Hey, everyone! Not much to say here, except that I had this plot bunny stuck in my head for a long while now, so I finally put it into words. This fic is set after the events of the Alicization arc, or least how I imagine they would turn out. In any case, be aware that this fic contains spoilers for various events throughout the light novel series!
Enjoy!
Memories of Aincrad
A soft flurry of snowflakes covered the dark sky, each mingling with the rest as they cascaded down in a majestic fashion. On a crisp night such as this, one would normally appreciate the spectacular beauty of nature at its finest, as the seemingly endless stream of snow blanketed what would be an otherwise busy city landscape. The lights from the various skyscrapers, neon signs, and other typical urban icons provided the perfect backdrop to what could be considered an incredible January night.
Kazuto sighed as he took in this fantastic view, staring intently through the sliding glass door of his apartment, which lead to a small balcony outside. His location on the sixth floor of the multi-storey building provided a breathtaking panorama of the city, something he had grown to appreciate since moving into the apartment complex only a few months ago. The unit itself was cozy, though fairly boilerplate; it consisted of a single bedroom that he and Asuna shared, a simple bathroom that was not too cramped, and a humbly spacious living room connected to a small, yet modern kitchen.
Following the Project Alicization fiasco, Kazuto didn't falter in his plans to move to the United States, in hopes of ultimately working on cutting-edge research and new developments in the realm of virtual reality and gaming. That was his passion after all, and with plenty of prestigious research groups seeking people skilled in the relevant fields, it was an opportunity that Kazuto simply could not pass up. Of course, Asuna maintained her original resolve and embarked on the journey as well, with an ultimatum that he would abstain from getting himself involved in some untested research technology without at least consulting her beforehand. Naturally, given the circumstances, he did not object.
Glancing at the digital clock situated on a nearby table, Kazuto sighed yet again as he realized it was already three in the morning. He reflexively readjusted the black sweatshirt he was wearing, as the wind outside momentarily gusted, buffeting the glass door with a fresh burst of snow. Although the temperature in the living room was comfortable, the lack of sleep coupled with the mere sight of the cold snow was causing him to feel as if he were standing outside, enduring the elements himself.
Looks like it's going to be another one of those sleepless nights, Kazuto thought to himself grimly. It doesn't help that I've got a pile of schoolwork waiting for me tomorrow either. Fantastic.
He and Asuna had enrolled in a local university shortly after moving into their new dwelling. Having completed high school in Japan, they wasted no time searching out a college where they could begin to pursue their interests and careers, and luckily, there were several nearby locations that satisfied their criteria. With the second semester of the year already underway, the two of them were quite busy with assignments, projects, and prerequisite preparations for the upcoming exams. As such, it would be natural for any student to stay up late and study during times like these, but for Kazuto, the reason was slightly different.
Only a few days ago, Kazuto and his friends cleared the seventy-fifth floor of New Aincrad in ALfheim Online. For most players, this would be a feat worthy of celebration, considering the exponential increase in difficulty compared to previous floors. Even the returning players from the now defunct Sword Art Online were enthused; most of them never even reached the upper floors of the original Aincrad castle, and so this was a continuation of a new adventure. With the exception of a very select few, most players were blissfully unaware of the events that took place in that boss room, all those years ago. Particularly for Kazuto, this was an exercise in mental anguish.
As it turned out, the boss monster on the floor in question was not The Skull Reaper, but instead some astral-type creature that was more suited to the different game mechanics present in ALO. However, apart from that, much of the seventy-fifth floor was largely unchanged from its original design in SAO. As a result, traveling through the virtual realm essentially brought back all of the memories of those days in the mind of the former Black Swordsman. As his party traversed the floor's main dungeon, Kazuto could recall almost every detail with inexplicable precision: the gloomy atmosphere, the inhuman sound effects the various monsters emitted, the twists and turns, and of course, the giant door leading to the boss room itself. The déjà vu was unreal; it was as if someone had replayed all of his experiences from that day back to him, with every iota of detail perfectly preserved.
