Gone. He was really gone. Mickey felt something tighten in his stomach when he though of Ian Gallagher leaving his house that day. Regrets filled his mind as lay with his Russian wife Svetlana who slept naked beside him. Mickey wasn't in love with her, but the pseudo marriage was the only thing that kept his father happy; more importantly the only thing that would keep Ian safe. It was too late for that; Ian Gallagher was gone and Mickey couldn't protect him. Tears started to fill in Mickeys eyes as he tried to hold them back, he didn't want his wife to wake up and see. No one could see him cry, not even the red haired boy who ran constantly through his mind. FUCK he thought as a tear escaped his eye as he quickly wiped it away. He reached over to his night stand and grabbed the pack of cigarettes sitting there, and lit one.
He sat there in silence for a while when he heard strange sobbing noises come from his sisters room. He ignored it at first, but as the hours passed by, the sobbing didn't stop. Can't sleep anyways he thought as he got up from his bed. He didn't even bother knocking when he entered Mandy's room. She was sitting on her bed with her face buried in her knees not even noticing Mickey walk in
"What the fucks the matter?" He said as he sat down at the foot of her bed. He lit a cigarette waiting for her to respond.
"Like you fucking care" Mandy hissed spitefully as she looked at her brother.
"Well I care if its fucking up my sleep" he handed the lit cigarette over to her "whose ass am I kicking?" he asked, but he knew the answer; he knew why she was crying.
"Fuck you Mickey, this is all you're fault" The tears kept coming, but louder this time. She quickly grabbed her pillow to sob into it.
"The fuck did I do?" He played stupid, he didn't want to admit she was right.
"He left because of you! You pathetic piece of shit, get the fuck out of here" Something inside Mickey turned and tightened and it was near impossible to keep his own tears in.
"I tried to tell him not to go.. I tried.. he just.. He didn't have to go.. he just left." Mickey was trying so hard not to cry he ended up stumbling over his words. He could feel his eyes well up again and a few stray tears escaped.
"You're a fucking idiot. He loved you" She hissed at him with a cracked voice. He knew all to well how he felt, he wished he didn't but he knew Gallagher loved him. "He loved you, and you fucked it up! He's gone because of you!" Gone.. The word stung Mickey, he hated that word, he would run away from it if he could.
"Shut the fuck up you stupid bitch! You don't know what your talking about!" He shouted in a fit of anger, but quickly lowered his voice scared he might wake his wife, or worse; his father. He got up and left the room and he could feel his face heat up. Stupid bitch didn't know anything about Ian and him, nothing!
He snuck back into his bedroom grabbed a shirt off the floor and slipped on a pair of jeans, then grabbed his shoes and quietly snuck out of the house. He put his shoes on outside, and started down the block. His face was red and his eyes were starting to get sore and watery so he decided to pick up the pace just in case someone would see him. He felt his knees buckle as his speed walking turned into full out running.
Mickey ran and ran until his knees buckled and he dropped to the ground. The tears came out and there was no stopping or holding them back, he was on his knees crying sobbing heavily into the grass. IM SORRY. IM SO SORRY. He whimpered until he couldn't feel himself breathing anymore, he felt his chest tighten up because the crying had taken so much out of him. All he wanted at that moment was for Ian to be there with him, kissing him, holding him. How stupid could he be? How could he ever let him go? How could he ruin everything and have his world turned upside down in the blink of an eye. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU! He never said it out loud before, but the words came out and he couldn't help but feel them roll so easily off his tongue.
He could start seeing the dusk of the night turn into the early morning dawn. The sky was turning this bluish gray color, and Mickey knew he had to get his shit together and go back home; but he was stuck in place. He knew he had to leave eventually but he couldn't more importantly he didst want to. He stared at a large marble figure in front of him, he somehow ended up here but that was okay. His subconscious mind took his body here last night and Mickey didn't want to leave.
"Ian Gallagher" read the title "beloved son, beloved brother". Mickey stared at his former lovers tombstone and tried hard to suppress the big empty feeling in his stomach and it clenched and tightened the more he thought of him. The sun was starting to come up, Mickey had been there at the cemetery for hours. Mickey knew his wife would be awake soon so he had to get home soon. He started to get back up on his feet, and put one hand on the marbled tombstone. With a cracked voice, he whispered "I love you fire-crotch. I know I should have said it then, but im saying it now. I fucking love you. I always have" and got up and walked away - back to his pseudo wife.