Title: All that's left
Author: D Sollers
Subject: ONESHOT. Jason shakes his head, surprised that Sonny could even be asking him such a ridiculous question. He's acting as if he's never lived through any of this. As if he's never held the woman he loves and not known whether she'd live or die.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with GH or any of the characters. Although I could fight over the rights to Mr. Jason Morgan :-)
Author's Note: I just wanted to point out that I hated how they had Sonny acting this week. Talking to Jason as if he's never lost anything, or come close to losing something because of his job. I hated it. Thus how this was created. I'd like to give a special thanks to BG- because she's awesome and read this over for me. To Kel- even though she went to bed and didn't get a chance to read it. Hopefully you'll enjoy! To Lizzy and Amanda cause I know you'll read this and review (right?!) and to Liv- simply cause she's awesome!
All that's left
by:
D Sollers
"Before you go, I just want you to look at her and picture Elizabeth.
Alright? Fighting for her life and you tell me that you wouldn't do anything you can to go after the people who did this?"
-Sonny
The whole day seems like a blur to him.
And the only thing he can focus on is that yet again, someone he knows is lying in the hospital. Fighting for their life. It's not as if he's particularly fond of Kate but he can tell that Sonny is in pain. He hates knowing that the people he loves most in the world are often the ones that are hurt the most.
He's spent the last half an hour trying to make Liz understand how dangerous a relationship with him could be. That she's not just risking her safety but the safety of her children's as well. She doesn't seem to care, he can't help but notice. All she sees is him but that's not something he can focus on. Not now. And maybe not ever.
The next thing he knows, he's standing next to Sonny as Sonny begins to question his loyalties. He's out for revenge, only he has no idea who's done this. Sonny's asking what would happen if it was Elizabeth lying in the hospital bed, wouldn't he seek out revenge?
Jason shakes his head, surprised that Sonny could even be asking him such a ridiculous question. He's acting as if he's never lived through any of this. As if he's never held the woman he loves and not known whether she'd live or die. As if he's never sat beside the person he loves bed and grieved for the possibilities of never seeing her again. Of never holding her.
As if his job has never endangered any of the people he loves.
He stares at Sonny before he speaks- hoping that somehow this person that he's loved like a brother, will somehow understand where he's coming from. They can't start a war without having all of the information. He wants his friend to know that he's been there, he understands the hopelessness that Sonny's feeling.
That he remembers what it feels like.
That he's witnessed Sam in that very hospital on more than one occasion. He's grieved over Sonny and Sam's still born child as if it were his own. He was powerless to stop the virus outbreak that had taken her brother as a victim. He'd held her in his arms as a bullet hit her, one that was meant for him.
He wants to tell Sonny if there is one person in the world, who understood where he was coming from- it was him.
But he can't bring himself to say anything.
If he mentions Sam's name, there would be no turning back. He'd have to admit that when he sleeps at night, his dreams were all of her. He'd have all of his old feelings come rushing back to him and he wasn't sure that his heart could take it. He'd have to face Sam moving on with her life, content and in love with Lucky.
So instead of telling Sonny the truth, he offers a lame excuse and moves out of the room. He needs out of the hospital before the memories over take him. He needs to get the hell away from Liz before he says something he'll regret and away from both Sonny and Kate who are too much of a reminder of his past. He needs to get away from all of the painful reminders of what his job has cost him.
--
Hours later he's alone in his pent house and he reaches for the almost empty bottle of tequila. He's found comfort in it before and he's hoping this time will be no different. And despite his better judgment, he's taken the box off of the top shelf of his closet and allowed himself to peek inside.
It's filled with pictures of how his life use to be, pictures where's actually smiling. There's no surprise that the majority of the pictures are of the people he loves most, there's a few of Sonny and Carly, one of Michael and several of Emily. At the bottom of the pile, there's several of Sam. A couple of them together but the majority are of just her.
Jason wants to take back the events of the day so that he can go back to pretending he doesn't care. That he doesn't feel. He leans his head against the couch and shuts his eyes, trying to drown out all of the memories he's successfully avoided for the last year.
And yet the only thing he can focus on, is the image in the back of his head. That it's not Kate lying helplessly in the hospital bed but Sam, years before. Before regret ever become an issue. Before their hateful words to each other and before either one of their betrayals.
He can remember clearly, just how much he loved her. As if she was the only one in the entire world that understood him. That didn't fight against him or for him but beside him. She knew his faults and all of his weaknesses and she'd loved him regardless.
Jason tries his best not to think about how much things would have been different, if he'd just followed his heart back then. If he'd stayed with her in that hospital room and had married her soon after.
They'd be together now, there was no doubt in his mind.
Maybe they would have still lived in Port Charles because that's where their families were. But perhaps, he'd have given up the business and moved them to Hawaii- a place they both had loved. Despite the odds, he knows they would have started their own family.
The doorbell rings and he wants to scream for whoever it is, to just go away. He's not in the mood to deal with whoever is on the other side of the door. The knocking continues and he knows there's no use. He stands up and walks towards the door, still holding the bottle of tequila in his hands.
Jason is shocked when Elizabeth is standing on the other side of the door. She's got her arms crossed over her chest and he knows that she's angry. That she's not about to allow him to turn his back on whatever relationship they've formed. Elizabeth pushes past him and walks into the pent house, glancing around the room and her eyes land on the coffee table where the pictures are still.
She glances up at him and shakes her head.
"We have to talk," she sighs.
Jason wants to yell at her. To tell her that there's nothing left to say and that she needs to get the hell away from him but he says nothing. She sits down on the couch and he follows behind her, carefully keeping his distance. He takes a sip of the tequila straight from the bottle as she begins to talk.
"I'm not letting you turn your back on us," she said finally.
Jason didn't say anything as she continued.
"I know you Jason and I know that every time you get close to someone, you pull away because you think your world isn't safe for the people you care about. But things are different now."
Jason wants to agree with her.
He wants to tell her that things are very different.
That it's not just her that he's worried about. It's the baby they share, it's her children that he's worried about. He wants to tell her over and over again that it's different because this time, he's not worried about the woman he loves but the family he's been given.
"You should leave."
He doesn't look at her as she begins to stand up from the couch.
"You're going to regret this Jason," she sighs. "You and I both know it."
She begins to walk to the door as he calls out for her. Elizabeth turns to face him and he shakes his head. He doesn't want to hurt her anymore than he has to and yet, he needs her to understand. Seeing Kate shot at her wedding was the only proof he needed to know that they could never be a couple. He wouldn't risk Jake's mother to such a life.
"Things are different now," he manages to say.
His thoughts trail back to his life with Sam and he shrugs his shoulders. He remembers how many times he was selfish enough to push her away, to make the decisions for her and he hates himself for it.
But this is different and Elizabeth needs to understand.
"If there's one thing this thing with Kate has taught me," he pauses for a moment, trying to perfect his thoughts. "Is that the life I could have had- is gone now."
Elizabeth goes to say something and he instantly cuts her off. He doesn't go into specifics, he doesn't explain that it's not a life with her that he's talking about. All he knows is that Sonny's right, it's not a job you can turn your back on.
One way or another, no one gets out of it alive.
He points towards his gun on the table and shakes his head.
"This is all I have left."
Fin.
So I know it's not great. But again, this is my second GH story.
Hopefully some of you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think.
Rember to review. :flower: