Tears and Rain
By James Blunt
A/n: I love this song and it seemed to fit Alex so well, although a bit depressing
R&R
Disclaimer: neither Alex Rider nor Tears and Rain belong to me, they belong to Anthony Horrowitz & James Blunt, respectively.
I wish I could surrender my soul,
He looked out over the golden horizon, bleeding red, warm and breath taking. So why did he feel so cold? He had every material thing he'd ever wanted, so what was missing?
Shed the clothes that become my skin, see the liar that burns within my needing.
He didn't have an identity, not anymore, what had been his once had faded, disappearing into the multitudes of faces and personalities he had worn, each lie hidden behind a cool facade of indifference.
I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold, I wish I'd screamed out loud, instead I've found no meaning.
Sometimes he'd allow himself the luxury of thinking what could have been, had he chosen a different path, had he said no the first time. Sometimes,
but not often.
I guess it's time I run far far away,
And he had run...
Find comfort in pain,
The recoil of the rifle caught his shoulder, no longer felt after so many repetitions, his target dropped without a sound, the rifle packed he turned and vanished into the shadows of incoming night.
All pleasures the same,
The alcohol did nothing to drown the emptiness, the liquid that burned his throat did nothing to thaw the cold in his core, it didn't dull the raw pain, nor dim the assault of memories.
It just keeps me from trouble,
Trouble, hah, he didn't attract trouble, he attracted death and chaos.
Hides my true shape like Dorian Grey, I've heard what they say but I'm not here for trouble,
He'd hidden himself deep beneath his many faces, using them to flee the agony that came with being himself, no, he'd hide, like a coward, let the world see the fake passport, the forged papers, the false documents. Let them see what he had become.
It's more than just words it's just tears and rain.
I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind,
The dreams drove him from his bed, the memories drove him from his house, into the night, beneath the cold light of the silver stars and moon, so cold, so distant, what he had been forced to become. It scared him.
Hold memory close at hand, help me understand the years,
Photos were dangerous in his line of work, so the only images he saw were within his own mind, Jack, Tom, Ian, Sabina, everyone.
How I wish I could choose between, heaven and hell
I wish I'd save my soul, I'm so cold from fear.
Hell was, without a doubt, where he belonged, every crime he had committed in the name of freedom, every lie, every face that wasn't his, every body hitting the ground, they all condemned him.
I guess it's time I run far far away, find comfort in pain, all pleasures the same, it just keeps me from trouble, hides my true shape like Dorian Grey, I've heard what they say but I'm not here for trouble,
far far away, find comfort in pain all pleasures the same, it just keeps me from trouble, it's more than just words it's just tears and rain.
Tears and rain.
Tears and rain.
Release, that's all he wanted, was that so hard? Why did he have to live for the dead? He wanted to join them. He couldn't live for the living because he had no one left to live for. He lifted the gun and pressed it to his temple, his hand was steady. He looked out the up at the grey sky of England, where everything had started, where it would end. It was raining, how fitting, and, for the first time in three years Alex Rider smiled.
Far far away, find comfort in pain, all pleasures the same, it just keeps me from trouble, it's more than just words.
It's just tears and rain.
Remember R&R
~Wolfguide