Silver Eye Shadow
The tale of retardednessby the one and only A, ruler of the universe, Bwahahahahahhahaha!!
Something, something, Spike did dirty things to A, blah blah blah…
Then A came along and kicked Spike's ass for cheating on his wife Crystal. Then he died, forever. And Crystal is like YEAH, I mean, Wannnnhhhhhhhhhh……then he came back to life and she practically shit herself with a mixture of glee and disappointment. She wants Shadow, we all know it. Except for her. Whatever.
The next day, A went to Wally World (wal-mart) to buy some new silver eye shadow. She ran out at home and didn't want to "borrow" her sister's for fear of some gay eye disease. Whatever, its messed up. Like seriously, who stole my eye shadow in the first fucking place? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?? Anyway, so she's walkin down the isles dancin and singin and shit. Then she slips on the wet floor, where the idiot who washed it didn't put the "WET FLOOR" sign. So she went to find the stupid mofo and kick his ass, cuz its fun. Then it turns out, the idiot was, in fact, Spike. Oh god, she freaked, kicked him in the gnads and ran for the girls washroom. The one no one knows about but her. Woooooooooooo. There she started giggling uncontrollably which turned into maniac laughter.
Meanwhile, Spike is sitting there like, OMFG that hurt. And he then decides to kick her ass for kicking his, though it was his fault in the first freaking place. Like seriously, if he would have put the sign there she never would have kicked him. Like frick, think man. Anyway, so Spike finds this mysterious hidden bathroom in which A is hidden. So he's like, AHH I can't go in there cuz I'm not a girl! This sucks. SO, he decides to become one with his inner girliness. Then Spike, being the idiot he is, put on some makeup and a skirt. So, looking like a really creepy cross-dresser, he walked into the bathroom. Then he stepped on a rake, a freaking rake, in the secret bathroom! WTF right?! Anyway, he steps on it, canning himself….again. OMG LOL! Hahahahhahahahah…haha..ha – Ahem - moving on. So, because of this area being in pain and all, he screeches "OW" really really girly. And A is like, OMG Michael Jackson! AHHHHHHHHHH, and runs into the nearest bathroom stall to hide. Spike finally realizes what she said and finds her hyperventilating in the stall, and he says he isn't Michael Jackson, and she proceeds to throw things at him. I mean, what is she gonna throw? Toilet paper or the inner mechanisms of what is now the modern toilet?? Whatever.
Anyway, so Spike is like AHHHHHHHHHHH, toilet mechanisms, while A sees that its really Crystal's husband, Mr. Spike, she starts laughing. I mean, you'd laugh too! He's in a miniskirt, makeup, covered in toilet water in the secret bathroom in wally-world. Hahahhahahahaha, run on sentences rock! Mostly I'm more grammatical, but today I really don't give a fuck! Hahaha, coca cola high!!!
Then cuz Spike is so obviously gay, he's like Ahhhh I'm bleeding, and faints, A laughs and gives him the swirlyest of swirlys. Ever, in forever and ever. Holy Fuck, it was so funny, she so roflhao (rolled on floor laughing her ass off). Then she fixed up his makeup and put a pink sparkly dress on him. When Spike came back to the retardedness of the conscious world, he discovered his unwanted sex change. He was all, Ahhhhh WTF A??!! Then he tried to kill her with a toilet paper roll, A laughed cuz a guy with wet swirly hair, makeup, and a pink sparkly dress, waving a toilet paper roll, looked really really extremely Gay. So neih! Anywho, Spike ended up tripping on his frilly dress and A escaped. So he vowed to get even no matter what!!! Bwawhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
The next day, A realized that in escaping from the cross-dresser Spike she forgot to buy her eyeshadow, FUCK she yelled. Then the birds in the trees started 'getting it on'. NOT YOU, EW SCARRED FOR LIFE!! Then she noticed someone was asleep in her bed, she turned and came face to face with some guy with really nice eyebrows, pretty hott eyebrows, I mean, extremely hot eyebrows—Ahem—not the point, anyways, moving on. She laughed OMG Jay, WTF are you doing here?! He woke up and was like Fuck you I'm sleeping. 'Twas then that A saw that this wasn't her room, she's like Where the fuck am I? And Jay's like, My house, now Shut UP! A screams, what happened last night! Jay's all like, You don't remember, and A faints at the thoughts of what could have possibly occurred during the night. Jay pokes her in the face, A wake up, I know you don't faint. Dude, ahahhahahahaha, I am so mean to myself!! Hahaha, she woke up at Jay's house!!! He's a perverted pirate who is like seventeenish! ROFLMAO (rolling on floor laughing my ass off), haha….wipes tears of laughter, ok ok back to this affair…lol hahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahaha. Kk, I'm good, ok, whew. ANYWAY, A sits up and hits her face on the headboard with a bone-breaking CRACK. She's like Fuck This, and Jay laughs and goes OMG are you okay, but she cant hear him, sorry, she's in unconscious land where anything can happen and computers grow on trees.
WTF rite? Dude, this is like my mostest random story ever. I mean, dude, CALM class (career and life management) is soooooo boring!! Me and Crystal started writing and somehow Spike is her hubby now! Hahaha, lolololololol. Fuck, okay, back to the story thingy, I mean, if that's what it deserves to be called. Mwahahahahahaha! Whew.
So A is unconscious and Jay's like, Dude maybe I should get dressed……nah, and goes back to sleep. Three hours later, at like tenish in the morning, A finally becomes conscious again. Ow ow ow owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow OWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! Jay hits her with a pillow, mumbles something about a late night and the word Fuck comes up a few times. A turns all white and pale and shit, WHAT?! She freaks, OMG you SO didn't say that! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Jay is all, Shut up…..I'm tired. So, A is like Fuck off, and he goes I'd rather fuck on, you get better results, you should know that…..Ugh, its all your fault I'm tired you know….and he falls of the other side of the bed. Ack! So, then Jay gets up and he's all like tired and grumpy and shit, and A gets up and her head still hurts so she goes and gets a coffee at the nearest gas station like ESSO or some other shitthole. Anyway, so Jay comes back from wherever he went and he's all like, where is she WTF? A on the other hand is like, COFFEE, need caffeine……………then she sees Spike at the shitthole. OH NO! Shit, he sees her. She runs up to him and she's like MY COFFEE, and runs away….forever and ever….? Just kidding, she ran to Wally world, which prolly wasn't smart because that's where Spike works at. But whatever, she's all disoriented from whacking her head, and the caffeine, and the probable lack of sleep, not to mention a probable hangover as well. Seriously. Anyway, so she goes to Wally world and finally gets her silver eyeshadow, and Spike is like, I'm gonna kill you, when Crystal jumps in and tackles Spike, then proceeds to runaway. ???????????????? A is like wtf? And Spike is like, Come back darling! And then A laughs hysterically on the floor, buys the eyeshadow and leaves.
Anyway, so she finally has her freaking eyeshadow and gets to her real house, in her real room, with no creepers or guys or gays in the picture anywhere, then she's like I'm hungry and falls asleep. I mean wtf, sleeping? She just got up! Wow, must be really tired….lol…..mwahahhaahahahahaha!!! OMG that would sound so wrong on so many levels. Yay!
