He knew he had been staring. Actually, he had been staring for several months, now.
Ace, his companion of seven years, had grown from a girl to a woman. And the Doctor was having a difficult time ignoring that fact.
She was in the TARDIS control room, reading from the screen. He was sitting in a chair on the far side, pretending to think. Her soft, brown hair framed her large, intelligent brown eyes. She had learned so much since she started traveling with him, and he never wanted her to stop learning.
His eyes moved farther down her body, to her hips as they gently swayed as she thought through the physics problem he had given her.
He had caught himself, just last week, admiring her very flattering backside as she was bent over, with a small smile of appreciation on his lips before realizing what he was doing.
You dirty old man! He snorted at himself in disgust. He was her "professor," teacher, protector, and father-figure. She was twenty-four in human years. He was nearly eight hundred in Time Lord years, in his seventh incarnation, but for a human, he would surely have passed for forty or so. Still, much too old, either way.
He hadn't had feelings like this in a very long time. Not that he had been deficient in intimate partners since he was forced to leave his wife and child on Gallifrey, but they had all lacked a certain emotional attachment, recognizing somehow that it wasn't permanent; that he wasn't able to give permanency. Romana had simply expected sex, walking into his rooms her first night on the TARDIS. He had taken what she offered with pleasure, and gave it back to her in the same measure. But when it was her time to leave, there were no regrets, no tears.
That would never happen with Ace, the Doctor thought soberly. When she decided to leave him, he would deeply regret it.
Now, that she was paying him no mind, he allowed himself to breathe in her scent, a mixture of softness, like vanilla, and something stronger, like a spice he couldn't name. It was the perfect mix to describe Ace.
As he closed his eyes to enjoy the moment, he felt… aroused. His eyes snapped open as he shifted in the chair uncomfortably, feeling himself grow hard at his thoughts of Ace, blushing with embarrassment for the first time in probably three hundred years. This was intolerable! He had more control that this!
The Doctor jumped up quickly from his chair, causing Ace to peer around her screen. "Everything alright, Professor?" she asked, her big, brown eyes showing concern.
He turned his back to her, breathing hard, and walked up the ramp towards his private rooms. "Yes, of course," he said a tad testily. And then he stopped, pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, desperate to bring himself under control.
He then turned his head to the side, trying to soften his words, but instead giving the impression of deep sadness as he took in a long breath. "I'm a little tired, is all. Humor an old man, won't you, and set the TARDIS to drift for a bit?"
"S-sure, Professor," Ace stumbled, as the Doctor made a hasty retreat. If he had looked back, he would have seen the concern in her eyes turn to confusion, and a subtle hurt. She sighed, not sure what to do.
DWDWDWDWDWDWDW
The Doctor avoided Ace for the next several days, not looking her in the eye, no tapping her affectionately on the nose, no smiles. He was urgently trying to rid himself of this new feeling through depervation, but Ace had come to a different conclusion.
The Professor had mentioned traveling companions from the past, she thought, as she stared at the back of his head, the only view of him that she'd been given for any length of time for days. All of those companions had eventually left. Why did they leave? shw wondered. She knew she would never leave him willingly.
Did he bore of them? He often told her she was smart, but that was nothing compared to the intellect of a Time Lord. Was he finally bored of her?
DWDWDWDWDWDWDW
Though many have wondered, Time Lords do sleep. The Doctor had always found humans need to sleep every 16 hours or so amusing, and sometimes even annoying. But he did need sleep now. Withholding affection from Ace was downright exhausting, considering how many times in the last few days he had curbed reaching out to her, curbed his laughter and even his characteristic smirk.
Not to mention how unfair he was being to her. He knew Ace had started to notice. He didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't bear her thinking he was some sort of time-traveling gigolo. He had kissed Sarah Jane on more than one occasion, but that was as far as he had gone with any of his human conpanions. It had always bordered on the slightly inappropriate.
Should I ask her to leave?
As his body unwound and finally sank into a deep sleep, his last conscious thought was: What would I do without her?
DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW
He struggled in his sleep, nightmares reliving the many times he had put Ace indanger.
