Redefining a Lifetime
A/N:I painted myself into a bit of a corner with a single line in my original installment of "Spellbound" by indicating that Kurt's lifespan was a bit longer than that of an ordinary the time, I didn't think about what that would mean for Kurt and Blaine's I have, and this is the 's a bit more serious in tone than what I normally write, but doesn't qualify as heavy trigger warning for discussion of mortality.
Blaine flopped down on the couch with an exaggerated "Oomph!" noise, mostly to reflect his exhaustion, but partly to get Kurt's attention. Having failed, he frowned and tried a more direct approach.
"Kurt." No answer. "Ku-urrrrt!" he called louder.
"I'm almost done, Blaine," Kurt replied without stopping. He'd been dusting and polishing and cleaning with Blaine all day long. "I just want to make sure everything is perf-ooh!" His last word was cut off when a pair of strong arms encircled his waist, lifting him ever so slightly from the floor and carrying him the few feet to the couch.
"Blaine!" he exclaimed, trying to sound angry, but failing due to his laughter.
Blaine "oomph-ed" again when the two of them dropped into the soft cushions of the couch. Somehow, Blaine managed to deposit Kurt next to himself without removing his arms from his waist. He nuzzled Kurt's cheek, lightly kissing it as he said, "It's perfect, Kurt. Everything is set for tomorrow. Relax."
Kurt leaned over to place the dust cloth and spray bottle on the coffee table before finally sinking into his boyfriend's embrace. "Fine," he conceded affectedly. "But if anyone finds dust somewhere tomorrow during the party…"
"I'll take full responsibility," Blaine finished for him.
Tomorrow was Blaine's birthday, and Kurt decided to throw a party for him with their small but close group of friends. Kurt had insisted on doing everything the "normal" way, including the party planning, the cooking, and, much to Blaine's dismay, the cleaning. The only thing he hadn't been successful in doing was dissuading Blaine from helping.
Maybe that wasn't so bad, Kurt thought, if it meant they were done in time to allow for a little bit of cuddling before calling it a night. He settled into Blaine's hold, looking around the apartment appreciatively. The space was so very Kurt in its essence. He'd been thrilled when he moved to town and found this apartment in a renovated century-old brownstone, rarely seen outside the larger cities. Thankfully, the owners had retained much of the original features, from the hardwood floors up to the crown molding. Kurt's own belongings, an eclectic array of vintage finds and personal heirlooms, suited the place perfectly. Blaine once commented that it seemed everything Kurt owned had a story. Kurt smirked knowingly at that.
After a few moments of contented cuddling, Blaine let out a sigh. "I can't believe I am turning thirty tomorrow," he complained.
Kurt chuckled, patting Blaine's arm where it rested loosely across Kurt's stomach. "We all have to hit the big three-oh sometime," he quipped.
Kurt felt Blaine shift behind him, taking a breath and letting it out through his nose almost as if he were working up the courage to say something.
"How old are you, Kurt?" he asked tentatively.
Kurt tensed, but before he could follow his instinct to pull away, Blaine's arm tightened around him gently. "I…I, uh…" he began, cursing himself for stumbling over the question.
"Hey. Hey, it's all right, Kurt," Blaine soothed. "I know."
Kurt whipped his head around so quickly, he nearly hit Blaine in the nose. "What do you mean, you know?"
Blaine smiled softly. "I mean, I don't know exactly how old you are, but I know about the, um, the aging…thing."
Kurt's eyes widened. "How do you…oh," he interrupted himself as realization struck. "Tina." Right. Tina Cohen-Chang, Blaine's high school best friend – and the witch Blaine knew before he met Kurt.
"Yeah, Tina. I don't understand exactly how it all works, but I remember her telling me that until about eighteen, witches age at the same rate as regular humans, or "mortals," as she called us. After that, the rate slows down. A lot," he finished a bit uncomfortably.
