Jessica: ^_^ Yay! Malik's guide to Ruling the World is up! Finally, after long last…well, enjoy! And review, more importantly. ^_^; First reviewer gets a prize!
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So YOU want to be the next ruler of the world? Face it, kiddo, you're going to have to wait in line. I'm before you – King Malik. Not King/Queen whatever-your-name-is. King Malik. BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
In order to BE ruler of the world, you have to earn your title. Nobody's going to give a stinky sock to you if you don't 'earn' your title. Or a smelly fish. Or a rotting shrimp. ^_^ What I mean is, you're going to have to show you actually are worthy. Of course, you probably aren't worthy in the first place. I'm the only one who can claim the title of "worthy".
People are impressed if you're lower class and somehow work yourself up to king. They like that. So drop down to peasant style, then climb up the ladder to king. Makes no sense, but who cares? Not me.
Pretend to be nice, kind…beneficial…all that yucky, disgusting, gross, totally absurd stuff. Give to the poor, get yourself rich, invent loads of stuff, save the world from invading aliens-you-purposely-sent-so-you-can-defeat-them-and-rule-the-world and kill (YES!) all mass murderers (darn, those guys are cool-oh well, they challenge my RULE) so that people BEG you to rule them as king (whoa, long sentence).
You DON'T share your power with ANYONE. Got it? Good! Now, let's go on.
You appoint your FRIENDS who probably are LAWBREAKERS (lawbreaking friends? Got them? Good! Now, let's go on) all the good jobs. Like, oh, counter-of-your-money, ruler-of-your-pets, killer-of-your-enemies (on second thought, you get that job ^_^), hunter-of-your-food, cook-of-your-food, forger-of-your-weapons, giver-of-your money (dimwits, I mean the guy who gives you money, not the guy who gives AWAY your money. Idiots), and all that good stuff. Not like advisor-to-you, guy-who-controls-your-every-move, influential-dude-who-plots-to-overthrow-you, NOTHING like that. Got that? Good. Now, let's move on.
Hmm…that's it for Lesson 1. Review, so I still get paid for this. If no-one reviews (gr) then Jessica gets seriously mad, fires me, then removes this guide. So since I need my pay and am not in the mood to be roasted, review. Unless you really want my good old friend BAKURA to chop your hands off and feed them to you. He's been known to do that and we are allies, you know.
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Jessica: He's darned right about that. Review!
Not that hard…