A/N: This story is a sequel to There All Along, which has spoilers through season 8 episode 10. This picks up several months after the end of that story. I recommend you read that one first; it will put a lot of things in better context if you do. If you don't, I think you can still have an enjoyable time reading this one, but be aware that April and Alex are engaged, she has a bad leg from an injury, no one failed the boards, and Lexie Grey did not die. I do not own Grey's Anatomy nor am I a medical professional. All situations that appear in this story were researched on the internet. Thank you very much for reading, and let me know what you think.

When you're young, time seems to crawl along at a snails pace. It feels like it takes a million years to reach those milestones of childhood. Until we are tall enough to go on that one roller coaster, ready for junior high, or old enough to drive. We wait with this anxious intensity, as though these things will change us. Make us fundamentally different. Grown up. Turns out, that's bull.

Alex yawned and reached his arm across to the nightstand and turned off the annoyingly loud buzz of his alarm clock. Normally, he'd press the snooze button a few more times before actually getting up, but today he couldn't. Today, he actually wanted to get to the hospital early. Go figure. He had a big presentation with Robbins about the Africa proposal in front of the board of directors at 11 am, so he didn't want to over sleep and blow it.

Not that he was nervous or anything.

Really.

Okay, maybe Alex was a little nervous. Or whatever. After all, the presentation was a pretty big deal. If the board didn't approve some of the funding, Alex doubted that they'd be able to get any of the other grants they wanted. No one would want to fund a project that wasn't supported by it's associated hospital, right? There was a lot riding on today. but, Alex didn't think it was so much about nerves. Not too much. Mostly he just didn't understand why Robbins wanted him to do the proposal with her in the first place. She was the one who had original ties to Malawi. She'd gotten the Carter-Madison grant, and she'd been the one to establish initial ties with the Nambosi clinic. He'd only really gotten involved because Robbins hadn't been able to return to Africa, and because he'd sort of needed a 'pet cause' in the race for Chief Resident. And whatever.

The kids needed help, and he could do something. He did do something. They deserved it. No big deal. Nothing to make a fuss over.

And yeah, so Alex had gotten the old dragon lady to leave her money to the project, and that had allowed them to bring some kids to the States for surgery. That wasn't a huge feat. Anybody could have probably done it, probably for less stress than he'd had with the whole money thing. Alex had almost blown it really. If the old bitch hadn't have actually changed her will...he'd be in freakin' jail right now.

But since he'd gotten the Peds fellowship, Robbins had collaborated with him to research new directions for the whole Malawi project. And it was pretty cool actually. They were a good team, and bounced ideas off of each other well. And the new plan Alex and Arizona had come up with had a ton of potential. But he was afraid that his participation in the presentation to the board would be more of a liability than an asset. He knew he wasn't exactly the suit and tie, powerpoint sort of guy. He hated hospital political bullshit, and had a tendency to be way too blunt. No way the board of directors would warm up to him. No freakin' way. But Robbins had been firm about wanting him there, so Alex wasn't about to back out on her. He could only hope things would turn out okay.

Pulling himself into a sitting position, Alex rubbed his eyes and yawned. Carefully lowering his feet to the cool wood floor, he stood up, mindful of jostling his still sleeping fiancee. April had had some knee pain lately, so her bad right leg was propped up with pillows. She'd had to get her cane out earlier in the week, and elevated it every night. Once he was on his feet, Alex glanced back over his shoulder and gauged April's level of sleep. She'd barely moved a muscle and continued to breathe deeply, with her mouth hanging slightly open.

Alex tentatively moved his hand to her face and brushed his fingers across her lips. He smirked when his fiancee only sighed and turned her head to one side in response. Not a peep otherwise. Barely a twitch. April was still out cold.

Kind of unusual for her actually. If there was one thing he'd learned about April Kepner in the year and some they'd been together, it was that she was an early riser. Barring major illness, double shift induced exhaustion, or particularly vigorous screwing, his girlfriend was awake and dressed at what seemed to Alex like the crack of dawn. Childhood farm life and all that. But her knee had been bothering her more than usual in the past few days, so Alex figured he'd let her sleep. He'd grab the shower first. For once, he wouldn't have to worry about April using up the hot water.

