A/N- This is supposed to be stupid. Bad english in intended. :) Enjoy!
"Voldemort, sir?"
"Whatchu want Peter Piper?"
"Its Peter Pettigrew sir."
"What do you want Pedigew?"
".....uh....You know how you sorta kinda wanna kill Harry Potter eh?"
"Yeaah?"
"Why dont you just go to Hogwarts and kill him there?"
"Because I cant apparate in there and Dumblebeard will be there, DUH" Voldemort snapped his fingers three times in a sideways V form.
"The snapping was really uncalled for sir... and what if Dumbledor---beard...?....happened to be out at a convention for magical headmasters and headmistresses?"
"Well, there is one coming up soon. Yes, lets go then! Let me just check my calender...hm...im busy at 3, dentist appointment, and at 11 in the morning for a hair appointment, guess I'll call Pierre and rescedule. He wont be happy. Well, then heres good. At 11:30, but were going to have to hurry. I have to brush my teeth EXTRA good before I go to the dentist, unless I can bring my toothbrush with me. Not toothpaste though, it might squirt out in my purse and get my stuff sticky and smelling minty. Bah humbug, I'll borrow some when Im there."
Pettigrew looked at Voldemort for the longest time and finally said, "Your bald. What would you do in a hair place, get your scalp waxed?"
Tears were forming in Voldemorts eyes, "WHY? Why do you have to crush my dreams Paulie?!?! AVADA KEDRABA!"
The spell didnt work. "Wrong word, sir."
Voldemort ran to his room sobbing and slammed it shut.
Pettigrew sighed, "Sir,"he said knocking on the door with unicorn picture plastered all over, "Im sorry. I didnt mean it! You have beatiful lucious hair! The best looking hair Ive EVER seen!"
Voldemort opened the door a crack and whimpered "You really think so?"
"No..." Peter mumbled
"What?"
"YES! Yes...yes...of course!"
Voldemort squealed like a little girl. " I know, right?"
Pettigrew sighed.