So anyway, she's asleep and shit when all of a sudden there is this giant "THUD" sound on the window, followed by some weird screechy sound. A wakes up and opens one eye and sees that some retarded bird tried to fly through the window and was now sliding down the window on the outside. A looked closer and she's all, Dude Candice(her last name is Bird, just fyi) wtf are you doing, and opens the window, and Candice falls off of it and hits the ground with a SMACK. Then she's all, did you get your eyeshadow yet A? And A's like, I donno you, what the hell are you doing flying into windows anyways? It turns out that Candice wanted in and couldn't remember where the door was or something equally retarded. Anyway, its like one in the afternoon lets say, and suddenly there is a knock at the door, so A opens it. Some weird guy and Candice and a shitload of other people walked into the house. Ahhhh, get out, wtf are you doing here? A freaks at them cuz she's just like cleaned her beautiful house and they are all messing it up and now the Teas are not in order of preference anymore, which drives A UP THE WALL!!!! Then Spike comes in and he's all like, did you have fun last night, and she's all like shut the fuck up Spike, mr. Cross-dresser. And he's like mwahahahahaha, you know why you were at Jay's house this morning, and she's like Fuck you. And Jay comes in and he goes Hmmm, maybe later, and A's like, ew ew ew ew EWW, stupid perves, ahhhhhhh!!! And Spike and Jay look at each other cuz they know something she doesn't, and its funny. To them at least. Hmmmmmmm. Whatever. We all know Spike is pretty gay…I mean stupid….I mean…Oh you know what I mean. Whew so A is really mad at the retards who are messing up her pretty house and totally snaps and puts some music on really loud. SPICE GIRLS! All the girls start dancing around cuz its fun and has a good beat and the dudes are like aghhhh the idiocy, and Spike is dancing with the girls, cuz hes a cross-dresser and still has his pink sparkly frilly shiny dress on. Mostly cuz he doesn't know how to use a zipper. Like hes the dude who you have to say XYZ to about forty times a day, so yah, zipper problems. So, yeah.
The party is just getting started, woot! NooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOooooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOo—Ahem—oh um…hehe,…I got carried away with the oooOOOoooOOOooo's. Erm, continuing….people danced and drank and got terribly drunk and took over all the bedrooms in A's house except hers because its locked and has guard dogs and snakes to protect it from perverted people who wanna do dirty things to each other, Not going to go into details. Pervs. Anyhow, I forgot to mention, A lives by herself, because otherwise she would be in SooooOOOoooOOooOOOOoooOOOoo o much shit right now. Oops, got carried away with the oooOoooOOOooo's again. Lol its fun to do that. Hehehe, yeah, so at the party….its really quiet in the house so all the people must be asleep or doing dirty things to each other very quietly, or something….maybe they all jumped out the second story window and died in their idiotic state. Yeah, that's what happened…..definitely. So, A goes through the livingroom and SCREAMS cuz Spike is asleep on the couch holding a pink plushy kitty cat, and mumbling something about cookies or something, so A takes some blackmail pictures….because its Spike! Who wouldn't wanna blackmail him? Plus Crystal can make him do whatever she wants….ewww not that way you mofo!! A then goes to her room and tells the guard dogs and snakes 'good job' and tells them to go back to their posts throughout the house. So she jumps in her bed, with her clothes still on (shes not a nudist she just doesn't like PJ's) because she's tired and frankly doesn't give a fuck, and falls asleep. And she's like OMG who was eating cookies in my bed, cuz there are crumbs all over! Then she finds someone on the floor….dude its Jay….WTF, why is that kid everywhere I go? STALKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparantly, the guard dogs and snakes like Jay or he gave them…cookies…..either way, he got in her room, and that scared A to death. Yes, she died…..forever and ever and ever…..for real. I'm fucking serious….
However, she cant Really die cuz shes the most important person in the whole story, I mean, how would it be written if A died?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm???? Got an answer to that Smarts?! NooooOOooooOOoooOOOOOooo…..didn't think so! And so she came back to life and threw some itchy blanket on Jay and jumped in her nice comfy bed and went to sleep, and brushed all the crumbs onto Jay cuz its his fault that they are there in the first place. So justice was served. Haha you got served, bwahhahahahahahaha!! Screw you! Lol. Anyway, they are asleep, yay….please leave a message after the beep…… BEEEP! read the following with a strange lisp or weird voice in your head "Hi, this is mr. Shwatshnallashigi (shh-watch-nal-ah-she-gee), I need a pizza, pepperoni if you please, meet me behind the ESSO in seventeen minutes, I'll be the one with the green scarf. Goodbye…….BEEEP. End of messages. Goodbye, Click.
The end. For now. Til I wanna write more. BTW I'll try to let you know.
If you have any Interesting Ideas, or whatever, please let me know. Or not. Either way.
Ravyn Rox