Outside the sun had fallen and the cool desert air was still. For the past five months Spy and Engineer scheduled time in the late hours to see each other. No one ever came to bother Spy and Engineer kept the door of his workshop locked. It was the part of his week Spy looked forward to in the humdrum of war life.
Fraternizing with the enemy wasn't his normal routine. Over time while keeping an eye on whatever the BLU team was up to he found himself checking in on Engineer more often than the rest of the them. One day reaching out to him. There was something so accessible of the Engineer that in what felt like a lifetime Spy was comfortable getting close to someone.
"This brandy is wonderful, thank you for sharing it with me." Engineer said while absently swirling the deep amber liquid in his cup.
"I am glad you are enjoying it. I have it shipped in from the south-west area of France. Armagnac to be specific. I prefer it to cognac. It has a more palatable flavor in my opinion." Spy explained with a warm smile.
"I've only had brandy a few times before so it's hard to compare the two. I'll take your word for it." He chuckled to himself.
"Maybe next time I could bring a few different bottles and let you try them. Have you pick for yourself what kind you like." Spy casually suggested and moved his glass in the same manner.
"That sounds nice. I'd like that."
"Then it is settled." Spy declared and took a sip. "Now, tell me about your day."
"Hmm, it wasn't really that eventful. Since it was a day off I mostly worked on personal projects. Medic asked me to help with an experiment he's been concocting for at least a month. Can't really go into more detail with that but I'm sure you have your ways to figure it out on your own if you haven't already." He shot Spy a sly knowing look. Eyes glinting with amusement.
"I will not lie, I do have my ways. That however is a different part of me. It is my job to learn about you all but it is harder now walking the line with becoming a friend to you." The last three words dragged out with uncertainty if that what this was. He felt that way but didn't want to assume for the other.
"I can't really blame you for doing your job. It's hard when your work extends from the battle field. You never really get a break. I try not to let the connotations of this relationship affect my work too much." Engineer sympathetically replied and placed his hand close to Spy's. Hesitantly Spy rested his hand on Engineers. His heart racing at the gentle touch.
"Our interactions are scrutinized... but we do our best not to rouse suspicions. It does become draining when you cannot drop the stress of work after stepping out of the line of fire, however, you get accustomed to it. I'm sure you are similar in that sense." Uncertain if Engineer was comfortable with this he returned his hand to his side.
"With time you can get accustomed to most. I'm so used to it now, when I have nothing to work on, it feels strange." Engineer shook his head and let out a short quiet laugh.
"It does at this point. I appreciate the quiet moments I get to rest though. Priceless." This moment was just the same his mind mentioned. A faint blush burned his cheeks. "Anything else happen?" Changing the subject to try and get away from the awkwardness creeping up his neck.
"I also spent some time with Soldier. It definitely isn't boring being around him. He makes me feel good but sometimes he can he can get a bit rough and be oblivious. It's hard to explain" He paused for a second. "I don't know how he feels about me but I think I'm developing feelings for him." Engineer nervously added.
Spy's eyebrows raised to feign interest while his chest burned with jealousy and frustration. Wishing he could spend his days with the engineer. That their visits weren't limited to the two late nights a week they were able to spend together. However he wasn't about to attempt to change the Engineers opinion hoping that one day he would see him the same way on his own accord.
There was another dilemma he wasn't sure how to properly tread. Something he knew that the Engineer didn't. While cloaked and collecting information that the Administrator wanted he saw the Soldier and Demo spending progressively intimate time together. Whether he liked it or not he was bound to secrecy and couldn't divulge the information or be in breach of contract. It also wasn't his place to reveal these private interactions.
"Well... If you feel that way you should be more aggressive." Spy suggested in a cool tone and sipped on his brandy. "See if he feels the same." The words hard to pass over his tongue when he desired to be the subject of his affection. That the Soldier didn't feel the same way since he had seen it first hand. Years of training had shaped him to make this easier to tolerate and tell people what they wanted to hear.
"I guess I could. It can be difficult to read Soldier." His smile faded slightly. Difficult? That man was practically impossible to tell what his next thought was.
"He can be as thick as a coconut." Spy muttered and tossed back the rest of his drink.
"Hey that's not nice to say. He may not be the smartest but he is funny and very kind at times." Engineer said in defense.
"My apologies." Spy replied and relaxed into the back of his seat.
"Thank you." Engineer relaxed as well and put the rim of his glass to his lips for a sip. "I want to ask but I'm not sure how to. Should I go right to him and say something or could I write a note? He is very brash himself so I think going right to him might work but... I don't know..." Rubbing his neck he looked to the wall to his left. Spy was quiet for a moment contemplating. Watching the engineer while his attention was off him.
"I think that would work. Like you said he is very straightforward and I would assume he would like you to be outright with it. Would the world end if he said no? Your heart might hurt but you will have your answer."
"Yeah, you're right. I just gotta get up the nerve to actually do it." He grins and turns his attention back to Spy.
"You can do it. You are intelligent and I have seen you in action. If he does not see that then he is a fool." Spy offered a half smile as he poured more brandy into his glass.
"That's sweet of you to say, thank you." Engineer let out a sigh of relief. "I'm feeling a little better about it now."
"That is good. I hope things work out for you." That was the truth even if it was painful to say. He wanted the Engineer to be happy no matter who he chose to be with.
"What about you? Tell me about your day." Engineer cheerfully asked. It was nice to have someone curious about his day.
"It was not very eventful. I had a few orders to carry out but it went by quickly and easily." Spy vaguely answered.
"I know I can't pry into exactly what you did but I think I can work around that. Did you stay on the territories or go outside?" Engineer smirked.
"Clever. Outside." Spy returned a smile and crossed one leg over the other.
"Alright, how about say yes if it was something involving a delivery, an assassination, or gathering information." Engineer continued down his line of questions.
"Yes." He nodded and watched him with delight.
"Last question. Take a sip if you got out squeaky clean with no injuries." This time Spy went still. The brandy splashed the sides a few more times before going smooth.
"You are fine though right? If it happened outside the base you know it needs to be tended to. Please tell me you at least bandaged it?" Engineer's eyes widened in concern. Spy looked ahead to hide the growing smile on his face.
"I did, do not fret. I have faced far more dangerous foes and wounds in my line of work. It was not anything fatal as I am here now. They got a good swing at me and left a shallow cut along my arm but it will heal on its own or tomorrow on the field." Spy said with a wave of his hand.
"Good. I was about to go grab my first aid kit." Both Spy and Engineer joined each other in quiet laughter.
"Like I said please do not worry." Though he protested it made his heart sing how Engineer fussed over his well being.
"It can be frustrating when someone won't go get attention for serious medical issues. Especially since most of the people here think that they are invincible with the respawn system. No technology is perfect and there can be complications." Engineer ran a hand through his hair. "The other day I had to get the doc to help me with soldier because he refused to be seen for shrapnel he got messing around in the back." Spy rolled his eyes at the mere idea of fighting with the soldier.
"How annoying. It must have been difficult but it is good you two were able to get him taken care of."
"The doc made it easy. He filled one of the syringes in his gun with a sedative that knocked him out so all we had to do was drag him to the infirmary." Engineer shook his head.
"That does indeed make it easier to get someone somewhere they do not want to go. I have implemented the same tactic on targets before." Spy grinned watching the Engineer. Admiring the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The somewhat uneven lilt of his lips that made them more tempting to touch.
"Any you can tell me about?" Engineer pried. It was tempting to give the man whatever he wanted but Spy knew better than to spill secrets to someone he cared for.
"It is not very exciting. Most people assume being a spy is all about adventure and wild tactics however it is mostly about collecting information. Usually my job involves skulking around and eavesdropping on others while they go about their day. I only do dangerous and cunning missions when it is the only option." That would hopefully satisfy the Engineers curiosity. One of Spy's many skills was giving someone enough that they feel satisfied when you didn't give them much at all.
"Oh really? That's interesting. I guess the movies and what not do make it out to be a glamorous life but that's all Hollywood magic."
"It is... a life. It can feel glamorous at certain times but I think that is true about most people's lives. Like most I go to work. Then home to relax and get refreshed for the day to come. Loneliness does become a hard facet to get over though." He quietly admitted before taking a drink. Spy stared at the contents of his glass surprised with himself that the words slipped out at all.
"I understand that. We are surrounded by people but when it comes down to it we are individuals over everything else. When I get locked up in my shop it gets real lonely." Engineer said to comfort him but there was a difference between the loneliness they both spoke of. One by choice and one not. Spy appreciated the acknowledgment.
"I can only hope that the past few months with us meeting has cut down some of that loneliness for you the same way it has for me." Pink dusted over the Engineers cheeks and a wide grin cracked his lips. Unable to help himself Spy returned a shy smile.
"Yeah it has been nice. I'm glad you're enjoying this as well." Spy's smile grew. One of his fingers tapped on the glass his hand held.
"Everything alright? You normally only do that when something is on your mind." The motion stopped. Quickly meeting Engineer's gaze it was a jarring sensation when someone picked up on minute quirks of his. Normally not around anyone long enough for them to keep track.
"Yes. I am fine." This was too personal. He needed to keep a distance that his heart was apparently flat out refusing to uphold. The company of the Engineer was something Spy had forgotten about regular civilian life. He strolled through the world robot like because that was the only way to survive the type of life he had chosen for himself. It was easier to be cold and push away than to let himself be venerable and let either of them get hurt.
That seemed to have changed recently. Somehow the boundaries of this war felt safer to reach out a hand. Upon meeting the Engineer he slowly and calculatingly inched his way into his life but soon fell victim to the crashing waves of emotions he couldn't easily suppress. Spy made a conscious effort to control his body language.
"I was worried maybe this had gotten too serious. I'm glad it hasn't"
"I would have let you know if I was getting uncomfortable. No need to worry." Spy calmly told him.
"Good. I don't like mixed communications. I'd rather people be honest and not keep how they feel bottled up." Spy choked on his drink and started coughing. His pulse spiked. Honesty was something that the Engineer held dear to his heart and here he was doing exactly what he had described. The sentence loomed over Spy leaving him with a sense of dread of what this all entailed. Had he just been putting off facing the reality of their future? What future could they even have?
"Do you need anything?" Worried Engineer went to stand. Spy put up a hand to stop him and shook his head. Covering his mouth while he found his breath.
"No no. Just went down the wrong pipe I believe is the term." His voice crackled with each word. Clearing his throat to try and fix it.
"Would you like some water?" Engineer offered scooting to the edge of his seat eagerly.
"Please." Rubbing his temples Spy groaned inwardly. How had things gotten so out of hand so fast? He was playing with live ammo aimed only at himself and it was exhausting waiting for it to go off. Handing him the glass Spy thanked Engineer and their fingers brushed ever so slightly. His strong worked hand patted him on the shoulder before he returned to his own seat.
It was a mental task not to rub the nape of his neck, tap his glass with a finger, or his bounce his foot. He kept a cool exterior while a storm brewed inside.
"That sort of reminds me of last week. I was playing poker with some of the team and Demo made Soldier laugh while he was drinking his beer and spit it all over Demo. Everyone lost it." Engineer chuckled recalling the night.
"It must have been a good joke then." Spy commented with painted smile.
"I can't even remember what it was about. It wasn't memorable enough to me." That was a plus. He wouldn't have to put in effort to act entertained.
"Well their humor is less sophisticated than your own. Soldier especially." He bit his inner lip. That was not how he should have phrased it.
"Everyone has their own sense of humor. It just depends on personal taste." Engineers smile slipped defending Soldier.
"True but I have spent time alone watching each member of your team. There are moments I see him functioning normally but the rest of the time I question everything he does." Spy added to his argument. Engineer leaned forward and pointed a finger at him.
"You need to quit the attitude mister. Soldier is my friend and I don't take no one insulting them." Engineer firmly stated. Leaving a cold sensation in the pit of Spy's stomach. He was making decisions based on the whims of his emotions instead of the blinders he used in every other situation. Whatever they had was a complicated maze to navigate and Spy had to be careful not to reach a dead end.
The way he kept control was to have an upper by being on the offense with his targets but that's not how he wanted to think of Engineer. He was his friend. The object of his affections. Someone who now held a fond place in his heart that there wasn't room for. With what he had learned of Engineer the more he pushed the deeper he would sink into the earth.
There was also the issue of Engineer being interested in someone who wasn't interested in him and he was in a position to stop that heart break. If Spy was canny enough to get him to understand that there wasn't a chance without giving away his secrets he could spare him this. Many covert operations had taught him to divert conversations to different pathways. They were rarely this delicate. Pushing hard would mean losing him. Too light and Engineer would slip between his fingers into the flame.
Or maybe this was something he had become disillusioned about. Was this really for him or was he just terrified of the idea of Engineer asking Soldier and there being a chance he would steal him away like a prize to be won?
"Engineer, I give you my deepest regrets. I will do my best to refrain making rude comments about your friend. Just..." Spy paused and swallowed the lump growing in his throat. "All I want is your happiness but can I ask you something? What really attracts you to Soldier? I know you said he makes you feel good but he also can be unpredictable and hurts you without thought." Engineer stared blankly at him. Soon Spy's gaze fell to the floor and lingered.
"I... I guess that it true to a point." Engineers voice a welcomed break to the silence. There was nothing to be happy about hearing him say that.
"Do you not deserve better than that? Someone you don't have to worry about how they will react to everything?" Placing his cup on the table he leaned on the arm of the chair closest to Engineer.
"I don't understand. Earlier you said-" Spy cut him off unable to keep this weight on his shoulders any longer.
"I am not trying to tell you what to do. I just want you to think about it. Is what draws you in about the Soldier is you are not alone or because you really are compatible? If you really want to go after him I am not going to stop you. I want you to be happy like I said but I also do not want to see you to get hurt over him realizing in time this was not right."
"What do you mean wasn't right? You aren't part of it and couldn't know how well we fit." Engineer glowered as he argued. Spy's back was up against a wall and he wasn't about to back down.
"That was not the best way to phrase it. You two... I have seen the way he is around you. He doesn't give you half the attention you give him. Relationships need an even give and take and I do not think he can give that to you." Spy insisted. Panic leeching away his confidence and ability follow his gut reactions.
"You think you know people so well from an outside view but you don't know anything. Until you really dive deep and learn who these people are all your opinions are exactly that. Opinions. So unless you are going to keep your mouth shut about it you better get heading out that door. Understand?" There was a sharp pain in his chest. The curt words stabbing him in a way that no knife could shutting him down and going into fight mode. This was why he couldn't let himself get close to people. Opening up only meant pain and now was the time to put space in between them until he was no longer attached.
Spy fished out a silver case from an inner pocket of his jacket and got onto his feet. Placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it. The red ember glowing bright as he inhaled. Breaking a rule Engineer set up when they first started visiting.
"I am only trying to help. If you refuse to hear me then I will leave. It was nice to have another night together with you. I will see you on the field." Spy flatly stated and directed himself to the door.
"Wait a minute. Are you saying that this is the last time we're going to be meeting? Are you really being as stubborn as a goat right now?" Engineer jumped to his feet and rushed to his side. Spy came to a halt and met his eyes.
