"Pass up a chance to work with Cate? I must have really hated myself."

When the interview was over at last, the sun had begun to set and the air was turning chilly. Rooney's dessert had long since melted to a thin, milky puddle, slowly drying along the bottom of the container. Lauren from Elle collected her notes and thanked Rooney again for the time. Rooney demurred and said something pleasant in kind. They made small talk as they left the restaurant and then parted ways.

Rooney slipped on her sunglasses and adjusted her scarf fashionably around her neck and shoulders as she made her way back home. She elected to walk the few blocks, to excise the subtle nerves she always developed under any media scrutiny. So begins the months-long promotional period for Carol… She still had many more such encounters lined up this month.

And she would be seeing Cate soon, she knew.

Cate.

—

London premiere.

Rooney fidgeted in her ruffled dress. Another succession of flashes flooded her vision as she schooled her expression into a careful neutral, deliberating shifting from side to side for the cameras.

She heard her name rise over the din of voices. There were others vying for her attention, beyond the railing that held back paparazzi, bloggers, fashion journalists, but she felt the recognition of this particular voice in her skin. A slow tingle started in the base of her neck.

"Rooney Mara!"

Rooney turned towards an elegant silhouette, a blonde halo of hair, gliding in her direction. Cate appeared as much an untouchable dream in her shimmering black gown as she always did.

And then Cate was looming over her with warmly appraising eyes, a smile curving her pink lips. She gestured at and skimmed Rooney's sheer dress with light and graceful hands.

"Now this is gorgeous," Cate murmured, "Alexander McQueen?"

A violent wave of butterflies erupted in the pit of Rooney's stomach but she managed to say, "Yes."

—

Publicity events and interviews and the rapid clip of her promotional schedule in different cities were always exhausting, but they were made tolerable with her cast mates and Todd and Phyllis, where she could nearly imagine herself as an invisible spectator for periods of time. Todd's presence in particular helped Rooney feel anchored - always insightful and voluble. And Cate - well, Cate was unsettlingly charismatic even while parroting the company line for the umpteenth time. "Carol is a love story…"

They sometimes had dinner together, small but lively celebrations along with close friends and family, basking in the successes of Cannes and other screenings. The critical response was impossibly positive so far - the cynical part of Rooney couldn't help but wonder when the other shoe would drop.

She shared this with Charlie one afternoon over lunch back in New York, and he only shrugged. "It's good, enjoy it."

—

Rooney tried to enjoy it — or at least remain disaffected - but the screenings were also bringing back vivid memories of their month of filming. The first time she watched the finished product at Cannes, she felt herself uncontrollably slipping into a sea of self loathing while watching her own performance. All her anxieties during the early filming seemed embarrassingly visible on the big screen; she tried not to wonder if she was as obvious to those who knew her.

—

Months earlier...

Rooney stepped onto set after months of prep and rehearsal. Since they were shooting out of sequence, it would be Rooney's first but Therese's last scene in bed with Carol.

Rooney had read and re-read the script and talked at length with Todd. She knew this scene would precipitate another pivotal act in the film. Therese and Carol had made love in Waterloo, they had been traveling for some time already, and Therese had just watched Carol nearly come unhinged in her discovery of the private investigator. Therese yearned but was still uncertain which lines she was allowed to traverse in Carol's life.

It was not difficult for Rooney to imagine as she stood at her mark, across the half-lit bedroom from Cate, allowing the make-up team to adjust her wig and apply the finishing brushes of powder. In Therese's patterned pajamas, she felt half virgin bride, half silly awkward child, and entirely too vulnerable.

Todd signaled the start of filming and so it began.

Rooney remained in place for a beat, watching Cate speak into the phone. She allowed Therese's wordless longing to settle in her bones, making her heavy with feeling. Then Rooney started to climb into the adjacent unoccupied bed, allowing her hair to fall slightly over her face and her shoulders to bow. Cate shifted to look at her, and Rooney caught the minute, perfect softening of her naked features.

"You don't have to sleep over there," Cate said, in Carol's sad, husky voice.

Even tired and in the lightest dusting of make-up, Cate was too beautiful.

Rooney sucked in a small breath before heading over, seeing the camera roll backwards along the tracks, taking in the watching faces of the crew in her periphery. The room was respectfully hushed.

Rooney turned her back to them when she got onto the bed. Cate's expression crumpled on cue as they embraced tightly.

This was the closest she had been to the woman that had been her idol since she was thirteen. For a moment, Rooney's senses were deluged with surreal awareness. She wanted to shiver. Mercifully she didn't. But she could not overcome the deafening roar of blood rushing in her ears.

When Cate moved to release her, Rooney turned and her lips pressed into the soft hollow of Cate's neck. Beneath the subtle notes of the perfume she wore, Rooney could smell the sweet scent of her skin.

Rooney knew she was blushing furiously. Could Cate feel the heat of her ears, her cheeks? But Cate was a consummate professional, and gave no indication. Rooney could feel the gentle pressure of Cate's fingers against her wig, Cate's long legs shifting against hers, their breasts pressing together. She lifted a hand to Cate's hair, hardly daring to touch her.

Then, at last, their lips bumped and came together.

—

Cut scene and the set came to life again. As they detangled, Rooney sunk into a private humiliation but she did her best to mask her discomposure. Cate seemed unruffled, saying nothing of Rooney's reddened cheeks, and stood to stretch.

"I thought that went well."

"Yeah," Rooney responded, after a short pause.

They smiled at each other.

—

The scene was re-shot one more time with small changes for options in editing, and they moved onto the next.

That night, Charlie called. Cheekily, he cut to the chase - "Was she everything you dreamed of?"

Rooney groaned, covering her face with her hand. "It was fine."

"Saving it for the spank bank?"

"Don't."