Making his way into the bathroom, Alex twisted the shower nozzels until cascades of warm water filled the shower and stepped in. As he rinsed and lathered up, he went over in his mind how the presentation might go. Best case scenario, he didn't piss anyone off, the board liked their proposal and gave them the money they were asking for. He squeezed shampoo into his hand and ran it through his short hair. Worst case scenario, Alex'd would go in and piss people off. He'd insult some pretentious rich dude and probably get in trouble and lose his job or something. At the very least, the proposal would be rejected.

Alex ducked his head under the running water. He figured he'd be safer in hoping for the middle outcome. In his own life experiences, Alex had found that stuff usually didn't turn out to be the very best or the very worst it could possibly be. Usually the crap landed somewhere in the middle along a broad spectrum. So that's what he resolved to expect. Not the end of the Malawi Project, but not the crowning jewel either. He still had his head under the shower head when Alex heard the door bang open, followed by loud fumbling footsteps, the sound of the toilet lid slamming open and a groan.

"You're in a hurry,"Alex began to tease, assuming it was just a pressing morning pee. The corners of his mouth fell abruptly when the sound of violent retching reached his hears. Damn. April hated throwing up. Some way to wake up.

Well, he had told her it was a bad idea to order curry surprise from India Palace the previous evening. Alex in general was up to eat whatever, and even he knew that anything 'surprise' in the title was probably a calculated risk. And April didn't have quite the iron stomach he did. Even if she'd been more adventurous in recent weeks.

"Jesus April," he whispered as the puking continued, accompanied by a small whimper. Maybe it wasn't the freaking food. She'd woken up sick like this after bad dreams from time to time. It'd freaked him out at first, but once he knew why, Alex could understand. He winced as the sound of a dry heave echoed into the shower. They didn't talk about it much, but April had told him that sometimes in her dreams she relived finding Reed in the shooting. She vividly flashed back to walking into the supply closet and tripping over the body of her dead best friend. Alex figured that's why she was sick now. And he really could understand. He'd seen Reed too, for an instant, before...freakin' Gary Clark. Shot him. Alex frowned and ran his fingers along the small circular scar that marred his chest. The bastard. Still causing them trouble over three years later.

"You okay?" Alex quickly turned off the water, and got out of the shower, dripping wet, wrapping a towel around his waist. April was still hunched over the toilet bowl, but she seemed to be done vomiting for the moment. Hearing him get out of the shower April, turned and looked up. Her face held a pained expression, and she used one hand to gently massage her knee.

Alex moved to her side, placing his hand on her back, and began to kneel down. His wet feet slipped from beneath him and Alex slammed down on the bathroom floor ass first, sliding into April and bumping his head on the stupid counter. Freaking banner day already. By the looks of things he probably should expect the worst for not only the presentation, but for the whole god damn day. If the morning was any sort of indication.

"Shit. I'm sorry," Alex said, regaining his balance and reaching out and pulling April close, hoping he hadn't hurt her leg. Kneeling down quick like she had to to barf, wasn't the best thing for her leg normally, never mind that it had been acting up lately. He'd hate it if he made things worse.

She shook her head, pushing back from him, and covered her mouth with one hand. Alex thought she was going to blow chunks again, but the sound of April's laughter escaped from behind her fingers. He pouted. Oh yeah, so funny. Whatever. And at least she was smiling now. He leaned close to her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, with his brows lowered as he tried to infer how she felt.

"I'm gross," April said quietly, leaning away from his face.

"Whatever," Alex smirked, squeezing her shoulder. He was a pediatric surgeon, after all. He'd dealt with all kinds of projectile vomiting.

"You smell like soap."

"There are worse things to smell like," Alex replied, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. "You really should lay off the curry for a while."

"Fine," she replied distractedly, glancing away from him. She took a deep breath and swallowed, offering him a small close lipped smile. "I'll be okay. I'll grab a shower. I already feel better."

"Cane today?" Alex said, squeezing her shoulder again and carefully pulling himself into a standing position, using the bathroom counter. He didn't want to slip again. He didn't think the presentation would benefit from his being hurt and grumpy. Plus if he really did bust his ass, Robbins would never let him live it down.

"Oh, yeah," April gulped again, still seeming a little preoccupied, and ran a hand across her face. "You better finish getting ready. I don't want to make you late. I'll drive myself to the hospital if it looks like I'm taking too long."

"I'm not gonna be late. It doesn't matter anyway, if you need me..."

"I'm good. Really," April replied, shifting and beginning to painfully pull herself up as well. "I'll stop and see if Callie can look at my leg at work today. Just go on, and get ready."

"Are you sure? If you don't feel good..." Alex prodded, not entirely convinced. She really did seem to be fine now, if a little flustered. Maybe he just really didn't want to do the damn presentation.

She tilted her head to one side and gave him a look, "I'm fine. It's probably just the curry. Better out than in right? Oh! I ironed your suit last night...it's hanging on the closet door."

Way to change the subject.

"Thanks," Alex, gave her one last look over and moved to head back to the bedroom, drying himself off with the towel. He smirked, with a glint in his eyes, and called over his shoulder, relishing the fact that April usually came after him with this particular phrase. He knew she'd respond with an outraged glare, but it was totally be worth it.

"Don't forget to flush."

An empty cardboard roll of toilet paper hit him in the back of the head.

Suddenly you're really grown, and the only visible evidence you have of this fact is that you stopped growing up and began to 'grow' out. You blink and the trappings of adulthood fill your life. Parenthood, career, love. In varying orders. All that stuff you thought would change you? The graduations, first cars, and first jobs? Not so much. It's the stuff you don't expect that usually makes the biggest difference. The stuff you don't plan.

Becoming a parent is probably the biggest deal of your adulthood. It's what everyone always says: having a child will change your life. You never really understand until it happens. And no one ever tells you how hard it is to still fit everything else in. Work, cleaning, bills. Sleep. All that stuff you had enough trouble squeezing in before you had a kid.

Meredith carefully helped her almost 3 year old daughter Zola's arms through the sleeves of her green sweater. Seattle's late October weather had already changed over to the chilly misty variations of autumn and she didn't want her little girl to get chilled. Zola squirmed and fidgeted as Meredith carefully buttoned the garment. Despite the cold weather, Zola was not a fan of the additional clothing item. Or, lately, of too many clothes in general.

Rubbing her eye and tilting her head to one side, Zola sighed and asked, "Mommy...I don't wanna wear 'weater...do I hafta?"

Finishing the last button, Meredith sighed and glanced at her watch. They were going to be late. Luckily her first scheduled procedure wasn't until after lunch, but recently she always tended to run late on days when she had the mornings with her daughter. Somehow Derek usually managed to get things done on time when he had the morning. Zola had become a lot more assertive and delightfully talkative in the past few months, which Meredith was sure was a contributing factor to her tendency toward tardiness. She loved talking to her little girl and wouldn't change a thing. She supposed there were worse reasons to be late. She should probably just plan on it.

"Sweetie, you have to wear your sweater today, I'm afraid," she answered, placating her daughter by tickling her. "It's too cold not to. BRR!"

"Brrr!" Zola grinned, not so much because she really agreed about wearing the sweater, Meredith knew, but because she liked to make the 'cold' sound.

She carefully led her daughter down stairs into the kitchen, where she quickly grabbed a small pink lunch box and began carefully packing Zola's snack. Meredith unzipped the bag and opened the refrigerator door to grab the food, narrating the whole thing for her daughter, and allowing Zola to have some options.

"Today, you're gonna have carrots and grapes for snack," Meredith began, waggling her eyebrows, hoping to make the snacks sound exciting. At least exciting enough not to argue over. She held up two different juice boxes, "Would you like apple juice or orange?"

"No," Zola crossed her arms and shook her head, before repeating her new favorite word. "No. Not thirsty."

"Zozo, you're going to want a drink at school."

"No. No hobstable. No school. "

"You have to go to school," Meredith replied diplomatically. "While Mommy and Daddy work, we need someone to take care of you."

"No work."

Meredith sighed. This conversation was all too familiar and it made her feel a bit guilty. Ellis Grey hadn't had much time for her as a little girl, and Meredith still often worried whether things were repeating themselves with Zola. Her attending hours really were much better than they had been as a resident, but it was still hard and Zola did have to spend time in daycare.

"Daddy and I have to work...but in two more sleeps it'll be the weekend and you know what that means..."

"Ye-es...two seeps!"

