Mean the World to Me
Rating/Warnings: T/None, really. It just doesn't seem like a K+
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, and am not making any money off of this fanfic.
Summary: After losing to the Orichalcos, Yami needs help to get himself back. It's not much, but Jonouchi can only try. JxYY.
Author's Notes: This plot bunny should have been shot at birth, I know, but once I started writing it I just wanted to continue. It was hard to write, though. Maybe too hard. :frowns:
Setup: This is during the DOOM saga, after Yami came back from playing the Seal of the Orichalcos. It is almost directly after Jonouchi hit him, and I'm playing off of the possibility that Yami decided to run into the trailer. That, and that he's dating Jou. :D.
The bruise spreading like water across Yami's cheek stung; he held onto it softly with his palm as he gazed into nothing. The fixtures of light and heat around him seemed to do just as much, and only made him realize exactly how out-of-place he really was in the modern world.
He didn't mean to run away like that, but after Jonouchi hit him, Yami wasn't sure of what to do. Never had Jonouchi ever raised a fist to any of his friends, least of all Yami.
Yami, who was more than a friend to Jonouchi; more than anyone could be.
So now the spirit sat inside of Rebecca's trailer, on the floor in front of a storage closet. He was trying so hard not to cry, because he didn't deserve to. He didn't deserve his feelings, or his thoughts, either. He didn't deserve the skin that he was living in, or the pain that he felt because of the damaged skin on his face.
Yet the tears slipped out anyway. Yami was the sole reason for Yugi losing his soul, and that just hurt so much. Yugi, who was dragged into so much by completing the Millennium Puzzle, was destroyed by something that he didn't even mean to create. He had set Yami free, and to repay him for releasing him from that hell Yami wouldn't even listen to his one request.
When had Yugi ever asked for anything? When had he ever demanded or begged for something that he wanted? Did Yugi even want anything more from life other than what he already had?
Would he ever get it again?
And worse yet, Yugi was absolutely correct in his pleas. Yami shouldn't have played that card. He shouldn't have given into the temptations of darkness, just like he had told others not to do. He had not only thrown his own advice to the side, but he had ignored Yugi, the other half of his soul, too. That was unforgivable.
Of course it was unforgivable. Even if Yugi didn't hate Yami for what he had done, there was no way for him to say it. There was no way for him to hold Yami gently in their mind and tell him that it was all alright.
There was no way for Yami to apologize.
Yami loved Yugi. Maybe it wasn't in the same way that he loved Jonouchi, but he still loved him. How could he not? He was always there, touching Yami's mind gently, just reminding him that he was there. He gave the spirit confidence, not ego, and was the voice of reason in Yami's head that reminded him of what he was fighting for.
But now that was gone, and mixed in with the guilt and sadness was a black loneliness. Yami had never felt something so painful in his entire existence.
The sound of metal on metal alerted Yami to someone entering the trailer. He heard footsteps granting the visitor passage to the space, and Yami knew that there was no way to avoid a confrontation. If someone wanted to hit him again then he would have welcomed it; he deserved the pain, and just hoped with all of his broken heart that it would be enough to knock him out.
How cowardly.
But no, no one hit Yami, much to his confusion. They didn't speak right away, either, and just sat down next to the dejected being on the floor. The scent of light cologne alone let Yami know that this person was Jonouchi, but he didn't look at him. There was no point.
The spirit sniffed and repressed a shudder. He hated this silence, but there wasn't really anything to say that he hadn't said already. An apology would have been foolish, and might have flared the other's temper even more.
Warm fingers slowly brushed across the purple mark on Yami's skin; he neither nuzzled nor pulled away from the hand, "I didn't mean to hit you," Jonouchi's voice floated out of the silence, sounding almost eerie, "I just lost my temper."
Yami didn't say anything, and only blinked.
The other duelist spoke again in light of the silence, "I've never seen you like this before, Yami; you're scaring me, and I think that's why I got so mad." Jonouchi was the only one of the group that called the spirit 'Yami;' before it was something of a comfort to the Pharaoh, being addressed like this while they were alone, but now it just shocked him. Darkness had never scared him before, yet now he wanted to rid himself of the name forever.
"Jonouchi-kun," Yami started, not sure of what to say. Nothing could justify or even excuse the crime that he had committed; it seemed foolish to even try. He decided to just try speaking a simple truth, "I feel empty."
Jonouchi didn't answer right away; it was possible that he was silently sighing as he pondered his response, "Yami, I know that you're scared." The smaller duelist hadn't even thought of that. Jonouchi continued before the spirit could respond, "But being scared and talking like you were isn't going to solve anything. Time and time again you were the one that held us together and made us think that we were strong when we were really only weak. You can't give up on us now, not when one of us really needs you."
Tears were falling from Yami's face again before he could even try to stop them, "He's gone, Jonouchi-kun. I can't feel Aibou at all. I feel like he's-"
"Shh," Jonouchi softly interrupted the other, and wrapped his arm around Yami's quivering shoulders; he wiped away the tears falling from his eyes, "Don't, because you know that it's not true. Souls don't just disappear, Yami, you know that. Yugi's here somewhere, and we'll get him back."
Yami's next words were a whisper; he was ashamed that he had even though of them, "Do you really believe that, Jonouchi-kun?"
Silence.
The word fell from the blonde's lips like dead weight, "No."
