A/N
As always, I do not own these characters, no matter how much I want to.
And the lyrics are from the song "Meet Me Halfway" by Black-Eyed Peas. Listen. It is good.
His Captain is distracted.
In and of itself, this is not unusual behavior. The unpredictability of his captain's actions engendered an understandable amount of distraction. And yet, Spock considers himself the expert on Kirkish behavior. He has spent the better part of a year studying his Captain, both on and off duty.
And there is definitely something wrong with his behavior. Jim is sprawled over his command chair, unconcerned with the mission at hand: standard procedure. But his eyes are unfocused; his head leaned against the back of his chair. In his ears are the plugs of some archaic device Spock recognizes as a personal music player, and his strong, thin fingers were tapping out a beat on the chair arm.
Jim's lips are moving in a pattern, his voice too low for a Human to hear the words he is murmuring under his breath.
Suppressing a certainly un-Vulcan like start, Spock realizes he is yet again spending too much time focused on his captain, and places his attention back on the computer panels before him. But not before his sharp hearing picks up the words his captain is gently singing to himself.
I can't go any further than this…
I want you so badly
It's my biggest wish
Fascinating. In a purely clinical sense, of course.
It has been 3.9 weeks since he has been invited to a chess game in his captain's quarters. This has been their standard after-shift pastime for as long as Spock can remember, and some concern is beginning to break through his enforced calm.
Admittedly, if Jim wants to stop their mutual off duty activities, that is his choice and Spock has no say in the matter. And yet…Spock cannot deny that it upsets him, in a way that it should not hurt.
And he is becoming distracted himself, as his captain becomes further and further withdrawn…
I spend my time just thinking thinking thinking about you
Every single day I guess I'm really missing missing you
And all those things we used to used to used to do
Hey girl, what's up it used to used to be just me and you
He catches up to Jim in the mess hall. Spock's observations must be slipping, as he cannot remember Jim ever sitting alone. At the very least, McCoy should be nearby to keep him company.
He retrieves some food from the replicator and sits across from his captain. Who jerks when he realizes he is no longer alone, and looks up at Spock with a sheepish grin on his face.
"Jeez, Spock, warn a guy before you give him a heart attack! I don't want to give Bones any more excuses to attack me with hyposprays, OK?"
At least he is sounding normal. But Spock has to suppress a look of concern as he observes the snake of plug-cord slip past the lines of his captain's throat and disappear inside his shirt collar. And the sound he hears coming from the device…
Can you meet me halfway?
Right at the borderline
Is where I'm gonna wait for you
I'll be looking out night and day
Took my heart to the limit
And this is where I stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad
It's my only wish
He leans forward in his chair, tapping a long-tapered finger gently against the plug in Jim's ear. Jim, who freezes with a stunned expression on his face.
Spock ignores the sense of cool skin as he quickly pulls his finger back, instead stating his inquiry: "What is the meaning of this? This is the same song you were listening to the previous time you had this device on."
Jim jerks up from his slouch, flushing crimson – and Spock is even further confused, as he has never seen Jim embarrassed by anything.
He watches as Jim turns off the device, quickly tucking the plugs away. And is amazed, as Jim tries to redirect the conversation, "It's nothing. So, what did you come over here for? Is there something that requires a 'captain's touch'?"
Spock throttles the anger that flares at the thought that he would only come if he required something purely professional in nature, "Nothing that demands your attention, at this time. I simply wished to be in your company."
Jim's eyes widen momentarily at Spock's admission, and Spock sees a hint of…something…before it is hidden from him again. "Oh? Really?"
A frown line appears briefly between Jim's brows, and Spock amazes himself with the desire to smooth it away with a finger tip. He has not realized, until that moment, how much he has missed Jim's company.
He gulps, and changes the subject himself, "How is Mr. Scott's current project progressing?"
Slowly, they fall back into their typical patterns. They fit together comfortably, like two pieces of a whole. As they exchange their observations and ideas, Spock considers the words to the song he has heard several times now.
And wonders what they, and his captain's strange actions, could possibly mean.
He is an entirely logical person. It is what he has worked for, his entire life. So why does he suddenly have the impetuous impulse to throw it all away?
There is only one person he has ever encountered, in this entire galaxy and its myriad inhabitants, who challenges his calm as much as this. Who makes him feel.
Who makes him scream inside in terror, as Spock watches the calm he has spent so long building, crumble between his fingers. He doesn't know what to make of this, this caring that has come out of nowhere. He thought he had completely buried the half-Human heart that he has hated for so long.
So when it shows itself, in the full glory of the strongest of possible emotions, he is left a quivering whimpering mass on the floor of his rooms. The meditation, which has obviously failed miserably, is not even a memory in his mind.
And he realizes what he wants, what he needs desperately, to gain his balance again in this chaotic world.
And that he has absolutely no idea how to get his wish…
I travel around the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe and I go to other galaxies
Just tell me where to go just tell me where you wanna meet
I navigate myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want, I, I, I want you right now
I travel uptown town I travel downtown
Wanna have you around like every single day
I love you always
After so many weeks of silence between them, Spock must be careful. He has no right to assume that Jim will reciprocate his feelings, could ever feel the way he does. That is the hope that he buries deep within himself, in the place he used to keep all his emotions.
And he works to rebuild their friendship. It was almost in tatters, a ghost in the wind…but like spider's silk, it is also much stronger than it appears. And they slowly twine together the strands, and it is beautiful and whole once more.
And he sees a change in his Jim as well. The haunted, distracted look is gone from his eyes. Replaced by a quiet, contemplative gaze that Spock often feels directed at his back when they are on the bridge.
Or eyes that fall on him as he is focused on the chessboard. When Jim believes him distracted.
It fans the flames of the hope that he has hidden inside. As do the whispers of song he hears when he arrives early. The song Jim quickly turns off as soon as Spock enters his quarters.
Can you meet me halfway?
Right at the borderline is where I'm gonna wait for you
I'll be looking out night and day
Took my heart to the limit
And this is where I stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further than this…
I want you so bad it's my only wish
It is the stupidest thing he has ever seen his captain do. Of all the idiotic, self-sacrificing, infuriating plans he could come up with, he has to choose the one that has the rescue attempt with the least likely success rate.
Spock clings to the anger, flinging insults at his captain from the safety of his mind. Because if he lets go of the anger, the terror waiting just below the surface will overwhelm him.
And his captain, his Jim, needs him – he is the only one with any chance of piloting the shuttle to where his captain is being tortured.
And so he brings death. Those that hurt his Jim do not deserve to live, and so Spock brings swift, lethal justice.
Afterwards, he cradles the broken, bleeding body to his chest. The pain that he feels through his fingertips makes him gasp in its intensity. But he holds himself together, if only for the sake of getting Jim (Jim) to safety.
Not caring what might fall apart afterwards, he firmly presses his lips against the head resting against his shoulder. And sent a nameless, wordless flow of encouragement through the touch.
Let's walk the bridge to the other side just you and I
I will fly, fly the skies for you and I
I will drive until I die for you and I
For you and I…
He feels the essence that is his Jim come back from the deep place he had hidden, feels the flower that is his mind soak up the sunlight of Spock's presence at the edges of his thoughts.
And a flutter-tip of presence brushing against his own barriers…Spock? Is that really you?
A flash of gratitude flows through Spock – that his captain's mind is whole and unharmed.
He keeps the wordless stream of comfort flowing through his fingers, as he carries his captain to the shuttle, and back to the safety of his ship.
He avoids seeing his captain in sickbay. His control is tenuous at best, and he does not think it can stand the assault of seeing his Jim connected to so many machines.
That does not mean he does not have up-to-the-minute updates on his captain's progress. For some unknown reason, the rest of the crew finds it their priority to make sure he knows exactly what is happening, and why. He takes all the details and carefully tucks them inside, letting them be a balm to comfort him while he gets the Enterprise to safety. And files all the necessary reports for Starfleet command.
That keeps him occupied until he learns that Jim is stable, and has been moved to his own quarters to convalesce.
This is how he finds himself standing outside his captain's door. Gulping down fear and some other unnamable emotion, working up the nerve to go inside.
With a hesitant hand, he palms open the unlocked door. And steps into the cool, dark interior of his captain's rooms. His eyes are drawn to the bed in the corner, where soft ambient light is reflected off a damaged – but gloriously alive – form.
Jim's eyes blink at him, and a smile forms on his cracked lips. With one of those strong, delicate hands, he beckons Spock forward. As Spock strides to his captain's side, a flash of memory, of that song that has threaded through his life, passes through his mind… Can you meet me halfway?
Spock looks down at his captain, and lets an impulse get the best of him. He uses trembling fingers to brush a tendril of hair off Jim's forehead. A hand is held out for him, a hand Spock enfolds in his own without hesitation.
Jim sighs, and smiles again. Then frustration shows on his face, as he points at his throat and mimes speaking.
"I know you cannot speak, Jim…" Spock murmurs, the sorrow lacing his voice less then it could have been. McCoy has told him that it will pass in several days. So he offers, tentatively, "I…I can help you talk to me, if you want…?"
Can you meet me halfway?
A light shines through Jim's eyes, as he nods. Spock settles himself on the edge of the bed, not letting go of Jim's hand.
With the other hand he touches the psi-points on Jim's face, the cool skin soothing some of the pain and sorrow he has felt since Jim set off on his mission. Whispering the words, he sinks into the vibrant colors of his captain's mind.
A flash of wonder as a mind embraces his. A fleeting half-formed thought he barely registers before it is sunk beneath the surface… Can you meet me halfway?
And then a shining beacon dives deep within him, going farther into his mind than was intended…deep into the recesses of the Spock-that-hides, farther than anyone else has ever gone, farther than anyone ever wanted to go before.
And everything that he is gets held up to the light, as he gasps at the knowing. And before he even realizes what is happening, his Jim opens himself for Spock to see. And holds himself to the light, and Spock is blinded by the beauty of everything that encompasses his Jim.
And he sees. A soul desperate to feel love, as lonely and isolated as his own. Someone so perfect a fit for him, it makes his head reel. And a deep, burning desire, a wish just as vibrant and hopeless as the one sheltered deep within his own heart.
How could he not respond? He reaches out and wraps himself around all that is Jim, surrounding and infusing that beautiful mind with his own. He lets his own love flow through and around his t'hy'la…and as his love is shown, it is returned.
And they are both left gasping in its intensity. The hand in his tightens as a mouth blindly finds his.
The last coherent thought he hears before they are lost in each other is…Finally, you decided to find me….
Can you meet me halfway?
Right at the borderline is where I'm gonna wait for you
I'll be looking out night and day
Took my heart to the limit
And this is where I stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish….