Breakfast with the G-boys
Subtitled: Quatre's Weetabix
Disclaimer: I have never written one of these in my whole life and I'm not about to start now - you didn't seriously think they were mine, didya?
Warnings: Aw hell, there's a first time for everything… SHONEN AI, OK, so if HOMOSEXUALITY offends you a) come on people, this is AC195 b) go away and c) flame me because of your own narrow-mindedness please, I'll have a right old laugh at ya!!
If you have a weird sense of humour, then you might just like this… It's meant to be funny, I KNOW that it isn't really, it was late when I wrote this. Anyway, ya know, homour me… You could even humour me if ya feel ya hafta! So, enjoy! Or don't, you know, and I'd say that's more likely…
Oh yes, one more thing, VERY important - this is dedicated to Claire, my supreme…supreme-person. Heh. It's 'cause she ALWAYS tapes Gundam Wing for me so I can watch it even though I don't have SKY, 'cause she puts up with me even though I'm a right bitch to her and everyone else in the known universe 127.9% of the time and 'cause if I was her I would have kicked me a long time ago.
Heero and Trowa sat at the kitchen table and didn't-talk over breakfast. They were in the middle of being fascinated by the not-witty and not-informative not-conversation when it was interrupted by a perpetually cheerful mentalist by the name of Duo Maxwell.
Duo bounced, noisily, into the kitchen and twirled around the table, laughing gleefully and succeeding in hitting both Heero and Trowa in the face with his braid in one spin.
"Hello!" He said, grinning at Trowa and stealing his toast. He then threw himself down on Heero's lap and flung his arms around Heero's neck.
"Morning Hee-chan! Oops, got…something…in your hair hey Trowa what is that on your toast?"
"Marmelade," Trowa said slowly.
"Yuck! I hate marmelade!"
Duo scrunched up his nose and threw the highly offensive piece of toast across the room. it stuck to the wall and Duo laughed at it.
"Hey Heero you gonna give me a kiss or what?"
Duo didn't wait for the impending "hn" but crushed his lips against Heero's. Heero didn't object in the slightest and slid his arms around the other pilot's waist.
"You taste like chocolate-spread!" Duo said, pulling back and licking his lips. "Mmm, I like chocolate-spread! Tro can you pass the…"
"chocolate-spread," Trowa finished, throwing the aforementioned spread in Duo's direction without looking up.
"Hn," Heero commented as the glass jar sailed past Duo and landed on the floor with a dull crash.
"You killed it!" Duo yelled, horror-stricken, and jumped up. As he knelt down and mourned the death of his poor chocolate-spread they heard the footsteps of someone hurrying down the stairs. Quatre rushed into the kitchen.
"Hurry, quick, quick!" he said breathlessly. "Quick, I need, quickly, a…"
"What is it little one?" a concerned Trowa asked and hurried to his lover's side.
"WEETABIX!" Quatre yelled.
"Uh…" Trowa said.
"Hn?" Heero said.
"OH my loyal chocolate-spread! Why, for the love of Heero Yuy WHY?!?!!!" Duo said.
"I NEED WEETABIX!" Quatre hollered and rushed to the sink.
"No weetabix," he said, panicking.
"There generally is no weetabix in the sink," Trowa told him seriously.
"Hn," Heero put in helpfully.
"Well I really think there ought to be!!!" Quatre cried wildly.
"Try the cupboard," Duo suggested, pointing. He seemed to have recovered from his grief and was trying to attract Heero's attention.
"Heero, come on man, listen to me! Heero why you looking at Quatre, what about me huh, Heero, Heero come on, me, look at me! Grr, OK you asked for it, desperate times call for desperate measures and all that
HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Heero winced.
Wufei, having just entered in his pink fluffy teddy-bear pajamas, jumped about five feet in the air. "AGH!" he screamed. "Where's Relena, where is she, oh take her away, please!"
"It's OK she's not here," Heero said shooting the trademarked death glare at Duo. "But her pajamas are… Why are you wearing her pajamas Wufei?"
"YOU SPOKE!" Duo said, awe-struck.
"There are NOT Relena's! Oh the injustice, these belong to Treize… er… They're… um…INJUSTICE!!!!"