Jonouchi wrapped his other arm around Yami as the Pharaoh's shaking intensified; he pulled the smaller into his chest. Yami really didn't think that Jonouchi would answer like that, and it was another shock that froze the spirit to the core. One of Yami's hands fisted itself in Jonouchi's denim coat, while the other held what little balance Jonouchi wasn't. "I didn't mean to, Jonouchi-kun, I swear I didn't. One minute the thought of losing crossed my mind, and the next…"
He couldn't finish.
"Yami," He started again before the other had completely composed himself, "I don't think that any of us really believe that Yugi's out there. But what if he is? What if we don't look for him, and he's locked away forever? We can't do that to him."
"But what if he's gone?" Yami whispered. He was so afraid that Yugi was really gone. He was so afraid that he wouldn't be able to apologize, and that his best and closest friend in the entire world was dead. He was afraid to carry on without him.
"Then he's gone," Jonouchi whispered back, and Yami thought that he felt a foreign tear sliding down his neck from where the blonde was perched on his hair. It didn't seem like Jonouchi was angry anymore, but rather just as depressed as Yami himself was. He held the spirit even closer to him as he continued.
"But Yami, I don't want you to give up." This time it was Jonouchi that sniffed; he took a deep breath immediately after to compose himself, "Remember before, when I was down? Or when Marik had me and everyone thought that I was lost, too? You and Yugi saved me then. You have to have that same attitude now."
"Aibou was the one that saved you in the end, Jonouchi-kun," Yami said sadly, his voice muffled by Jonouchi's body, "I didn't do anything. Without Yugi I am worse than nothing to you all."
The blonde did not respond after Yami's statement; the spirit took the space as an affirmation, and he knew that it was true. Yami was just the third wheel to this tight group of friends, and they didn't need him at all. The only person that really did was Yugi, but he was gone. There was no point in even existing now, was there?
But suddenly Yami was held tighter against Jonouchi, and he felt more tears sliding down his neck, "Do you…really think that, Yami? Do you really think you're nothing to us? To me?"
"I was all alone in that circle, Jonouchi-kun," Yami admitted painfully, "And…look what I did."
The other duelist abruptly pulled away. His brown eyes were flashing with something that Yami just couldn't place, "You made a mistake," He said shortly. "We all make them, and you just have to move on."
"Jonouch-" Yami started to say…to disagree. But he couldn't, because Jonouchi kissed him. He pulled Yami's face in close, and pressed his lips hard against the smaller's. Yami just closed his eyes, unsure if he was feeling pleasure or pain. All thoughts fled from his abused mind, and he didn't know what he was going to say when his mouth was free once more.
But Jonouchi was the first to speak once their mouths were separated, "You mean something to Yugi, Yami. You mean more to him than anyone in the entire world. He's done the things to get him where he is in life because of you. Every accomplishment that he has ever made, he credits to you." Yami opened his mouth to speak, but Jonouchi voiced his thoughts instead, "And everyone else knows that it's not true, that it was his own strength that got him through the tough times, but not him.
"Yugi needs you now, Yami, regardless of whether or not he can even feel it. I know that he means just as much to you as you do to him, and you need to show that. I know you're scared Yami, of what will happen if you find him to be really gone. I am, too. So please, help us get him back. You're the only one who can."
Yami dropped his eyes and ran the pads of his fingers along the edges of the Millennium Puzzle. Everything that Jonouchi had said was true; everything that he had voiced mirrored Yami's thoughts exactly. But there was still that barrier; there was still something that was bothering Yami, and he couldn't push through it.
Yami was afraid of himself, and he was afraid of what he was capable of now that Yugi wasn't there to hold him back. The darkness was going to take him at once again, and there was nothing anyone could do about it if Yami really wanted to save Yugi.
But Jonouchi was right, and Yami had to keep going, even if more people were hurt. He had started down a path that he shouldn't have walked on, and the only way to get back to the start was to turn around and walk that distance again. But no matter how terrifying it was, Yami still had to do it because that was the only way that things were going to get better.
If things were going to get better at all.
Jonouchi's fingers rose to Yami's face again to wipe away more tears. The spirit didn't even realize that they were there. "Jonouchi-kun?" Jonouchi nodded, "I…I want to save Yugi, and I really want to keep going. But I started something that's not over yet, and I think that more people are going to get hurt because of what I did." He raised his irises to look into Jonouchi's eyes, which were gazing at him with a mixture of concern and comfort, "If I do…will you still try to help me?"
Jonouchi pulled Yami into his arms again and kissed his hair; it seemed like Yami had made the first right decision amidst a series of wrong ones, and the blonde was somehow proud, "Yami, Yugi isn't the only one that you mean the world to." As Yami wrapped his arms around Jonouchi as well, he continued, "And you don't make mistakes twice. You're not going to hurt Yugi, or any of us, ever again."
"Jonouchi-kun?"
"Yeah?"
It wasn't enough. Even though Jonouchi did the best that he could, and even though Yami now knew what he had to do, he wasn't feeling any better. Not really. He wouldn't feel right again until he fixed what he had wronged and had Yugi back inside of his mind; back with Yami. He wouldn't feel whole again until he had the chance to apologize.
But Jonouchi opened the spirit's eyes to that and helped him to see the truth. For that he was grateful, and was reminded of just how much he really loved Jonouchi. He was reminded of how much Jonouchi meant to him, too. "Thank you."
Author's Notes: See? I should have killed this before I started writing it, but just be glad that I killed the Burger King fic before I wrote that. :D.
I think that I lost sight of this story about half way through...hmm...
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