April sat her tray down in front of her at the table and took a deep, calming breath as she sat down. Her day had been…terrible so far and she had a sneaking suspicion it was about to get worse.

"Something bothering you?" Alex asked casually as he bit into his sandwich.

"No" she lied as she pursed her lips and stabbed her straw into her juice box with much more force than necessary, hoping to get some of her aggression out of her system.

"Clearly" he teased as he rolled his eyes.

"I lost a patient" she explained shakily. "She was terminal, but she had such high hopes and I really thought that…"

"Jesus would swoop in at the last moment and save her?" he asked sarcastically.

"I'm not new to this" she snapped back quickly. "I'm a doctor, I know how to be objective and practical it's just… I don't know. Haven't you ever hoped for a miracle around here? Something good to happen?"

"Of course" he shrugged. "You just have to look for them in the right places."

"What's going on?" Jackson asked cautiously as he took a seat across from April. He could tell something was bothering his ex, and he wanted to help her if he could. After all, April would always be his best friend even if they weren't close at the moment.

"Kepner lost a patient" Alex shrugged as he took another bite.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Jackson replied sincerely. He was all too familiar with what April was feeling, losing a patient always sucked but some deaths hit harder than others.

"I'm just having a crappy day" she shrugged. "I hate Mondays."

"Me too" Jackson smiled, pleased that he was having a casual conversation with her. He missed April, missed the bond they shared, he missed talking to her. And, if he was honest he also missed kissing her, he missed the way her red hair would fall and drape around him when she was on top of him…

"Jackson?" April asked interrupting his wondering thoughts. "What do you think?"

"About… what?" he asked clueless as to what she was talking about.

"We just asked you if you wanted to go out for drinks after work, you interested?"

"Yeah" he smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that a lot."

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"Let's see" she mumbled as she picked up her new patient's chart. "Patient name Paul… Williams." April paled and struggled to steady her breathing… It couldn't be; it was impossible.

"You know him?" Meredith asked suspiciously.

"No" April answered flustered.

"Paul lives in Moline" April said trying to calm herself down. "I got away from him. This must be a different Paul."

"Hey, you okay?" Meredith asked as she gently placed her hand on April's shoulder.

"Fine" she answered, calmed slightly by the warm gesture. "I'm just having a bad day." And now I really think it's about to get worse.

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April stood frozen in front of the door. She knew she had to go in. She had to face this. After all, she was being ridiculous. This wasn't him. This couldn't be him.

"If you tell anyone what happened I'll ruin your life, do you understand? Do you!"

"No one will believe you. They will all think you're lying, is that what you want?"

"Admit it. You liked it."

"Damn it" she cringed as she tried to fight the flashbacks. She hadn't thought about what had happened in a long time. She had put all of those thoughts out of her head completely, and now they were back. All of the time that she thought had healed her wound meant nothing, all the work she did meant nothing. She felt just as lost, and confused, and angry, as she did all those years ago.

She had to go in. She had to face this. This wasn't going away.

She decided to go with a "just rip the band aid off" approach as she opened the door quickly and walked in.

"Hello Sir, my name is Dr. Kepner."

"He's unconscious" a nurse interrupted quickly. "Didn't you read his chart?"

"How could I have not read his chart?" April scolded herself internally. "I've got to pull it together, this is ridiculous."

"Head trauma. He's in a coma" April said, thinking out loud.

"Massive accident" the nurse explained. "Poor guy, so young too."

April eyes immediately fell to the patient information. Date of Birth: November, 11 1982.

"No" she whispered.

"Are you alright Dr. Kepner?" the nurse asked noting her expression.

April remained silent with a horrified expression on her face as she moved closer to the bed. "Oh God" she gasped after she finally mustered the courage to look at face. And suddenly she was sixteen again, trapped in his car with nowhere to run.

"I can't treat this patient" April said shakily. "I- I have to go."

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April sat at the bar trying to keep her mind from spiraling out of control. It would be okay, she had gotten through this once before. She found a way to move on, a way to get past all of her feelings. She had even been able to face him in the halls at school after… what happened.

If she was honest with herself that was really why she left Moline though, she wouldn't have to face him again. She wanted to go on to do bigger and better things so she wouldn't be trapped in that small town, where everyone thought he was a hero. Star football player, A student…

"Hey" Jackson said as he sat at the bar next to her. "Still bummed about your patient."

"What?" April gasped. How did Jackson know about Paul?

"The patient you lost earlier."

"Oh!" April gasped. How had she forgotten, she had been devastated a few hours ago.

"You seem jumpy" Jackson said as he brow wrinkled with concern. "Something going on?"

"No" shrugged trying her best to put on a brave front. There was no way she wanted anyone to find out about this… least of all Jackson. She silently prayed for Alex to get there as soon as possible so she wouldn't be tempted to spill her guts to him. This man she trusted, this man who would always be her best friend, this man who she still had feelings for. Strong feelings for.

April jolted when she was startled out of her thoughts by a sudden noise.

"It's okay" Jackson said softly. "It's just my cell. It's Karev" he said pulling it from his pocket. "He's not gonna make it."

"Oh" April responded flustered.

"But that's okay, right? It'll just be the two of us. Like old times."

"Right" April muttered. "Like old times."

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