Eva lay curled up in Naked Snake's big burly arms. The scent of blood and gunpowder filled the air. They lay snuggled up next to the fire. They had just finished a romantic dinner of tree frogs and alligator testicles. Life in the Russian Rain Forests was hard, but it did have its rewards.
"Snake?" peeped Eva.
"What?" replied Snake.
"I have a present for you," and with that she pulled a .45 caliber Wroughtein Pistol. Tears began to well up inside Snake's eyes.
"It's beautiful!" exclaimed a rather impressed Snake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Naked Snake lay with his two most important people in the world; Eva and his gun. After making sweet love to his magnum, he noticed a deformed child emerge from the underbrush. He offered him a tranquilizer pistol for 25 cents. It was a bargain, so Snake took the gun. BUT THEN! Another deformed boy emerged from the bushes screaming, "HE STOLE MY GRAVY GUN!"
Snake lunged forward, taking the boy of balance. He then used his famous CQC to shove the boy up his own shirt sleeve.
Snake then went back to more sweet hot love and gun sex.

Godzilla ripped through Tokyo, scorching the streets with his radioactive fire. People ran left and right, screaming their heads off, literally.
Then Big Boss descended from the sky, armed with only a tranquilizer pistol. Snake fired 5 shots into Godzilla's abdomen, but to no effect. Snake then took out a rocket launcher and shot a rocket at Godzilla. The Saurian lizard king didn't even flinch.
"Dammit!" said Big Boss. "I'm f***ing starving and this thing isn't dead yet....... AUTOBOTS! TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT!"
Then Optimus Prime, Bumble Bee, and Michael Jackson (in his robot form) descended from the sky. Naked Snake got inside Metal Gear MechaGodzilla Mk II.
Godzilla unleashed wave after wave of plasma blasts, scorching all the autobots to bits. Michael Jackson's last words were, "HEY-HE HE! JIMONE!"
Snake then used his ultimate attack: THE WIND UP DUCK TOY FROM PORTABLE OPS!
The plastic duck embedded itself inside Godzilla.
Snake then feasted on his corpse.
He then went home to say hi to Eva and to have some hot and steamy gun sex.

Years later Eva dumped him. But he still had his gun. Naked Snake would later go on to be the first man to be legally married to a fire-arm. They then had three children: David, Francis, and George.

THE END