I've always wanted to write some Gintama ff, and since I love fem!Hijikata, I made something like this.

Sorry for any mistakes, but I tend to sleep in my english classes.

The Shinsengumi trio were sitting silently on a couch at Yorozuya apartment. Across them the other couch was occupied by Gintoki and kids, and even Sadaharu found a way to fit between them just to look at those unusual guests.

The whole situation felt just weird, not only because the Odd Jobs didn't expected to have such clients, but also there was a woman between Sougo and Kondo-san, wearing the same uniform as them. And this was definitively weird according to Gintoki. He didn't remember any women in Shinsengumi, what more he thought that it was prohibited for them to join.

"Emm..." Shinpachi was the first person to break the silence. "I don't know if I heard right, Kondo-san. You need us to help you, right?"

"Yes" he answered, arms across his chest. He shut his eyes, nodding repeatedly.

"But..."

"Who is it"? asked Kagura, stealing questions from Shinpachi's mouth and pointing her finger at the girl. In other hand she had sukonbu she was chewing a moment ago. "Oi, Gorilla. I hope you haven't started any harem at the barracks. And you call yourself a cop? I wonder how we can take an example from a bunch of greedy bastards like you!"

"Kagura-chan, what are you saying?!" yelled Shinpachi, not believing his own ears. He got up from the couch immediately, what caused Sadaharu to flop down on the floor.

"What?" The Yato looked at him with innocent eyes. "Gin-chan says that often."

And then there was a silent again, they could only hear their breaths and quiet rattles made by Sadaharu, who lost his interest in this little show and chose to pace across the room without reason. Not even Gintoki dared to make any noise because those were Shinsengumi, the bastards who could arrest you without any reason, the bastard who can do what the fuck they want, the bastards who...

"Gin-chan also says that they're the bastards who...mmm!" A hand went to Kagura's mouth to silent her.

"Shut the fuck up, you little glutton!"

Gintoki sweatdropped. He had to keep this stupid girl from speaking unnecessary things because Sougo started looking behind the sofa to probably pull out a bazooka. And Gintoki definitively didn't want to have his house in ruin.

Shinpachi had given up evidently, because he haven't moved an ich for like ten minutes already, frozen in standing position with his mouth open wide.

"I'm only saying that... Ah! Gin-chan, move your smelly hand!"

"Your hand's smelly! Agh, it reeks of sukonbu, go away from me!"

The argument kept on, turning in a moment into a small fight between Gintoki and Kagura. Shinpachi who had returned to life after his little mind brake, tried to stop the duo but failed mercilessly, receiving some elbow punches in the gut and a hand in his hair pulling him hardly. Their yells echoed through the apartment. Then they stopped suddenly when they heard foreign voice.

"Would..."

"Eh...?" They cocked their head in unison.

"Would you finally shut the fuck up?! My head's killing me from your yelling! I thought you were gonna accept our request, fucking idiots!"

The woman who was quiet all this time, now was standing before them, panting, eyes blue and angry. Before Gintoki hadn't seen her face because she'd been hiding it the whole time but in this moment he could see her clearly. Long black hair with two cutely made pigtails remained him of someone.

"But you are the only one who's yelling, Hijikata-san" Sougo said with a smirk, evidently pleased with others reaction.

"Hijikata-san...? It's Hijikata-san?!" yelled Shinpachi with a pure shock. "But what happened? Why is he a girl?"

"We don't know yet, but we're working at it" said Kondo calmly. "And as I said before we're here to ask for help, Yorozuya."

"What, so he's a girl again? Oi, Gorilla, did those freaks came to earth again?" asked Gintoki picking his nose and completely ignoring what Kondo had said.

Hijikata also ignored everything, too pissed at what happened to her, and sat back on the couch. Then she pulled a pack of cigarettes and lit one.

"Gin-chan, does that mean that I will have to tear it up again? Oi, will I have to do it again?"

"Hey, no one asked you to tear up your own balls, you idiot."

When everyone settled down at last, Kondo returned to previous topic.

"So are you gonna help us, Yorozuya-san?" He asked looking into Gintoki's red eyes with hope and slight desperation. Even for a stupid gorilla like him it seemed too serious. Gintoki stayed still for a moment, deep in thought.

Kagura still was eating her sukonbu eyeing suspiciously Sougo who was staring back at her, bubble gum in his mouth.

"But what are we supposed to do, Kondo-san?" Shinpachi spoke after a while. "We can't magically turn him back."

