Rain fell from the skies. Water droplets pelted the ground everywhere, soaking everything in its path. The trees gave little shelter against the cold, harsh rainfall to the grass underneath. Leaves detached from their stems and wafted toward the ground. The sky seemed to darken as the sun set around the horizon. The pitter of drizzling rain could calm almost any soul.
Almost.
This boy, sitting beneath the trees at the fringe of the Dark Forest, sighed. His long, jet-black hair was soaked. He was probably chilled to his bones. But he didn't care. His beautiful, gray opals staring downcast toward the muddying ground, his arms limp on the ground, he blinked, his expression totally blank. His legs lay lifeless in front of him.
How long had he been sitting against this tree? Two hours? Three? All day? He couldn't remember. He'd been there since the rain started, and he wasn't intent on leaving any time soon.
He should probably have been back inside the Gryffindor common room by this time, studying for his O.W.L.S. They were coming up pretty quickly. In a few weeks, in fact. He still had homework he should have been finishing that was due the next school day. At this rate he'd never get it finished.
But Sirius Black didn't care. He didn't want to do his homework. He didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to sit under the tree he'd been sitting under for a very long time and stare at the ground. He didn't want to think, he didn't want to breathe, and at this moment, he didn't even want to live.
Well, why would he want to live in the first place? It's not like he had anything going for him. He'd just that morning messed up the one thing he'd had such high hopes of achieving.
"Good morning, beautiful," Sirius smirked confidently, flopping down on the Gryffindor common room couch. Remus sat on the other side, his nose buried in a book James had given him. He looked up, rather annoyed.
"Oh, what do you want now?" Remus growled, closing his book and placing it on a pile of others beside him.
"Well why are you in such a bad mood?" Sirius leaned over, flicking Remus' nose. Remus turned red. "Did someone do something to you?"
"Nothing but annoy me endlessly."
"Who would do a thing like that?"
"Gee, I don't know," Remus words bit at Sirius. He frowned.
"Seriously. Ha! See what I just did?" Sirius laughed. He scooted closer to Remus, so they were sitting only inches apart. "I made a funny."
"Ha ha ha…." Remus rolled his eyes.
"What's wrong?" Sirius placed his hand on Remus' forehead, checking his temperature. "You're not being you." Remus slapped his hand away.
"Flirt, flirt, flirt, is that all you do?"
"Seriously, only around you." Sirius wrinkled his nose, trying to suppress a giggle.
"Seriously, I don't want it," Remus grabbed a hold of his books and stood, trying to leave the common room. "I'm going to breakfast. I don't want this at all."
"Aww… but don't you want me, not even just a little?" Sirius leapt up as he followed Remus toward the door. He poked his friend's shoulder a bit roughly.
Angry, his friend threw his books to the floor and turned on him.
"No, no, no, no, no you annoying, ill-mannered, bloody ponce! Now leave me alone!"
It shouldn't have bothered him. People called him annoying all the time. He'd even been given the extreme honor of being called a bloody ponce every now and again. But coming from him, these words struck strings better left alone. Sirius widened his eyes.
Remus turned around, intent on leaving.
"No!" Sirius ran in front of the boy, grabbing Remus by the shoulders. "Don't you dare leave. I need to talk to you." Remus' eyes darkened.
"I don't want to talk to you."
"I don't care. I need to tell you something." Remus shoved Sirius away from him, plugging his ears and going around Sirius toward the door.
"I don't want to hear this."
"But I need to tell you." Sirius stood in front of the door, pacing his hands around the frame and completely blocking Remus from his escape. Remus growled, shifting his eyes around in search of another means of escape. "It's important. I—"
"You nothing!" Remus turned and made a break for the stairs. Suddenly he whirled back around and stomped his foot. "I don't care what you have to say! You aren't important to me! I don't want to waste my time listening to whatever stupid thing you have to say!"
Sirius pulled back, slightly abashed. "But…." He desperately tried to form words. "But I love you!"
His friend glared at him, his eyes softening from anger in the slightest. He sighed gruffly, wishing the pair of terribly despairing eyes would just go away.
For a long time he didn't say anything. He stared around the room, focusing on random things in the common room. Anything other than Sirius and his completely blank face. He studied how dusty the mantle above the fireplace looked, and briefly wondered why the House Elves hadn't cleaned up there as of late.
He was aware suddenly that Sirius was tapping his foot, and his attention instantly sprung back to the problem at hand. He could feel his anger swelling up once again but chose to simply take a deep breath, close his eyes, and answer.
"But, I don't."
Sirius took a step back, resisting the urge to throw up. He fought back tears of rage and sorrow, biting his lip until it almost bled. Before another word could be said, Sirius turned on his heel and fled the Gryffindor common room.
Of course his friend probably thought that he'd been joking; that he was going to laugh in his face had he said anything other. He probably shouldn't have told him in the first place. It would be stupid to think that his furry little friend would swing that way in the first place.
Of course, after the evil words had been said, he'd run off into the forest, skipping every single class he'd had that day. He probably had a few detentions coming to him, and he wouldn't be surprised if he had more homework than anyone else over the weekend, since this fateful day had been a Friday.
He bit his lip, changing the position of his legs so they could get more circulation.
Slowly, Sirius Black's eyes flickered toward the huge clock tower, where the device chimed at midnight. Huh…. He'd been outside for a long time, indeed. His friends would probably be looking for him, soon.
XXXXX
Remus stared out the window, a worried air surrounding his being. He knocked his head against the glass, closing his amber eyes as he let the cold wash over him. He scratched the back of his head, running his hand through his sandy hair.
Where was that infuriating boy?
Sirius hadn't been to a single class that day. He hadn't come back to the dorm room, either. All three of his friends had been checking in between classes and breaks.
A large, warm hand rested itself on Remus' shoulder. Remus turned his head. A wily-haired boy stood behind him, readjusting his glasses.
"He's got to be somewhere," James whispered. "I've got Lils asking McGonagall if he's been in here at all." Remus frowned.
"Lilly doesn't like you." He stated. James slumped, chuckling.
"She's asking because she's worried about having someone missing all day." He admitted. "Ruin my hopes, why don't you?" Remus cringed.
"It wouldn't be the first time today," He sighed. James squeezed his shoulder tightly.
"We'll find him."
"Potter," Remus and James turned at the new voice. Lilly stood with her arms cross around her robes. "The Professor hasn't seen Black all day." Remus's eyes flickered. "And I quote: 'when you find the little rebellious child, tell him he's got so many detentions, he won't have to worry about what to do with his nights until he graduates.'"
Remus fought back tears. Great, he'd just gotten his best friend incarceration at night for the next two years.
"Prongs," Peter ran from upstairs into the conversation. "I just checked the Map. He's not anywhere inside Hogwarts."
"He has to be somewhere!" Remus shouted, slamming his fist against the window and sliding away from it. He flopped down onto a couch and growled. "He can't have just dropped off of the face of the planet!"
"Calm down, Moony." James crouched down next to his friend. "Look, we haven't finished the Map completely yet. All we have is a basic outline of the inside of Hogwarts."
"Yeah," Peter shrugged aimlessly. "I suppose he could be outside right now."
The suggestion rang in everyone's ears for a moment. Lilly, James, Peter, and Remus exchanged horrified glances before lunging toward the window once again, peering out as if expecting to see a corpse laying in plain view.
"He can't be!" Peter sounded shocked.
"He's an idiot." James snarled.
"He's going to catch pneumonia!" Lilly gawked.
"That blithering idiot!" Remus shouted. "We've got to find him."
"They won't let us outside right now, Moony." Peter insisted. "It's too late."
"Wormtail," Remus' tone was dangerously low. Peter took a protective step back. "James doesn't have an invisibility cloak for nothing."
"I'll go get it," James took off running. "It should be easier to sneak around with only three of us underneath it."
"What are you talking about?" Lilly spat. "Surely you know I'm coming with you."
James stopped in mid step. He stared at Lilly in bewilderment. Lilly flashed him a sympathetic smile.
"Don't believe for a second that this is because I like you." She snarled with a grin. "The reason I'm coming is that I'm worried about his safety…. Prat though he may be."
James rubbed his chin smugly.
"Sure it is."