Nodding, with two fingers held up, Zola's features shifted and her eyes gleamed with excitement. This weekend was special because it would be filled with Halloween, trick-or-treating and visits from two of the girl's favorites, along with everyone else. Alex and April were hosting a small party at the old house so Zola and Sofia could trick-or-treat together in the same neighborhood. The dream house had turned out to be just that, a dream, but it wasn't exactly the most Halloween friendly sort of home. Walking to the nearest neighbors would be too taxing for either toddler, and their parents, if Meredith was honest with herself. The little shindig at the old house would be fun for all the adults too. Both Lexie and Cristina were coming to town for the weekend from their respective fellowships in Portland and Stanford. Meredith had been using the upcoming visit of Aunt and Godmother as a bit of a behavior bribe for a week or so now. She wasn't exactly sure if it was the Dr. Spock approved method for child rearing, but it seemed to work.

"And if you go to school the weekend will come faster," Meredith continued, grabbing an apple juice box from the fridge and turning to the counter to pack the lunch box. "Plus you'll get to play with Sofia, and Nicholas and all your friends..."

Hearing no resistance from Zola, she quickly zipped up the little lunch bag and moved to find her purse. Usually the argument over going to daycare lasted longer. Counting her lucky stars, Meredith figured that today they might not be as late as normal. They were dressed, pottied, and seemingly done with the 'No hospital' portion of the morning. If they left now, Meredith thought they'd miss a lot of the morning rush hour traffic. Slinging her purse over her shoulder, Meredith held out her hand. Her daughter didn't take it. Looking next to her, where she expected to see Zola, she was surprised to find only the small green sweater in a heap in the floor. So much as blink and that girl would scamper off. Meredith bent down and picked up the sweater.

"Come on Zola," she called. "Where are you? We have to go bye-bye."

"Me here!" her daughter said jumping in from the living room with her hands on her hips, now only wearing socks and her pull up.

"Zola!" Meredith exclaimed. "What did you with your clothes?"

The little girl only giggled in reply. On second thought, Meredith realized that today they would probably be later than usual.

No matter how a child comes into your life, one thing is certain: you have absolutely no idea who they are going to be. It's not something you can fully plan for.

Planning makes us feel like we are in control. Human beings are prone to thinking ahead. It's conditioned into us from the time we are little. What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want for dinner tonight? What are we going to do for your birthday? Ubiquitous questions of childhood that train us to be grown up. We are forced to think about things that will, should, or might happen, long before they actually do. As though we can actually predict them. Control them.

"Wait! Hold the elevator," April heard Meredith call out. She could see Meredith sprinting across the lobby, with Zola bouncing along on her hip. Apparently, she and Alex weren't the only ones running late today. Alex quickly leaned forward and pressed the 'door open button' and April quickly stuck out her cane, preventing the metal doors from closing.

Had to be some sort of reason she'd ended up needing the damn thing. A silver lining. Other than the fact that her knee ached like nothing else. The ominous cramps and twists in April's stomach had long since calmed down, though her knee still screamed in protest against the too fast and too clumsy squat she'd needed to use to avoid vomiting all over the bathroom. And even though she didn't feel like throwing up anymore, the whole thing had made her feel a a panicked sense of unease in the back of her mind.

It wasn't the first time April had woken up to throw up in recent weeks, and the pattern, combined with the presence (or lack of presence) of a few other symptoms gave her cause for concern. Because if might mean she...well...April wasn't ready to think about it, but it could mean...that she was pregnant. She'd driven to the drugstore twice that week and chickened out on buying the test that would answer the question once and for all. Drugstore tests could give false positives anyway. Plus, what if there was nothing to worry about?

There were other reasons you might be late, right? Or sick. Stress. Hormones. Cancer. Okay, April realized it was statistically way more likely that she was pregnant then it was that she had cancer. Thank goodness. Her mind was just racing in circles.

And if Alex found the test? What then? 'Family' was still a touchy subject for him. He'd gotten better since they'd been together. Alex was better with his mom and sister. He'd sort of bonded with her Dad and nieces. Still, he wasn't completely at ease with the notion of family issue and April couldn't blame him for skirting around the topic more often than not. Not given his own family background, and his father's departure.