During the boss fight, Kazuto was clearly not on top of his game. His sword abilities were sloppy, his movement sluggish, and several times, he nearly died from easily avoidable attacks. This did not go unnoticed; Asuna and Leafa kept shooting him worried looks throughout the fight, and the rest of the group had to work flawlessly to pick up the slack. Luckily, thanks to experience and a bit of luck, the boss was defeated with no casualties, which was remarkable given the odds. Afterwards, when asked if anything was on his mind, Kazuto simply insisted that it was just an off day. After all, he reasoned, even the most skilled players had slumps where they simply were not in-tune with their actions.
In reality, a particular event kept replaying in the back of his mind throughout the fight. He managed to suppress it for a long time, but just the act of being in this boss room unlocked a floodgate of emotions within him. It nearly paralyzed his rational mind, and crippled his desire to concentrate on the task at hand. Without a doubt, the memory in question centered on that moment in SAO, when Heathcliff's, or rather Kayaba Akihiko's sword struck down the one and only person that gave meaning to his life back in that death game: Asuna.
As he recalled, that whole ordeal must have lasted no more than a few seconds, but from the instant that Asuna jumped out of seemingly nowhere to stop Kayaba's killing blow, time itself essentially froze. Every painstaking detail that followed was forever burned into the recesses of Kazuto's mind from that point on. The feeling of utter shock, followed by the gut-wrenching cocktail of anger, sadness, and hatred could not be described in any sensible manner. The final images of Asuna's avatar being dissected and splintered into a plethora of colorful pixels would be with him until the day he died.
However, at the time, the thing that struck him the hardest was the fact that he would never again see the girl he loved. It was impossible to fathom that he was completely powerless at that instant; there was nothing he could do to reverse the chain of events once his lover's avatar disappeared into the depths of digital eternity. No special item or healing crystal would ever return her beautiful form into his arms. The deed was done; it was final. Virtual history was written, and there was not a damned thing he could do to ever witness her smile again.
Kazuto shuddered at the memory. He rested his forehead against the glass door, enjoying the chill that temporarily quelled the burning inside his mind. As traumatic as the memory was, he never had the fortitude to admit the myriad of painfully frustrating emotions it caused him to feel, not even when prompted by Asuna herself. Rather, he purposely avoided the topic, convincing himself that he could never properly translate it into words anyway. Instead, he buried the recollections in the darkest part of his mind, hoping that one day they would simply disappear.
I really am an idiot, Kazuto thought to himself bitterly, inwardly laughing at the apparent absurdity of it all.
He nearly jumped as a pair of delicate arms suddenly wrapped around his waist, instantly knocking him out of his reverie. Kazuto immediately relaxed, however, as a familiar warmth filled his body.
"Kirito-kun, what are you doing up at this hour?"
The young man smiled as Asuna's angelic voice reached his ears. He felt her head resting against his back, as she loosely hugged him from behind. Lifting his head from the glass, he gently spun around to face her, encircling her with his own arms in a soft embrace. Asuna peered up at him with groggy eyes and a delicate smile, her chestnut hair slightly disheveled. She was wearing one of his old, grey T-shirts, which was oversized for her petite frame, extending just below her hips.
"Not much," Kazuto replied casually, admiring her bedhead appearance. "Just thinking about a few things."
"It must be something important," she countered with a smirk, "since you didn't even notice me until I was right behind you."
Kazuto chuckled, knowing he was caught. "Well, I wouldn't say it's revolutionary, or anything like that. Aren't you a little cold, by the way?"
Asuna instinctively shuffled closer to him, realizing her bare feet didn't do much against the chilly hardwood floor. "Yeah, a little bit," she admitted, somewhat sheepishly. "I woke up and noticed you didn't come to bed yet." With that, she gave Kazuto a curious look, implicitly asking him for an answer.
Kazuto exhaled slowly as he rested his chin on her head, closing the minimal gap between them. "I wasn't feeling tired yet," he explained simply. "So, I figured I'd go over some of the material I was studying earlier. It helps to mull it over a bit."