It was Kurt's turn to sigh. "Well, I suppose I should be grateful to her for sparing me that part of the discussion," he admitted. He tapped Blaine's hand on his stomach, and Blaine obeyed the unspoken request by releasing him so they could both sit facing one another.
Settled in their new positions, Blaine gestured to Kurt, allowing him to begin wherever he felt it was best to begin. "So, you asked my age," he stalled. Blaine merely arched a triangular brow. "Well, it's all relative, really. I mean, like you said, for the first eighteen years, I aged the same way you do, but after that, you can't really compare. Theoretically speaking, if you are talking apples to apples…"
Blaine stopped him with a touch to his knee. "Kurt, stop beating around the bush. I'm not expecting you to say you're twenty-nine, okay? Just tell me. How many years ago were you born?" he prodded, kindly but insistently.
Kurt closed his eyes and dropped his head, mumbling something incoherent.
"Kurt," Blaine warned.
Kurt opened his eyes again, a mixture of defiance and fear swirling in them. "Fine. One hundred and eighty-nine. One ninety next month," he shot back.
Blaine let out a low whistle. "Wow," he breathed, sitting back on the couch.
"I know that sounds really weird, and you're probably totally freaked out, but it's not like I'm…" he faltered, not sure what word he was seeking.
"A cradle-robber?" Blaine interjected.
Kurt gaped while Blaine made a weak attempt to hide a wicked smile. "You!" Kurt shouted, slapping Blaine playfully (but soundly) on the thigh. Blaine couldn't stop himself from laughing aloud.
"I'm sorry, but your face, Kurt!" he giggled, surging forward to hug him, heedless of Kurt's attempts to pull away in mock indignation. "I'm sorry," he repeated more sincerely. With a swift kiss to the cheek, he sat back, releasing Kurt but taking hold of his hand. Suddenly sober, Blaine continued.
"All jokes aside, maybe it's because I'm turning thirty, I don't know, but I've been thinking a lot lately," he started, absent-mindedly playing with Kurt's fingers. "You and I…Kurt, I haven't felt this way about someone before. Ever. And I know you care about me too, I do. But in the long run?" He paused, steeling himself and then looking directly into Kurt's eyes.
"Kurt, let's be real. Twenty years from now, I'll be fifty. I'll look fifty. You, however, won't look more than a year or two older than you do now. So, what is our future? Are we just together for a few years until we have to go our separate ways so people don't catch on to who you are? Because Kurt, I'm not sure I can say goodbye to you," Blaine said, his voice cracking on the last few words.
Kurt tried not to let it show how much Blaine's words cut him to the quick. He knew Blaine wasn't being cruel. He was only being logical and trying to make sense of a seemingly impossible situation. That didn't mean it hurt any less to have his love questioned.
"Blaine, do you honestly think I am using you as some kind of placeholder until I move on to the next guy?" Kurt asked in quiet disbelief.
"No!" Blaine objected, gripping Kurt's hand firmly, hearing his own words as Kurt must have. "God, no, of course not. I know you aren't using me as some temporary boyfriend. I'm sorry I insinuated that." Blaine dropped his head in shame.
Kurt lifted Blaine's chin with a gentle touch. "I love you, Blaine," he said, slow and deliberate. "Believe me when I say that in all of my life, I have never, ever loved someone like I love you."
Blaine let out a shaky breath. They moved toward one another simultaneously, meeting in a tender kiss. They parted lips, but stayed close together. "So what are we gonna do?" Blaine whispered.
"Wait here." Kurt gave Blaine another peck on the lips and slipped off the couch. Within seconds, he returned, having sprinted to his bedroom and back. He resumed his seat next to Blaine and set something down on the coffee table.
Blaine glanced at the object, then did a double-take and stared at it, hard. On the table sat a small velvet box, the kind that usually houses a ring.
"Kurt?" he asked warily.
"I hadn't decided whether or not to give you that tomorrow," Kurt answered, his voice hushed. "I knew it would mean this kind of conversation, of course. I wasn't sure if we were ready for it, but you always surprise me, Blaine," he added.
