Hello my lovelies! Long time no see, yes?
So sorry about that. Its just that I really don't write much fanfiction much anymore. Sad day indeed.
But hark! What is this you have stumbled upon? Why its fanfiction! Let's all have a collective gasp, shall we?
Ok, ok. Enough of the joking around.
This is just a little dribble I came up with. I've been working on it for about a week, just adding a bit here and there. The idea came from an icon I have of Auron and Rikku that says "You and I will meet again". Kind of ruins the story that way, but whatever. Its still flipping cute in my opinion.
(Its post X-2 so maybe it should go in that category?)
Just so you all know, this Rikku isn't the Rikku you're used to seeing. Its not even the Rikku i'm used to seeing! But to me, this Rikku is so real and tangible that I couldn't help but write her in this style. She's heartbroken because we all know she really loved Auron. (Hey! Don't roll your eyes at me! You clicked on this story! And really, I know that you really, truly love Aurikku anyways.) This Rikku is one she hides because to her, its not her. I hope that makes sense to you all! She's been deeply hurt and the only way for her to handle it is to lock her feelings away because Rikku is outgoing, but she also understands that she's the light that gives everyone else hope. That light can't be diminished for others, so she hides her pain.
I'll stop rambling now, but I hope you all enjoy it. Helpful critiques are welcome as I know this story is full of them!
Enjoy!
Before he dissolved into a million little flickering pyreflies, he had told her one thing. One simple sentence made all the more complex by the emotion behind it. He had whispered it to her, his voice scratchy and rough but soft and imploring. She knew that when he said it he was really trying to convince himself.
But in her pain she had forgotten what he had said. When the final pyrefly had twirled its rainbows around itself, she felt the sobs come. Everyone else was crying and why not she? Along with her tears, his words fled from her body in an attempt to ease the pain. Only after she had cried a fraction of her pain away did she realize she had forgotten.
What Rikku didn't know was that she never truly forgot what he said. While she slept the words reverberated around inside her skull, fluttering and brushing the edges of her brain but alluding her once she woke. The words he had spoken to her seemed to almost write themselves on her mirrors in finger smudges left by others. They wrapped around her whenever fog or steam or smoke was present, curly cued 'I's and 'E's and 'A's and 'W's and 'L's wrapping her up in their mystery.
Though she told no one, the thought that the last thing he had told her was forgotten ate Rikku up inside. She kicked herself when she awoke, a dream about him lingering in her mind but his words thick and fuzzy and ultimately lost through the veil of dawn. Tears welled in her eyes when she hefted his large sword in her Samurai dress sphere. She cursed how foolishly young and naïve she had been then, her mind soft with sentiment and her heart laden with their love.
The man had cast a fog over her brain when they first met, his one amber eye peering into her very soul it seemed. Rikku had always figured when he looked so deeply into her that very first meeting he saw something good worth keeping, but had never gotten around to asking him what he had seen. And now it wouldn't have mattered because she probably would have forgotten anyways. That thought was one of the worst because she further reasoned that eventually she would forget everything about him.
And that killed her inside.
Yet the tide had changed lately, swelling with something she didn't understand but recognized as it made the little invisible-blonde hairs on her arms rise. As of late she had been sitting on the roof of her little home, her arms wrapped around her legs, pulling her knees close to her heavy heart. (She had found over the years if she put slight pressure over her left breast her heart didn't ache so sharply.)
She would watch as the waves continually crashed and receded against the shore, giving and taking sand and making so much soothing noise. She resisted the urge to compare him and herself to the ocean and shore and instead distracted her mind by watching the stars. She would try to count them, but always gave up around sixteen or so when too many clustered together and she couldn't remember if she had counted that one or not.
Eventually her mind would wander, though she did do her best to keep it occupied, and it never surprised her that his final words would spring to her mind as blank spaces full of intention. Oh it was true the words had escaped her, but how he said it was still fresh in her mind.
He had stood there before her, barely a foot away with that one amber eye once again staring into her soul. He must have seen the thing in her soul he liked because his mouth twitched into a smile (or as much of a smile as he managed) before it smoothed out into a hard, serious, sad line of stacked, somber lips. She tried to smile back, but her mouth faltered so he finally spoke. His voice was instructing her, telling her, prophesying something meant only for her. It was a challenge he spoke of, a task to complete, a sign to look for. He was trying to be brave and macho like he always was, but his voice was betraying him with each carefully spoken word. And he had spoken those words with such tenderness it would have broken her heart if there had been anything left to break. By then her heart was already broken because she knew he was dead and unsent.
Fighting tears was useless despite the years she had been given to cope with her loss. After all this time she still cried when she thought of the way he had spoken those lost words, but the sobs came when she remembered the way he had always said her name. The way he had always whispered it when alone, not merely uttering it but commanding it around the others. It was always the same. The 'r' rolling off his tongue so easily before sticking short with the hard 'k's before finally dwindling into the soft, dove-like "ku".
Thinking of how he said her name and that last sentence was sometimes too much to bear. It felt like she had failed him because she had forgotten the mission given to her. His young lover, his bright shining firecracker of a girl, his precious darling in those twilight tinged hours, had forgotten his final message.
But ever so slowly the words were returning.
Rikku hadn't noticed it as first, her mind clouded with other things such as Lulu and Wakka's baby or Yuna's new mission or even Paine's harsh training demands. But it was beginning to sink in, ever so slowly. Whether it was in the occasional crossword puzzle Lulu was so fond of or simply in an interesting book, Rikku began picking up the words.