His explanation didn't yield an immediate response. Instead, silence persisted between them for a moment, until Asuna looked up at him with a worried demeanor. "Kirito-kun, is something wrong?" Her question was delivered in a softer tone, implying that she already knew the answer.
"Eh, no, not really." His voice was supremely unconvincing, and Kazuto knew it well. "I slacked off a bit with my assignments, so I'm just trying to get up to speed on everything," he added, noting that at this point, the look on his girlfriend's face had shifted to a more suspicious one. It wasn't a total fabrication in and of itself, but a lie by omission nonetheless.
Removing her arms from his waist, Asuna instead brought her soft hands to rest on his cheeks. "I know there is more to it," she said in a gentle tone. "You've been staying up really late for the last few days, and don't think for a second that I haven't noticed how distracted you've been. Please, I want to know if there's something I can do to help."
Kazuto was caught off-guard by her reaction. It was true that he hadn't been able to sleep very well since the boss fight on the seventy-fifth floor, and any slumber that he did manage to find was usually plagued by vivid nightmares involving some permutation of that memory. However, he was careful to avoid raising her suspicions. After all, they both were busy with schoolwork, so the last thing he wanted to do now was to burden her with unnecessary stress. Then again, this was Asuna that he was talking about; she was already familiar with his idiosyncrasies, and she always did have that uncanny ability to read him like a book at times.
The worried expression on her face melted away his desire to maintain a strong front, and thus, Kazuto resigned to her plea. Breaking the embrace, he motioned for her to follow him to the nearby sofa. Asuna silently agreed, and the pair sat down side-by-side on the black, leather cushions, facing the balcony. Without a moment to spare, Kazuto took off his sweatshirt and wrapped it around her, noticing that Asuna started to shiver. She blushed at the gesture, and mumbled a quick thank you, as the residual warmth provided some comfort to her exposed skin.
They sat in silence for a few moments, as Kazuto stared at the snowfall outside. "So, what is it?" Asuna finally asked, breaking the still atmosphere. Noting the tense expression on her boyfriend's face, she reached her hand over and rested it on his. "Kirito-kun, whatever it is, you know you can tell me."
The unadulterated concern in her voice caused the emotional blockade in the young man's mind to slowly crumble. "It's just that, well, ever since we got to floor seventy-five in ALO," Kazuto started, leaning back on the sofa, "I guess all the memories from that day came rushing back to me. I suppose it was just a bit overwhelming to relive all of that again, you know?"
Asuna didn't need clarification; she knew that he was referring to the final moments of their adventure in that death game. "I see," she whispered, her expression turning sullen.
"I thought that I had accepted what happened and moved on," Kazuto continued, still gazing at the bounty of falling snowflakes outside, with a distant look in his eyes. "But, the second I stepped into that boss room, it all felt real again."
Asuna tightened her grip on his hand, trying to dispel the anguish she knew was troubling her lover. "That was all a long time ago, though," she offered, gently brushing her thumb over his hand. "And in the end, you rescued all of us. Not just me, but everybody."
"I know, but that's not really it," Kazuto muttered, allowing a frown to creep up on his face. "I promised I would keep you safe, and when I saw your HP bar hit zero, I knew that I failed. I still don't understand what happened, but at that moment, I realized that I would never see you again. No matter how strong I became, no matter how much of an advantage I got from being a beta tester, at that moment, it didn't matter. None of it mattered!"
"Kirito-kun…" Asuna cringed, as his voice became more ragged and laced with frustration.
"And then there's everything that happened afterwards," Kazuto followed up without hesitation, gritting his teeth as all of the emotions he had bottled up inside began to escape. "I won that fight against Sugou by some miracle that I'll never be able to explain. I was completely powerless! Who knows what the hell that psychopath would have done to you if things turned out differently."