"This was never to be. We are on the opposite team. Everything we do is in vain because of it and I don't know why I ever thought it would work." This time his words did the cutting. Observing the mix of anger and disappointment on Engineers face.
"I don't want you to think because of this we can't still be friends. You've come to mean a lot to me. Why the hell are you suddenly claiming team loyalty?" Engineer demanded. The corners of Spy's lips twitched ever so slightly. It was bittersweet finding out this way.
"You mean something to me as well, however, I can not keep keep this up anymore. I will only hurt you in the end." The sincerest thing he could have said. He only brought pain to the ones he loved. It was selfish to preemptively create distance it was how he knew to survive.
"I can't believe this. You... you really are a snake." Only anger lingered on Engineers features.
"It is part of the job." He adjusted his tie and blew out a cloud of smoke.
"Don't you see how ridiculous this is? You're cutting me off because I disagreed with you? Tell me why this is the final straw? Why now?" There was a shimmer of tears welling in Engineers eyes that caught Spy off guard.
"I..." He chewed on his lower lip. Glancing to the door it called him to the safety of the darkness behind it but he was frozen. "I can not tell you."
"Well ain't that the perfect excuse. Everything is a mystery so anything is subject to being too sensitive." The truth hurt. Spy did use it to deflect conversations he didn't want to deal with and this was the worst time to use it.
"It is not that simple. Please understand." Spy tiredly explained.
"I don't believe it for a second. I know you've got something else stirring around in that head of yours. Please talk to me." The warmth of his smile returned. Spy lost his breath when Engineer pressed his palm flat against the center of his chest. Still he offered compassion. He wondered if Engineer could feel his heart shattering.
"This is my job. I have to keep you at arms length. It was a mistake getting close to you." Spy spun on his heel no longer able to face him.
"Fine. Leave. You've got some things to learn mister. If you can't open up, and I don't mean spilling company secrets, you're going to wind up alone and no one to blame but yourself." Engineer warned.
"Luckily for me I prefer to spend my time alone." Spy weakly replied walking out the door. His footsteps stuttering outside the room.
"I hope you can get over yourself someday and be happy." Engineer said before shutting the door behind him. Spy peered back over his shoulder. Rubbing the bridge of his nose he cloaked and went off to his quarters.
The weeks that passed were stretched and awkward. Neither hadn't spoken since that incident and Engineer wasn't surprised how much of a ghost the Spy could be when he didn't want to be found. It didn't keep the Spy from destroying his buildings on the field but there was a coldness to it. A harsh business transaction. Had the Spy been going easy on him this whole time?
The starting blare of the Administrators voice sent the BLU team on their way to prepare for the impending bloodshed. Medic ran off with the heavy hitters. Sniper planted himself on a high post overlooking the field. Engineer placed down blueprints for a teleporter and waved when Solder ran past his side. Soldier returned a wave and caught up with Demo waiting farther up.
A familiar chill ran down his spine. Taking in a breath the scent of smoke and cologne filled his senses. His hand darted to his pistol. Engineer pivoted pointing it at him and met the barrel of Spy's revolver. Narrowing his eyes his mouth set into a hard line. Seconds turned into minutes and the world disappeared leaving them lost in the tension.
"Do you have anything to say?" Engineer went directly to the issue at hand. Until Spy apologized to him Engineer wasn't going to waste any time with him.
"He doesn't love you." Engineer's mouth fell open. How much lower could Spy hit to stir things back up?
"Wow. Really? And what, you do?" Engineer sarcastically shot back. Spy silently peered past him. There was little indication on his face of what his inner workings were doing. Finally he answered.
"Yes." A loud crack followed. Then a flash of pain. Then nothing. Bright light suddenly blinded fresh eyes and it stung drawing in a new breath. As his vision focused Engineer recognized the respawn room. His knees buckled under him and they hit the ground with a clack. The hard material of the pads dulling the shock. His stomach turned unsure what the hell just happened.