"Unfortunately, we can't do that either. But we'll need you to do some research in Edo, maybe someone knows something. And there's also one thing." Kondo sniffed and then sobbed so much that he couldn't catch up to wipe all the tears which poured from his closed eyes. "Toshi can't stay at the barrack anymoreee!" He cried, throwing himself on Hijikata who was ending her fourth cigarette already. The sudden shock made her jump in her seat.

"I wonder why?" Gintoki's smirk pissed her off more. "What, afraid of some muscled idiots?"

"Who's afraid?! And I can defend myself, you perm head!" She yelled, pushing Kondo away from her, but he didn't budge even an inch.

"Yeah, lots of gorilla-like idiots trying to take advantage of you, sure you can" Gintoki teased as he wiped his finger on Kagura's red costume, staining it with a wax from his ear. "Do you even know how to hold a sword properly? I doubt it, with this body you can't do a shit."

"Oi, what did you say!"

If only Kondo wasn't holding her back with his steal grip still on her, she would definitively break some necks today. Not only Gintoki, Sougo too was making fun of her all day! And of course Yamazaki'd also get a serious beating just for seeing her in this state this morning!

"Toshi, he's right" said Kondo, when he finally released her. "We can't let others see you like this and you can't stay at barrack either. What do you think they say if they see a woman in a dojo? It's one of our prohibition, so what do you think they do if they see us breaking our own rules?" Seeing him so serious was weird, almost as he was out of character. But Hijikata knew better. This was the Kondo-san she respected and admired. "And of course after seeing you, they could have wet dream about yo..."

"Nope!"

"Aghh! Toshi!"

There was a muffed groan as a hand hit him straight in the head, making him slip out of the sofa.

Hijikata was panting once again. She buried her hand in a pocket to find a light and have a smoke for the umpteenth time this day. She was just so freaking stressed. Not everyone finds out that after waking up they have somewhere more flesh while something is missing.

"So as you already know, Danna, Hijikata needs a place to stay for some time starting today" said Sougo and he dig his shoe into Kondo's side just to make sure he passed out. "I think it's a good place for him to stay. We'll pay you, of course."

"Oi, since when you're nice to him, Souchiro-kun? And..."

"It's Sougo."

"And you're sure you don't want him at barracks, I don't know, to make him seppuku for breaking some shit worth rules he created himself?"

"As long as I would love to do this I have orders to follow" he said without care. "And he's a woman now, so it lacks all fun to humiliate him, but I can still have some fun after he change back."

"Since when you don't pick a fight with women, you sadist?" Kagura butted into the conversation. "We're fighting like everyday."

"Since when you classify as a woman, China?"

"What did you say?!"

"What you heard."

"I'm gonna kill you!"

"Bring it on!"

Gintoki didn't give a fuck about Kagura when she threw herself at Sougo with bloodlust fists, nor about Shinpachi who was yelling at them to stop. He was too deep in his own thoughts to pay attention to some kids playing around. What was in his head was something what everyone his age seeks. Money.

Because he was going to earn a lot of money he would gladly let stay some people in his house. Even Mayora. And when he's in this state it was even simpler. Let's be honest, he's just a girl, what could go wrong?

"What are you looking at, you dick?" Growled Hijikata, when only for a second their eyesight crossed.

He didn't answered, just sighed.

Yeah, what could go wrong...?

When Sougo exited the room with still unconscious Kondo, the yorozuya trio was sitting quietly on the couch. The silence again spread around the room as they do nothing but look at each other.

"So... You're gonna stay here, right?" Like before, Shinpachi was the first to speak.

"I don't have really many options" Hijikata lit her cigarette and looked at him. "If Kondo-san wants me to stay here, I can't oppose, even though I don't like this idea. Anyway, except barracks I don't have a place to go."

She closed her eyes as she blew out a smoke.

In this form she couldn't do much, even go home. And maybe she once was changed into a women when those neuter weirdos shot them with some kind of laser, but her body was different now. Less fluffy and heavy. She saw herself in a mirror this morning but was too shocked to actually take a good look at herself, so she at least felt thinner than Tenko.

"Okey, I think we're done here" Gintoki get up and walked to a hall to put his boots on. "I'm going out for awhile."

"Gin-san, going to Pachinko again?" Shinpachi asked with slight disgust, slowly approaching the other male. "We should talk with Hijikata-san a little more, don't you think? How about a..."

"You two can talk with her, Patsuan. I have some shopping to do." He showed him an amount of money Sougo left him to some important things like new clothes for Hijikata and food. He hid it behind his yukata as he said, "She can't wander around town in this uniform, can she?"

