Title: Hate Me

Author: quixotic-hope

Rating: PG-13 for language, though I do in fact use the f-word twice, so I might have to bump the rating up to R for that fact alone. I'm not sure.

Summary: Yet another Sev breaks up with Harry because Harry deserves better fics. Please read anyway.

Warnings: Angst

Spoilers: HBP. If you haven't read that, please don't read this. In fact, don't read any fan fiction. Go and read the books, first.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters/settings belong to the wonderful JK Rowling. "Hate Me" lyrics belong to Blue October.

NOTE: This was intended to be a songfic, but fanfiction will delete my account if I place another one on here. To view this fic with the lyrics in place, please visit my livejournal account, the link of which is shown on my account.

If you go to youtube (dot) come and type in "Hate Me" and scroll down until you see one by Blut October, you can listen to the song while you read.

The little "xxx" marks represent where the lyrics are in the original version.

Hate Me

Harry's picture waved up at him from inside the photo album. His eyes were sparkling, and his lips had curled into a tender smile. A smile that seemed to say "I love you." Severus Snape took a big gulp of tea so he would have a plausible reason for his sudden need to swallow. He didn't know why he bothered trying to lie. There was no one here to see him cry. No one to comfort him. No one to see how truly alone he was.


xxx

Severus thought back to all that the put Harry through. His trial alone nearly drove them apart. Reporters were constantly questioning him. They wanted to know why he had killed Albus Dumbledore. As if he hadn't explained everything at the trial. Harry was right beside him the entire time, refusing to leave him to face the vultures alone.

The questions hadn't stopped after the trial. Severus supposed he should have realized that. They'd never grant him a moment's peace. No matter where he went, what he did, someone wanted to question him, taunt him, threaten him. Most people didn't believe that he had really been on the side of the Light. They figured he was a loyal Death Eater who decided to switch sides once it was obvious that Harry was going win. They refused to believe that he had in fact trained Harry for months before the final battle, after Dumbledore's penseive had been found and Harry had learned the truth.


xxx

Severus sighed. He had done what had to be done. Harry deserved a quiet, peaceful life. He deserved that much after all he had been through. Severus knew that Harry would never be able to live the life he wanted to while he was tied down to Severus. Of course Harry loved him; he didn't doubt that. He also didn't doubt that for a while Harry would be sad. However, he knew with certainty that Harry would get over him. He was young, beautiful, and intelligent. He would find someone else in no time. Someone who wasn't as miserable as he was, or as damaged. Someone who was deserving of Harry's love.


xxx

Severus looked down at the cup of tea he was holding and laughed humorlessly. A year ago he'd have been so imbibed with alcohol he wouldn't be able to see straight. Harry had changed that. He tired of listening to Severus' constantly putting himself down. He hated seeing Severus drunk and in so much pain. They had fought constantly over Severus' addiction to alcohol. While Severus knew the drinking wasn't good for him, he failed to see why it concerned Harry. After all, Severus wasn't the kind of man who got drunk and then beat up his boyfriend. Nor was Severus the kind of man who got drunk and then had sex with anyone who came within ten feet of him. He didn't understand what Harry was upset about.

Severus could never explain why it finally clicked one day. He lay in bed with a hangover. It was no worse than any other time. He had behave no differently. But neither had Harry. For once Severus saw the sad look in Harry's eyes as he brought Severus a potion to help his head. In that moment, Severus understood the pain he was putting Harry through. That minute, he decided that he would never drink alcohol again.

He also decided that he needed to leave.


xxx

It had taken several weeks for Severus to work up the nerve to leave. He knew Harry would be better off without him. He also knew he would be devastated without Harry. Harry was the only person who had ever really understood him. He listened to all of Severus's ramblings (drunken or not) without judging him. If anything, Harry seemed to understand exactly what he was saying. Harry's acceptance made him realize that maybe he wasn't as tainted as he thought.


xxx

Or maybe he was tainting Harry instead. Perhaps after months of being with Severus, Harry was starting to see things in the same fucked up way he did. That couldn't be a good thing. Harry had been so innocent before. Well, no…not innocent. The man had lived through a war, for Merlin's sake, and had killed a man in order to end it. No, Harry was not innocent.


xxx


But in a way he was still a child. He was a child finally getting to experience life as he should have been doing from birth. Now was his time to be young. He had already been forced to grow up far too fast. Severus would not be responsible for damaging him further. That was why he had to leave: not just Harry, but Hogwarts. He had to go somewhere far away, where he wouldn't be able to do any more damage to Harry. He knew Harry's be able to get over him a lot faster if Severus wasn't always around to remind him of what he was missing.

Severus wished it would be as easy for him to get over Harry.


xxx

Severus felt his throat tighten once more as he remembered the night he left. He had made love to Harry one last time. He knew he probably shouldn't have, but he had to. He had to make sure he remembered every touch, every curve, every sound. He lay awake for hours afterwards, cradling Harry close to his chest. He would miss this, he knew. For a moment he considered forsaking his plan and staying in Harry's arms all night.

But he knew he couldn't do that. Instead, he gently untangled himself from Harry and got dressed. He magically shrunk all of his possessions and banished them to the house he had recently purchased. Then he walked over to the bed once more. He shouldn't have done it, should have known it would wake Harry. But he did it anyway. He reached over, cupped Harry's face with his hands, and gently pressed his lips to Harry's one last time.


xxx

He wasn't sure if he had wanted Harry to wake up or not. What he was sure of was that if he didn't hurry up and leave now, he never would.

"What're you doing?" Harry asked groggily, looking at Severus's fully clothed self.

"I'm leaving," Severus answered.

"Leaving…what?"

Severus could tell that Harry didn't fully understand. He made his words clearer. "I'm leaving you."

That woke Harry up. "What?"

"You heard me," snapped Severus, knowing that he if didn't sound like his usual, cruel self he would break down and cry. Harry would never listen to him if he did that. "I have decided that I no longer want to be in a relationship with you. I have bought a new house somewhere far away. You will not be able to find me, and I encourage you not to try. I am confident that once you take time to think about it, you will see that it all for the best."

With that Severus turned and walked away, refusing to think about the surprised tears he had seen filling Harry's eyes. After all, he had done this to help Harry. Harry would be better off without him, he'd see. He just didn't know what was good for him.

But Severus did, and it was that knowledge that kept him here. In this cold house. All by himself. If you really loved someone, you put his happiness before your own. Harry would be much happier once he got over Severus.

Now all Severus had to do was get over Harry.

"Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways,
Yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you…"

from "Hate Me" by Blue October

Note: I seem to have somehow gotten back to my original fic-writing self. I'm writing semi-depressing stories now, it seems. I've been listening to this song almost non-stop for about a month now. I hoped that once I actually sat down and wrote this story, I'd stop obsessing over the song. I kind of wish I could have obsessed over a happier song, but what can you do?

Please review!