He saw the hotel blow up from the distance. Ace was in there! He had left her there!
He KILLED her!
He held her broken body, howling at the universe, tears coursing down his cheeks.
"No… Ace!"
"NOOO!"
"ACE!" The Doctor screamed, his voice echoing through the TARDIS.
Ace had been lying awake in her bed, when she heard her name screamed by the Doctor. It was a scream of horror and power, one that you couldn't ignore. She ran from her room, not caring that she was in a thin tank top and pj bottoms. She ran down the corridor and opened the door to his room without any hesitation, though she had never been in it in all her years traveling with him.
He was curled up on his side on a plainly adorned bed, eyes tightly shut, knotted up with a light blanket over his lower half, writhing to some unseen agony.
"Doctor!" her voice broke in anguish, as she knelt at his bedside.
But then she hesitated, her hand outstretched to wake him. She had never actually seen him sleep before. As she started to process this new situation, she realized he had no clothes on. Color crept to her cheeks as she admitted to herself that he was extremely good looking, lean and fit. Sexy, even. She had recently begun to wonder what he looked like under all the layers he normally wore. She had only ever got a few glimpses, on the rare occasion when he took off his jacket.
Her hand lightly brushed his arm, unsure. But it was enough. The Doctor's eyes flashed open, the steel blue orbs taking her in. Her breath caught, looking into those eyes filled with knowledge, and unexplainable things. And hurt, she saw for the first time.
"Ace!" He choked out as he grabbed her with both arms and pulled her to him fiercely. "Thank Rassilon you're alright!"
"Professor, what's wrong?" She hugged him back tightly, knowing somehow that he needed this. She had never heard him swear by anything before. She had the stray thought that she really knew so little about this man from another world.
He continued to hold her, breathing hard. The nightmare evaporated as he took in the real feeling of her in his arms. He felt the warmth of her breasts against his chest, the softness of her skin under his hands. He hadn't touched someone this intimately in so long...
He stamped down the strongest desire to nuzzle her neck. He swallowed, the feelings almost overwhelming.
Pulling away slowly, as to not arouse suspicion, he had to deliberately control a new need for oxygen. "Thank you, my dear," he said softly, "but you probably should go now."
Ace stared at him in confusion. This is the way it ends? But she summoned all of her dignity to say in measured tones, "I understand, Professor. But where would I go? I don't have any family to go home to..."
The Doctor frowned at her, puzzled. Realization dawned that she had grossly misunderstood him. "No, no!" he said testily, exasperated at the whole situation. "I didn't mean you should leave the TARDIS, but just this room! I'm not exactly..."
He cleared his throat, highly embarrassed by his body's reaction to her closeness, though he couldn't quite make his hand leave her hair. "I may be a madman with a box, but I am still a man," he started slowly. "And I would like to think I've remained a gentleman." He looked intensely into her eyes, willing her to understand.
She looked deep into his eyes this time, knowing there was something she was missing. And then it all clicked into place. The stares, the nervous clearing of his throat when she brushed against him, the strange incident a few months back when the TARDIS had locked the doors to her room when he was in it explaining something at her desk, forcing him to stay all night. He had sat at her computer while she slept, though Ace had sensed a nonverbal conversation between him and the TARDIS that was not pleasant. The "Old Girl" had been up to something, though it took until now for Ace to understand what. She felt kinda dense.
Her lips parted in a sudden need for air. It was so much to consider, new thoughts about this man, this Lord of Time that she had essentially grown up with. He wanted her. Did she think of him that way?
Her eyes roamed his face, his sweet, kind face, adorable in its own way. She closed her eyes and felt his hand in her hair, so safe and warm. She opened her eyes, and looked into his with this new feeling, hoping he would understand.
"You've always been a gentlemen to me."
He stopped breathing at the acceptance he saw in her eyes. All the resolve he had built up crumbled in an instant. He simply no longer had it in him to refuse. His hand slid to cup her face, his thumb tracing her velvety soft lips. "This will change everything," he whispered, the Scottish burr thick with emotion.
"I'm glad," she answered, sincerity giving a glow to her whole face.