm out, feelings bruised by Bilbo's angry words.
9 days before the wedding, Bilbo was walking up the stairs when he heard a distinct sniff. He looked up and saw a very disgruntled Thorin sitting at the top of the staircase.
"Are you okay?" Bilbo asked
"No. No I am not okay. I hate that you are shutting me out. It makes me feel like I am loosing you." he cried.
"Oh Thorin, no. No please don't think that." Bilbo rushed up to his fiancé and sat down next to him.
"Look at me." he said
Thorin looked up and their eyes met.
"I know this past week has been hard on you, but you have to remember that I love you very much."
"You still want to marry me?" he asked
And then it hit Bilbo; he had been acting like the biggest asshole in history. Thorin loved him more than anything and Bilbo was just casting that love away because he was too caught up in his own fears. Suddenly all those previous fears about marriage fell away and Bilbo realized that they were meant to me.
"Of course, you doofus. I love you so much. You are the only thing that makes sense to me." Bilbo said, taking Thorin's hands and kissing them.
Thorin smiled, "Oh thank god."
"I'm sorry I have been acting crazy."
"You have been a bit weepy."
"But it's never about you. Sometimes I get caught up with myself and I panic, but now I know theres nothing to panic about because you are my soul mate and I love you." Bilbo said, patting his hand.
Thorin smiled, and kissed him on the lips. Bilbo kissed back and felt his heart rise up in his chest. They were getting married! How exciting! What an adventure!
The night before the wedding
The night before the wedding, Bilbo sat alone in his room. He and Thorin had agreed not to see each other after the rehearsal dinner, so that they would surprised as Bilbo walked down the aisle in his wedding suit. Bilbo was strangely calm, all the stress and worry over the last few weeks had drained from him, and now all he felt was a buzz of excitement in his chest; they had done it, they had survived the engagement period and now they were finally going to get married. He was going to start a beautiful new chapter in his life tomorrow, and he was surprisingly excited about it, and not the least bit scared. He was looking forward to this new chapter, and even thought his old life had been a good one, it dulled compared to this new one he was about to take.
Night of the wedding.
Bilbo was starving. He hadn't had the chance to eat the food he had spent months drooling over because everybody kept congratulating him, and then everybody had wanted to dance with him. Bilbo was exhausted, but he had never been happier. He looked over at Thorin and beamed, Thorin smiled back.
"You are glowing." he said, touching Bilbo's cheek.
"I feel like I'm glowing. I guess this is my moment."
"What moment?"
"All year long, people kept saying that when you are engaged you seem to glow from the inside and I think part of the reason this past year has been hard on me was because I never felt that glow everyone was talking about. And just now I realized that, I am glowing because I am married—not engaged—married to you. This is my purpose, this is what I was meant to do all along and I just didn't realize it until just now." Bilbo said
Thorin smiled, and then started laughing.
"What?"
"If only I had a time machine so you could go back and tell yourself just that, it would have saved us a lot of stupid fights."
Bilbo laughed, "They were stupid, weren't they?"
"And it would have saved you a lot of tears. No more crying, you are cried out. You promise?" Thorin said, playfully scowling at him.
Bilbo smiled, and felt himself tear up just a big.
"Darn it, Bilbo! What did I just say?"
"These are happy tears! I swear! I am so happy, and relieved, I could just cry and laugh all night!"
Thorin smiled and took his hand, and they both stared at the matching gold wedding bands. Bilbo grabbed his mug of tea and raised it up high.
"To us, and to our glorious future full of love, laughter and many nights of passionate love making." Bilbo said
Thorin smiled and raised his glass, "To us." he whispered.
And they truly lived happily ever after.
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I honestly have no idea where that came from. All I know is that I was freaking out about getting married, and then I was writing and this is result. My wedding is in 72 days and it's just been crazy! But for some crazy reason I feel more grounded now that I have actually written down some of my fears. I hope you enjoyed my rambling!