They'd joked about parenthood before, and had a few more serious conversations, but nothing really in depth. Did they want a family? Sure. Of course. Just not right now. They weren't really ready. They had a wedding to plan for February. A honeymoon to think of for March. Fellowships to finish. Projects to do. Papers to publish. They were starting to look for their own house. A baby was not in their immediate plans. They weren't ready.

A baby.

April gulped and twisted her fingers on the edge of her coat, taping the ring on her engagement finger against the smooth handle of her cane.

Surely not. They were doctors. They were careful. Most of the time. They certainly weren't trying to get pregnant. Then again, they weren't as actively not trying as they once had. After all, they were engaged. And she was on the pill. And...they were doctors. But April knew nothing was fool proof. Even if she'd been trying to convince herself otherwise over the past several days.

"Thanks," Meredith said breathlessly as she stepped into the elevator and pressed the 4th floor button for the daycare. April shook herself and tried to focus.

"I wanna press the button!" Zola whined.

"Next time," Meredith said gently. "We're in a hurry today."

"Stripper strikes again?" Alex quipped, commenting on the pair's lateness and winking at Zola.

"Alex!" Meredith and April snapped in unison, April adding a small hit in the arm.

"Don't even say that," Meredith continued.

He only smirked and added, "Whatever. We know Zola's not actually gonna become a one. That's not the career you want. Right Tiny? You're gonna go to college and become a doctor and kick some butt!"

April rolled her eyes, and Meredith shook her head.

"It's not funny." The neurosurgeon nudged Alex and questioned, "You all ready for your presentation?"

"He's nervous," April replied, sagely trying to redirect her racing thoughts. His upcoming participation with the Africa project and the related anxiety he'd never admit to, were part of the reason April had been reluctant to say anything about her pregnancy worries to her fiance. She knew Alex. He was already out of his comfort zone. A possible pregnancy would just freak him out. And if she was wrong, and just being paranoid, he'd never have to worry about it.

At her words, Alex shot her a glare.

"UncAlex!" the little girl said happily bouncing her little legs and struggling to get down as the elevator began to move. "We going up, up, up!"

Ignoring Meredith's question, and fidgeting with his watch, Alex answered Zola, "Lucky for you, so are we."

"Apol too?"

"We all need to go upstairs and put scrubs on before we can work," Meredith said tiredly, lowering Zola to the floor and holding her hand. "And you have to go up to daycare..."

The toddler seemed to have lost interest in the conversation and was now dancing around in a little circle. April watched with a strange fascination. She'd known the adorable little girl ever since she'd been adopted. Zola was this whole little person. A little person who had wants and needs and personality. Questions and opinions and fears. Derek and Meredith had this whole little person to raise. Pay for. And love. All that responsibility on their shoulders. It had changed them. They were different now. The whole thing seemed staggering. Colossal.

Too many questions were racing through April's mind. She fought back against a small wave of nausea. What if? She might be pregnant. What if she was? What would Alex say? What would she do?

It almost felt like she was having a panic attack. Like the walls of the elevator were closing in around her, making her neck warm and her breathing uneven. April shifted and blinked rapidly, belatedly realizing that Zola was tugging on her coat.

"I got gwapes!" the little girl exclaimed enthusiastically, holding up her small lunch box.

"You do? What kind of grapes?" April replied, carefully controlling the waver in her voice, unable to hold back her smile in the face of Zola's clear excitement.

"Ga-REEN ones!" Zola giggled.

April nodded, "Yum."

"Tasty," Alex agreed.

"I coming to your house!" the child continued, holding up two fingers in April's direction.

"Yes," she grinned, attempting to make a spooky voice and failing miserably, to Zola's apparent delight. "For Halloween. And lots of candy!"

Then again, even if it would all be such a huge responsibility, April couldn't help but listen to Zola and let her mind drift off to the fuzzier side of the 'what if' game. So, what if she was pregnant? It could be wonderful. Right? They'd be a mother and father. It was probably going to happen someday. Why not now? They were going to get married. Would it be so bad? She and Alex might have a baby. Their baby. Another whole little person. Who someday would grow and chatter away, like Zola was now. What would it be like? Being a mother? She could almost see Alex holding a child in his arms. So clearly. For a second the thought enveloped April, making her eyes mist over.

The moment strangely calmed April. She needed to stop being so cowardly and nerve wrecked. Which was probably impossible because...well, she'd spent more than a significant part of her life being insecure and worried. At least, she would try to be less cowardly and nerve wrecked.

One way or another, April needed to find out the truth. Putting it off wasn't doing anything but making her a basket case. She could stop by the clinic and grab a pregnancy test during her break. Hell, she could probably swindle herself a blood test, if she could get into the lab. Either way, April had to know the truth. She knew she needed to find answers.

The panic began to well up in her chest again, and April let out a quick breath, and squared her shoulders in an effort to calm herself. Meredith's voice pulled her back to the elevator as the small room slowed to a stop at the 4th floor, "Are you okay, April?"

"Her leg hurts," Alex answered, crossing his arms and glancing at her cane.

"Shh!" April shot him a look. She didn't need anymore attention drawn to her distracted state. She knew she'd be a terrible liar if her friends asked too many questions.

Backing out of the elevator with a skipping Zola at her side, Meredith continued to scrutinize April closely, "You sure?"

"A-absolutely," April said, her brightest fake smile appearing on her lips. "I'm great."

Meredith still looked unconvinced as the elevator doors slid shut, and the machine began to move again. April gulped and concentrated on looking straight ahead at the silver doors. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alex tilt his head. She could feel him looking at her. She was afraid that if she looked at him, he'd see right through her.

Alex made a face and imitated her voice, "So freakin' great, I puked my guts up."

As the elevator came to a stop on the fifth floor and they stepped of the elevator and headed toward the attending locker room, April glared, "I'm not going to tell Mer about that...it's-it's gross and-and private."

Alex rolled his eyes and smirked, hanging the bag with his suit and tie in his locker as he began to change into his scrubs, "You were her patient. Mer's seen your brains, April. I don't really think you can get any privacy after that."

Slipping into her own scrubs, April had to laugh, "Alex you're ridiculous."

Alex pulled his white coat on over his navy scrubs and pinned his badge on with a smirk, "Whatever. You love me."

"Oh?" April retorted, turning to face him as she slipped into her own lab coat. "What if I'm just putting up with you?"

"Same difference. You wouldn't bother if you didn't love me," he answered matter of factly, as he pulled some index cards out of his locker and stuffed them in his pockets. April had seen Alex carrying around those cards for over a week. He'd practice for the presentation during breaks and lunches, even if he said he was just 'looking things over'. April was sure he knew his words by heart. She knew he would do well. He wasn't the jerky and abrasive resident who hid himself behind emotional walls that she'd first met. If only she could make Alex believe he would do well. At least he was better as an attending. He had more confidence.

Alex shrugged and fidgeted with his lab coat again, "I gotta head up to peds. Take it easy. Don't barf, it'll scare the patients."

"Thanks," she replied, wrinkling her nose and grabbing a few files from her locker. "If I don't see you before your talk, good luck!"

He made his way to the door, running his hand down the back of his head, mumbling, "I freakin' need it."

"You'll be awesome," April gripped her cane and joined Alex in the door way, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "You will. I know it."

Alex smirked and nudged April playfully, before heading in one direction down the hallway, "From your lips to someone's ears..."

April stood in the hallway and watched him disappear up the staircase toward pediatrics. Things were good between them now. Really good. They understood each other better. They had a... rhythm. A raport. They'd gotten used to each other's idiosyncrasies. They fit together. It was good. Except, April knew that would all change if suspicion was true. If she was pregnant, everything would change. April's mind ventured into the depressing side of 'what if'. What if she was pregnant? And they couldn't handle the change? If they couldn't adapt?

April sighed and her shoulders slumped. She turned and slowly made her way to the elevator heading for the ER. She'd find out soon enough. By the end of the day, she'd know.

Some people end up being better planners than others, but to a certain extent everyone dabbles in planning ahead. Whether that's only as far as the afternoon meal or for the next ten years. On a whole, we like to think we can know what will come next. If we plan it, it will happen. Right?

But here is the thing: life almost never goes according to plan. The older you get, the more you understand. Milestones don't just appear because you desperately want them to. Or because they're supposed to. And having them happen isn't going to change who you are. There's no order. You can't expect there to be. Nothing ever really works out the way you planned it to.