After a quick talk, Shinpachi went to the kitchen to make a dinner. Kagura was chewing her sukonbu as always, and Hijikata was smoking, not knowing what else she could do or say. She was tired already. Just too much things happened at once.

"Mayora, how is it that you're not fat and ugly like the other time?"

"H-How should I know?" She replied, turning her blushing face to the side. Seriously, it wasn't like she choose to be like that back then. Furthermore, this show would be so cliched when everyone had a nice body as Ginko. And being a little overweight isn't bad, is it? And what the hell she was thinking about?!

Hijikata took another drag from her cigarette. She had more problems than thinking about her previous girly appearance.

Kagura decided not to speak anymore, which was good, until she saw Shinpachi came with food. She took from him a bowl happily and immediately dig in.

"Here" said Shinpachi as he passed her over a bowl of rice with some sauce on it. It didn't look too good, but she could manage. "We don't have a mayonnaise, though."

"It's fine."

"So, do you know why did you end up like this?" He sat next to Kagura. "Maybe you remember something...?"

"No, not really."

"Mm."

Gintoki came back an hour later with some bags in his hands. He entered living room to see his table moved and there was a futon spread in its place. The tv was on and everyone was watching it.

When Gintoki put the bags next to Hijikata, she looked at him first but then she went through them to see what he had bought her.

"Are you kidding me?" She asked while holding a pair of white cotton panties. The bag had a few more in. "You were supposed to buy me a yukata, you brainless idiot!"

She felt a big blush on her cheeks when Kagura looked at them and then smirked. Shinpachi on the other hand looked away, but his red ears were still in sight.

"You need some underwear. What, you didn't plan on wearing your old boxer, did you?" Gintoki snickered, seeing embarrassment on her face. He walked to her and pass her over the other bag. "Check this one."

She eyed him suspiciously, but did what he said. Her brow twitched as she grab a purple cloth.

"What the fuck is this?"

"A yukata. Yukata" he answered, getting annoyed.

"Where the fuck did you get this from?!" She got up and showed him it.

"Oh, you'll look good in this" said Kagura with bored expression, what only made Hijikata more angry. She had also a finger in her nose and with that she looked exactly like Gintoki. And she hated the bastard at the moment. She also hated this yukata. Who in the world would like to wear something with pigs' head on it?!

"Tsk. You should sometime pull that stick out of your ass, Mayora. It was just a joke. A joke!"

He took the yukata from Hijikata grasps and then throw another one at her, which landed on her head.

This time it had a dark color, just like her old yukata she was wearing as a men, but there were also many light pink and white flower in the bottom.

"I really hope it will do, because I don't wanna go back to that shop. Too many girly stuff and all."

"It's okay" she said. Actually, it was more than okay, but she wasn't going to say she liked it. "And get rid of that!"

She pointed at yukata Gintoki was still holding. He only smirked and said, "Don't worry. It'll go where it belongs."

He patted the cloth, going to the kitchen.

"Just throw it away!" She yelled after him.

She sat back at the couch and sent an angry gaze at the kids, who were watching them all this time. As they turn away, she dug in her pocket to find a lighter.

She wanted this all to end and just go to the barrack, have some sparring with others officers at dojo and then go wash herself and go sleep in her own futon. And beyond everything she just wanted her body back!

Suddenly something removed a cigarette from her mouth before she even lit it.

"Oi, don't smoke here. Do it outside."

Gintoki was standing before her with slightly disgusted expression. She knew he didn't like when someone was smoking near him and she often did it just to irritate him, but now she can endure. It was his house, after all.

Seeing that she wasn't going to reply, he said, "Okay, now is time to go do some researches."

"Researches?" Hijikata repeated, furrowing her brows as she followed him with her eyesight to the hall. "Aren't you going to just gamble? Megane said you do it all the time."

"Because it's true..." Shinpachi sighed.

"Oi, Gin-chan, if you're going out, can I go with you? I have to take Sadaharu for a walk."

"Kagura-chan, you can do it without Gin-san."

"But I want to have an eye on him, if he really went to pachinko."

"Would you be quiet for a moment?" Growled Gintoki, putting his boots on. "They hired us, so I'm going to do some of the job. You just stay and wait here."

"If it's a job, I'm also going" demanded Shinpachi as he got up from the sofa and he walked to Gintoki with Kagura and her giant dog.

Before they were gone, Shinpachi turn to a woman on a couch.

"Hijikata-san, I hope it won't take too much time. You can do whatever you want here." And he disappeared after glassy door.

She decided to smoke, and when she was looking for her light, an irritating voice reached her ears.

"Don't you dare touch my strawberry milk!"

"As If I'd drink something disgusting as this!"