Blaine tore his focus from the box to face Kurt, who appeared simultaneously happy and terrified.
"Is that what I think it is?" Blaine had to be sure before this conversation continued one second longer. Kurt bit his lower lip and nodded. "Okay," Blaine responded, turning toward the box and back to Kurt, using the moment to will his racing heart to slow down. "I don't get how that solves our problem, though."
"It doesn't. Well, not exactly," Kurt conceded. He dared to reach his hand out, palm up, on the couch cushion between them. Blaine took it automatically, the physical contact calming them both. "First, I hoped to show you that no, this isn't temporary for me. Some may say it's too fast, but Blaine, I'm sure you're the one for me. There won't be anyone else, ever."
"Kurt, I…" Blaine started, stopping when Kurt put a finger to his lips.
"I'm not asking you right now, and I don't want an answer. There's something else you have to consider first. Hear me out?" Kurt implored.
Blaine pressed a swift kiss to Kurt's fingertip. "Of course, love."
Kurt caressed Blaine's cheek, then, after a deep breath, began explaining the details of a plan that could drastically change both of their lives forever.
"Obviously, that," he tipped his head towards the still unopened box, "represents me asking you to marry me. Marriage to you is something that I want more than anything. But marriage is very much a mortal means of commitment. Witches have their own traditions and ceremonies, ways of showing their love for one another for all time.
"In particular, there is an ancient ritual used by couples to express the very deepest and sincere devotion to each other. It's actually not in use all that often these days. People aren't interested in making that level of commitment anymore. It's sad, really."
"Kurt," Blaine interrupted with a smile and squeeze to Kurt's hand. "You're rambling."
Kurt blushed faintly. "Sorry. Right. Anyway, this ritual is known as Spirit Binding. In the ceremony, the spirits – souls, if you will – of the two lovers are irreversibly connected to one another for all time. Their spirits are tied for eternity, so even in the next realm, they will be together."
"That's beautiful, Kurt."
Kurt smiled. "I've always thought so. It's old-fashioned, but it's also terribly romantic."
"So," Blaine hesitated, choosing his words carefully, "are you asking, or thinking about asking, to do the Spirit Binding ritual with me? So we could be together in the…next realm, you said?"
"Yes, but I'm not quite done yet. You see, ordinarily, Spirit Binding is done between two witches. Obviously, they don't have the same life span disparity that a couple faces when one is a witch and one is a mortal." Blaine nodded in understanding. "The nature of the binding is such that when done between a witch and a mortal, certain…concessions ensue."
Blaine furrowed his brow. "I don't like the sound of that."
This was the part that had kept Kurt up nights lately. "Basically, when binding one's spirit to that of a mortal, the witch's life span becomes that of the mortal," Kurt explained matter-of-factly, hoping it would soften the impact of his words. It did not.
"What!" Blaine shouted. "You're telling me that if we do this, you shorten your life and die sooner? No. No way, Kurt. I won't be responsible for that," he declared, pulling back and crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.
"Blaine," Kurt pleaded.
"No, Kurt. End of subject."
Kurt's instinct was to snap back at him. After all, nobody pushed the Hummels around. However, this was a delicate matter and a lot for Blaine to take in. He had to exercise extraordinary patience here.
Summoning all the inner calm he could find, he continued arguing his case. "I've been around a long time, Blaine. I've seen lots of people come and go. I've had mortal friends that I had to leave after a few years in order to hide my true nature. I've had other mortal friends who knew my secret, and I had to watch them age and move on from this world to the next while I stayed behind."
Blaine's anger swiftly thawed at the sadness tinging Kurt's words. He unfolded his arms, reaching out a to Kurt once more and lacing their fingers together.
"It's sad, yes, but it's the way of things. I've known this my whole life, and I've grown to accept it, as much as one can," Kurt confessed, speaking with the wisdom of one who had lived longer than he appeared to have done. "But when I think about you," he continued, a catch in his voice, "Blaine, I can't. I just can't imagine living the rest of my days without you, letting you slip away from me."