Kazuto inhaled sharply, closing his eyes forcefully as he fought back the bitter sting of tears. Asuna instinctively reached out and enveloped him in a protective embrace, as he rested his head against her shoulder. "S-Somehow, even in the real world, I almost got you killed," Kazuto choked out, unable to hold back the tears any longer. "I can't bring myself to imagine what would have happened if I didn't walk you home that night from the Dicey Café. What if that Johnny Black guy followed you, when you were by yourself? What if he injected you with that syringe?"
Not prepared for such an onslaught of emotion from her boyfriend, Asuna found herself at a loss for words. She simply tightened her arms around Kazuto's shuddering body, hoping to somehow make his frustration disappear. She was desperately trying to grasp how he could keep all of this darkness locked away inside this entire time. More importantly, why didn't he tell her sooner? Even though it was in Kazuto's nature to avoid troubling those that were dear to him, Asuna couldn't imagine he'd simply bury these thoughts and attempt to combat them on his own. The last thing she wanted was for him to suffer silently, much like she did during her first days in that death game.
Unable to formulate a coherent sentence to that effect, Asuna, in turn, buried her face against his neck. Closing her eyes, she soothingly ran her hand up and down Kazuto's back, hoping to somehow pacify the turbulence in his mind. "It's OK, Kirito-kun," she whispered calmly into his ear. "I'm here for you. Just let it all out."
Exhaling deeply, Kazuto attempted to curb his heavy breathing. "I'm just afraid that something could happen to you, and that there won't be anything that I could do about it," he hissed through clenched teeth. "I need you, Asuna, and I don't know what I would do without you."
She tenderly kissed his cheek, and continued to hold his body safe in her arms until Kazuto's shuddering started to subside. From her perspective, his fears weren't irrational, for she had experienced much of the same turmoil whenever Kazuto got himself involved in particularly dangerous situations. In fact, she was intimately familiar with the feeling of not knowing what the future would bring, and the possibility of losing the person she loved most. Recalling the hours she spent crying on that fateful night, when Kazuto was bordering on the edge of death after their run-in with Johnny Black, Asuna understood the mental torture that came with such uncertainty. It was something that she wouldn't wish upon even her most bitter enemies.
"I worry about you, too," Asuna whispered in a muffled voice, breaking the silence. "You shouldn't have to suffer like this alone. I-I can't stand seeing you do this to yourself."
The two parted just enough to be able to see each other's faces. Kazuto looked into Asuna's hazel eyes, which were now glossy with unshed tears. Her troubled expression betrayed the strong façade she attempted to maintain. "Asuna?" he muttered hoarsely, unsure of how to interpret her tone.
She gently cupped his cheek, wiping away a stray tear that lingered on his skin. The deep bags under his eyes revealed the exhaustion that plagued him for the past several days; a symptom of the battle he fought against himself. "I understand that you don't want me to worry," she continued, her eyes searching his for an answer to all the questions she asked herself, "but you can talk to me about these kinds of things. You don't have to hide anything from me, Kirito-kun. We've been through so much together."
Kazuto allowed his gaze drift away as a pang of guilt tore across his heart. "Asuna, I-"
"When you ran off into Gun Gale Online all by yourself, looking for some deranged killer without telling me," she went on with fervor, "I felt the same thing. All I could do was hold your hand while you were in the hospital, praying that everything would turn out all right. But, the fact that I couldn't do anything to help you scared me like nothing else."
Asuna gently placed her forehead against his, softening her voice. "You're the strongest person I know. You've done more for me than I could ever ask, and you've always put my safety above your own. Don't ever say that you failed, or blame yourself for anything that happened. Believe me, Kirito-kun, whenever I'm with you, I know that nothing will ever happen to me."
Her words hit their mark, as a poignant sensation welled up in the young man's body upon hearing her proclamation. True, he did purposely avoid indulging her in the gory details about the GGO incident, as well his former part-time job with Rath, but that was only to avoid getting her involved in ventures that he deemed dangerous. Though, in retrospect, he questioned whether that was the right thing to do, since Asuna ended up finding out about the aforementioned activities anyway. He was sure his silence in the past had hurt her, but now, after hearing her actually express these worries so veraciously, he knew that he needed to be more transparent about such matters. Most importantly, even after all that, she still believed in him, and she still stood by his side. And that was something that Kazuto cherished.
