Oh! And no, I don't own digimon or any of the characters (duh, really?), and though I would take them in a split second if given a choice, that chance has never come.
Warning: One last thing! Though most of the story is simply weird, there is a touch of shounen ai at the end (daiken). If you don't like that, then go read something that you do like. Simple, ne?
Nefarious Tails, Book One:
Daisuke the Were-Ferret and the Very Evil Grandma Ralph!
By Raven
Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Daisuke. Its true that in reality he had a mom, dad, and sister, but for the sake of this story he is now living with the very evil Grandma Ralph and Grandpa Bertha (eh?). This happy little group of people lived in the lovely dump known as Ferret Falls. As the town was rather small (and since a person can only do so much with cheez wiz and squirrels), Daisuke decided to go camping.
Rather quickly (thanks to an impulsive author), Daisuke found himself in the middle of the woods with all the supplies you need to go camping (ya' know, tent, beer, plastic pink flamingos, beer, and beer). This made no sense at all to Daisuke, but hey, there was beer! (What? He's underage? oh. Duh. Well, I can fix this...)
Suddenly, while he was setting up the tent, and old woman in a tiny car gathered up all the beer and drove (...the DEMONS OUT OF THIS AUTHOR, and I kid you not. Sure, they came right back, but hey...) far away to the land of duckies and bunnies. Realizing all the beer was gone and the fact that it was suddenly dark (thanx to lil' Chronos, time god in pointless fics), Daisuke decided to go to bed (in nothin' but boxer shorts, and of course, the goggles *innocent smile*).
He lay there for a while in his very messed up tent ( which was held up only by plastic pink flamingos and faith) and listened to a strange squeeky sound. Thinking that his tent simply needed some WD40 (that stuff to get rid of rust and such), he began to doze off, only to nearly have a heart attack when he had one almost intelligent thought:
Since when do tents need WD40?!?
Carefully, he stuck his head out of the tent. He looked left, then right (though it could have been the other way around), then he looked up,and
AAAAAGGGHHHHH! (Hmm, that doesn't sound as dramatic as I wanted...)
A ferret fell onto his face! (Now you know why they call it Ferret Falls and not Farrah Fawcett, or Freakin' Unfair, or even Bob). He screamed, but alas, no one came to help him, for his voice was muffled by the ferret.
Slamming his head into a tree didn't get the little rodent off, but the flamethrower (where the heck did that come from?!?) worked pretty well. Standing there with his flamethrower (still clad only in boxer shorts, mind you), he and the singed ferret from hell (Ferret Falls, Hell, whats the difference?) got into the staring contest of the century. The ferret was on the verge of losing, and as every one except for Daisuke already knows, a ferret will rip out your arms before losing a staring contest. And so the ferret, bless its stupid little heart, ripped off Daisuke's left arm and skipped (?) off just as jolly as jolly can be.
After staring after the ferret in a bit of a daze, the author realized that for this story ot continue, Daisuke would have to chase after that ferret. A swift kick in the pants (boxers, whatever..) is a pretty good way (me, violent? nah...). What do ya' know, Daisuke was after ye olde ferret just as fast as his lil' soccer player legs would carry him (armless or not, he was still pretty darn cute.)
Meanwhile, a little further down the path, the ferret (whom the author thought was running just a bit too fast) had decided to take a little break. He had, rather conviently, found a tiny car full of beer (I knew that would come in handy!). Daisuke reached him rather quickly and retrieved his arm. He figured he could attach it later with *drumroll please*...duck tape! (Yes, I know its spelled wrong...quack)
The ferret, no longer a threat as he was completely wasted, told Daisuke that he was actually a were-ferret, and because he had ripped off Daisuke's arm with his teeth, Daisuke was now a were-ferret too! Knowing full and well that there are two things in this world you can never trust, one of them being drunken were-ferrets (the other being insane fan-fic authors), Daisuke smiled nervously and ran home as quickly as he could.
Bursting in the front door of his house, he was promptly scolded be the very evil Grandma Ralph (who is not in this story very much, but is very evil anyway) because he was bleeding all over the carpet. This made him remember that he really needed to fix his arm before doing anything else (seems like that should have been on his mind before).
Arm fixed, he went to his room and went to sleep
* * * * * * *
(it is now the night of the full moon, thanks again to lil' Chronos)
Ah, the night of the full moon. Feeling rather weird, Daisuke rolled out of bed and stumbled over to his window. He stood there for a moment in the moonlight lookin' pretty, before ALL HELL BROKE LOSE AND HE TRASFORMED INTO A WERE-FERRET!!!( bet ya' didn't see that one coming. You did? How? *re-reads the fic* Oh! Okay.)
Though not very frightening (he looked like a big plush ferret in goggles and boxers. Different boxers than last time, of course ), he set out to do some....evil? I don't know. I'm running out of ideas. But don't think I'm just making this up as I go along my merry way. No chance.
Being an evil were-ferret in a small town kind of limits the amount of...evilness you can do. So it was either Wal-Mart, or the Creepy Forest that Suddenly Appeared (copyright 2001). Daisuke chose Wal-Mart, but the author chose CFtSA (copyright 2001). In the previously mentioned forest, there stood a...gingerbread house (It was a scary one! Really!). Daisuke gave an evil little were-ferret grin and snuck into the house. Now, were-ferret or not, Daisuke was just not very good at sneaking around. Before he knew it, he found himself face to face with *another drumroll please* a very cute guy!
This very cute guy was none other than Ken, who had been minding his own business when the author of this story, Raven (me!), and lil' Chronos(the time god in stupid fics) decided that they need to liven up this story with some shounen ai situations!
Ken, being the smart guy that he is, realized that this was probably a were-ferret and not just your run of the mill Ferret Falls type ferret. As everyone knows, the only way to cure a were-ferret is...eh...hold on a minute.(*runs off, and returns with a bowl of cereal* No, that has nothing to do with the story, but it is very difficult to write on an empty stomach, not to mention gross and weird. I prefer writing on paper *stooopid grin*)
Okay! The cure is...the kiss of a really cute guy! And what do ya' know, Ken was just such a guy. Puzzled by the fact that the author wanted him to kiss a rodent (are they rodents? I know I've called them that before, but I'm just not sure...), he decided to do it anyway.
Amazingly, this worked. (What, you doubted me?)
Daisuke turned back into his old self, still clad only in boxer shorts and goggles (gee, he's been like that for most of the story *evil grin*). Ken was just as amazed that this worked as the rest of you, and silently thanked the author (you're welcome!). Daisuke was also very happy that this worked (since he wasn't to happy with being a ferret). Well, one thing led to another and the next thing ya' know the two boys were pretty much all over each other, kissing and a whole lot more (much to the delight of the author *happy spaced out grin*).
What? Oh! And they lived happily ever after in the land of duckies and bunnies.
The End
Author's notes: So what did ya' think? Good? Bad? Rodents or not rodents? Comments would make me a happy person.
Oh, and if you did like this, I'm working on the second instalment of the "nefarious tails" series titled "Ken, Satan Claws, and the Very Evil Hat of Doom!". I'm also finishing up two other Digimon stories (fantasy adventures with lots of yaoi!) and I'm in the process of typing my very long Gundam Wing story (It's actually finished!). That's all for now, see ya'!