XXXXX
Sirius couldn't see anything. He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't hear anything. He didn't even know if he was breathing. His eyes stared vacantly toward the mud, watching it accumulate across his robes. His fingers flexed involuntarily, only in the slightest. It was the first time he'd ever been this still while at Hogwarts.
He was like this all the time at home. The Blacks annoyed him endlessly about his life styles. Even his brother Regulus copped an attitude with him every now and then, pestering him about being in the wrong house, hanging out with Mudbloods and half-breeds and such. He spent most of his summer staring at the tiles in the ceiling of his shabby room, not even realizing that he was breathing. It was how he survived all the years with his family. Pretend to be dead and they'll leave you alone.
Because that's what he wanted. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to think about what had happened in detail, going through every single thing that made him a horrible person in retrospect.
Reason the first: He was obviously, painfully, and clearly in love with his best friend.
He hadn't tried to do this, per se. It just happened. Remus was always around when he needed someone to talk to. Remus knew most of Sirius' secrets that he couldn't tell James for lack of pride.
Remus had been around when Sirius needed him the most. He had written long, meticulous letters throughout the summers Sirius was stuck with his family and had been part of the reason Sirius hadn't run away… just yet.
Reason the second: His best friend obviously, painfully, and clearly wasn't in love with him.
This one would have been plain to see if Sirius had taken the time to look around him. Of course his friend didn't love him, for obvious plumbing reasons. Sirius had been too stuck in what he wanted. He didn't even attempt to try and find out what it was Remus might have wanted, which was obviously to be left alone.
Sirius would leave him alone, now.
Reason the third: He was a huge prat and a horrible person.
Apparently his family had rubbed off on him after all. His mother would be proud. Perhaps he would write a letter to her if he ever moved again. He could see the letter now, fringed with tears and terrible penmanship.
"Dear dreadful mother that can't be anyone else's but mine,
Guess what? I've been going after what I want and nothing else lately! Aren't you proud of me? I annoyed people endlessly on my own thoughts without considering what they thought of the continuous aggravation they had sitting beside them. Aren't you satisfied? I've become one of you!"
Yup, now Sirius really wanted to die. He slumped his head, sinking ever deeper into his wallowing self-hate.
XXXXX
"Get moving!" James pushed Lilly out of the Hogwarts secret passage and into the open outdoors. "I told you you were going to get wet."
"I can live," Lilly grumbled. Remus squeezed out from the alleyway, followed by a rushed Peter, then James.
"Good. Now we're out." James looked around, squinting. "Wow. I can't see anything."
Lilly snatched James' glasses off of his face, resulting in a shocked gasp from the boy. She whipped out her wand.
"Impervius!" She whispered. She handed them back to James. "There."
James put the glasses on.
"Hey, cool!" He looked around. "I can see better than before."
"Good for you," Remus said. "Can we get going now?"
"Right," Peter agreed. "It's cold and wet out here."
James nodded.
"All right," He looked around. "Wormtail, go and check near the herbology lab. Moony, check around the Dark Forest. Don't go too far in, fuzzy." James waggled his finger at Remus, who frowned. "I know you're friends with the other fuzzballs-with-teeth, but please refrain from communicating with them at this time. Sirius might have a death wish, but not a painful one."
"What about me?" Lilly asked expectantly.
"You and I will look around the Quidditch field."
"I can search by myself, you letch!" She scowled.
"I know you can, Evans." James sounded exasperated, making Lilly give him a double-take. "But we three know how to get out of trouble when caught. If you're found outside tonight you'd be stuck for words without help."
Lilly blinked. Since when did Potter know how to organize searches so efficiently?
"All right," She gave in. "I'll go search with you."
"Good, let's get moving." James grabbed Lilly's wrist and took off running. "If you find him, send out flares! Peter's blue, Remus is red, and we'll be green."
'If', Remus thought hopelessly. He said 'if'.
"We'll find him, Moons. I'm sure he meant when we find him." Peter patted him on the back, also catching the horrible conjunction used by James. "I'll go get looking for him, now." Peter turned and bolted for the herbology labs.
Moony turned, scanning the Dark Forest with his eyes. True, he did have friends in there that could and would help him find his friend, but he didn't think it was wise to go against James at a time like this. When James got controlling like he was at the moment, fists went flying if you went against him.
Remus turned on a burst of speed as he pelted quickly to the Dark Forest.