Heero smirked and finally gave his attention to Duo, who was back on his lap and kissing heatedly at every part of him that he could find.
Meanwhile, Quatre was flinging things from various cupboards and bewailing the lack of weetabix.
"Cool," Wufei commented as he grabbed a passing box of pop-tarts. "Yum, my best flavour too, most definitely not-weak - chocolate!"
"How could you be so insensitive," Duo muttered half-heartedly as he pulled Heero's vest over his head.
Quatre stood up. His big eyes darted wildly around the room and he started chanting "weetabix, weetabix, weetabix weetabix, weetabix weetabix weetabix weetabix weetabix weetabix weetabix weetabix…
"Sh, hush little one," Trowa said, looking very worried as Quatre hung his head and began to sob because they were out of weetabix.
"I need a weetabix…" he said dejectedly.
Trowa tried to comfort him by putting his arms around him.
Quatre's head snapped up and he glared at Trowa.
"Do you -look- like a weetabix to -you- ???" he yelled, shaking his head.
Trowa took a few steps back.
"Uh…no?" he said uncertainly.
"Really?" Quatre asked and smiled inanely. "'Cause, you know, you look kinda like one to me. Not so much as to make me believe you actually WERE one…" The harmless smile evaporated and Quatre's eyes narrowed. "AHA!" he said. "So THAT's it - trying to fool me into believing you are a weetabix, are you?"
"No," Trowa said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it really was.
"Don't try to deny it!" Quatre said triumphantly, shaking a finger at Trowa.
"OK then, yes."
"What?!" Quatre's eyes filled with tears. "Trowa, you were trying to…trick me…I thought you loved me!!!!" he wailed.
"I do love you!" Trowa said desperately. "I love you…"
"…but you were just trying to make me think you were a weetabix," Quatre said bitterly.
"Er…what in the name of Nataku is going on?" Wufei had devoured the whole box of chocolate flavoured pop-tarts and was eyeing Quatre undecidedly.
"Weetabix!" Quatre laughed dementedly. Wufei backed away as Quatre headed toward him.
"You're a weetabix aren't you!" Quatre said joyfully, nodding his head enthusiastically.
"No, I am not! Weetabixes are weak! That is to say I am, I could be well…am I?" Wufei went on as Quatre's huge eyes filled once more with tears and he got that look that no-one could resist, all cute and heart-broken.
"Are you what?" he sniffled.
"A weetabix?"
Quatre stared up at him cynically.
"You should be locked, up, you should!" he stated. Then he grinned as he spotted the empty pop-tart box in Wufei's hand.
"Weetabix!" he muttered and grabbed the box, holding it protectively to his chest and beaming down at it. His face fell, however, as he ventured to look inside the box.
"You ate all the weetabixes," he said in a deadly whisper. "YOU ATE ALL OF THEM!!"
Wufei blinked.
"I'm going to kill you!" Quatre shouted and Wufei backed away from him again. Trowa looked on in horror as Quatre reached into his pocket. Wufei cringed - there was no telling what Quatre might do in this condition - but he had hysterics as Quatre pulled out a little piece of folded up pink paper and brandished it at him.
"AGHH!" Wufei mocked and Quatre shook the paper at him not-menacingly.
"What are you going to do, weakling?" Wufei said, laughing madly. "Beat me to death with the (duh duh duuuuuuhh) paper? Crush me with it's immense weight, perhaps? Paper-cut me up into little bits? Oh the injustice, I'm SO afraid PLEASE don't!!"
"Oh, you've persuaded me!" Quatre exclaimed brightly. "Alright, I won't!! But I still need weetabix…weetabix, weetabix weetabix weetabix…"
Trowa shrugged helplessly at Wufei as Quatre proceeded to pick up the phone and dial a random number.
"WEETABIX! WEETABIX DAMN YOU!" he screamed into the receiver before unceremoniously hanging up.
There was a loud crash. Heero and Duo's chair had fallen over but they didn't appear to have noticed and were plainly far too busy taking each others' clothes off to care.
"Hey!" Wufei screamed agitatedly. "Hey, get outta here! We don't wanna watch you two screwing each other silly! Ohhh the INJUSTICE!" he wailed and exited quickly as his nose began to bleed.
Duo and Heero took not the slightest bit of notice and continued to undress each other, kissing and sucking and sighing contentedly.
Trowa coughed.
"Er, he was right, you know," he said.
"Weeeee-tttaaaaaaa-biiiiixxx!" Quatre sang happily. He dipped his fingers in the dead chocolate-spread, then stood up and wrote on the wall with them;
WEETABIX it is nice weetabix weetabix oh yes nice it is
He dipped his fingers in it again and added
indeed
as an afterthought.
"Quatre, don't write on the walls in chocolate-spread," Trowa sighed. He walked over to Duo and Heero and shoved them with his shoe.
"Er, excuse me, uh, guys?"
Strangely enough, Duo and Heero didn't listen to him.
"Hey!" he said, louder. "Hey! Leave!"
No response.
"HEEYY!" he bellowed finally. "Oi! GET the HELL -OUT- of the KITCHEN!"
"Hn," Heero grumbled.
Duo looked up.
"Hey, Trowa! You got rude…" He looked impressed. "Alright, alright we're going!"
Heero stood unwillingly up. He pulled Duo to his feet too and started kissing his neck.
"Mmmmm," Duo responded and pulled his fingers through Heero's hair.
"STOP IT!" Trowa fumed.
"OK, alright!" Duo said, grinning and closing his eyes, tilting his head back as Heero lifted him easily and carried him out of the room.
"SORRY!" Trowa called after them, shaking his head sadly. "I'm not sure what came over me…"
He looked over at Quatre. Quatre had seized the toaster and was jumping up and down on it, screaming abracadabra weetabix abracadabra weetabix over and over again at the top of his voice.
"Quatre, Quatre, honey that's not going to work…"
"Don't mock me!" Quatre said warningly. He stopped jumping and glared malevolently at the toaster. "Don't mock me just because you have magic powers and I don't…"
"OK," Trowa said, wondering what on earth, or rather, L4 colony he was going to do with Quatre. Why was he being so…freaky? Had something happened to him?
"You have magic powers? Trowa that is SOOOO cool!" Quatre exclaimed. "Maybe YOU can turn this into a weetabix…"
Perhaps he was ill, Trowa reasoned.
"You can make a weetabix for me!" Quatre went on.
Or maybe, if he actually got a weetabix, he'd stop it…
"Uh, well, no, but I tell you what, I'll get you some from the shop."
Trowa shot a worried glance at his blond lover before turning to leave.
"What?" Quatre said in a small voice and Trowa turned back to see his big eyes shining. He scowled inwardly - he always gave in to Quatre's cute pity-me routine. He wondered if there was anyone out there in the universe who could resist it's cute-power.
"You're…you're leaving me…on my own??? Quatre faltered.
"I…um…oh Quatre," Trowa said, sighing. "I was going to the shop…"
"You were? Without me? What were you going to buy?"
"Weetabix," Trowa said sadly.
"You like that stuff?" Quatre asked. "Yuck, I can't stand it…" He gazed around the kitchen. "Man, what happened in here?"
He blinked.
"Hey Trowa!" he said cheerfully. "It's the morning!"
He rushed over to Trowa and hugged him tight, then kissed him gently on the lips.
"Good morning!" he said happily. And normally.
Trowa stared.
Quatre headed over to the fridge, poured himself a glass of orange juice and sat calmly down at the table.
"Someone wrote on the wall," he commented.
~fin~
Very scary I know. Very strange and altogether unfunny. Anyway, if you bothered to get this far, PLEASE review - oh PLEASE, oh PLEASE… Never mind.
Oh yeah, am I right in assuming that
owari means end? Cool…Aha! Now, a few of you don't seem to know what Weetabix is, I'm guessing it's an English thing and wherever you guys are you don't have it, anyway, for those of you who don't know it's a kind of breakfast cereal, it's, well, basically a wheat-biscuit which you put milk on and then eat. That sounds really yucky but it's actually very tasty. Hee hee hee.
Don't forget, feed me and I write!!!
*^_^*