The first word was almost too easy to guess. She first noticed it when she dashed into her room and saw the many ribbons she owned strewn around her room, all in the same shape. Thinking it a bad joke she paused, looking over them carefully before discovering they were all in the shape of the letter "U". As soon as she realized this, she remembered his booming voice in her ear saying "You", over and over again.
Many of the statements consisted of "You should be more careful" or "You shouldn't do that" or even "Rikku…You…", but that one was taken from the throes of passion and he really couldn't have said much else.
The next day almost every other word out of her mouth was "and". She found herself stuttering it in her excitement to tell a story or describe the many details of the beautiful sunrise she saw. When her mouth got stuck, it could only sputter that word. She kept a mental note of how very often she had said it, but by the end of the day when she had spoken it almost a hundred times she knew it was because of him.
Rikku dreamt of him every night. He always stood just one touch away, misty but there and beckoning her. Her dream self would clamor for him, but she was too laden with sleep to ever catch him. He was speaking to her, his mouth opening and saying the last words he had told her. Rikku only heard the end, when he plainly uttered "again".
The fog of sleep lifted then and Rikku realized in that snap recognition response that Paine was speaking to her from her bedroom doorway, scolding her for sleeping in… again. She scoffed at the blonde girl before noisily stomping down the hall, leaving Rikku to hide the tears because she knew now that his words were never really lost, only hiding until she was ready.
Continuing in a normal fashion was hard after that realization. She tried her hardest to keep her secret from her dearest friends and succeeded for a decent time until her dreams became more and more vivid. Once during the early mornings when one forgets the time, Rikku jumped straight from her bed because his presence was so strong in her room.
She could take it no longer. Rikku broke and sought Yuna's help in the most secretive way she could muster. Yuna didn't seem to notice Rikku's shy stammer or heavily shifting gaze. Or it might have just been that Yuna truly knew all along but was too kind to say anything.
"Unsents can't come back, can they Yunie?" Rikku managed one day, slipping the question into casual conversation. She didn't notice Yuna's eyebrows jump up before leveling out to hide her surprise.
"Not that I've ever heard of." She saw Rikku's green eyes darken with sadness and gave her shoulders a shrug. "But there are many things we don't know about the afterlife. There are countless loopholes. You know that." Rikku nodded and Yuna blessed her with a smile. The smile was enough to give her hope to continue believing that the words would come back fully.
That night, when sleep eluded Rikku for the longest time, she began to question it all. What good would it do for his words to come back? She had not forgotten him, not in the least bit. So why now? Why did it matter if she remembered or not? Everything about him was to remain a memory in the end.
When sleep finally claimed her, forcefully drawing her eyelids close, she knew why his words were coming back. For so long she had kept her heart broken, continually wounding herself so as not to forget. She had finally accepted his absence and while she wasn't ready to move on exactly, she was ready to heal some of the hurt. Recalling his final words to her would be like a cool balm that could cure even the deepest cuts.
In her dream that night she saw not him, but bits of him. A gloved hand here, his dark glasses there and the flicker of his red coat like a fire in the distance. She awoke feeling lonely and warm, the combination confusing her for the better half of that day.
Eventually, after a long swim in the ocean and a long soak in the setting sun, Rikku was able to relax. His words had been so pressing in her mind that she had forgotten almost everything else. She had forgotten what it was like to let her muscles unclench, to stretch out on the sand and just breathe deeply.
"You and… Again…" Rikku whispered into the wind that smelled of saltwater and sand. "You and I, of course!" The breeze kissed her cheek as if to praise her for her discovery of another word in the puzzle. But now she was stumped. Pacing the beach would obviously help with the thinking process, so Rikku hopped up lithely and began sauntering back and forth.
"You and I… hmm hmm… Again…" She said aloud, rubbing her chin thoughtfully like the elders did. "You and I… have roads to travel again? You and I need to talk again? You and I forgot the time again?" Rikku threw her hands into the air, growling at herself. "C'mon! What did you say?! What was it that you told me Auron!?" Tears sprang to her eyes at the mention of his name that even spoken in anger sounded beautiful and sad.
"You and I will meet again."
The wind blew the words to her, heady and deep and smelling of saltwater and sand and musk and sake.
Rikku twirled on her toes, strawberry blonde hair whipping around with her. Those words weren't just her mind playing games. She wasn't dreaming. Those words were actually spoken by an actual person.
If she had remembered his words so long ago, she might have been able to save herself some heartache because they were meeting again. If her heart had ever been healing before, it was almost there when her eyes met his amber one. He must have seen something good deep within her soul because he smiled.
Tears clouded her vision as she launched herself toward him, his red coat flapping in the wind and catching her gaze like a fire in the distance.
Is it time for a collective "Aaww"? I think so.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like to think that since Yuna did something awesome to get Tidus back that Rikku could do something awesome and get Auron back too. I don't know what she does yet, but maybe someone will be able to figure that out?
Heck, if you guys are super duper lucky I might figure it out myself and let you all in on the secret!
(But seriously, don't count on it.)
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it!
I really love Aurikku because there are so many themes to explore and now that this is finished I will seriously consider visting these two again.
And when I do, I promise Rikku will be much happier and more like herself!
Much love to you all and thank you for reading this!
Lots of love,
~AyeAvast