She's taking her time making up the reasons
to justify all the hurt inside
All of Serena's life, she had been a loner. She lived in a rough neighborhood her whole childhood – the kind where gun shots and screams were as normal as an ice cream truck and children laughing were in other neighborhoods. School had never been a required thing for her… meaning that if she skipped, her mother didn't really care. However, Serena rarely ever did, for she had a craving to learn… and to be around other people her own age, no matter how rude, cruel and dangerous they were.
By the time she was in Junior High she still hadn't made any permanent friends, and had certainly never been in a relationship of the romantic kind. Her mother paid less attention to her and more to the various men she was dating, and her father – well, she hadn't seen her father since she was a baby. He had left she and her mother shortly after she was born, something that caused her to hate him. Whenever asked about him, she would respond "A father? No, I don't have one. Never did." There was one friend she met in Junior High that showed great promise to Serena. Her name was Rei, and the two didn't even live that far away from each other. For a short while the girls were together at all times, exchanging secrets and thoughts, and even an occasional giggle. They both craved something else than was being given to them in the small, run-down neighborhood they lived in, and planned to run away together.
The next day, Rei was killed. They never found the murder.
Upon reaching high school, she had given up almost all hope of finding someone she could converse with. The people in her school were either druggies (Serena never was the type to drugs, even when things got really bad), or those who weren't were constantly abused by their parents and weren't exactly the nicest people in the world. Though she had never been extremely happy, Serena was one of the more bouncy people in her neighborhood… but by the time she was in High School she began to sink back into her shell. She stopped talking to people and trying to make friends. Her mother left home one night for a date with some man, and never returned – the man had killed her, leaving Serena living alone at the age of 16, with no father, no friends, and no life.
It wasn't too long before Serena had to learn to defend herself – not only physically, but verbally. It wasn't so unusual, after all, for some unknown boy – or man – to hit on her. And most people that she "hung around with"… hung around with meaning, saw them at school… weren't very nice either. She began to get bitter, and snapped when people tried to talk to her. She became like everyone else. A face in the crowd, that no one talked to. A face that had been through everything horrible, that had seen things that no eyes should ever have to see.
Not one day in High School seemed to have the same amount of people in it as the day before. Either someone would have dropped out, gotten killed or were off somewhere doing drugs or who knows what else. Serena still craved knowledge, and began to bury her head in her books whenever walking the halls, trying to ignore all the things going on around her… trying to ignore the fact that she was completely alone.
Alone…
Guess she knows from the smiles
and the look in their eyes
As soon as Serena was out of High School and had enough money she immediately moved from the neighborhood to somewhere nicer – though it wasn't much nicer yet. Her lifelong goal was to finally live in someplace with laughing children, smiling faces… no more deaths… In her new neighborhood she got several jobs… so many, in fact, that she was lucky to catch two hours of sleep per day – which she usually didn't. Though Serena wanted badly to go to college, she knew that with her amount of money, lack of time and poor education (even though she went every day, she hadn't exactly gone to the best school in the world) it wouldn't be possible.
Serena was finally rewarded for her hard work, though it took quite awhile. She was finally able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood.
Upon arriving there she found she still had to keep up her defense. Whenever someone passed, she could see right through those fake smiles… she could tell from the look in their eyes that they were pitying her, when they didn't even really know what she'd been through. Pity was not something she needed.
They're saying, "Mamma never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch"
It didn't take long for Serena's suspicion about pity to be confirmed. She had been taking a walk one evening in the summer when she overheard her name being said between two of her neighbors.
"She always acts so bitter toward us. Personally, I don't think she has any emotions. Must have something to do with her family."
"Yes, I bet her mother never loved her very much. You can tell."
"I bet that her father doesn't keep in touch either."
Letting out a sigh, Serena laughed shortly underneath her breath. Well, they were exactly right about her. Her mother never had loved her and her father – if she even really had one – never talked to her… she wasn't even sure if he was still alive. She could tell that the two gossiping females hadn't noticed her, and for a split second considered letting her presence be acknowledged, but decided against it as she began heading for her home.
She knew she acted bitter, but who wouldn't growing up the way she did? They didn't have any right to judge her like that; they didn't know her at all. That lie about her not having any emotions… how could they say that when she cried herself to sleep every night?
Serena began to walk more briskly as she began to get angrier.
And they didn't have any right to talk about her parents. Her parents were of no concern to them; they were her parents, not theirs.
Serena began to jog.
Talking about her when she wasn't even around – she may be bitter, but at least she wasn't a nosy, gossiping slut like those two.
Serena began to run.
Reaching her house, she threw open the door, stepped inside and slammed it shut. She stopped to catch her breath, her back against the door. A wave of emotion was washing over her, and she let out a short scream in a defeat as she slid down the door, sobbing.
That's why she shies away from
human affection"
It was nearly three days before Serena went out of her house after that accident, and when she did leave it was only to buy groceries. The supermarket wasn't that far away, so she didn't bother taking a car… after all, the exercise and fresh air would be good for her after being in the house for so long.
On the way back to her house, she saw the two females who had been talking about her. They smiled and waved cheerfully, like nothing had ever happened. Serena's first impulse involved a finger and was rather rude, but she attempted to refrain herself. Don't prove their thoughts to be true, Serena. She thought to herself, and gave a smile, though somewhat sarcastic, back.
The next day, Serena was very surprised when two neighbors – different neighbors – called and invited her to go shopping with them.
Though she wanted to, Serena refused. After hearing those other two she had given all of her neighbors a very low opinion. And there were other reasons, too.
Serena was scared that if she got too close with someone, she would loose them, just like she lost Rei. Her attempts to make a friend had never been so desperate after loosing her, and she didn't expect they ever would be. Even though she knew that refusing would add to their low opinion on her, she just couldn't do it.
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
Dear Serena,
I've been watching you every day, and I want you to know that I think you are an amazing girl. I can only assume from the way you act that you grew up in a bad neighborhood, because I act like that too, sometimes, and where I grew up was… well, not the best place. Not only are you amazing, but you are very beautiful and to tell the truth, I wish you were my girlfriend. I feel so happy when you're around… I think I love you.
Sincerely,
Serena looked curiously down at the letter she was holding in her hands, and almost grinned. Somebody was in love with her? Her, of all people? And someone was like her… someone knew her pain. But who was it?
"Who in the world has a crush on me?" She wondered aloud to herself, laughing slightly.
"Me." A deep voice from behind her replied. Spinning around quickly, Serena found herself face to face with a man she had never seen before. He had black hair, ebony eyes and a fairly muscular build with pale skin. He was actually fairly handsome. If it weren't for the person she was, Serena would have had to suppress a girlish giggle as he grinned down at her.
"Who are you?" She inquired.
"Darien Shields. And I, of course, know you… lovely, lovely Serena." He replied in that deep voice of his. Before she was quite sure what was going on, the man was leaning down, his pale lips brushing slightly against her ruby red ones… and for some odd reason, she wasn't protesting…
Serena's eyes snapped open and she sat up straight in bed. Looking around her dark room, she sighed. It had only been a dream… he hadn't really kissed her. He probably didn't even exist. Though she was relieved about this, a part of her was almost… sad. Lying back down to try and let sleep take her over once more, she couldn't help but grinning. He may not exist, but he was pretty handsome…
She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
Serena was in a fairly good mood the next day, and even ventured out of her house for a mid-morning walk.
The warm summer sun was smiling kindly down on her, just at the right heat that it wasn't burning her but wasn't leaving her shivering either. Hearing an aggravated sigh to her left, Serena turned to see one of her male neighbors having trouble fastening the latches on one of his ladders. Being in the good mood that she was in, she offered to help.
"Hey, you need some help there?" She called. The man turned to her, smiling.
"Why tha…" he began, but upon seeing whom it was, stopped. "Oh, it's you." He muttered under his breath, not intending for Serena to hear – but she did. "No thank you, I can get it myself." With that he turned back to hitting the latch with his fist.
"Oh… ok then." Serena stuttered and continued walking. Why did he act like that? Was she really so bitter all the time that people hated her? Trying not to think – after all, her walks were a time for relaxing – she sighed and continued on.
Up ahead on the same sidewalk she was currently walking on, Serena noticed a little girl who was skipping merrily along, eyes closed as she ate an ice cream cone. Looking up, she noticed Serena. Serena waved to her, smiling as well. The little girl's eyes went wide, and she dropped the ice cream. Screaming she ran off in the other direction.
So apparently everyone was afraid of her too.
She didn't say a word, but rather bit her lip to keep back the few stray tears that were desperately trying to make their way down her face. Turning on her heel, she immediately began heading for home.
In one of the upcoming yards, a man named Darien stopped his chores to lean against his rake and watch her form retreat into the distance. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Everyone always treated her so poorly… and the things he had overheard some people say about her… no one could be that bad. As he resumed his raking, he decided that later that day he would try to get to know her better… somehow…
All her friends they've been tried for treason
And crimes that were never defined
Serena sat on her small brown couch, her nose, as usual when she was home, buried in a book. The small black TV that was facing her was turned onto a music channel with some light classical music playing.
A rather unfamiliar sound made her jump – the phone was ringing. Who would want to call her? Ah yes… a telemarketer. She almost didn't want to pick up the phone, but for some reason felt an urge to. Maybe she could talk to somehow – even if it was about joining some religion – that wasn't afraid of her for five seconds. Picking it up, she attempted to not sound too annoyed.
"Hello?" She asked.
"Um… hi, is this Serena?" Came a male voice from the other end. For some reason, it seemed strangely familiar, yet she was sure she had never heard them before.
"Yes, may I ask who's calling?" Serena replied, beginning to get a bit curious. He didn't sound like a telemarketer, but then who could he possibly be?
"My name's Darien. I live down the street from you." Serena groaned. Great, this was probably the father of that kid that had run away from her wanting to yell at her to stay away from his kid. But wait a minute, what did he say his name was? Darien? Why did that sound so familiar? "Well I saw how that guy with the ladder treated you and I'm sorry… and I was wondering if you want to go get some ice cream or something?"
Intending to reply right away with a "no", Serena opened her mouth but found that no words came out. For some reason, he seemed different then everyone else… in fact, she wouldn't mind that ice cream, it might be nice to be in the company of another human being for a bit…
"S-Sure…" She stuttered worriedly… though she wasn't sure why she was so worried…
"Ok, great!" Darien said, sounding much more confident then when he had at first. "I think I know where you live, I'll be over in a second!"
An hour later found Serena and Darien taking another walk in the park. Completely forgetting the day's earlier events, Serena was surprised to realize that she actually was having a fun time. And Darien had found that his guess was right – she really wasn't that bad at all. In fact, he thought to himself, she's kind of cute… we might have to do this more often!
"So tell me a bit about yourself." Darien said when the silence became a little too awkward. Serena stopped walking when he said this, and he turned to look at her with a questioning look.
Memories flooding through her, Serena began to shake slightly, a small whimpering sound escaping her lips. She found that Darien was immediately at her side, leading her over to a small bench. How was it possible that someone could be this nice to her? What had she done to deserve it? Absolutely nothing. This thought made her begin to cry lightly.
"I'm so sorry Serena…" Darien apologized, sounding truthful.
"It's ok…" She muttered. "I… I suppose I do kind of want to tell about my childhood… you know, to get it off my chest. I don't know where to start though."
"How about friends? Did you have any friends?" Serena smiled lightly through her tears, remembering Rei's smiling face, and all the secrets of their ambitions, hopes and dreams they had exchanged together for the short time they had known each other.
"I had one." Serena replied. "But she was killed. No one knows who did it. I tried to make friends with other people, but it didn't work out very well. Half of them ended up in prison, half of them didn't even acknowledge I was alive… the others died."
"My God." Darien muttered. "My God…" he repeated, his voice shaking slightly. "I'm so sorry…" Serena gave him a small smile.
"I know."
She's saying, "Love is like a barren place,
And reaching out for human faith
Is like a journey I just don't have a map for"
"I was alone my whole life…" Serena told him. She had already revealed most of her deepest, darkest secrets about the life she had left behind to him, and he was beginning to understand just why she was so bitter to people.
"Surely there had to be someone…" Darien inquired, looking down on her small figure. Serena shook her head no, then continued on.
"Love was like a barren place, and reaching out for human faith was like a journey I just didn't have a map for. It's still like that usually. I'm still alone." She sighed upon saying this… every time she said it it brought on a new wave of realization that made her shiver. Noticing this, Darien lightly placed his arm around her shoulders, and without even knowing that she was doing it, Serena snuggled more into his side for warmth.
"You're not alone Serena… I'm here."
Looking up at him, Serena began crying again for what seemed like the millionth time that day, though this time it was for a different reason. A twinkle of hope sparkled in her eyes, and Darien smiled. Then, as quick as that hope was there, it was gone. She looked back down and scooted slightly out of his arms.
"Thank you." She replied in a voice without emotion. He raised one eyebrow, a gesture unseen by her. What was with the sudden iciness? She rose from the bench they had been sitting on, looking down at him. Her face was cold, but there was something about her eyes… they looked… sad…
"I've had a very nice time tonight Darien, thank you." She said. "But I have to be going. Don't bother calling me because I won't answer. Goodbye." Serena turned on her heel and headed off toward her house, not even giving Darien the chance to say goodbye back to her or ask what she meant by not answering the phone.
"Goodbye, Serena." He whispered.
So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Knocking on Serena's door for the fifth time, Darien sighed in despair before turning and heading in the direction of his own house.
"Darien!" A voice called from the yard of the house next to Serena's. He turned to see his neighbor and friend Andrew standing with a pair of pliers, waving to him.
"Oh, hi Andrew." Darien called back, but didn't bother to walk over to see him – he wasn't in a particularly good mood at the moment. Serena wasn't answering her door or returning his calls, and he was worried that she was mad at him. He began heading toward his house again when Andrew's voice stopped him.
"Looking for Serena?" Turning quickly on his heel he looked excitedly at his friend.
"Yes, do you know where she is?" Andrew chuckled slightly, though the situation was serious. His friend finally fell in love – with the cruelest girl on the block. Seeing the worried look on Darien's face, however, his chuckle immediately turned into a cough as he realized he would have to be the bearer of bad news.
"She left just a bit ago. She didn't take anything and was going pretty fast. She was heading that way, and I know she doesn't have a job... in fact she never leaves unless she's going to the supermarket, but that's the opposite direction from the way she was going. Don't know why though because that just ends in a dead end… a cliff I think. She was going that way by the way." He pointed down one of the streets, giving his friend a sad sort of smile. "Haven't seen her since then." Darien's eyes went wide. Everything was making sense now. The fact that she wouldn't pick up the phone, the way her life was going, the hope that had been in her eyes and was gone, how she didn't take anything with her and the fact that she was going so fast… if she was doing what he thought she was doing… was Serena about to commit… suicide?
"Oh my God…" Darien said rather loudly, making some of the other neighbors with very "G-rated minds" look up at him in shock. "She wouldn't! Andrew, if anyone's looking for me… I'm not going to be back for awhile."
Quickly, he ran toward his house, jumped into his car and sped off in the direction that Andrew had said Serena had gone.
"That guy is absolutely crazy." Andrew commented, sighing as he shook his head and went back to tending to his plants.
~
Just keep on driving. Serena thought to herself. It was going to be hard to drive over that cliff, but she knew that was what she had to do. She hadn't seen any cars in awhile, so there shouldn't be any witnesses.
God, why am I doing this? Serena wondered as she began to have doubts for what was certainly not the first time. Immediately she began to remind herself. Because this way, you'll never have to worry about telling Darien that you can never see him again because you're afraid to be with someone because you're afraid they're going to leave you. Somehow, it had seemed much more convincing when she had first begun driving.
The sound of a second engine made her gasp and check her review mirror quickly. A black sports car was following her. Taking a quick peak at whom the driver was, her eyes went even wider, and she gasped again.
"Darien?"
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
She wasn't sure why, but the sight of Darien made her immediately screech on her breaks, though she knew she shouldn't have if she wanted to carry out her mission. Darien's car stopped right after hers, and quicker than Serena thought was possible he was out of it and opening her door. With shaking hands and a brain that was in a confused jumble she unbuckled her seat belt and got out the car. Her legs were weak in the fear of what she was trying to do, and she began to fall. Darien's arms were around her waist in a second, holding her up.
He looked down at her, and for the first time in her life, she felt needed. The look in his eyes – the absolute terror – was enough to make her collapse, sobbing against his chest. His breathing was heavy and she could feel his heart beating hard against his chest through his shirt. Eventually, this steady sound was enough to make her tears lessen and eventually almost completely fade. He waited for her to stop crying before speaking, holding her close to him the whole time as if letting her go would mean loosing her forever.
"Serena… why?" He finally stuttered. She took a deep breath to calm herself down, but she still found that she had the urge to cry a bit more.
"I was scared I was going to loose you. What I mean is… what I didn't tell you was that…" two tears made their way down her rosy cheeks as she stuttered with her words. "The reason I never talk to anyone is because I'm scared. After I lost Rei and realized how much it hurts I didn't ever want to get close to anyone because I didn't want to loose them. I didn't want to tell you because it would hurt too much, both for you and me. Because… because I think I love you." It was the first time those three words had ever escaped her lips, and she shivered at the sound of them. It gave her such a warm feeling. Even though it wasn't being said to her, just knowing that she was still a human being, that she could feel love and compassion towards someone, was enough.
"Oh Serena…" he muttered, his face buried in her long, golden hair as she took in a deep shaking breath at what she had just admitted. He was so glad he hadn't lost her. Holding her so close to him, he could feel her breathing heavily, just as he was, and he couldn't help but cry slightly as well. "Serena… I think I love you too."
Serena had never known as much happiness as she felt when he said these words – it was more than she had ever experienced in her whole life. She felt all her worries about loosing those she loved float out of her body, drifting amongst the stars and out of her life forever. Serena felt as though she were in a dream… but she knew that this time, it was reality. She let out a sigh of relief. Finally, she wasn't alone.
I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
She wasn't alone…
~
So what do you think? Pleas review :) Thanks!