Why did the stupid things always happen to him? Why was it that whenever something good came along he always had to turn it down blatantly and make the good thing go away?
Why had he lied to Sirius that morning?
The first answer was obvious: He'd been scared. If he had told the truth that morning, things would have become complicated between the two of them. He didn't want things to become complicated with his best friend. He wanted Sirius to always be around whenever he needed him, and Sirius wouldn't do that if things became complicated between them.
It wasn't like Remus had been expecting Sirius to say what he did that morning. True, Sirius was always prodding and asking him if he wanted him. Remus would always roll his eyes and say, "No, now leave me alone." Which, of course, Sirius would not do. He would stand around and pester Remus for hours on end.
And it wasn't Sirius' fault that Remus had woken up in a bad mood that morning. One of his last-month wounds had reopened slightly and he was in pain all night. He didn't wake anyone up to help him. They hadn't known.
So when Sirius was being genuinely Sirius that morning, Remus wasn't being Remus and spat ugly words at him. In a flash Sirius had become serious—no pun intended for the moment—and simply stated his love, which Remus knew must surely be there already.
But Remus couldn't return it. He was too afraid. He knew Sirius deserved better than what he could offer. That's why he always turned the other boy down.
But when he'd stated clearly his affection, Remus freaked.
Who wouldn't? Remus and Sirius had been flirting around the topic for years now, but when it came out into the open, new fears elapsed into Remus' mind. What if after a while Sirius didn't want him? Remus didn't know if he could take it. He turned the poor boy down, resulting in his disappearance.
So this was ultimately Remus' fault.
Peter and James knew, of course. They'd probably known all along what was going on between Remus and Sirius. Sometimes they even egged Sirius on in his pursuit of Remus. They had heard the small-but-harsh argument this morning, and they were more inclined not to talk about it than anyone else.
Remus had been running for a while now. His lungs were screaming at him to please stop. He slowed down eventually, resting one hand on a tree and the other on his knees. He took several long, deep breaths before looking into the Forest.
It was dark, that's for sure. Remus had never seen the Dark Forest as pitch black as it seemed now. Had Sirius gone inside the forest?
"Sirius!" Remus screamed between gasps of breath. He took a step to start running again—
And tripped over something.
Remus hit the ground, groaning. He pulled himself up slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. Now he was wet and muddy. He hated dirt more than anything. Oh, when they found Sirius and got him back into the dorm, he was going to take a three hour shower, and if anyone—
Remus just got a good look at what he tripped over, exactly. It was a foot. He squinted at it for a moment, following the foot up the leg and to the owner.
Well, he'd found Sirius.
From the state of things, he looked dead. His gray eyes stayed downcast and cloudy, not focusing on anything in particular. His hands lay palms up next to him, covered in splatters of mud. His bangs hung limply in his face but he didn't make any sort of move to make them get out of his line of vision. His lips lay open slightly, as if he'd been trying to speak when he'd stopped moving. Remus crouched down next to the boy, desperately hoping for him to move.
"Siri?"
Nothing happened. Remus gently wiped Sirius' bangs out from his face. Still nothing.
"Padfoot?" Remus was about to panic. His friend still wasn't responding to him. Suddenly, Sirius blinked. It was a slow, steady motion, and his gaze didn't move from its spot.
Remus let out a sigh of relief. At least his friend was alive. Now he just had to wake him up.
"Sirius, wake up."
And still nothing happened. The rain was thoroughly soaking through Remus' clothes, and he could feel his lungs closing up slightly. If Sirius had been out here all day, he must be sick.
Remus crooked his finger, placing it under Sirius' chin. He pulled Sirius' face up to look at him. He could feel Sirius shiver and he noticed how freezing his friend actually felt.
Sirius' eyes stayed unfocused on Remus. He was staring straight through Remus as if he wasn't really there.
"Sirius, this isn't funny anymore," Remus insisted, lightly tapping Sirius on the cheek to try and rouse him. "Get up and come back inside." No answer. "Pads, can you hear me?"
Still no answer.
Remus frowned. This wasn't good. Why wasn't Sirius responding to him? It was like he was in a trance or something.