He paused, swallowing down the tears that threatened to fall. More than anything, he needed to make Blaine understand.
"I'd grown up knowing about Spirit Binding, of course. I'd heard bits of stories about binding with mortals, but I had to be sure, so I started doing some research. I read everything I could find, checking and cross-checking sources to be certain that it could be done and what the consequences would be."
He looked at Blaine significantly, and Blaine spoke the next words for him. "And whether you were willing to accept those consequences," he supplied.
Kurt responded by reaching out and taking the small box from the table, setting it on the couch between them. He smiled and whispered, "Next thing I knew, I was driving to the jewelry store."
Silence fell between them as they both regarded the box. Such a tiny object with such a monumental meaning.
"Do you have any questions?" Kurt asked, frightened by the lack of response from his often chatty boyfriend. It was clear Blaine's head was in a whirl. Whose wouldn't be? Kurt had spent weeks thinking this over; Blaine had only had about fifteen minutes.
"Oh my god," Blaine blurted suddenly, horrified. "What if we have kids? Kurt, if something happens to me – if I get sick and die or something – they won't just lose me, they'll lose you, too. We'll be making instant orphans!"
Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine's hand to settle him. He'd pondered that scenario, as well. "Well, for one thing, you won't get sick." Blaine furrowed his brow in confusion, and Kurt elaborated. "It turns out there are some perks to the binding process. While my lifespan shortens, you actually gain protection from mortal ailments. You won't get a cold, or the flu, or cancer, or anything like that. You'll age, of course, and eventually reach the end of your lifespan, but you'll be spared from most things that could take you early."
"But what if I get in an accident?" Blaine countered, still concerned.
"Sweetie, there aren't any guarantees that the two of us won't die in a car crash together, witch's power or not. All life has an element of risk. So yes, if one of us gets run over by a bus, then the other will cross over, as well. But there's a bit of lag time before the second spirit follows – it's kind of technical and we can get into that, but what you should know is that we'll have a better than average likelihood of growing to a ripe old age together." He sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead wearily. "Ugh, this is the most morbid pre-non-proposal ever," he huffed.
They were silent once more, each caught up in their own thoughts. Kurt couldn't help but ask, however, "So, you, um…you want kids with me?" he asked shyly.
"Yeah," he answered shyly, "if that's something you are interested in, of course."
Kurt felt himself flush with happiness. "I would love that. Actually, I thought about that, too."
Blaine chuckled. "You've thought of everything, it seems."
Kurt shrugged. "After we freed Santana, she told me one night that she didn't know how to repay us, but if we planned for kids, she'd be, and I quote, 'honored to carry the child of her favorite witch and hobbit.'"
Blaine pondered the idea. "It would be kind of perfect, actually," he mused. "She knows us, and more specifically, who you are. Oh!" he exclaimed, getting excited. "If she donates the egg, then no matter which of us is the biological father, our baby would still get to be a witch, right?"
Kurt grinned at Blaine's exuberance. "Yes, that is true. You – you'd want that for our child?"
"Of course," Blaine replied, scooting closer. "The world could use a little more magic, I think. Also, if, heaven forbid, something did happen to the two of us, we'd know Santana would be there for our child."
"She'd protect it with her life," Kurt agreed. He shifted, intending to lean in and kiss Blaine, but he bumped into the ring box with his knee in the process. They both reached out to stop it from rolling onto the floor, fingers brushing together and then slipping apart.
"This is a lot to process, Kurt," Blaine sighed, his voice quiet and steady. He lifted his head to meet Kurt's anxious gaze. "I have to give this some thought. It's a big decision to make, and I don't want to make it lightly."
"Of course," Kurt responded, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt.
Blaine reached out and cupped Kurt's cheek gently. "I think I'm going to go for a walk, try to clear my head, okay?"
Kurt nodded, unable to speak for fear he would start sobbing. Blaine was leaving. Was he coming back? Had Kurt spoken too soon and ruined everything?
Kurt sunk his head into his hands with worry while Blaine rose and went to the door to put on his jacket and shoes. He was so caught up in his panic that he didn't hear Blaine approach him again. Blaine squatted down before him, carefully prying his fingers away and kissing them swiftly.
"Kurt, I am going for a walk, not walking out," he said pointedly, as if he could hear the doubt racing through Kurt's mind. "I'm coming back, okay?" He waited for Kurt to acknowledge him, then leaned up to kiss him tenderly on the lips. "I love you," he said when the parted. "I'll be back."
"I love you too," Kurt managed to say, giving a wan smile when Blaine winked at him. The door shut quietly behind Blaine, but the sound seemed to reverberate in Kurt's heart.
xoxoxo
A rogue ray of sunlight slipped through the curtains to land on Kurt's face. He blinked and tried to squirm away from the offending glare disturbing his sleep. Sleep. What? When did he fall asleep? And the morning sun didn't shine in through the living room window…
He startled awake, bolting upright and breathing in sharply through his nose.
"Easy, Kurt, easy," Blaine cooed, his voice low and morning-rough, his hand rubbing soft circles on Kurt's back. Kurt turned to see Blaine sitting up, his back resting on a pillow propped against the headboard. He was smiling, but his tired eyes spoke of a lack of sleep. Kurt realized from his own position that he must have been lying with his head in Blaine's lap.
Shifting to sit next to his boyfriend, Kurt rubbed his eyes to rid himself of the last vestiges of sleep. "How did I get here?" he inquired.
"When I got home from my walk, you'd fallen asleep on the couch. You must have been exhausted from the stress of our conversation," Blaine explained. "I tried to wake you up, because you were in a terrible position, but you were out, so I carried you in here."
"Sorry," Kurt apologized. "Did you sleep?" he asked, brushing his thumb across the faint circle under Blaine's eye.
"Not really," Blaine replied, shaking his head. "I had a lot to think about." He reached over to the nightstand and picked up the ring box that Kurt hadn't realized was there. Blaine held it for a moment, turning it this way and that, then he placed it on Kurt's lap.
This was it, Kurt thought. It was too much, and Blaine was going to reject him. He had told himself this might happen, and he wouldn't blame Blaine for it. He was staring at the box, but could see out of the corner of his eye that Blaine was staring at him, ready to tell Kurt his decision. No use putting it off, he decided. Preparing himself for the worst, summoning all of his courage not to cry, he turned his head and met Blaine's waiting eyes bravely.
"If you're going to give this to me for my birthday, you'll have to wrap it and propose to me properly," Blaine murmured, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards into a grin.
It took a moment for the words to sink in, but then Kurt's eyes flew open wide with surprise. "You mean…?" he breathed, hardly daring to hope.
Blaine's wide smile and tears of happiness told Kurt what he needed to know.
Kurt shrieked joyfully and threw himself into Blaine's arms. "I love you so much," he murmured into his shoulder.
"I love you too, Kurt." Blaine pulled back, sliding his hands up to cradle Kurt's face. "I will never make you regret choosing to spend your life with me," he promised.
"I will never regret choosing to spend my life with you," Kurt replied. "In this realm and the next, fearlessly and forever."
Blaine laughed, overcome with emotion as he pressed forward to kiss Kurt soundly. "Save something for the proposal and the vows," he teased.
Kurt laughed between kisses. In his nearly one hundred and ninety years of existence, he'd never felt as complete and happy as he had since the day a charming college professor had walked through the door of his bookshop. He had grown up believing he would live for hundreds of years. That was all going to change. The word "lifetime" would take on a new meaning for him. So as long as he lived that lifetime with Blaine in his arms, however, it would be more magical than he'd ever dreamed possible.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Drop me a line and let me know. Be kind to yourselves, and to one another.