Refocusing his eyes back on her, Kazuto saw that tears were silently streaming down Asuna's delicate cheeks, but he knew they were not from despair. He had seen that look in those hazel orbs of hers before, and Kazuto understood that they were the result of pure love and determination. It was something that she reserved exclusively for him and Yui: an unwavering instinct to protect everything she considered sacrosanct. The unshakable trust she placed in him guided the young man through many a difficult situation in the past, giving him strength when he thought all was lost. She was the light in the darkness that inspired hope, truly a rare gift which he admired at every opportunity. The passionate fire in her eyes conveyed this emotion without the need for words, and it was at that point that Kazuto finally felt his trepidation disappear.
Feeling a small smile tug at his lips, he drew her against his body in a comforting hug. Kazuto felt the remnants of her tears soak into his shirt, as her uneven breathing began to slowly level off. Leaning down slightly, he whispered delicately into her ear, "Thank you, Asuna."
She relaxed her body in response, giving him a small nod. "I love you so much, Kirito-kun. Whatever the world throws at us, we'll always have each other, and we'll overcome it. I just know it." Her words were gentle, ushering in a calm aura between them.
"I know," Kazuto replied in an equally serene manner, as he smiled into her hair. "I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark, not just about this, but everything. I promise I'll be more open going forward, so you won't have to worry anymore."
"I'd like that," she replied warmly, her lips placing a delicate kiss on his neck.
Kazuto lost track of time as the two remained locked in each other's arms, basking in the simple pleasure that their love offered. Eventually, a noticeable yawn escaped his lips, and Kazuto blushed as Asuna raised her head to give him an amused look.
"We should probably go to sleep, huh?" she giggled, starting to notice that fuzzy, drowsy feeling herself.
"Yeah," Kazuto sighed lightly, realizing it was already past four in the morning. "At this rate, we'll end up sleeping in all day tomorrow. Although, I wouldn't mind."
Asuna playfully poked his cheek in response, knowing that Kazuto would gladly capitalize on the opportunity.
Neither of them felt like leaving the comfort of the sofa, which was already warm thanks to their body heat. Sensing this, Kazuto nimbly stood up and grabbed a spare blanket that was stowed away under the nearby coffee table. He then flicked the lights off in succession, which left the room in a state of semi-darkness, illuminated faintly by the city lights outside.
"If you start to get cold, let me know and I'll get another blanket," Kazuto whispered in his usual caring voice, as he draped the fabric snugly around Asuna and himself upon returning. He lay down on his back, resting his head on one of the decorative pillows that was placed on the side of the sofa.
Asuna snuggled up beside him, nestling her face in the nape of his neck. "I think we'll be fine just like this," she murmured comfortably, as his arms enveloped her tightly against his body.
Almost in unison, Kazuto and Asuna reached in and closed the small gap between their lips, locking them in a gentle, loving kiss. With a smile, he looked into her half-closed eyes, admiring the way the soft, ambient light made them shine. "Good night," he whispered, gently stroking her silky hair. "I love you, Asuna."
"I love you, too, Kirito-kun," she hummed, letting her eyelids sink shut. "Sleep tight."
Kazuto felt content in knowing that he had the one person that meant everything to him, right here in his arms. Looking at her innocent, sleeping form, he recalled just how lucky he really was to have such a strong, beautiful, and loving girlfriend, with whom he could unconditionally share his joy and pain. Moreover, even with life's sometimes cruel and unpredictable course, as long as they had each other, Kazuto was confident that they would make it through any tribulation, together.
Relishing that thought, Kazuto finally allowed his eyes to close. For the first time in many days, he drifted off to sleep peacefully, lulled by the sound of Asuna's gentle breathing.
I hope you enjoyed the read! Even though Kirito was, for the most part, cool and collected throughout the series, I wanted to explore the potentially more emotional side of things in this fic. Anyway, please leave a review and let me know what you think. Thanks!
-GenericX