"Sirius," He was getting worried. "Sirius, wake up," He shook his friend's shoulders. As he let go of Sirius' chin, his head flopped back down to where it had originally been.
"Sirius!" Remus freaked. He straddled Sirius' legs, holding his face up with both hands. "Padfoot, can you hear me?" He rubbed his friend's ears. "Look, I'm sorry for this morning. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."
A flash of recognition grazed across Sirius' face for an instant. Just as quickly it was gone.
XXXXX
Sirius felt someone moving his head. He didn't care enough to do anything about it. He was secretly hoping whoever it was would snap his neck, save him the trouble of waiting through pneumonia.
"Can you hear me?"
The voice was so muffled Sirius couldn't make anything out of it even if he tried. He didn't move. There was no need.
He felt weight on the top of his legs and a cold, thin, gentle pair of hands grasping lightly to his cheeks. The hands began massaging his ears. It calmed him ever so slightly.
Sirius' mind gave him a jolt as he saw the face of Remus flash in front of his eyes.
He shook it off. Remus didn't want anything to do with him. As far as he was concerned, Remus never wanted to talk to him again.
Sighing inwardly, Sirius settled back into the blind, deaf existence he'd punished himself to.
XXXXX
"I swear I didn't want to hurt you." Remus continued. "Please, do something."
The boy remained motionless. Remus groaned, taking out his wand and holding it in the air. He growled, taking in a large breath and shouting at the top of his lungs.
"Periculum!" Large, red flares erupted from his wand, and sparkled in the sky. The others would know he'd found him, now. He wiped what wetness he could from his hands before replacing them on Sirius' cheeks. The rain was making it harder for Remus to see.
"Sirius, the others are coming," He told his friend, shaking his head slightly. "You've got to wake up. Don't do this to us."
Still nothing. Sirius blinked once again.
"Look, I—" He looked away, half-sobbing. "I'm sorry I was so mean this morning. I was just afraid of—of myself, really."
A small light lit up in Sirius' eyes. Remus smirked. So that's what Sirius wanted to hear. All right….
XXXXX
"I was just afraid of—of myself, really."
Sirius still couldn't decipher the words, but something in them pushed his psyche a bit. Who was talking to him so much? Why wouldn't they leave him alone? It was bad enough that the rain was coming down in sheets, but there was someone sitting astride his legs, too; talking to him about something he didn't want to hear about.
Why wouldn't everyone just leave him alone? Didn't they realize what a total and complete egotistical-maniac he was? Didn't they know that he was penalizing himself for endlessly annoying and harassing the one person who meant everything to him?
His mind nudged him again. Apparently it wanted him to try and figure out what the person in front of him was saying. Maybe it was important, and he was missing it. Maybe he needed to listen to the words of this person.
He listened to the incoherent mumblings echoing through his head, trying to make out any sort of recognizable word or phrase. He couldn't find one, and soon he found himself giving up on the cause.
It wasn't like whoever was in front of him really cared. They were probably some kid from Hog—from that school Sirius went to; he couldn't really remember the name. Anyway, they were probably just worried that he was going to get sick and die. They didn't care about him; they just didn't want a corpse lying around the school grounds.
With an inward shrug, Sirius pulled back once again, returning to the silent, pitch black world within himself.
XXXXX
"I was afraid that if I truly said what I wanted to say, you would be joking. And if by some chance you weren't joking, I was worried that you would have your way with me and leave. And I just wouldn't be able to take that." He scooted forward a bit, letting one hand go from Sirius and running it through his hair worriedly. His robes were sticking to him like they were his own skin. He pointed his tawny eyes to the heavens, growling inwardly as the skies dropped cold fragments of water on the ever-dampening earth. He wished the rain would stop.
"Look, Sirius." Remus held his friend's face so he could search his eyes for recollection. It was dying, fast. Remus grabbed at straws to keep Sirius' attention.
"Okay! Yes, okay, Sirius, I love you. Okay, I admit it! Just look at me!" Remus begged. Remus sagged his shoulders, hanging his head. He stared at the ground, all hope gone.
Sirius flexed his fingers. Remus watched as his friend's fingers wound tightly in a fist and then just as suddenly returned to limpness.
"Remus? Moony? Where are you?"
Peter and James were calling out to him. He turned.
"I'm over here!" He waved his arms wildly, though he doubted they could see from all the rain. "Quickly, come help!"
Peter was seen first, limping hastily to Remus and kneeling down to the ground wetly next to Sirius. James came after, dragging a sopping wet Lilly behind him.
"What's happened to him?" James let go of Lilly and sat down next to Sirius, feeling his forehead. He shook Sirius' head roughly, trying to coax a reply from the boy. Nothing happened.
Remus silently freaked once again as James' mouth dropped and his eyes widened in shock.
"Oh, this is bad."
"What is it?" Peter asked.
"I've seen him like this before, but only once." James reported. "When I met him."
"Please, share with the rest of the class." Lilly prodded. James glanced at her expectantly.
"He'd just had a rather rough row with his family, back when we were younger. I found him somewhere in the woods around our houses, just… lying there." He explained. He shook his head to try and stop the water droplets from annoying him.
"How'd you get him out of it?" Remus asked, gently removing his hands from Sirius. His head lolled back to stare at the ground.
"I just sat there and kept talking to him." James shrugged. "It took a good four hours before he even started focusing his eyes on me. He said later he couldn't hear a thing I was saying until I started talking about Quidditch, which was about my fourth subject."
"He's pretty out of it, then." Lilly cringed.
"And he's more than likely been outside all day!" Remus cried. "We don't have time to talk to him for hours on end. It's probably already one in the morning!"
"Then think," James locked eyes with Remus. "What got him so upset in the first place?"
"I rejected him rather harshly," Remus whispered over the rain.
"Then unreject him rather…." He paused to search for the word. "Physically."
Remus turned a deep shade of red. He glanced from Lilly, to Peter, and then to James. Every one of them had serious expressions. He turned his gaze to Sirius, who still sat dazed. Now that Remus looked, the raindrops sat upon Sirius' lips in droplets, almost inviting the sandy-haired boy to lick them off.
"Go on," Lilly encouraged. "You're already in a great position to."
Remus thumbed Sirius' lips lightly, and suddenly he couldn't take his eyes off of them. He bit his lower lip nervously. Slowly, he leaned forward and tenderly brushed his lips across his friend's.
Sirius remained limp, but that didn't stop Remus. He was hooked now. Sirius' lips were addicting; once you started, you couldn't stop. No matter how strong Remus' will had been over the last few years, it all broke down in a matter of seconds.
The want to kiss Sirius quickly advanced to the need to kiss Sirius, and soon he couldn't stop himself from raking his tongue across his friend's bottom lip.
XXXXX
There were new people talking to the person in front of him, Sirius could tell. There were new sounds that Sirius couldn't quite place, though his attention was momentarily focused on deciphering the noises once more.
But his interest was waning on the people; he had other things to do than listen to the garbled mumblings of people he didn't know.
He felt a soft thumb press against his mouth, dabbing at the few drops of water that resided there. Suddenly he experienced a warm, inviting, loving touch against his lips. His mind felt electrified, and suddenly he wondered why the hell he was sitting there doing nothing when there was something to pay attention to outside of his mind.
Slowly, his sight came back to him. It was hazy at the beginning, but it eventually cleared up enough for Sirius to realize what was going on. Someone was kissing him. Here he was, his lips hanging limp, and someone was assaulting his mouth hungrily, like they'd been starved for a long time.
Sirius liked it.
Without thinking, Sirius wrapped his now-mobile arms around Remus and pulled him closer, tightly closing his eyes.
XXXXX
James watched intently. No, he wasn't paying attention to the fact that his very wide-awake friend was practically snogging his almost-unconscious best friend. He was watching Sirius' eyes for any sort of movement.
James sighed out of relief when his saw the light turn on in the eyes of Sirius. The dull gray changed into a vibrant, joyful, ringing silver. He looked around for a moment, as if wondering what was attacking his lips, then he jerked his arms around Remus and dragged him closer.
Tremendous joy washed over James, and he subconsciously laid his head on Lilly's shoulder. She let him.
XXXXX
Remus could feel Sirius' lips. They were slowly tensing up. He guessed that Sirius was now regaining what senses he lost.
Remus gasped as he was yanked forward onto Sirius' chest, and the gasp quickly turned into a moan as his tongue was allowed full and complete access into Sirius' mouth.
Remus felt a cold, wet pair of hands tangle into his hair. Sirius slid downward, lying on the ground and pulling Remus on top of him. Remus entrapped a handful of Sirius' hair in his fists, pressing down harder and somehow finding a way to deepen their kiss.
It was the rain that brought Remus back to his senses. It dribbled onto the back of his neck, pulling him back into reality. He pulled away from Sirius, who licked his lips in satisfaction and blinked once.
Twice.
Three times.
"Remus?" He asked. He blushed and his eyes widened as he realized what he'd been doing seconds before. He looked around. "Prongs? Wormtail? Evans? What—" He frowned. "How did—when did you—how did I—what—"
"If you would finish a sentence we would answer." James smacked his friend upside the head.
"First let's get him out of this rain." Remus stood, pulling Sirius up with him.
XXXXX
"Here," Lilly slapped a warm cup of hot cocoa into Sirius' open palms. "Drink that as quickly as you can. Maybe we can stop the pneumonia from getting in."
"You really should have gone to Madame Pomfrey." Remus reprimanded. Sirius shrugged.
"What would we have told her?" He smiled. "I stayed out from seven in the morning until one at night. She won't heal me then."
"Still…." Remus sat next to Sirius on the couch of their common room.
"Still nothing." James interrupted. He stretched. "Well, look how tired Evans and I have suddenly gotten. Pete too, for that matter."
"What? I'm not—" Peter received a kick in the shin. "Exhausted! I'm about to drop from being so tired."
James held back a laugh as Sirius dropped his face. Remus also had a look of pure terror.
"Good night, you two." James dragged Peter up the stairs. "And don't come upstairs for at least an hour, you got that?"
Lilly laughed openly. Then she turned to Remus. "You make sure he stays warm, dry, and never has an empty cup of something hot, okay?" When Remus nodded, she wandered off into the girl's dorm room.
Sirius snarled to himself, setting his hot drink on the table beside the couch. If he knew this was going to happen, he would have stayed outside. Sighing, he fiddled with a small string sticking out from the armrest of the couch.
"We're just going to sit here in silence, aren't we?" Remus finally asked. He pulled his knees up to his chest and locked his arms around them.
"Yup."
"Why?"
"Because."
"That's not an answer."
"Of course it is. I gave it."
Remus shook his head. They were getting no where.
"Why did you do it?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Why did I do what?" Sirius repeated.
"You know what it is you did." Remus snarled. "You disappeared all bloody day and didn't tell anyone where you were! When we found you, you looked dead."
"But I wasn't."
"You looked it." Remus scolded. "Do you know how worried I was? I've been trying to find you all day and you're outside trying to grow mold in your lungs." Sirius kept his gaze to the floor. "Seriously, Sirius, and if you bloody laugh I'll shove my wand down your throat. Tell me why you did it."
"I just wanted to be alone for a while," Sirius insisted, shrugging. "I didn't know it was going to rain."
"So why didn't you do the smart thing and get out of the rain?"
"I didn't know it was raining. I mean, I knew, but I didn't process it as rain, you know?"
"No, I don't really know." Remus shook his head. "Sirius, you looked dead. Your eyes were totally blank."
"That happens sometimes," Sirius explained.
"Why does it happen?"
"I don't know." Sirius frowned, as if thinking. "But I think it started when I was really little, right before I met James. My family and I got in a pretty big fight. I think fists were thrown. Anyway, I ran out of the house and into the woods. At that moment I just wanted to not be anything. And somehow, I did it. I couldn't see anything, I couldn't here anything, I wasn't even aware that I was breathing until I snapped out of it."
"When was that?" Remus asked.
"Let's see… the fight was early in the morning, and the sun was setting when I woke up." Sirius smirked. "When I came to, James was sitting at the base of the tree across from me, jabbering his jaw like he'd just gotten it. I've never seen someone talk about Quidditch so much."
"He didn't tell you anything about what you looked like?" Remus asked.
"He said I looked broken." Sirius answered. "He also said that I sat through him talking about most everything he could think of for the better part of four hours without so much as glancing at him."
Remus nodded, too spooked to say more. Sirius stared at him, coughing.
"Did you say anything to me? Sorry if you did, but I couldn't really hear anything."
Remus turned red.
"Well?" Sirius continued. "Did you?"
Remus nodded.
"I did." Pause.
"Well?" Sirius asked. "What did you say? I mean, I heard some mumbling every now and again, but I didn't quite catch anything until—until the end," He turned red and looked away.
"I…I apologized to you for being so angry this morning. It wasn't your fault I was in a bad mood, and I'm afraid I may have said some things that shouldn't have been said." Remus admitted. Sirius seemed to brighten a bit.
"It's all right," He nodded. "I suppose I've been a bit of a git to you. I shouldn't have pressured my feelings onto you so roughly. That was just me thinking about me." He shook his head. "I should have considered that you might not return my feelings, but I didn't. And I'm sorry."
Remus' eyes widened. He tackled Sirius, knocking them both off of the couch and onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck, burying his head in his friend's shoulder.
Sirius didn't move. He was slightly shocked at what had just occurred, and his muscles refused to move instantly. Remus lay on top of him, clinging to his shoulders like he was the only thing keeping him attached to the earth.
"That was my fault, too." Remus whispered into Sirius' ear. He lightly grazed his tongue across Sirius' earlobe. Sirius turned even redder. "I lied, okay? I've been lying for years. I love you, I love you, I love you, okay? Okay?"
Sirius bulged his eyes. He slinked his arms protectively around Remus and held on tightly. Remus continued.
"I've just been terrified of what you would say about it. For all these years, I didn't know if you were joking or not. Please don't be angry." He sobbed once. Sirius pulled at Remus, making the boy sit up slightly and look him in the eyes.
"Hey," He whispered. "It's all right. I'm not mad."
"So you still love me, right? Right?" Remus sounded so insecure, Sirius couldn't help but giggle.
"Moony, I've loved you since the day we met."
Remus smiled. Sirius grabbed him at the waist and rolled him over, so their positions were switched. The he leaned forward and captured Remus' lips with his own.
This was completely different from the first kiss. That one had mostly been a one-sided thing, and Sirius didn't even realize what was happening until the end. This one was way different. When Sirius was out Remus had been in control of the whole affair, allowing his tongue to wander wherever it pleased. This time he had to fight for dominance, and it was way better.
Of course, being the mild-mannered person Remus is, he lost the fight for control. With a moan he leaned back and opened his mouth, giving Sirius free passage to do whatever he pleased.
Sirius took his time exploring every crevice and niche inside Remus' perfect mouth. He loved that after years of wanting to; he was finally able to do what he wanted with his Moony. His Moony.
But he had to pull away eventually, even though both of them seemed disappointed. Beaming, Sirius stood, pulling Remus up with him. He spun the boy around, slinking his arm around his lover's waist and resting his chin on Remus' shoulder.
"Come on," He insisted. "Let's go to bed." He began making his way upstairs, gently pushing Remus in front of him.
"After you were missing all day, I won't be able to go to sleep by myself." Remus whined. Sirius kissed his neck lightly, sending chills down Remus' spine.
"Let me rephrase," He recommended. "Let's go to my bed."
XXXXX
The end, guys! I hope it was okay, I haven't really written anything like this before….
I actually have another account that I WISH I could post this on, but unfortunately I have nosy parents who would just LOVE to find me doing something wrong on the internet. So I have this account stuffed with all sorts of extra things! My other account name is Amme Moto. I prefer that name to Enjie Yekcam, actually.
I want to give a HUGE thanks to my one of the best friends I've ever had: Koholint. Without her I wouldn't have been able to get the flashback as cool as it is. Kenzigurl helped a lot, too. Thanks, you two!
If this one works out well, I have plenty more I want to write. I have lots of Sirius/Remus ideas, since that's now my new favorite pairing.
Don't be surprised if I reply to your reviews with Amme Moto. It's a habit I refuse to quit. I'll also sign off my one-shots with them.
Please review and tell me if I did good, or what to improve on. Flames will definitely be laughed at and posted on MySpace.
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, Remus and Sirius would have larger parts and fluffy scenes almost every chapter. Since they're not, I obviously don't own it. Sorry, guys, I'm disappointed, too.
Amme Moto