Summary: Rick is waiting for information on Kate.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of the TV show CASTLE or the characters contained in the fic
Rating: K+
Pairing: Kate and Castle
KATE'S BLOOD:
Rick didn't know where he was, who was with him, or what was going. All he knew was that Kate was at death's door and her blood coated his hands, soaked into his suit. He had seen the sun glinting off what he assumed was a snipers scope. Why didn't he react sooner? Rick's mind replayed it over and over just to torture him, to remind him of unequipped he was to be her partner. If only he had been quicker…
"Dad?" Alexis tried to get her father's attention. He was just staring at his hands, his blood stained hands. Kate's blood coated her father's hands. Today was already a day of mourning. Captain Montgomery was being laid to rest when Detective Beckett had been shot. She had been giving his eulogy.
"Richard?" Martha took her son's hand feeling the drying blood. Richard didn't react. He was sitting next to her little more than a ghost. She couldn't believe Kate was in surgery. She could die and if that happened Rick would die inside. Martha felt her son's pain; Kate was apart of them, apart of their family.
Rick barely felt his mother's hand taking his. He barely felt anything inside. A deep numbness had set in killing everything. Castle barely remembered telling Kate he loved her; but he had said it, felt it with all his heart. Replaying the scene in his mind he could almost see the life draining from her hands. Her blood was flowing over his hands, soaking into his suit, drenching the ground. He couldn't believe they had gotten her to the hospital when they did. Every second felt as long as a life age of the Earth to Rick.
What seemed like days were only hours. The immediate family came and went from the waiting room but none of them would leave for long. Finally the doc came in going straight to Castle. "Richard?" Rick looked up to see Josh but he didn't understand anything that he was saying.
Josh could see the torment that was raging inside of Richard Castle. He had been asked to be kept in the loop in regards to Beckett even though he wasn't one of her doctors. Josh could still come and give updates. He had tried several times but everyone in the room looked far away. "Kate's been moved to the ICU and right now there are no visitors allowed." John rose to leave when he felt a hand on his wrist.
"Thank you, Josh." Castle was barely able to form the words; he could barely breathe, barely think.
"You can come back tomorrow. She should be allowed visitors then." With that said he left.
"Richard we should go home." Martha spoke softly to her son.
"No," Castle shook his head still staring at his hands. "I'm staying." Rick didn't have the power to stand, let alone the power to walk out of the waiting room. He would very well sit there until tomorrow, until he could see Kate alive, breathing, and hooked up to God knows what monitors.
Martha crouched down in front of her son, "Richard, you should go home. Do you really want to be with Kate covered in her own blood? Do you want to take her hand in yours with her blood still painting them?"
"No." Castle barely spoke. He mouthed the word.
Martha looked at Ryan and Esposito, a silent question asking if they would help his son. Both men had stayed silent with their women by their sides. She herself had been crying off and on. Reaching out Martha cupped Rick's face before moving out of the way.
Esposito and Ryan stepped up to Castle, each taking a turn to mutter something before they each wrapped a hand around Castle's upper arm helping him to stand. Both detectives were still in a ragged state, but nothing like the hell Castle was going through. With Martha and Alexis following them they managed to help Castle out of the hospital and to waiting car that would take him to his apartment.
CASTLE'S APARTMENT:
His mother finally left him alone opting to go to bed. Castle could still tell that his daughter lingered outside the door. He didn't have the energy to console her when he was broken inside. That knowledge made him hurt all the more. Rick was supposed to be strong for his daughter, but he was finding it hard to muster said strength when he could barely stand, barely think, or barely breathe. There was no way he would have made it out of the hospital without the aide of Ryan and Esposito.
Every time he closed his eyes he saw her face, saw her eyes close, and saw the blood. Rick had had blood on his hands before, but he had never thought he would have hers staining his hands. He just couldn't move past it. It was everywhere on him. Castle was sure if he removed his suit then he would find her blood that had soaked through on his skin. The shower called to him. He had to get her blood off of him.
Getting to his feet Castle staggered to the open door where he kicked off his shoes stepping into the shower still in his clothing. He turned on the water, it was boiling hot. Castle barely noticed. His focus was on the blood, her blood, running down the drain. All his strength was leaving him. Richard Castle slid down the tiled wall to his knees watching her blood wash off of him. For the first time since it happened he was crying silent tears that were hidden by the water of the shower. In here he could break down and be a quivering mass of sadness while his soul cried out in pain for the woman he loved.
Castle cupped his hands letting the hot water fill his palms allowing him to wash off the dried blood that he had refused to clean off all day while sitting in the waiting room while the trauma surgeons worked to save Kate's life. He rubbed is hands together in a furious gesture trying to get all the blood off as sob tore at his chest, begging to break free. If he was alone in the apartment then he would have howled out his pain like a wounded animal. Castle's heart was breaking piece by piece and he didn't know if it would ever be put back together even if Kate survived. The most that he could hope for was to be held together with tape and glue for a while.
She was so precious to him and he didn't know how that happened. Yes, she was the most attractive woman that he had ever seen, but it was more than that. It was her eyes, the sadness he saw there that compelled him to be around her, to try and bring a little laughter to her laugh. Before he knew it she was the one person that he wanted to see more than anything when he walked into the 12th precinct every morning.
Time had no meaning to Rick, it could have sped up or stopped all together and he really wouldn't have cared. What got his attention was the cold. When did it get cold? He had almost forgotten that he was in the shower. The hot water had run out. Crawling out of the stall Castle just collapsed on the tiled floor in a wet heap still wearing the clothes he had donned that day for Captain Roy Montgomery's funeral that had turned into Kate's near assassination. There was nothing left for him, he was so tired. Curling up Rick let the blackness of his mind envelope him. Hopefully on the wings of the dream Gods he would be taken away to where the sadness of his reality couldn't touch him for hours. It was all he could hope for; a short time to escape. Castle needed it, not only for himself, but for his daughter, for his mother, and for Kate when she recovered.
THE END: